6 My Toy

Human beings are like toys as you play with them, hurt them, damage them, they start to break down sure some toys know how to repair themselves but not all of them do. For example life gave me a very damage toy as a mother even with all her damage she was strong. I can never hope to be as strong as she is because even with the addiction to drugs, the alcohol, the partying, even with all that she's still had nine kids. With a golden heart broken in a million pieces by her past she's still repaired it as best she could even if it wasn't enough, I thank her for that. Me on the other hand I'm the toy she help break for repairs I love her ,I do. When I look at my son I would recall little things for my past each smile was counted in my childhood yet thankfully I don't count his. Each thought was to help her feel better ,how to help her through what she was going through, how to get out of her head space so she could understand that words hurt as much as hits did. But you can't force a blind man to see, you can't replace the toy you were given with a better version you wish you had. I tried to understand why so that I could help her mistakes yet I end up coming out with more mistakes. I tried my best to repair her with all my missing parts yet it's never enough. I'm broke to the point that I know I'm broken, the repairs I try to make don't always fit yet there they are looking into a mirror is like watching a repair shop within my own body yet no matter how much I try to polish it up it's just a bunch of scrap metal stuck together s*** I hardly walk let alone run. toys are supposed to teach you how to cherish and love yet my toy only showed hate discuss and disapproval I learned to love from the toys she gave me those little mini toys mean the world to me if those toys weren't in my life I would have been out of commission since I was 10. yeah I love my cold golden hearted Barbie doll because she was a gifted to me.