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Shut up: You, Nymphomaniac Evil Sword

Penulis: Half_Blind
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  • 248 Bab
    Konten
  • 4.7
    24 peringkat
  • NO.200+
    DUKUNG
Ringkasan

A young philosopher ends up in a war-torn world, where he finds himself among the poor and needy rebels who fight against the humongous army of the corrupted and merciless Alliance government. The Mystery behind his appearance in this new world, slowly unravels as he travels the magical world and faces new challenges. The story follows the philosopher's journey along with his companion, a Nymphomaniac Evil sword, through this modern and magical world, as he experiences different battles, adventures and his own personal dilemmas. Please bear with my English and Thank you all for reading Disclaimer :The cover picture doesn't belong to me, if the artist wants it to be removed it will be removed......

tagar
6 tagar
Anda Mungkin Juga Menyukai

A Time Traveller's Guide to Feudal Japan

Do people chase greatness, or does greatness chase us? A.I. genius, Gengyo, through the assistance of SAPPHIRE attains the means to time travel. He seeks a simpler life, and wishes to experience the warmth of a family. But often we do not get what we want, we get what we deserve. And his peaceful times soon end, as war storms Japan, and in order to protect his peace, he must conquer. Join Gengyo as he walks a blood-stained path toward absolute domination, seizing control of Japan. //Brief extract from one of the battle scenes. Written from the point of view of a samurai landowner, Niwa Nakatane. The hooves grew closer to Nakatane's position and their beating hearts grew faster. Perhaps they could simply remain like that, hiding behind the tree, and allow these barbarians to pass? That way could they not return home to their families? Could they not give their dear wives one final kiss, or share one final story with their enthusiastic youth? Nakatane knew exactly what they were thinking. And as the ground rumbled, and the mounted beasts howled, he was the first man to step out from the trees and make his stand. "OORAH!" Possessed by a furious energy, he thrust out with all the aggression of a war god, puncturing Ochi's stallion through the chest with the sharpened wooden point of his lengthy spear. The mammoth fell from his mount clumsily, his head colliding with a nearby tree root. He ceased to move, and a pool of blood began to form around him. "ARM THESE SPEARS MEN! VICTORY SHALL BE OURS!" He stood in front of the charge of over 150 horsemen, alone. But he did not give a single inch of ground. He met the charge of the next man in line, roaring vengefully, possessed by all the rage and power that had accumulated in his body over these past years. The horsemen shrieked like a pack of hyenas, fanning out, each eager for a piece of the man who had brought down their leader. //I did not create the book cover. All credits go to the original creator.

Nick_Alderson · Peperangan
4.6
345 Chs
Indeks
Jilid 1 :L... L... T.. R..........

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WWFire
WWFireLv4

Writing style is a train wreck (especially the first 5 five chapters; barely readable): punctuation problems, capitalization problems, too much use of "...", confusing use of braces and brackets (why use this symbols for dialogue/thoughts at all?), lacking dialogue tags or action beats (author writes like a screenwriting). I have no complains for grammar though. Instead of using symbols with unclear meaning (i.e. braces or brackets), just use the standard apostrophe or quotes for thoughts and dialogues. It is your job as an author to make sure that the readers understand whether it is the character's thoughts, mind communications, or dialogues by using the standard format. Do yourself a favor by researching more on proper novel dialogue writing (punctuation too!). Here are other elements I feel that you are lacking: 1. The sense of the MC! That's right, a human has 5 sense, not just sight. How does it smells like when MC arrived in the world? When he drink the water, how does it taste like? Are there any sounds of cracking flames and wave of heat when he got near the burning mountain? If you want to create extraordinary immersion, you should improve this point. 2. What was his name again? Ah, Sam! I almost forgot his name without you mentioning it at all at chapter 10 and only once at chapter 9. 3. World building (visuals) is quite lacking in the first few chaps. You need to improve from this question: What is the MC's first impression on seeing the new world? Just "dumbfounded" or "awestruck" is not enough. If you think you can give more visualization more on the world , don't be afraid on making an extra chapter just for it. What I say is that, imagine yourself in that world, what do you see and feel in your surrounding?

Xiao_Zuojia
Xiao_ZuojiaLv3

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