Chapter 21(Jasmine)

Graduation was not as exciting as I imagined it to be, or maybe it was to me. My mom brought my stuff over to Jared’s place in the morning and I did all my stuff there. Priscilla also came over and we did our make-up and took pictures before leaving the house. We met up with her boyfriend at the entrance to the school. Yes people, Priscilla is dating Parker now, apparently he liked her too but he didn’t want to be rejected so he never asked. They kind of got into it during the dance and boom they’re dating now.

They even kissed in front of Jared and me, gross, we took our seats among our mates. Unfortunately, our seats were designated so we couldn’t sit where we wanted. Jared and Priscilla were nowhere near me and I wasn’t so cool with most of my mates but at least Parker sat in front of me. The seats beside me were empty one of the people I think was in because I could see a bag on the seat maybe they went to the washroom. The other I’m not sure is in yet. I had nothing to do but just sit there and look around, honestly I felt very alone. Some months ago, I was a normal student who would have used this opportunity to make new friends but now I’m just a ball of nerves wondering if the people to sit beside me would try to make conversation, if they’ll be rude or if they’ll just avoid me. A big part of me hoped they’d not talk to me but deep inside, I wanted to make new friends or at least just talk to them but I just pushed the feeling down.

The person whose bag was on the seat returned a little before the program actually started which was not long after I came. I’m sure I’ve seen her around but I’ve never spoken to her before. I just looked up at her when she walked over to take her seat and went back to my phone I don’t want her to think I’m some creep. The program had officially started. After a while I heard whispers beside me and I turned to see the girl beside me talking to her friend, “I don’t know I heard she can’t even walk properly or so” her friend said, “But why is she here, she was barely in school does she deserve to graduate” I heard it clearly, but I tried to ignore it maybe they’re talking about someone else not me, right?

“Maybe her parents paid the school or something” the girl whispered back, “Don’t say parents she her dad left them. I’m sure that’s why she’s doing all this, for attention” her friend said and I knew they were talking about me. I tried to remain strong I won’t let them get to me, I’m not going to cry. ”I think she did get attention don’t you see how she’s always hanging around the new kid, I’m sure there’s something going on between them” her friend said. I know I said I wasn’t going to cry but I couldn’t help it, a tear ran down my face before I could stop it. How can people be so inconsiderate talking about me when I was right there and not caring how I feel?

I wiped the tear thankfully it didn’t ruin my makeup yet they kept talking about me, I couldn’t avoid them so I covered my ears, the other person beside me came and guess who it was Stacy, the girl from yesterday who said she liked my dress. She immediately sat and was straightening her dress when she noticed my head was down and my ears were covered. “Hey” she said and did a tiny wave which I nodded to. “Why’s your head down don’t you want to watch” she asked and I shook my head. I think she heard them after a while because she tapped me again, “Do you um want to exchange seats?” I got up without answering and I think she got the message she slid unto my seat and I sat on hers

I could still hear them but now it was muffled so in a way you could say it was better but that was because I kept my ears covered. I was so out of it that when I was called to take my diploma and stuff I had to be tapped by Stacy. I still had tears in my eyes and I had no time to clean them or fix myself. I just limped up and I knew I was a complete mess. I looked to my mates and my eyes met Jared’s, he looked worried and I felt my insides sink. Why is it that I can’t take care of myself? Why can’t I confront those girls and tell them to stop talking about me? Am I going to live my life always crying and never really fighting? Was I going to allow people walk all over me?

My mind was saying no but I couldn’t really get myself to actually do anything. I took my diploma and limped quickly to my seat before the first tear was able to drop. I bowed my head and sobbed a bit into my lap. The handing out of diplomas was the last thing then the program was officially ended. As my mates went to throw their hats or whatever I immediately run to the bathroom. I was there for a while just thinking and crying luckily I didn’t have any attacks and no one came in too. When I finally run out of tears I went to wash my face and just then the girls who were talking about me entered. They looked at me and one whispered, “Pathetic” and I heard it clearly and I think these girls need to hear what I have to say.

“You think it’s pathetic?” I chuckled and faced them, “You think I’m pathetic because I’ve been going through a lot lately, that I’ve not been able to cover up the bad things happening to me like you guys would right?” I walked closer to them, “Okay yeah, it is, it’s pathetic that a 17 year old goes through what I have to go through and ends up not being able to live her life like she wants to because she’s afraid. It is pathetic that the once vibrant and cool Jasmine has been reduced to a shaky teenager who needs people to keep calm but at least I’m not as pathetic as those who feel nothing and in fact find it easy to gossip about a mates troubles as if they know what is actually going on. At least I’m not pathetic enough to make people who feel down feel even worse.

You think I’m doing this because of attention? Wow, I won’t say I’m shocked because it looks like that doesn’t it? It’s only in the dictionary of pathetic and inconsiderate people that avoiding people when you know you could break down at any time and in my case barely walk, two things that need help from someone else, is called “attention seeking”. Well at least I’ve got good friends even if they’re few” I looked at the two of them and wiped the tear that had run down my face, “I just pray nothing like what happened to me and that you have genuine friends” I said and walked out to find another place to get calm.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN NEXT