The Mantis Hates Cultivation

Aaah the abyss.

Nothing for miles to see and nothing for to hear for eons.

They say that if you stare into it long enough it will stare right back at you but by the looks of it, I'm all alone. Me, myself, and I. had I known it was like this I wouldn't have put up such a fight in the hospital as I slow bled to death from blunt force trauma.

Sounds like heaven, right?

Well, it was for all of FIVE MINUTES that I got to be there before a light started dragging me by the everything that I was incorporeal or not. I tried to dig my heels in but that's kind of hard with no body helping me! (Kekeke see what I did there?). but no amount of air running was going to save me from whatever was pulling me in.

And no matter how much I tried in wouldn't listen to me about how comfortable I was. Until a hand grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me through.

"Dammit!" I started to immediately berate whatever or whoever had pulled me through.

"Do know how long I could have napped in there you…"

I didn't finish the sentence as I took in exactly who I was yelling at.

A FREAKING GOD!?

Now you may be thinking "now how could you have told he was a god oh great and lanky Keera?".

Well firstly screw you it's not my fault I'm built like an extremely tall and surprisingly muscular twig and secondly the golden Halo and angelic background music was a pretty dam good indicator.

"Language my child"

"Screw you wannabe Jesus don't mind read if you don't want to hear it!"

Surprisingly the man or God or whatever in front of me only smiled serenely and I swear his eye actually non figuratively sparkled

After that little miracle of biology, I for the first time since I ended up wherever I was started to look around to try to take in my surroundings.

Wherever I was it appeared to be the reverse of the void from which I was just nabbed from, for all the black inky darkness of the void this had white that was at that level of being just a shade from painful to look at and it appear to similarly to the void be infinite.

Returning my gaze to wannabe Jesus I asked in my attempted friendly voice

"Why am I here and what do you want?"

Eyes twinkling again he smiled and pulled a clipboard out of thin air.

"Keera Cain, you my friend are the lucky 867943rd winner of the Reincarnation lottery"

"What lottery?" I swear you could almost hear the toothy grin that only appears when I'm annoyed, anxious, or freaking out slip on my face.

"Well, Mr Cain according to the celestial guidelines any and all interferences of the reincarnation cycle of mortals must be both decided and selected through a random style as to avoid godly bias or bribery"

"So, I don't suppose I can reject this can i?"

"Only if you want every higher being that invested in this year's lottery to want you dead" he responded with a smile that seemed rather sadistic for a guy in sandals.

"Kekeke so how does this work?" letting all my nervous tics from creepy laughter to intentionally and literally looking down on him to my smile that I have been looks rather "sadistic" have free reign.

"Firstly, please confirm that you are and always been Keera Cain, a man of tall and lanky build, sharp chin and face, shoulder length black hair and owning of an abnormally long tongue. As well as the man who gained the attention of multiple deities after he created the widespread misunderstanding that he was the highest-ranking gangster of his country within said country?"

"Yep, that's me" I responded crying a river of mental tears remembering the dark past I had forged with merely my nervous mannerisms.

"Perfect, now then please follow me" and then he turned around and walked through a door that I swear wasn't there all of two seconds ago.

Since the idea of pissing off an unknown number of higher beings didn't really appeal to me I decided to follow him.

When I entered the room to follow the unnamed god, he turned back to face me and smiled as he gestured toward three objects

"These will decide on the specifics of your reincarnation" he said with what I assume was the cheesy grin of an experienced salesmen.

God, I hate my life

The objects he pointed at were three of the biggest prize wheels I had ever seen.

"you're kidding right? This is what's going to decide my fate?"

I mean come on not only was I dragged out of the void and apparently denied whatever heaven I was meant for just to give a kick to whatever higher powers that were invested in this supposed reincarnation lottery but even then, they don't even give me any wishes and instead used prize wheels.

"As I previously mentioned Mr. Cain according to the celestial guidelines all interferences of the reincarnation cycle of mortals must be both decided and selected through a random style. This includes not only who is chosen but also the process of the reincarnation as well. Each of these wheels represents a different factor of your rebirth, the first is what type of world you will be reborn in and where in that world, the second the race or species you will be reborn as and the final one will be your type of reincarnation."

"What do you mean type of reincarnated?"

"It could vary from being summoned by an individual of that world, to starting from being born all over again"

"What about cheats or a system to assist me!?"

"That would hardly provide much entertainment young Keera"