Your Love Is Killing Me

Moving back into my high-end apartment, everything remained the way I left. Not a single thing was out of place.

Everything in the living room was the same. I checked the room, everything saying it all. It was an abandoned room. I could see his face, his laughter, him throwing me cushions, us cuddling, watching movies on the 65inch TV. Tears welled up my eyes, but I could not bring my eyes to drop them. Sniffing and wiping my eyes, I moved from the living room towards the bedroom. I opened the bedroom door.

The shoe rack at the wall behind the main door.

The classy handbags are on the rack at the corner of the room. My books were on the shelves, the tissue where I left them crying. Everything was exactly where I left it. I moved to the wardrobe to check, and the only thing missing was his clothes. He didn't leave even a single sock. It was clean.

My heart shuddered. I couldn't take the pain. It had been more than three months, but… looking at the photo on the wall, tears streamed down my face. The memories were fresh on my mind about us.

Everything in the room reminded me of him. Even his scent was still lingering in the room.

Throwing everything down from the table, I slid down the wall, sobbing my heart out.

Flashback

"You should have told me about her. Why did you cheat on me again?" I asked him. He seemed ashamed about everything.

"It was a trap. I can tell you, I was drugged." He tried to say, but I could not take any of that

"I am done. I don't want to go on with this. Please, James, this rollercoaster will never end. The threats, the cheating, it too much for me." I said, trying to stand on my feet.

"We can make it work again. I promise I will do better. I have changed. You have seen me all these years. I have stopped sleeping around. I'll be better. I swear, I love you," He said as he tried to hug me from behind.

"We have been through this over and over again. It's becoming a nuisance a norm. I am done. It's too much," I said as I tried to pull his hands off me.

"Baby, I really can't do without you. I know I am a mess. And this time, I have decided to really change. Just give me another chance."

"I have also made my decision. As much as I love you, the relationship is not working. It's too toxic. I am done" With that, I left the room. I could feel him standing in the middle of the room, his hand hanging on both sides. He looked defeated, but I didn't care at that moment. He had taken me through hell over and over. It was time I took the hard decision.

I opened the main door leaving the dejected love of my life standing watching me go. Sometimes I wished he would have done something more. He would have tried hard to stop me from leaving. But sometimes I also feel it was the best.

Walking down the street, I couldn't keep my mind shut and kept on thinking of the things we had been through together all these years. I couldn't help but shudder at the thought of life without him. Every corner of the street. Market, shops, staircases reminded me of him. Driven by adrenaline, my anger took the best part of me and made the hardest decision that I kept from making all those years.

It was a hard decision, but no, it had to be made.

*************

Looking at the photo still hanging on the wall. All I had was a broken heart. No matter how I tried to move on, it was hard. The cracks were too wide to fill in. No amount of activity could drown me to keep him off. He kept on invading my thoughts, even being far away from me.

The number of women who kept on threatening me reduced, but I still felt empty. I gained freedom and healthy life, but his images and words still lingered in my world. Sitting in the same position crying for so long, I felt numb. My legs were numb, my eyes felt swollen, my head was aching. That was the feeling I hated the most.

I held my hand down on the white carpet and stood from the floor. I lay back on the wall for a sec before going into the bathroom. Looking at the huge mirror. I could see someone that was far from me. My hair looked shaggy and unkempt. My eyes were red and swollen. Terribly swollen that I could not walk out of the apartment like that.

I took a cloth from the hanging line in the bathroom and wiped the mirror clean. I saw words that were hidden come clean.

"I will never let you go. No matter where you go. I will find you and make you mine again. This I promise you."

I could not hold my tears again and let them freely flow. Out of anger, I hit the mirror hard using my hard fist that almost cracked. I didn't want anything to do with him. James Watsons. His name itself was poisonous. Whenever I hear someone mention him, I feel joy and anger in my heart.

They say time heals all wounds, which I was hoping for.

I remember the first time we met.

I, Jane Smith, was just a college student. New in the city

Few new-made friends invited me to lunch at a very fancy café in town. Malt Sam café. I had told them I don't drink, and they being understanding, said we could go to a place they don't serve hard drinks. I appreciated their gesture. My view of them was positive.

There he was. Sitting at the corner of the café, sipping his coffee looking outside. He was wearing clean grey shorts, a black t-shirt, and white sneakers. He looked extremely handsome to me. The moment I entered, I could not keep my eyes off him. It was not for anything else but his unique presence in the room. He looked different and out of the world.

My friends and I sat at the table right in front of him. Each time he placed his cup down and looked up, he could see me staring right at him. The other two friends that were facing me and their backs on him seemed to have been used to seeing him there. They chatted about so many things, but my mind could not get any of them. James had occupied my world.

Each time he placed the cup on the table, he could look at me and give me a charming smile. His white and well-aligned teeth pulled me even more to him.

"Hey Jane, come back to earth. That man is not to be trifled with. He is a playboy." One of my friends, Cindy, said looking at my zoned out eyes

"Mmm. I don't know what you are talking about