Chapter 1: What She Wanted

When the sun rises for the one who wants the light, they receive light beyond the glow they feel.

September 8, 1165

Rue de Lumiere, France

A girl was born to a kind but poor family. She would be their only child for the mother was nearing forty. She may have been frail but she was beautiful. So was her name.

"Rebecca…" said the father, Isaac. Her mother, Ruth, was delighted in holding her.

By this point, the family had just arrived into the fiefdom of the honorable Baron Felix.

Rebecca saw the toils of farming life. By five, she would help her mother with the harvests and laundry work in the house. Her father would have her help in the field work. Everyone admired her dedication, especially the older men who grew too tired to work. She would often give them water to drink and even a change of clothes.

One day, she went to market with her mother. Ruth noted how hot the weather was and decided to visit a friend in the village to cool themselves. Rebecca was a curious lamb. She heard a sound and was somehow drawn to it. There in the alleys she found a girl, who had lost her parents to the hunger of famine and desperation. She had no one else. She had nothing but her name, Amor. She was as lovely as Rebecca was but was of shorter stature. She was a year younger. Wanting to help the poor girl, Rebecca decided to bring her to her mother.

"Mum, this girl has been crying all day. She says she has no one to care for her."

"Surely she must have someone. Not even a distant cousin or friend?"

The orphan replied, "My entire family died. This famine made us poor and hungry. We had nothing. Not even our good lord could help us. Either way, we were left to die."

"Then stay with us. We will take good care of you." In pure joy, Amor embraces Ruth, her newfound mother and holds hands with both of them. They return home to bring the news to Isaac but they see him face an enemy brandishing a knife. The confrontation left Isaac wounded. He was in no mood to see a new face in the family or to talk to his wife. After all, the man that left was one of the Baron's knights that Isaac owed money to. Isaac could not pay. They were poor. More than that, being serfs made them part of the estate. By working in the estate, they were an extension of the Baron's vast property and could not earn anything, except the food that they can get from harvests. Isaac grew frustrated upon seeing the girl in his household.

"It is bad enough that we are in need of money. Now we have another mouth to feed!"

"But dear, consider what a blessing she would be to us."

"Another woman in this house? Why not rain all of those blessings upon us?"

"If you look at things differently, we might be granted much fortune."

"I wish that fortune came in the form of money…and an easy life. Tell you what, life is never fair! So we either do what we can to survive or die. We can never change our place in the world!" This statement struck a chord in Rebecca's young heart. Even as an innocent fawn, she asked herself, "What exactly is my place in this world? Why can we not choose where we go?"

In spite of this, Ruth continued to raise Amor and Rebecca together. They would always share the food even when there was not enough. Rebecca learned much from her mother.

Out in the fields, Rebecca and Amor would always help Isaac in his work. Rebecca says to him, "Father, I will do what I can to help you…even if just a little."

Amor concurs, saying, "You taught us that we cannot eat bread if we do not work for it."

Isaac, impressed by their determination, has them bring the harvested crops home, with some grain for themselves. Meanwhile, he works hard to earn the money he has to pay back by doing work in the village market. "You seem dedicated to your work lately," says one stall owner. He hired Isaac to help out but this time, the man was more determined.

"I realized I have some time to spare doing what I can to better the vegetable stall."

"Thank you." The grateful owner gave Isaac a few silver pieces and promised to pay him three silver coins for each good day of work. Isaac's work in the stall helped him earn enough for the debt to be paid. After thirty days, he was able to fully pay what he owed the knight.

Nearing the age of seven, Rebecca decided to study from the monks.

"You will do no such thing," said her mother, "We cannot afford to send you off."

"Mother, think of what I can learn."

"You have better things to learn here at home, like wheat threshing or baking."

"Or how to trade with other tradesmen and do business…."

"That is men's work! We can only be in the kitchen or out in the fields to help our husbands, sons and brothers to feed ourselves! Child, women are meant to keep the homes."

"But is it not men's work to plow the fields?"

"It is. You are too fragile to carry such heavy burdens."

"But what about carrying all those piles of wheat?"

"Helping your father with menial work and men's work are two different things!"

"I just want to know better ways to help him out."

Amor did not get in between their argument but decided to bring Rebecca to her.

"Why did you stop me?" asked Rebecca.

"It was getting serious. If you two went on and went, there would be no point."

"I just want to learn new things. I go to Mass with them but barely understand the priest. When I try to listen, all I hear are noises, not words. I fall asleep with noises but Mum scolds me. If I am to avoid the pain of being scolded, why not learn how to listen instead of not doing so, right?" Amor found sense in Rebecca's argument, making her want to learn.

Each afternoon, on the hours they would normally play after helping their father out, the girls would go to the monastery and ask for a monk to read to them. Their mother never asked them where they went, knowing that Amor and Rebecca would always be together.

"The Word of God is so interesting, Brother Merrick." Rebecca was an avid learner.

"You seem to enjoy the Psalms more, Amor." Brother Merrick sat down with them.

"I love to sing of how great the Lord is," Amor rejoiced.

"But beyond hymns of praise or tales of glory, the Bible is a history of love."

"History of love?" Rebecca asked.

"Why, our Lord came down to us as a man and died for our sins!"

"If that is so, why does God, who loves us all so much, make us all equal?"

Brother Merrick stood up and showed them the sky.

"You see the birds that fly? You see the fish that swim? Or the ants that walk? They are all in their place. There is an order to all things."

"But we are people. We live together. Yet we are divided by how much money we have."

"Classes are made by people, not God."

"But why does God not intervene when someone gets hurt for something she never did?"

"Because we are the ones who failed to intervene. That is my belief." Brother Merrick became more serious. "Listen, the Law of God is not easy to comprehend but it dictates how morality is. Still, it is us people who interpret the Law and we are failed creatures because of the wrong choices we make. However, it does not mean we remain that way forever. There is always a choice. When we make mistakes, we can do better. If your father scolds you, would you cry about it or try to never make him angry again?"

"I would want to make sure I never make him angry again by doing things right."

"Right you are. Why would a just God not move against human injustice? I cannot answer that. Terrible things happen beyond our control. But God is there. God saves. Would your father always be there to tell you right from wrong? Would he be there to always rescue you? No. That is because he wants you to do things better next time, to be able to do what you can. Because he believes in you. So when people are just as capable of stopping bad things from happening, then it is up to us, who are responsible for our actions, to act in the name of justice."

"So is that why God is good? Because He knows we can fix our problems."

"That is why he gave us freedom. He believes in us."

"But then…why do people not?"

"Because…people are not as kind as God. People sometimes make bad choices and forget they could even make things better than before. That is the sad reality…we call fate."

Rebecca always enjoyed listening to Brother Merrick's deep lessons about life and faith. Her religiosity grew stronger. Amor became just as determined.

When the girl turned eight, Ruth noticed right away the changes in her daughters' character. They were more hardworking and obedient. Yet, they were also wiser.

"How come you became so different, you two?" she asks them.

Rebecca answers her in reply, "Because we decided to learn from life."

Isaac came from work. He was noticeably tired and had to rest.

"I never knew I could strain myself that far." Isaac was looking pale. Amor touches his forehead. "You are heating up! This must be a fever."

"I will get the water and towel!" Rebecca hurries and they treat their father.

Ruth brings a pitcher of water and some food. Rebecca feeds Isaac with healthy fruits.

"I never imagined my daughter would come to treat me like this…." On his feet, he saw Amor cleaning them and massaging them. He was touched. "I am so sorry for thinking little of both of you, especially you Amor. I am so sorry for making you most unwelcomed."

"You were always my father. Do not think of it. I love you after all."

"Thank you. Thank you both so much."

One day, Rebecca and Amor headed out to the monastery. They soon encounter two men bringing with them a boy in ropes. Rebecca caught sight of the lad. Blue eyes, fair skin and brown hair. He was good-looking and three years older based on his appearance alone.

The two girls sneaked around the village, not arousing suspicion from the two captors. They soon found themselves deep in the forest. In the clearing, there was a strange shack. It was run-down and there, they found that in the basement was a sort of prison or dungeon for the lad. He was thrown there and left alone. The girls could hear the men plan to take more orphans and raise them to become pickpockets. This was terrible. But they were afraid. They were alone.

"We have to save him. But this is dangerous." Amor's thoughts were in confusion. Rebecca recalled Brother Merrick's words: "So when people are just as capable of stopping bad things from happening, then it is up to us, who are responsible for our actions, to act in the name of justice." This moved Rebecca to go in and save the lad. She cuts the ropes with a sharp rock and ran with him while Amor was on the lookout. Then, the men returned and saw them. "You brats!" They were ready to kill them. But Rebecca threw her rock at one of them, hurting him.

They ran away. The men kept chase of them until they reached the monastery and into safety. They panted from all the running. Rebecca peered through a small hole on the door and saw that the men were leaving. She asks the boy, "What is your name?"

"Gabriel. At least my father called me that before he got killed by those men."

"They killed him?!"

"Yes. I fought back. I thought I was done for but they took me away."

"What about your mother?"

"She was taken by a noble to be her…umm…what was that word…hord?"

"Whore, you mean!" Amor blurted out but she covered her mouth. "Forgive me."

"No, I understand now. So that is why the people gave me a nasty look. No one tried to help me. I thought I would die their slave but now…I am alive because of you."

"My name is Rebecca and this is Amor. We are here for you. You can stay with us."

"I might cause you more trouble. Those men might come after me."

"We will keep you safe. I promise you that." Rebecca's hands were holding Gabriel's.

Amor opened the door and led them out. Isaac saw the boy and was surprised by his appearance. "What happened to you?" Suddenly, he became frantic and called for Ruth to care for him. "Thank you girls for bringing this poor boy to our care." Immediately, Isaac decided to have him live with them. While the girls were glad, Rebecca knew deeply…her father always wanted a son to help them out. "A woman would only get in his way. After all, we only do what others tell us to but boys get to do whatever they want." But Gabriel was different. He extended his hand to her. "We can be a family together. Come." They quickly became close friends.

Isaac allowed the boy to study in the monastery. Rebecca knew it was because Gabriel was the only one he favored. For Isaac, Gabriel learning new things would better his own work. The girls learning new things would only make them ask unnecessary questions. This drove Rebecca to do her best when she and Amor would secretly join in Isaac's lessons. This became their routine for a year. That was until Isaac discovered how frequently the three go together from the same direction out of the fields. He figured out that Gabriel was letting them go with him. He asked the boy, "Why would let those girls join you when they should have stayed at home?" Gabriel bravely defended his adopted sisters. "They could do a lot with what we have learned." He brings a basket out. "See this basket. Amor made it by herself and it can carry so much fruit." Gabriel then has Rebecca show Isaac a knot. "This knot can reinforce the binds we use on the cattle and livestock to keep them from running off."

Rebecca felt at awe by how Gabriel presented himself. She was envious of how he was always favored because he was born a boy. But she knew he was different. Kind, smart, brave.

Just like herself.

At certain points, the girls would work at a bar to earn some money for the family. At nine, they were already receiving the cold and cruel reality of the world of men. They were brutes, slobs and drunkards who abused everything they could touch. Rebecca defended Amor, who was often helpless before the younger men who wanted to lay hands on her.

"Stand up for yourself, Amor! Before they try to dig their fingers deeper into your body."

"Please! I cannot bear the thought! It is just that…" Amor breaks down.

"I feel your pain. I do." Later, the bartender would discipline Rebecca for driving customers away just for defending Amor from the lot. She never felt pain but she carried the scars deep in her heart. Their parents knew not the abuse they felt or the insufferable gazes.

But when Rebecca was crying, it was Gabriel who would offer his own shoulder to her.

"Brother Merrick said that we must be just for that much we can do. So that we can all live. But why is it hard for even us girls to just live freely, without those looks of lust or disgust? We are no different from them, right?" Gabriel brought her up as he stood. "Always stand when you want to cry. If people judge you, do not turn your back. Face them with courage."

"Why do you find it easy to stand instead of cry or face your persecutors and not run?"

"Because I am tired of crying or running or letting them have their way." Gabriel shows Rebecca the marks on his wrists. "Even before I lost my parents, men would tie me with thick ropes to stop me from leaving work. I always resisted. I just wish these would heal."

Rebecca went to Isaac, firm in her decision to open herself. "I want to stand up for myself but I also want to help you. To be free of trouble, I want to learn how I can do better."

"So you really intend to study, then?" At this, Isaac accepted the need for all three to learn together. For the next three years, they learned from the monks all that they needed to know about life. Beyond religion, they were taught medicine and arts, music and writing, science and arithmetic. Rebecca already proved her worth time and time again but she was amazed by Gabriel's progress. He could even map the stars in a single night and form some constellations. "There is so much of the world to see," Gabriel stated, standing before the sun. His face shone like that of an angel, mesmerizing Rebecca, who saw in him a vision, a dream made real. He was always a step ahead of her. She wanted to reach him.

He was already too far. At fifteen, he had already been destined elsewhere, into the folds of the scholars in Aachen, to learn of the world he longed to see. When he was about to leave, Amor and Rebecca went to him, with the latter almost about to burst into tears. "I did not wish for you to leave soon." Gabriel turned around to see Rebecca approach him for a tight embrace. "You were my defender in hard times. How can I be without you?" Gabriel tapped her on her head and answered her, "Then be free. You will see the sun as I have seen…in those precious eyes of yours." Those were his last words as he left her. Looking back, she realized what she wanted all along, "What I really want…is to be strong enough to believe in myself." Returning home, Rebecca vowed to Amor that she would be strong. Even alone, she already was. END.