This is a fun sci-fi/adventure/fantasy story about a physicist in the future who falls victim to a freak accident and is transported to an alternate universe where he crash lands on an Earth-like planet full of fantastical elements common to the isegai genre. Although it has room for improvement, the fixes should be relatively easy, and it's one of the more interesting original novels I have had the pleasure of reading on this site.
There is not a clear character-establishing moment for the MC, but his personality is consistent. For the most part, he’s pretty calm, but it would be more interesting to see some of his quirks, goals, and motivation. As the story is thus far, he is a character driven by the story rather than a character who drives the story, which makes him rather passive. It’s also quite shocking that he waited twenty years to take a ten-day trip from his ship. What’d he do to keep himself occupied those twenty years? Play all the videogames stored on board? After observing everything in the nearby area, I would definitely get stir-crazy and travel farther, even if it meant I had to spend the night outside… Of course, it could be that he has mental illness, which would be an interesting twist. Although the nanomachines keep his body working at its peak, his brain is obviously allowed to change, which can be proven by his ability to learn and consolidate new memories. Since the brain remains plastic, this also makes it possible for illness or maladaptive changes to occur. Other characters also have their own settings, but little has been revealed about them at this point.
The story buildup is slow but has a solid foundation. The story development is fairly logical. That said, not much has been revealed about the new world at this point. It takes over a dozen chapters for the MC's plot to truly begin, which can easily lose the interest of impatient readers. The details about he ex-fiancee are vague, although the author may be planning to go into detail later. Some of the sci-fi science is erroneous. Furthermore, the MC’s AI is capable of determining the passage of a year in a foreign world and can tell that this is a younger universe than the one they come from. However, it can’t scout out the neighboring area around the MC? What about the instruments used to monitor the experiments? Those should be flexible, so the MC should be able to take them out of the ship (assuming they’re intact). Furthermore, in a society of advanced technology, it seems unlikely that the MC doesn’t have a way to remotely connect with his AI. There is already experimental technology available in modern times to remotely neurolink people with quadriplegia to computers, and Tesla recently appeared on the news with a bold announcement they were planning to develop a functional interface by the end of 2019.
There is no imagery in the beginning, except in one case where the MC is described as tall and skinny but muscular. Later on, it's added that he has long black hair, but his race remains unknown. During the location of an experiment, I pictured everyone standing on something like our moon while wearing space suits, but apparently they were in space the whole time? Are they even wearing space suits? It’d be great if the people in the alternate world had more description about their clothing or culture, too. I pictured people living in adobe houses and wearing animal-skin skirts, but they actually appear to have some more developed facilities like inns. It’d also be awesome if the readers knew whether they looked like earthlings or if they had specific characteristics that set them apart from their human counterparts. Do they have three pairs of ears? Do they have six fingers on each hand? What skin color do most of them have? What are their racial characteristics? The lack of description makes it difficult to visualize and get a feel for the characters and setting present.
The setting, although interesting, has limited information revealed about it, which makes it difficult to paint in readers' minds.
The writing quality is fairly decent. In the beginning, the grammar and syntax are incredibly distracting, and I would have dropped it if I weren't requested to review this series. However, the writing quality improves drastically about a dozen or so chapters in, and I would recommend readers to remain patient. At that point, the quality picks up drastically, and the story flows much more smoothly.
The grammar in the beginning of the series makes me twitch. Some of the wording is awkward and confusing for various sentences. The tense changes from past tense to present tense. I can see there is great ambition with an intent to use an old-fashioned fable-like narrative style in the first chapter, but the grammar is in desperate need of editing. The excerpts from ancient text should be written in a manner to make it clear there are different writers for each one. The diction, writing habits, voice, and tone should all vary accordingly.
The narrative voice keeps changing from first person (I and we) to second person (you) to third person (about the MC and others). Just who is this narrator? What is capitalized and is not capitalized is inconsistent (hyperlight vs Hyperlight vs HyperLight).
Many single- and double-digit numbers are typed as numbers like 23 instead of spelled out. Generally, numbers less than 100 (not including decimals or negative numbers) should be spelled out in literature with the exception of things like science notes, medical notes, journalism reports, news headlines, and stats in a gaming novel.
There are also points where the text goes semi-literate. “*Sigh*, I guess not” is not a thing. Asterisk symbolizing an action should not be used in literature but only in casual comments. There are also emoticons. These can be used in some very casual literature and in texting chat between characters in literature, but it’s not generally used on its own. The only author I’ve seen use them well and do so consistently is You Qian, the writer of My Master Disconnected Yet Again, My Dad Is the Galaxy’s Prince Charming, My Disciple Died Yet Again, and My Brother Is Seeking Death Again. Her series involve a lot of slap-stick comedy. Although emoticons can be used to contribute to the narration of a story, they influence the tone pretty drastically.
Overall, I'm excited for this series. It just has some patching up to do, especially early on. I advise readers to be patient and give it a chance.
Vrad_Zechs, this is a fun story, so I'm willing to help with editing and suggestions if you want an editor. People usually either send me chapters through email or invite me to their Google Drive folder for the chapters they're working on. It's up to you, but the offer is out there.
