The Awkward Boy's Crush (BXB)

Ugh, I told them moving to a different school would be difficult for me. I TOLD THEM. Many times. Moving after tenth grade wouldn’t have been that bad. Students enrol in schools after tenth grade for better academic programs or to focus more on the college they wish to attend after high school. But no, we had to move when I’m going to be in twelfth grade now. This sucks so badly, I could relive some of my most awkward and embarrassing moments if that could give me a chance to go back.

Like, the time it looked like I was going to punch the teacher in front of the entire class because she surprised me by suddenly holding on to me... because I forgot to take my notebook back after I gave it to her earlier. It was extremely noisy as the bell just rang and everyone was getting out of the room. What can I say? I got terrible reflexes? Thank God I didn’t punch her for real, even if it did look like it. And everybody saw it. Yikes.

I did it again, even in my thoughts! I digress a lot. Even though I try to control it, I ramble so much sometimes and it gets worse when I’m nervous. I tend to cause a lot of awkward situations which, back to the major topic, is not helping my case at all! My dad got offered a higher position at their headquarters, so we moved after my school agreed to transfer me here. These schools have the same managing committee and the curriculum is the same, so it’s easier to transfer with a valid reason.

Oh, that's an enormous gate. This place already looks intimidating. Can't deny it's a lot bigger and prettier than my previous school. There're lawns, gardens and plenty of trees. Wait, I don't even know where I have to go. And the buildings look a lot more confusing. There are so many kids, who do I even ask?

"Yeah, man. I liked the first two seasons. But now it feels like they're dragging it out just 'cause it's famous, you know."

A group of guys leisurely chatting about some show passed by me. I'm going to be late, hope they help me.

"Excuse me. Could you tell me where S12-B is?"

"Oh, it's on the second floor. Go straight, then take the right. You'll find the stairs."

"Thanks a lot. Have a nice day."

"Pfft- no need to be so formal. All the best, man. Transferring in senior year and all."

"Thank you." I smiled and waved them goodbye.

That just made me even more nervous.

So I found my class on time and got through half of the day somehow. The subject schedule looks utterly boring.

I can’t concentrate on physics now anyway, so yeah, let’s get to introductions. This is probably the only exciting thing right now, me talking to my imaginary audience.

Oof, someone just eyed me like I’m a creep because I was chuckling to myself. Pretending to be busy... Okay, let’s continue.

I’m Marcus. You can call me Marc. I’m seventeen now. Guess I should tell you some things about myself. I wish I had the questions. Let's just go with flow.

I love dogs. We had this beautiful golden retriever; he was awesome. We still miss him even though it’s been years. I would love to keep a beagle someday. And a shiba, I love how they always look like they’re smiling.

For music, I love alternative rock, also pop and punk rock. Though sometimes I go on random music sprees.

Trying out new cuisines is something I’m enjoying a lot these days. That is one thing I'm looking forward to here.

Now, I don’t really like to study, but I do like biology (hate botany though). And of course Physics, I’m terrible at it.

We could also consider sleeping a hobby for me. I can sleep all day but I can stay awake all night if I want as well. Very contradictory; I know. Reminds me, I’m never really sure of anything in life and I can be really indecisive sometimes, especially in situations with people I'm close with. You wouldn’t believe how indecisive I get at the smallest of matters. It can be really frustrating sometimes. It’s also because I’m bad at reading the room or people. In conclusion, I’m not a people person. Oh, but that’s the heavy stuff. Let’s not go there. So now you know a lot of random stuff about me.

Now, to describe my appearance, I have russet brown eyes; I guess. A little wavy, dark brown hair of normal length with an ordinary hairstyle, which normally looks black. I don’t really keep up with the trends; I hate most of them, anyway. My height would be 5'8" or 5'9" now, hope I could gain a few inches later. I’m neither really skinny nor with an athletic build. So by all means, I’m average.

I’m not even very sociable. Not like I had a lot of friends before; never had a girlfriend either, not that I’m desperate for one. It’s just I grew up with my classmates, so I was never really attracted to them. I don’t think Joe or Lisa count. I mean, we kissed, but Joe didn’t work out and Lisa wanted to be with me, but I didn’t. Whatever. The point is, I’m not experienced with friendships or relationships. Yeah, sad life.

I don’t really think I could make a lot of friends here either. Most of them already seem really close. There are a lot of cliques already, just like my old place, like the diligent ones always solving problems or helping each other and other students, the cool ones who don’t need grades that good, some athletic ones, some tight-knit girl groups, some ‘we’re cool and pretty’ and we know it girls.

But the entire class, in a way, looks close. That... was missing at my old place. Or I’d have had a better time then. I missed out on a lot. Probably the diligent kids back there would've taken me in, but I'd just bring their average GPA down.

It seems here; they have their close friends, but don’t seem prejudiced towards another who’s different. Like they don't have fixed boundaries for their cliques. Though there was a fight among the girls yesterday and two dudes didn’t look like they get along.

I mean, one of them ended up throwing a shoe at another and missed horribly. It was so funny when the teacher walked in and saw just that. The other guy hadn’t noticed the teacher coming in and cussed loudly; both of them were in trouble.

Have I mentioned? This place is vast. Way bigger than my old school. I got lost after the break again. Overall, I like it. The students talked to me and said they’d help with notes and stuff. There won't be any problems academically, but it’s just the sense of longing I have for my old place and the absence of a feeling of belonging here. I’d been practically alone and invisible for so long that I was comfortable with it back there, I guess. That was all I knew and had in life.

I was totally happy in my small city; I had a few close friends, and the school was beautiful. Even though the teachers were shitty and all, like dude, you’re forty! You really wanna have a beef with a sixteen/seventeen-year-old? How boring is your life, huh? Still, it had a pleasant and peaceful environment, not the kids, though. It’s almost like high school is the wild and the people there are savage beasts ready to tear you apart. But even if you have just one friend who understands and supports you, you can get through high school. Maintaining so many friendships is too much of a hassle, anyway.

Guess I’ll have to manage a year. I’m glad the kids don’t seem hostile and the few I’ve talked to seem nice. David and Liam are the only names I remember, though I talked to a few other guys and girls as well. It’s just a year, although I have a feeling it’s going to feel long.

There are still three more classes after this and I can already feel my soul draining from my body. When I reach home, I’ll have to nap to recharge. A nap can do wonders, seriously. Then I have to help with arranging all the stuff and set up my room. That is pretty much the only thing going on in my life.

Finally, the bell rang. I can’t take any more of these radioactivity problems for even a minute longer. The days just seem to drag on and with no friends, it feels really empty.

Just one more year to go.