Letter Two

Dear Angel, August 9th

I almost called you yesterday. I saw something funny, I knew it would make you laugh. I was laughing the entire time I was punching your number in. Until I got to the last digit.

If I had gone ahead and pushed the 9 and your phone rang would you have somehow known it was me when it stopped after just one ring?

I won't say I miss you because that seems too weak to describe what I feel. It's more like something vital had been taken from me.

Have you talked to Annie lately? She calls me up every other day or so, She talks about everything but you. I keep telling her to stop calling, that it's annoying, but I'm really happy she doesn't listen. Annie and Peter know us almost as well as we know each other and I'm glad they're both unwilling to leave either of us behind. To be truthful to you and only you, My Angel, I thought they'd pick you.

You remember when we met Annie and Peter? They moved to our block sometime in junior high school, right? Were you as annoyed by Annie as I was at first? You've always been real good at hiding how you feel.

She was so insistent on being our friend and she was always dragging Peter around like a ragdoll instead of her twin.

How did we become friends? I don't remember when I stopped being annoyed at just the sight of them and started looking forward to being with them. How did that happen?

Looking back it was like falling asleep for me, I didn't notice when it happened but I was happy once I did realize.

Don't tell Annie that she doesn't annoy me anymore. Peter already knows, but I'd die before I let Annie be jiggy with that specific fact.

Has Peter been by yours? He's spending some nights here with me. He's always been really insightful. He reminds me a lot of your dad, maybe that's why they got along so well. If Peter is staying with you when he's not with me make sure to give him plenty of pudding, he deserves it. Don't worry about the rice. I've always got that covered.

My Angel.

My Angel.

I can't say more, but can you feel it? What those words mean to me?

-Ravi

His angel.

Yes, some part of her would always be his angel.

She was glad to hear Peter and Annie were sticking with him the same way they were sticking to her.

She had felt a jolt go through her body when Ravi mentioned the pudding. Her refrigerator had an entire shelf on the door filled with different kinds of pudding for Peter.

Before this month she'd always kept at least some around, but Peter had started spending two or three nights a week on her couch so she'd decided to stock up.

When they had all moved away from home Peter developed a strange habit of spending a few nights a week at someone else's place.

It made the others wonder why Peter even bothered to move into a place of his own if he was going to spend most of his time not there. She and Peter were the only ones still living in apartments, but she never questioned having a room for Peter when she did eventually buy a house.

When Ravi had bought his own house he'd set up a room exclusively for Peter. He never made excuses like saving his couch (which was a common complaint from him) or even acknowledged it at all.

After he'd moved into his new house and had everything set up Ravi took them through each room with pride as they toured the small two bedroom house.

When they saw the second bedroom made up like someone was staying in it she had asked Ravi who it was for.

"Peter, obviously," he'd shrugged indifferently.

Annie of course started teasing him immediately, but Peter just smiled softly at the room his friend had made for him.

When Annie got married and bought a house they turned the downstairs den into a space for Peter. People usually accepted that setup with less difficulty than when they learned Ravi also had a room for Peter. One thing that did seem to bother people about Peter staying with Annie was him occupying space any children she and her husband may eventually have. Annie wasn't someone who could be described as docile or demure so she had no trouble telling people to mind their own business regarding that aspect of her life.

Ravi might not remember exactly how Annie and Peter had become their friends, but she remembered. It was very simple, the way he said; it was like falling asleep.

Annie had bullied her way in. She had forced her way into their lives dragging a content Peter along beside her. She showed up at their hoses, she stalked them at school, got their parents to agree to movie nights and sleep overs.

Honestly, Annie had never annoyed her much, not as badly as Ravi got annoyed by her at least. She did find it awkward, however, to suddenly have two new people thrust into her life, but just like Ravi before she was aware of it she looked forward to her new little group.

She appreciated Annie and Peter more now than ever. She loved that when Annie didn't visit she called to talk about anything and everything, occasionally passing the phone to her husband, C.J., to explain something himself. She also found Peter's soft snoring comforting on nights when she was extra sad, knowing one of her friends was just beyond the wall of her bedroom made her feel less lonely.

Unlike Ravi she had never doubted the loyalty of their friends, she knew they wouldn't abandon Ravi. He hadn't done anything wrong.

But, this was interesting. His childhood insecurities had grown into adulthood with him. He had been so good at hiding it under his stupid bravado that she hadn't thought there was anything else beyond it.

Or had she just ignored it selfishly?

Peter surely knew.

And, her father, hadn't he alluded to something like that? Even after they had grown her Dad would sometimes remind her that Ravi was sensitive and needed patience. She thought that had just been her kind Daddy, always looking out for everyone.

Was Annie aware that Ravi had been afraid of losing her and her brother?

Probably. Why else would she double the amount of contact she had with him. She was probably dragging him on outings with her and C.J. as well.

Had she really known Ravi the way she had previously thought? She felt a heavy sense of guilt settle onto her chest as she realized how she may not really know him, but she knew without a doubt that Ravi really knew her, knew every side of her.

She took a deep breath, pushing her head first one way then the other, gently popping her neck which had become slightly stiff.

She reached for the third envelope, her hand slightly shaking.