Failed...

Ainz stood in his office, his skeletal form reflected in the shimmering surface of the Mirror of Remote Viewing. He wasn't using it for any of its intended, magical purposes. No, right now, it was just a plain old mirror. He stared at his reflection, his bony jaw clenched, his empty sockets burning with a cold, unsettling light.

He had to hide his undead nature. Those beings… the ones he'd panicked and called "Grand Outsider Gods" to his subordinates- they were far too powerful, far too perceptive. He'd barely escaped with his nonexistent life, and the memory of their overwhelming presence still sent shivers down his spine.

But giving up his undead advantages? Absolutely not. The thought of losing his emotion suppression, the ability to use his undead-attuned gear… it filled him with a bone-chilling dread. The Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown, the guild weapon that pulsed with a power that even he, its wielder, couldn't fully comprehend, was attuned to undead, specifically. And the orb, the World Item he'd carefully tucked away in his chest, formerly where his sternum had been before he'd rearranged things a bit in preparation for his next action… that was undead-only as well.

Without those advantages, those absolute guarantees of power, he wouldn't even feel slightly safe. He'd be a nervous wreck, jumping at shadows, constantly looking over his shoulder.

Luckily, there was a solution. A ridiculously expensive solution, but a solution nonetheless.

He rummaged through his inventory, a digital expanse that held the remnants of his glory days in Yggdrasil. There it was. The Racial Level Respec Token. He'd purchased it on a whim, back when he was still a salaryman, when he still had disposable income to waste on the game.

He probably shouldn't have spent 90000 Yen on something he didn't think he was going to use, but it was going to save him now, so that didn't matter.

He activated the token, and a familiar interface materialized before him. It was a character creation screen, but for his actual, undead existence. A bit unsettling, sure, but also kinda cool.

He started from the bottom, stripping away his skeletal form, layer by layer, until he reached the very foundation of his undead being, wispy ghost-like thing that literally all races started as before choosing racial levels. Then, he carefully rebuilt himself, adding five levels to Zombie, branching off into the False Life tree, then ten levels to (False Life) Frankenstein.

He continued, adding five more levels to (False Life) Human-like Experiment, then a whopping nineteen levels to max out the (Indistinguishable-Undead) Homunculus. He paused, admiring his handiwork. His reflection in the mirror was no longer a scary skeleton. It was well, it was him. Or at least, a very convincing human version of him. A 21-year-old version of himself, with a swimmer's build and a face that was… well, handsome, if he did say so himself.

For his final racial level, he chose (Perfect Undead) Mockery of Life. The irony of the name wasn't lost on him. He was, after all, a walking, talking mockery of life.

Satisfied with his new, not-so-undead-looking, but totally actually undead form, he reached for another cash shop purchase he had made long ago: something that would let him learn the "Perfect Rogue" spell without the scroll. It was a sustained spell, one that allowed him to play as a rogue with the best possible build of uncommon known rogue classes he had unlocked.

As long as he didn't choose any of those rare, overpowered classes, his skill wouldn't fail into a cooldown that lasted 14 days without doing anything.

He stared at the guild alignment reversal token he had earned in a PVP tournament, never thinking he would even consider using it-

But no, he wouldn't modify them even further! Modifying Albedo so that she loved him, even though he thought everything was ending, was enough butchery of personality for things- now people he cared about that he could stomach.

He moved it to a tab in his inventory, already filled with items he wouldn't use unless the fan was truly destroyed by flying excrement on the scale of a shit-tornado, marked 'Emergency only!'

Pondering his next portion of disguise, he thought about how he would have used his perfect warrior spell, the one he already owned and used a few times, but with his newly bishounen looks, he didn't think it would make him an intimidating warrior.

So he used another scroll of learn-paid-magic and selected 'Perfect rogue.

He activated the scroll, the magical energy swirling around him as the spell took hold. He grinned, a sense of relief washing over him. They were looking for a powerful, undead skeleton mage. They wouldn't be expecting a human rogue of unmatched skill.

He was ready. Or at least, he hoped he was.

"Okay," I said, turning to Asuna as soon as Gazef and his men were out of earshot, 'time to put Operation: World Domination Self-Outsourcing to Self-Human-Resources.'

Asuna gave me a smirk as her eyes flashed with amused curiosity. "I'm listening."

"Here's the plan," I explained, laying out the details with my usual strategic precision. "We'll each create three mind-linked divine doppelgangers. we've already shown them as extensions of ourselves, capable of acting independently but still connected to our main consciousness. We'll use them to handle the day-to-day management of our new… what was it again? Crapsack Barony? Yeah, shit formerly owned by shit baron."

"Sounds good to me," Asuna said, nodding in agreement. "That way, we can focus on the fun stuff. Like exploring this new world, maybe causing a little chaos here and there. You know, for old time's sake."

"Exactly," I said, a smirk spreading across my face. "You can't spell 'adventure' without 'fun!'"

Asuna raises an eyebrow in disbelief at my nonsensical statement, but my smirk was evident.

I had a plan and all it took was her asserting that you could, indeed, spell adventure without fun.

"That's a trap, somehow I know, there is no way that isn't a trap and I want no part in it." Asuna declares and I pout, following her towards the adventurers guild.

"You're the designated party pooper now? Asuna?" I asked, mock offended.

She didn't respond.

We finalized the details, our minds working in perfect sync. One clone each would take up residence in the Baron's manor, establishing a base of operations and overseeing the overall management of our territory. Another clone would rotate between the three villages under our control, implementing infrastructure improvements, establishing educational programs, and generally making life better for the common folk. The last clone would be dedicated to crafting.

"I'm thinking robots," I said, my eyes gleaming with a creative spark. "Lots and lots of robots. This world could definitely use a technological upgrade. Think about it, Asuna, automated farming, self-cleaning streets, robotic servants to handle all those tedious chores, the possibilities are endless!"

Asuna, however, had a different plan. "I'm going to learn all the crafting skills," she declared, her voice firm and resolute. "Enchanting, blacksmithing, leatherworking, tailoring the whole shebang. And I'm going to take my cooking to a whole new level. Think Michelin-star-god-meets-ancestral-lord-Gordon-Bordain-Morimoto-level cuisine, but with a side of divine power."

I raised an eyebrow, surprised by her sudden interest in crafting. "Since when are you interested in all that? You like cooking, I know, evidence by how to this very day, I can't eat anything normal without it tasting like ash, but… blacksmithing?" I asked, a ton of baffled amusement in my voice.

"Since I absorbed all the knowledge and skills of those Black Scripture goons," she replied, her grin widening. "Apparently, the specific ones I killed were part of some kind of elite crafting club in their spare time. And now, all that knowledge is mine. A whole new world of possibilities has opened up and I'm going to plunder that crafting pinata."

I chuckled, shaking my head. Leave it to Asuna to turn a casual army-slaying experience into an opportunity for crafting-based self-improvement- thinking of all those souls, well I'm no different. "Well," I said, "I guess we'll both be keeping busy then. You with your crafting empire, and me with my robot army. This is going to be interesting. Then when we get somewhere private, we can have a very fun venture."

"Kirito-, you know what, that actually sounds like a good time, I'll make us some dessert and then we can both have 'dessert,' Happy?" She promised with a smile that promised a very good time.

"Hmm how does whipped cream sound?" I asked.

Ainz stepped out of his chamber, he displayed his new form which was an insane contrast to the skeletal visage he'd worn for so long in the game. He ran a hand through his short, dark hair, adjusting the simple, yet finely crafted black leather armor he'd chosen for his 'outing.' The Mirror of Remote Viewing had confirmed it: he looked human. Perfectly human. Well, as perfect as a carefully constructed illusion of humanity could be.

He hadn't even taken two steps before Albedo materialized before him, her usually stoic expression replaced by a baffling mix of awe and… was that lust? He quickly averted his gaze, focusing on a point somewhere beyond her elaborately adorned horns. He had to ignore that look, that burning intensity in her eyes. It was for his own sanity.

"Ainz-sama! You're magnificent!" Albedo exclaimed, her voice a breathless whisper. "So strong, so virile, so… humanly inhuman." She leaned closer, her voluptuous form pressing against his, her scent a heady mix of roses and something distinctly… musky. "Oh, Ainz-sama, I can already envision our wedding, our children…"

Ainz's non-existent stomach churned. He'd modified her personality, yes, but the sheer intensity of her affections was overwhelming, bordering on terrifying. He felt a pang of guilt, a strange, uncomfortable sensation that he usually suppressed with his undead passive. He couldn't reciprocate her feelings. It would feel like a betrayal, a violation of the trust he'd once shared with his guildmates, the creators of this… this being who now gazed at him with such adoration.

He tuned out her rambling declarations of love and future progeny, his mind retreating into the familiar comfort of strategic planning. He had to find a way to blend in, to gather information about these "Grand Outsider Gods" without arousing their suspicion. He needed a plan, a cover story, a way to…

"Ainz-sama! Aren't you listening?" Albedo's voice, sharp and laced with a hint of annoyance, snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Indeed," he said, forcing his voice into the deep, resonant tone he usually reserved for his "Supreme being" persona. "I am planning an outing to the Adventurers Guild in the nearby city of E-Rantel, hence my new appearance. Blending in will be simple. If I look and seem like a human with noble goals, then I must be so to those primitive beings, yes?" He wasn't entirely sure what he'd just said, but it sounded vaguely plausible.

Albedo's eyes widened, her annoyance fading into a look of admiration. "Brilliant, Ainz-sama! As expected of the Supreme Being! Your wisdom knows no bounds!" She paused, her expression turning thoughtful. "Would you like me to recommend your new mental projection? I knew having your real and appropriately pragmatic personality covered by a naive and incompetent one, as well as the flimsy, hopeful and naive one, is not enough to cover all your bases. So, I prepared more layers of identity for you to consider!"

Ainz had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. Mental projection? Layers of identity? It sounded like something out of a bad science fiction novel. But he couldn't let her see his confusion. He had to maintain his "all-knowing overlord" facade, even if it was crumbling around him like a poorly constructed sandcastle.

He took the files she offered, his skeletal fingers carefully flipping through the pages. To his relief, they looked like custom presets for his "Perfectly Unknowable: Alignment" skill. Backstory flavor text, essentially. He had no idea what any of it was for, but he could at least pretend to understand.

He scanned the options, his eyes glazing over the overly detailed descriptions. He settled on the ones that sounded the most 'good' and 'justice-like' and shoved them into his skill flavor text. It was probably the wrong thing to do, but at this point, he was just going through the motions, hoping to avoid any further scrutiny.

The journey to E-Rantel was uneventful. Ainz, still adjusting to his new, human-like form, walked with a measured pace, his senses on high alert. He wasn't used to feeling the sun on his skin, the wind rustling through his hair. It was strange. Disturbingly pleasant.

Coming from a basically destroyed world where wind doesn't blow and the air was forever filled with smog that blocked the sun made him truly feel like he was ALWAYS undead.

Beside him, Albedo strode with a confident grace that belied her usual imposing presence. Her horns, thanks to a bit of spatial manipulation magic, were neatly folded away, hidden from view. Even if someone were to use illusion detection magic, they would only see a strikingly beautiful woman with a metal half-helm, her features softened, her expression carefully neutral.

Behind them walked Narberal Gamma, or "Nabe" as she was known for this little excursion, and Lupusregina Beta, whom Ainz had decided to call "Regina" for the sake of simplicity. They, too, had undergone a transformation. Their usual attire, a flamboyant display of Nazarick's power and wealth, had been replaced by more practical, human-appropriate gear. They wore finely crafted leather armor, their weapons transmogrified to appear mundane yet still functional.

Ainz, adopting the persona of "Momon," carried a set of daggers that, to the untrained eye, looked like standard level 30 variants. In reality, they were far more potent, imbued with enchantments that could cleave through steel and bone with ease. Regina carried a spear of similar quality, its true power masked by a simple, unassuming design. Nabe, her usual short-spear replaced by a sword strapped to her hip, held a wand that was, in reality, a powerful focusing orb capable of channeling devastating metamagic automatically.

Albedo, however, refused to adopt a new name. "I am Albedo," she'd declared, her voice firm, "and I will not pretend to be anything else." She wore a set of metal armor, its design more practical than ornate, and a large battle axe was strapped to her back, its presence a subtle reminder of her formidable strength.

As they approached the gates of E-Rantel, Ainz felt a familiar wave of anxiety wash over him. Crowds, even in this seemingly primitive world, made him nervous. He preferred the solitude of Nazarick, the comforting presence of his loyal, if somewhat overzealous, subordinates.

The line leading to the gate was long, a chaotic mix of merchants, adventurers, and common folk. Twice, Albedo and Regina had to be restrained from "dealing" with those who dared to push or shove their way closer to the front.

"Patience, my loyal guardians," Ainz had said, his voice a calm, authoritative rumble. "We are on a stealth mission. Waiting is normal. Therefore, acting normal is the only way for it to succeed." His explanation, while not entirely logical, seemed to placate them. For now.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, they reached the gate. The guards, two burly men in dented armor, eyed them with a mix of suspicion and boredom.

"State your business," one of the guards grunted, his hand resting on the hilt of his sword.

Ainz took a deep breath, reminding himself to stay in character. "We are adventurers," he said, his voice a carefully crafted blend of confidence and humility. "We seek to join the Adventurers Guild and offer our services to this fine city."

The guard, with a negligent hum, waved them through the gate, his eyes still glued to a half-eaten apple in his hand. Ainz suppressed a sigh of relief. One hurdle down, countless more to go.

After an hour of navigating the bustling streets of E-Rantel, they finally located the Adventurers Guild. It was a large, boisterous building, its wooden sign creaking precariously above the entrance. The sounds of laughter, drunken brawls, and the clinking of tankards spilled out onto the street, a symphony of chaos that made Ainz's newly existing heart race with apprehension.

He steeled himself, reminding himself of his mission. He had to find information, to blend in, to avoid attracting attention. He took a deep breath, adjusted his carefully crafted "human" persona, and stepped inside.

The guild hall was a dimly lit space, its air thick with the scent of ale, sweat, and something vaguely… metallic. A roaring fireplace crackled at one end of the room, casting flickering shadows across the rough-hewn tables and benches that filled the space. Adventurers, a motley collection of warriors, mages, and rogues, milled about, their voices a cacophony of boasts, drunken arguments, and tales of daring exploits.

Ainz, his gaze sweeping across the room, immediately spotted them. Seated at a table near the entrance, their backs to the wall, were the two figures he had hoped to never see again. The man, clad in simple black clothing that did little to hide his lean, muscular build, was regaling a group of adventurers with a tale of daring-do. The woman, her fiery auburn hair flowing behind her, sat beside him, her hand resting on the hilt of a rapier that seemed to hum with a barely contained energy.

"So, I told the bastard, who had me dead to rights, sword shoved into my leg while he shouted about how I tricked his band of murderers into advertising their services publicly and getting rounded up! Can you believe those bastards?!" The man, his voice booming and loud so that carried across the room, paused for dramatic effect. "Ah, yeah, so I told the bastard who had his sword right in my leg, expecting to die anyway, you see, I smiled at him all big and said, 'Hey, if I gotta die anyway, at least I'm gonna make sure you aren't gonna enjoy it!' Then, seconds later, the guy is on the ground screaming for mercy as my then-girlfriend, now-wife, comes and shoves a potion down my throat. Then she's like telling the guy, 'I'll let the kingdom's guard handle you. I don't want your stinking blood on my hands.' The dumbass asks, all hopeful like, 'Really?!' like he was super excited that we would be super naive and give him some kinda chance to escape. So, what did you say to him, honey?"

The woman, her eyes flashing with a predatory amusement, leaned forward, her voice a husky purr that sent shivers down Ainz's spine.

"I said, 'NoooooO~' all exaggerated and with a tone that clearly expressed how absolutely stupid I thought he was for even believing I wouldn't turn him into a person with a hole where his heart is immediately! Then, when I shoved my rapier into his chest which turned into smashed meat, he made the weirdest goddamn death-rattle I have ever heard! Like he sounded like he was vomiting while shitting and screaming confusedly all at the same time!"

Cheers and laughter erupted from the surrounding tables, the adventurers clearly enjoying the tale of casual brutality.

Ainz, his carefully constructed facade crumbling, could only think one thing:

FUCK!