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Overpowered in Kuroko no Basket

Penulis: Whon
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Chapter 1Prolouge

My name was Terry Clarkson and I was a projected number #1 draft pick

The future

A generational talent and player who would change the game is what they called me.

When no one was around I could call on a basketball it made me who I am.

I brought a small school like Dunham High School to a national championship against Prolific Prep.

I was traveling on a bus to where legends were in the making. At the Staples Center as we arrived, I was profound of excitement and nervousness.

My coach said "Superstar I know you are not nervous"

I said "Coach you know me never nervous it's not even in my vocabulary"

So we were in the arena and one of my friends said "So many people am I right"

I had to agree with him on that one.

So we were called down on the big jumbotron "Dunham High School Team"

So Prolific Prep was called down the players were

Jalen Green PG

Amari Burnett SF

Jordan Pope SG

Coleman Hawkins C

Otaki Zu PF

This was just the starters so for my team we got the tip-off and we were pushing it down I was the point guard and I called for a pick and roll to get my teammates to be involved early so I passed the ball of off that play Renny which name was Renold caught the ball and slammed it.

Jalen Green was pushing the ball up the court I cut him off and then he passed it to Coleman and he passed it to Amari which knew was going to happen so Kevin stole the ball passed it to me they were about to double team but I knew what to hit them with a push cross in between the legs step back from three. Slightly bent my knees and shooting from the seams of the ball to have a good feel for it swish the net got messed up with that shot. So we continued to play with the same fire the whole game in the fourth quarter we were down by two I brought the ball up did a behind the back push cross-shot with 5 seconds left 5, 4, 3, 2, I put the ball in the net as the shot went up suddenly I couldn't breathe I made the shot but as I did I collapsed and was left laying on the floor.

Coach ran over to me "get up my boy" he said but my heart stopped beating long before.

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Spirits_everywhere
Spirits_everywhereLv4

Hm...I can only give a 3.2 to 3.4 stars review, and that's only because your grammar, vocab, and sentence structure are good enough for casual reading. I'm sorry, but the key quality of a "story" is missing here. You see, a "story" consists of more than just narration. Sure, your childhood fairy tales are an exception, but there is a lot more than just recounting what happened. First, story development is rather lackluster. Sure, I can see the story progressing, and I know roughly what happens in each game, but that's about it. It's just descriptive writing, and it's hardly interesting. This sort of story is very generic, having an OP mc and all, but each author portrays it so differently that it still remains interesting to this day. Each game is described within one to two paragraphs, then you move on to something else. This takes "fast-paced" to a whole new level. There are no dialogues, no interactions, no appearances description. It's just "MC does something. Midorima is good, but MC is better. MC shoots from half-court consistently. They win the game 100-50." Second, the character design is missing. I know the characters exist, I know what they do, but they feel very 2-dimensional. There is no "feel" to them. The way you write makes them sound very robotic in nature, and there are no human qualities that make stories what they are. They don't interact, they don't talk, they don't have appearance; they just exist for the sake of existing. Your MC is your generic MC that is stronger than the GOM. We know that from your synopsis, and from the multiple three-pointers he did from half-court. Ok, then what? Did he train? Did he have some sort of gift? Did his parents support him? Does he have close friends? We know he is popular, but why? Is he smart? Or is the mere athleticism enough to make him popular? Is he rich? Is he poor? We know he is a rather quiet person who "only talks when he needs to", but why? Does he have some sort of childhood story behind it? Or is it just the way he was born? Is he tall? How tall is he? How does he know the GOM? What is his relationship with them? Friends? Rivals? Childhood friend with Aomine (like most authors do)? Does the story contain romance? What are his goals? Does he aim to be the best? Or is he just playing for the sake of playing? You see, you have to constantly ask questions like these to yourself. It's questions like these that make you write a lot more and what carves out a "story". I'm sorry if you feel insulted; I don't mean to phrase it that way. At this point in time, this feels more like a diary rather than a story. If you want to improve, you must first read plenty. As soon as you start to do that, you'll know exactly what your "story" lacks and know how to improve it.

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