17. Chapter 17

Title: Of Finding Innocence

Disclaimer: Yes. I'm Andrew Marlowe. Totally. It's the truth. No lies…*snicker*

Summary: Kate Beckett met Richard Castle once, long ago, at a book signing. What if things had gone differently that day? Castle, but with a large, large twist.

Chapter 17:

Kate jerked up as a hand slammed a newspaper down on her desk.

"Explain," Lanie demanded, tapping Page Six of the Ledger. The paper covered the paperwork Kate had been trying to finish, and Esposito was snickering at the next desk. A few other people, including Karpowski, were watching with thinly veiled interest and Kate scowled up at her friend.

"Explain what?" Kate asked in a hushed whisper. "And don't talk so loud."

"Explain this," Lanie replied, jabbing at the paper again.

Kate glanced down at it and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, so?"

"So?" Lanie protested, sitting down in the chair beside Kate's desk and adjusting her scrubs. "So? That's your boy, with some blonde bimbo!"

"She's not a bimbo," Kate replied easily, looking at a very nice photo of Rick and Gina, arm in arm at a gallery opening the previous night. Rick was laughing and Gina looked…nice.

"You're defending her?" Lanie gasped. "But I thought," she leaned in so that their heads were close together under the lamp on the upper left corner of Kate's desk. "I thought you two were, you know…"

"We're not a thing, Lanie," Kate explained. "And they're just friends, anyway. She's his Publicist."

Lanie glared at her. "First, you should have told me. Second, what the hell? Why aren't you out there with him, thing or not? And third, you're not a thing? I beg to differ."

Kate glanced around the room and was pleased to see that their whispers had deterred everyone but Esposito. She shot him a look and he returned to his work. Everyone was so nosy. And honestly, could Lanie have picked a worse time?

"I didn't tell you because it's not a big deal. I'm not out with him because I'm here, or haven't you noticed? And finally, we are not a thing."

"Are you going over there for dinner, like always?" Lanie asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Kate shrugged.

"You're telling me that it's been a month since that explosive kiss and you're not a thing yet? What the hell are you?"

Friends who made out on the couch? A pseudo-family? Friends with limited benefits? Unhealthy? Too healthy? Scared? Cautious? Busy? "We're…complicated," Kate replied.

"BS," Lanie scoffed. "You're not complicated at all. You love him. He loves you. End of story."

"No one said anything about love," Kate snapped. "And what have I said about discussing things in the fishbowl?" She couldn't use her gun. She couldn't use her martial arts training. She would not hit her friend. She wouldn't.

Lanie shrugged innocently and sat back in her seat. "So, what are you and the non-boyfriend doing tonight? Anything special?"

"Having dinner with his kid, like always," Kate replied tersely. "And thanks to this little interrogation," she handed the paper back to Lanie. She didn't want to read the article. There was nothing between Rick and Gina. She knew that. She just didn't want to read about them. "I am now behind on my paperwork."

"You keep putting it off and that man is going to leave you," Lanie warned her.

Kate looked over at her and felt something clench in her stomach. "Shut up," she said quietly. She couldn't tell whether she sounded angry, hurt, confused, or worried. Perhaps it was a combination of all four. Grungy suspects in dirty bars? No problem. One quip from a friend, and she was totally green. Swell.

Lanie's eyes widened. "Hey, no. I didn't mean…Kate, that man adores you."

"Yeah," Esposito said, leaning across the aisle. You couldn't trust him to stay out of it if your life depended on it. "No man sticks around without sex unless the girl's really special."

Kate considered him, oddly flattered. "Thanks, Esposito."

"And you're hot," he added with a grin.

"Moment ruined. But thank you," she laughed, turning back to Lanie. "Any plans for your evening, Miss Parish?"

"None," Lanie smiled. "Just relaxing."

"Sounds good," Kate replied, deciding to push it all away. She'd have dinner with Rick and Alexis, and she could just forget about the Ledger, and the other instances of 'Rick on Page Six' that month, and her Mother's Anniversary and everything else. She could do that. No problem.

"Happy Birthday, by the way. I have a present for you the next time we go out," Lanie said casually a few minutes later.

Okay. Problem. "It's your Birthday?" Esposito asked, grinning as more heads turned back their way.

"Yes," she responded, curt and uninviting. She hated her Birthday, and going to Rick's on it would be enough of a strain, no matter how much she loved them. Loved Alexis. She couldn't handle this. "It's no big deal."

"The big 24," Lanie needled. "Feeling your age, Kate?"

Kate glanced around the pen and sighed. Then she shot a look at the clock and grinned. "Very much. I'm going to be immature and cut out to avoid all of you," she said cheerily, slamming her pen down and tossing her finished paperwork into the file holder.

She scooped up her bag and jacket, tossed a pencil at Esposito and shot Lanie a small smile. "See you Wednesday."

"Beckett!" Lanie called as Kate walked away.

"Happy Birthday!" Esposito added, sounding both a bit put out and dangerously amused. Kate just waved over her shoulder and jumped into the elevator.

Once the doors had closed, she leaned back against the wall and let out a large, tired sigh. That had been playing dirty on Lanie's part, on all accounts.

Richard Castle, famous novelist, has been seen out on the town with his Publicist Gina Cowel. The two have been spotted at numerous parties and publicity events, always laughing and smiling. Could this eligible New York Bachelor be off the market?

Kate had read the articles, even if she pretended that she didn't. And every one made that stupid little green monster crawl out of her subconscious and run amok with her emotions. It was ridiculous, especially in light of the fact that Rick was so clearly uninterested in Gina. He'd gone so far as to call Kate during one of the press functions, hiding out in the men's room to chat for ten minutes with her.

The way he ran his hands over her arms as they watched movies, or found ways to constantly touch her when they talked or stood around, should have been comforts to Kate. The way his lips trailed up her neck when she cooked, the way he wrapped his arms around her at the park and chatted with her while they watched Alexis on the playground, the way he called every day, without fail, to say good morning now—it should have stopped the niggling doubts.

It was Kate's decision to keep things under wraps and forego even slightly formal labels. It was Kate's decision to keep wearing sunglasses and have Rick wearing hats—not that he minded. The whole thing was one big CIA conspiracy for him, and he got Alexis in on it. Not that Alexis really understood. They were careful to keep the physical contact to a minimum—a somewhat and wholly blurry minimum—around her. But she knew something had changed, even though it was never discussed.

And Kate, she couldn't remember a time when she'd been happier. So the irrational jealousy was starting to eat at her. Rick had caught her out on it once, when she'd gone over for breakfast the previous week, and he'd grinned for an hour. It was cute. It was horrible. It was handsome. It was infuriating. It was Rick, because only he could be that contradictory.

"Morning," he beamed as he opened the door.

Kate smiled back and walked into the apartment, dropping her purse onto the side table in the hall while he closed the door. Then his arms were around her waist and he'd buried his head in her hair, his lips making their way to her neck.

"Hi," he murmured against her skin.

She rested her hands on top of his and sighed happily. "Hi."

"Missed you."

She laughed and turned around in his arms so that she could look into his beaming face. "You saw me last night."

"I know." He leaned in to press his lips to hers.

Kate wrapped her arms around his neck and melded into him, enjoying the warmth of his hands on her back and neck and the feel of his lips against hers. His mouth was talented and soft and, yes, the way he liked to suck on her bottom lip was probably one of the highlights of her day. It didn't bother her anymore that they were standing in his foyer, necking like teenagers. It was just how they said hello, as long as Alexis wasn't around.

Air, unfortunately, is a substance humans can't do without. And so they parted and Rick rested his forehead against hers. "So, coffee?" he asked after a quiet moment, in which they shared breath and Kate attempted to regulate her heartbeat.

"Sure," she replied, enjoying the way he took her hand and tugged her into the kitchen, sitting her down on a stool and bending down for a chaste peck before bustling around the kitchen. "Did Alexis cart that huge diorama off okay?" she asked, remembering the large project that had been sitting on the dining room table the previous night.

"I had to walk all the way to her class with it, but yeah," he chuckled. "God, I got mobbed on the way out. It was horrible."

"All those desperate mothers?" she asked, grabbing the paper and scooting it over so she could glance at the headlines for the day. She so seldom actually got to read the paper, and Rick got all of them every day.

"Yes. And not just the young ones," he continued. "I had about six older nannies asking for my autograph. And you don't even want to know where one of them…"

He kept talking but Kate was no longer listening. Her eyes were glued to the headline she'd spotted while heading for the Sport's section. There, as the main item on the Ledger's Page Six, was a picture of Rick and Gina from the previous Friday, arms around each other as they danced at the Smile Train benefit. The tag read: "Richard Castle, Out on the Town Again."

Kate wasn't quite sure what she was feeling. It wasn't anger, or hurt. She'd known Rick was going. Hell, she'd kept Alexis company and then done paperwork in his office while he was there. So, it wasn't shock, or upset. What was it then? What was the nagging, clenching feeling that had her wanting to stand up and press him up against the counter, devouring every inch of him she could find, and leaving a few marks behind in her wake?

"What's up?" Rick asked, sliding a cup of coffee in front of her. "You totally tuned…oh." He stood behind her, one hand resting next to hers so he leaned around her, his arm over her back. "It's not a bad picture, right?"

"No, no," Kate shook her head and closed the paper over Gina's smiling face. "No, it's great Rick. And look, you're out."

She studiously kept her gaze down as she took a few sips of her coffee, trying to quell the growing urge to kiss him silly. It was ridiculous. It's not like the picture meant anything. It didn't. And he wasn't cheating on her. There wasn't anything to cheat on. It was…oh, hell.

She put her coffee down and turned, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and dragging him down to her in a searing kiss. She swirled her tongue along his bottom lip and consumed his mouth, pulling out every trick she'd ever learned until he was totally wrapped around her and leaning heavily against the counter with his hip to stay standing. He pulled back after a minute and gaped at her, panting.

"What…Kate…I," he gasped. "Not that I'm…wait," his eyes sparked and she bit her lip. Come on, Rick, don't do it. "You're…but Kate, really?"

"What?" she asked, going for nonchalant. Of course, the fact that her blouse was bunched where he'd snuck his hand beneath the sheer fabric to grab at her hip, kind of ruined that effect.

"You're jealous," he stated, his face breaking into the most simultaneously infuriating and endearing grin she'd ever seen.

"I am not," she replied adamantly. She wasn't, right? She couldn't be. That would be ridiculous. And true. It would be ridiculous and true, and where was a pillow? She wanted to scream into one, or suffocate herself.

"You have no reason to be jealous," he told her, going for comforting but failing, because he was still wearing that shit-eating grin.

"Shut up," she grumbled, reaching for her coffee and shoving the paper away.

He leaned down and wrapped his arm back around her shoulders, pressing his forehead against her temple. "Believe me, Gina's got nothing on you, dancing wise. Or body wise. Or mind wise." He nipped at her earlobe and laved it with his tongue and she gave a breathy sigh, completely out of her own control. "And she doesn't make that sound," he murmured into her ear. "So, you win, hands down."

She shrugged and he took that as carte blanche to continue his assault on her ear, and neck and cheek. Kate sighed and relaxed against him, unable to fight the smile, or sigh, or occasional moan. He knew just where to kiss and touch and rub to make her melt, and she was sure that he never did this with Gina. He nuzzled her jaw and she smiled. No, he never did this with Gina.

Kate got out of the cab, having spent the whole ride convincing herself that she was not jealous, and that she'd be able to control what was sure to be an over-the-top explosion of Birthday passion at the Castle loft. As she walked into the lobby and Eduardo wished her Happy Birthday, she knew neither was possible. She gave him a warm smile and then stepped into the elevator. When the doors closed, she let the smile fall off her face and she closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths.

She had nothing against Birthdays in general. In fact, for most other people, she enjoyed them. She just didn't like her own. It was so close to the day her Mother died, and that year she hadn't gone home for the night, and so the last Birthday…it was just too full of bad memories. But she hadn't had the heart to refuse Alexis the request of seeing her on her Birthday, especially not when it fell so conveniently on a Monday. Rick had asked a few times if she was sure, and she'd just plastered on a smile. He'd weasel it out of her anyway at some point.

She took a deep breath as she stepped out of the elevator and walked over to the apartment. She knocked and waited, running a tired hand through her hair. She hadn't bothered to check how messy it was. She suddenly wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch with Rick on one side and Alexis on the other.

"Happy Birthday!" Alexis yelled as she opened the door.

"Thank you," Kate smiled down at her. She didn't have to force this one.

"Come on!" Alexis added, grabbing her hand and pulling her into the loft, letting the dorm slam shut behind them. "Dinner's ready."

Kate laughed and allowed herself to be led into the kitchen, where Rick was finishing off stovetop fried chicken and cubanelle peppers sautéed in olive oil. There was a pot of couscous cooking next to the chicken and Kate couldn't stop the feeling of relief and home from spreading over her. Birthday be damned, she was happy to be here. And he'd made her favorite meal for her Birthday too. That man.

The man in question looked up as Alexis skidded around him to grab plates and napkins. He met Kate's eyes and grinned, flipping off one of the burners before walking around the counter to meet her.

"Happy Birthday," he said quietly as he leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss. Alexis was too busy plating the table to care and so Kate allowed herself the moment of pleasure and then wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Thanks," she murmured.

"You okay?"

She nodded and then stepped back. "Okay and hungry," she said with a smile. Maybe she wouldn't have to pretend for the whole evening.

"Then let us feed the Birthday girl," he laughed, taking her hand and leading her to the table before pulling her chair out for her.

She sat and watched as he quickly drained the chicken and set it on a plate. He brought the chicken over and Kate served the three of them while he grabbed the couscous and peppers. He served them and Kate watched as Alexis happily began eating her couscous. Kate took pride in knowing that she'd convinced the girl to try it for the first time.

"How was your Birthday day?" Alexis asked.

"Yeah, do anything really cool?" Rick added.

Kate laughed. "If you consider getting to sweep a few subway station bathrooms cool."

Alexis wrinkled her nose. "Ew! They made you do that on your Birthday?"

"A Birthday isn't a get out of work free card at the NYPD," Kate told her.

"Oh, come on, Montgomery didn't let you interrogate someone, or, I don't know, do something Detective-y?" Rick asked.

"That's next year."

"Are you excited about that?"

Excited was putting it lightly. "I am," she replied with a large smile. "It'll be fun."

"What's the difference between Detective and Uniform?" Alexis asked.

Rick put his head in one hand and turned wide eyes on Kate. She shook her head at his antics and then tried to figure out the uncomplicated, kid-friendly-yet-informative answer. "Uniforms help Detectives catch murderers. You know that." Alexis nodded. "But Detectives use all the clues they find, and the Uniforms find, to solve the cases. So, if I find a shirt that ripped off a bad guy's back when he was robbing our victim, the Detective uses that information to get a warrant and search the person's house."

"So you're like…one of Santa's elves?"

"Ooh. I like that comparison," Rick grinned.

Kate laughed. Of course he would. "I don't know that I like thinking about myself and Esposito being dressed in elf costumes, but yes, that's the general idea, Alexis."

Rick just couldn't stop laughing. "Oh, make that my Christmas present?" he asked with barely withheld glee. "Please, pretty please."

Kate laughed. "Okay. Esposito in an elf costume it is."

Alexis giggled while Rick's gaze changed to something Kate could really only classify as guardedly wolfish. It was subtle, but it was there. "You won't dress up for me, Katherine?" he asked.

And he'd called her Katherine. That was unfair. But, she could fight fire with fire. And Alexis just thought it was funny. They should probably worry more about the subliminal damage this was doing to her when they engaged in these very tame, yet so very not tame, interchanges at dinner.

"You want to see me in a little green number with elf ears, Mr. Castle? It's a little Lord of the Rings, isn't it?"

His eyes darkened. Oh, no, please tell her that he didn't have that fetish. "I can do without the ears, but the little green number and a hat would be perfect."

It would be hard not to, with the look he was giving her, practically devouring her with his eyes. Assuming they'd reached that point by then, she knew that would be exactly what she got him. And how could they not have reached that point by then?

"Aren't you guys hungry?" Alexis asked a few minutes later.

Only then did Kate realize that Alexis had taken a second piece of chicken, and neither Rick nor Kate had even touched theirs. "Yeah, we are, Sweetie," Rick replied, though Kate felt like he was saying he was hungry for something else.

Yes, getting to that point seemed like it was getting closer and closer. But should they get there without being official? And if they were official, what did that even mean? And if they were official, and it meant everything Kate thought it meant, would she end up with a ring on her finger by the end of the summer and adoption papers on her desk before she turned 25? And if they became official, and she had the ring, and the kid, and the Rick, and she got shot, or hurt, or killed…

"Hey, you there, Birthday girl?" Rick asked, laying a hand over hers where it had balled up on the table, a piece of chicken stuck in limbo on her fork in the other.

"Oh, yeah," she gave a feeble laugh. "Sorry, lost in thought. So, Alexis," she turned to the young girl, who was eating a pepper strand by hand. "How was school?"

"Good," she replied. "Miss Katniss really liked my book report on the fourth Harry Potter."

Kate smiled and Rick squeezed the hand he still hadn't relinquished. She was glad she'd already cut up her chicken. "That's wonderful. Did you get an A+?"

Alexis nodded. "And she said she'd let me read whatever I wanted the next time."

"That's great," Kate enthused. "When do you have to do another book report?"

Alexis sighed. "Not until winter! Can you believe that? And we're reading this really easy book as a class, and people read out loud, and do you know how slow they read? It's horrible," she moaned.

"Alexis finished the book the first day," Rick said to Kate while Alexis huffed and speared a piece of chicken.

"I guess Second Grade's a little early to multitask in class?" Kate asked, frowning for the little girl.

"Oh, no, I do my math homework," Alexis grinned.

"What?" Kate choked on her drink and looked back and forth between the Castles. "Seriously?"

"Uh-huh. I just make sure I'm ready if she calls on me. I have more free time at night now."

"She must get it from you," Kate told Rick. "Since you're always doing too many things at once."

"Oh, no, I was never organized enough to multitask at her age," Rick laughed. "Our little smarty does it all on her own."

Alexis grinned. "It's fun. It's like being a secret homework agent."

"That, she gets from me," Rick grinned. "Now, do you want to do dessert first, or presents? Mother will be here soon, if you want to wait for presents. She won't want cake."

Kate blinked. She didn't know Martha was coming. "Um, cake, then, I guess?"

Rick nodded and then he and Alexis began clearing the dinner plates. Kate went to stand but he gently pushed her back down. "The Birthday girl does not do dishes," he explained, while Alexis nodded.

"On my Birthday, I'm not allowed to help at all. It's really annoying," she added.

Kate laughed. She could see Alexis trying to help hang streamers, or blow up balloons, and Rick, the ultimate child, emphatically refusing her help. So Kate sat back and watched as father and daughter moved around the kitchen together, doing their own domestic little shuffle. Alexis was small, but she was remarkably helpful in the kitchen, taking plates and utensils from her father with ease and setting them on the table. She found candles as Rick took the cake out of the fridge and brought it to the table.

Kate shook her head as he placed it down in front of her. It was small and round, something she'd have to thank him for later, and totally white, except for the words, 'Happy Birthday Kate!' that were written in red icing. She could handle this cake, and, well, she did love cake. Rick walked around behind her and reached around her to place two candles, a large two and four, onto the cake, before striking a match and lighting them. He kept her imprisoned with his body and she sat there, looking at the little burning wicks, Alexis giggling at them off to the side.

"You have to make a wish!" Alexis exclaimed after a moment.

Kate closed her eyes dramatically and puffed out her cheeks. She didn't believe in wishing, as it never got her anywhere. But she found, as Rick's hands fell to her shoulders and squeezed, and Alexis huffed at her reluctance, that her mind was filled with only one wish. It didn't seem so far fetched, and maybe she could put all of her grown-up, dark, moodiness aside just for a moment. She blew the candles out in one large breath, wishing only that they could do this again next year.

Alexis clapped and Rick squeezed her shoulders one more time before stepping back and grabbing a knife. They sat back down and he cut the cake, handing her the largest slice along with a fork and a grin. It was vanilla, vanilla cake, and she had to wonder how he'd known that was her favorite. But, then again, he seemed to just know certain things, like some sort of weird, childish, handsome genie.

Halfway through their cake, Martha bustled in, dropping a few bags by the door before striding over to them and instantly wrapping an arm around Kate's shoulders.

"Happy Birthday, Kiddo," she said, shaking her a bit as Kate managed to swallow and not choke out of surprise.

"Thank you, Martha," she managed.

"You didn't wait to have cake with me?" Martha asked, turning accusatory eyes on her son.

"Rick said you wouldn't want any…" Kate defended.

Martha and Rick glared at each other for a moment before both laughed and Rick patted her hand. "She doesn't. She just likes to push my buttons."

"And she does a good job," Alexis added, licking her fork. "Can I have more cake?"

"And give you the biggest sugar rush of the century? No, sorry munchkin, it's presents, a little hang time, and bed," Rick replied as Alexis pouted. "I'll put some in your lunchbox tomorrow," he added.

Alexis grinned and then hopped down and came around to stand next to Kate. "Presents?"

Kate hadn't finished her cake yet, but she wasn't desperate to do so. It was delicious, but Kate preferred her desserts a little less sweet. She nodded and Martha removed her arm and allowed Kate to stand. Alexis instantly took her hand and pulled her into the living room while Rick and Martha followed them, laughing and chatting quietly. Kate sat down on the couch and Alexis scampered out of the room and boomed up the stairs. Rick disappeared into his office and Martha walked back to the door.

She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, happy for the reprieve. This was definitely the best Birthday she'd had in years, and they'd done a wonderful job of distracting her. But she still missed her mother, and the phone call she'd gotten from her father had been quiet. He was doing well, and had been apologetic about not being able to accept Rick's invitation to be there that night. She hadn't known Rick had even invited him. But he had an AA meeting and work to do, and couldn't find the time, which was fine with Kate. She loved her father, and she was glad that he was doing well, but seeing him would be an added stress to an already confusing evening.

Martha made it back first and handed her a neatly wrapped, square package, covered in delicate purple tissue paper. Kate fiddled with one of the edges as Martha sat down.

"You didn't have to get me anything," she said quietly, glancing up at the matriarch.

"Nonsense," Martha replied. "You're family."

No, she wasn't going to cry. Martha wouldn't make her cry. "Thank you," Kate murmured, taking a deep, calming breath.

Martha laughed quietly. "Sorry, dear. I didn't mean to overwhelm you."

"No," Kate laughed as well and squeezed the hand Martha extended to her. "Just…no, it's fine. Thank you."

Alexis bowled back down the stairs and their moment ended, but Kate found that she suddenly had an entirely new sense of affection for the older woman. She'd have to find a way to thank her. You're family.

"Here," Alexis chirped, handing Kate a small, round pouch of tissue and ribbon. It clinked as she set it down in her lap and Kate smiled as Alexis hopped up beside her.

Rick came out of the office, a small package held in his hands as well. He sat down on the coffee table and Kate was surrounded by Castles—well, two Castles and a Rodgers. He didn't extend the present to her, and Kate wondered if she was reading him right; he looked nervous, somehow.

"Open mine!" Alexis insisted.

Kate smiled and picked up the pouch, carefully untying the blue ribbon that held it together. She placed the base in her hand and pushed the paper aside, pulling out a silver charm bracelet. She still had the last bracelet Alexis had given her, hanging on her bureau. She held the silver piece up to inspect it. It had three penguins on it, two larger ones and a small, baby penguin between them. They were all carved out of silver and glinted in the light.

"It's gorgeous," Kate told her. "Thank you. I love it."

"Cause you like penguins, right?" Alexis asked, watching happily as Kate slipped it deftly onto her wrist and did the clasp.

"I do like penguins," Kate replied. "Good memory, Lex."

"Mate for life, if I'm not mistaken," Martha added. Rick laughed and Kate turned surprised eyes on his mother. "What? It's a fact."

Kate just shook her head and wrapped and arm around Alexis. "Thank you, Alexis."

"Happy Birthday," the girl replied.

"Mine next," Martha insisted after Kate and Alexis had finished hugging. The girl stayed snuggled up to Kate's side.

She turned to the square package in her lap and gingerly ripped the paper off. She stared down at the cover of Angels in America, her favorite play in college. She did a double take as she noticed the signature. "You got it signed?" she whispered. "Martha, I can't…how did you…"

"Tony and I go way back," she chuckled. "It's nothing, kiddo."

"Martha, this is huge," Kate replied. "Thank you. I…" Martha had gotten Tony Kushner to sign her favorite play, that he'd written. She'd have to put this right next to the signed copy of The Thin Man from Rick last year. Good lord.

"Really, Kate. It's nothing," Martha said, laying a hand on her knee. "Happy 24th Birthday."

"Thank you," Kate managed, running her hands over the cover, the bracelet jingling on her wrist. These people. These people would ruin her. God, she was happy to have them in her life.

"Mine last," Rick said, bringing her attention back to him. He handed her the very small present, which fit completely in the palm of her hand. "Now, it's not exactly what you'll think it is when you open it."

Kate heard Martha sigh next to her and cocked her head to the side. "Why do I feel like this is about to confuse me?"

He cracked a smile. "No, it's…just…open it."

Kate shrugged and peeled back the paper. A key fell into her hand, with a small chain that held a metal rook at the end. She knew what this was. It was a key to the loft. And he was right; her mind was jumping to all sorts of inappropriate, scary, wonderful conclusions. She took a deep breath and observed him. She couldn't remember seeing him so nervous.

"You got me a car?" she asked, watching as his eyes widened and he laughed, causing Martha and Alexis to laugh as well. Good, objective attained.

"No. But Christmas is coming," he replied after a moment. "It's a key to the loft, so you can let yourself in, and come over if you need to, without me here, or if Alexis needs something…"

"Translation, we want you here more, and you should feel like a part of the house, not a guest," Martha supplied, taking a sip of her drink.

Kate blinked and rubbed the smooth key with a finger. "Thank you," she said, not to any one member of the group. But her heart was about to beat out of her chest. She was touched and flattered and confused and happy and sad and completely turned around.

"Now you can be here all the time!" Alexis added, wrapping her arms around one of Kate's.

"Not all the time," Rick corrected. "But more, I hope."

Kate nodded without thought and slipped the key into her pocket. "Thank you for my presents," she said, feeling like it didn't say enough about what all of them meant, the gifts and the people.

"You're welcome," Alexis beamed while Martha waved her off and Rick gave her a warm, affectionate smile.

Happy Birthday to her indeed.

(…)

"It was really nice of you to put up with this," he murmured as he wrapped his arms around her waist later that night, looking out the window at the city lights with her. "Especially since it was obviously a little painful for you."

Kate sighed and leaned into him, too tired to fight the desire to be comforted. He was so good at the hugging and kissing and holding part of all of it. He was good at all of it, really. And, even though she'd been distracted all night, he'd even wormed his way into her melancholy, replacing images of her Mother with images of him pushing children she wasn't ready to think about on swing sets.

"Not painful," she replied. "Just…" He kissed her cheek, one of his thumbs rubbing circles over her stomach and she melted. "My mom wanted to have dinner with me, the year I turned 19. But I was at college and friends wanted to go drinking, so I said no. And, you know, we still had a Birthday dinner, but it wasn't the same, and it was like I'd decided that other things were more important than her…and then three weeks later, she was dead and I…"

She trailed off as tears stung at the corners of her eyes. She didn't want to cry now. It had been the best Birthday she'd had in a long time, and she didn't want to mar that with tears.

"I'm sure she never thought that," he murmured.

Kate nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"But really you don't and it still hurts, right?"

Kate gave a small huff of laughter. "You know just how to peg me, don't you?"

She could feel him smiling against her cheek. "Part of the charm."

Desperate to escape the onslaught of emotions she was fighting, she took the bait. "And is this, the comforting of the girlfriend, part of the charm?"

He stiffened behind her and she would have laughed, proud of herself, if her Freudian slip wasn't slapping her silly and trying to hand her the salt for her foot. She waited, knowing the ball was now in his court, even though she hadn't actually given herself permission to toss it over the net.

"No," he breathed into her ear after a tense minute. "That's not part of the charm. That's just part of the best friend duties. S'kind of my job."

She smiled despite the butterflies in her stomach and the niggling voice that told her danger hadn't yet passed. "Oh," she murmured.

"The charm is used to get the girlfriend into bed, but I was under the impression that I was holding off on that for the foreseeable future, until I'd declared myself the boyfriend, at least."

"Declared?" she spluttered, zeroing in on the easiest target.

He laughed. "Only you would choose that part."

"Well, I'm not land," she laughed as his fingers lightly dug into her stomach, making her squirm. "You can't just stick a flag in me and proclaim me taken." They stopped moving. "Please. Please, since it's my Birthday, pretend I didn't just say that."

He chuckled against her ear and then tightened his hold on her. "Since it's your Birthday, I'll let it slide."

"Thank you," she sighed, letting her heartbeat calm down.

"And, you know, there's a lot going on right now," he began, his breath hot against her neck. "Your Mom's Anniversary, Alexis' Birthday, Hurricane Meredith, the pictures of me and Gina that do not make you jealous, and the holidays, which are a trying time for all of us."

Kate sagged as he listed it all out. Around all of that were murders and more murders, and then holiday murders, which were always especially gruesome. "Yeah."

"So, I'm not planning on declaring anything at the moment, since there's…more than enough to focus on. But, know that I will be declaring it someday, most likely after you've given me your consent and said you'd be my girlfriend first. I don't like to stick flag poles where they're unwanted," he finished on a laugh, but Kate knew that it was just for show.

"The flag pole's wanted," she replied, and then grimaced. "Can we pick a new metaphor, preferably one that's not so…dirty?"

"Or we can get rid of metaphors all together."

"I'm grateful that you're willing to wait," she replied after a moment. Maybe it was time to make some new, good, Birthday memories. "I won't want to wait too long."

He pressed an open kiss to her throat. "Me either."

"And you won't get bored in the meanwhile? Trade me in for something blonder and bustier?" it was her turn to laugh out a statement. They weren't fooling anyone.

"Oh, please," he scoffed. "I like tall, thin, brunette and gorgeous just fine, thanks."

She smiled and leaned her head away so he could continue to trail kisses along her neck and under her jaw. "Even though I'm not old enough to be a Detective?"

Where had that question come from? "What?" he pulled back and looked at her. "Is there…is this a trap?"

She giggled and leaned in to give him a chaste kiss before pulling back. "No. It was a surprise for me too."

He watched her for a moment. "I think being a Uniform is a really important job."

How had he known? How did he know something that she didn't even realize she was worried about? She'd been jealous of Gina, in part, apparently, because she had a high-powered, influential job. And she was just a Uniform. But she hadn't even realized that it was something she felt she was lacking. How the hell did he know?

"You don't think I feel dumb? You help solve crimes. I make them up."

"You're a world famous novelist," she replied. "You can't feel dumb!"

"I beg to differ," he argued. "I feel it, therefore, I can so too feel it."

Kate giggled and Rick's lips twitched, until they began to teeter and stumble around, laughing at themselves. She turned around in his arms and buried her head into his neck as she calmed, feeling the rumbles of his laughter resonate in his chest and against her ear at his throat. She wrapped her arms around his neck and his covered her back as he began to sway, moving them to absent music.

"I've dated models, and heiresses, actresses, dancers, publishers—a lot of women, to be honest," he said as they rocked from side to side. "But I've never dated a cop before."

"And that's your ultimate woman? A cop?"

"Did you change your profession?"

And there it was, making her eyes water in the most horribly feminine way—the statement of fact that she could barely believe. How could she be his ultimate woman? She barely felt like a woman most days, and even in her other relationships, she had never felt so cherished.

"I…no, still a cop," she replied after a moment.

"Wanna do a strip search, Officer?" he whispered.

Kate smacked his shoulder. "Wow, way to ruin it. And on my Birthday," she added for effect.

"Sorry, sorry," he chuckled. She wasn't mad. He'd put humor exactly where she'd needed it.

"How do you always know?" Oh, crap. Inside thought to outside thought—did she have no control tonight?

"Cause I love you," he replied softly, expelling it on a careless breath. And then they stopped moving. He coughed and cleared his throat. "As my best friend. Love you as my best friend, and I like to make you happy and help in any way I can…stop me when the rambling stops being useful."

She brought a hand around to cover his lips and he sucked in a breath before placing a kiss to her finger. 'Cause I love you. She could deal. She could still breath. He hadn't just knocked the wind out of her and made her heart speed up and confused the hell out of her. They were still for a few minutes as Kate tried to calm down, and Rick tried to recover from his own Freudian slip. It didn't make her want to run screaming, as it would have a few months ago, but Kate was having a difficult time making sense of anything in her head at the moment.

"Alexis loves you," he murmured. "And I love you. It doesn't have to…mean anything right now," he continued cautiously.

She knew that he didn't love her the way Alexis loved her. But it…it did make it better. It did make it easier and then instead of terror and shock, her chest filled with warmth and home, and the smell of his cologne, and the overwhelming urge to return the simple sentiment.

"If that's all we're talking, then I might love you back," she whispered.

She felt his arms tighten across her back and then he turned his head and kissed her forehead, his breath hot against her skin, his lips soft and firm. "Aren't you glad Mother left? She'd have a field day with this."

Kate giggled. "Imagine the people we could terrify."

"Ten bucks if you say it around Meredith and get Alexis to join in," he replied, before he sucked in a breath. "No. That's…wow, that was low. Sorry 'bout that."

Kate pressed a kiss to his neck. "Payback is fair."

"It's not because of feelings, or hurt, or anything, you know? I'm past that. I'm so beyond feeling about that woman," he rushed out.

Kate nuzzled her nose against his skin and he stopped talking. "I know. I know I'm not the rebound girl, Rick, calm down."

He sighed and ran a hand up and down her back. "Good."

"But you can still be mad. Hell, Rick, I'm mad, and you'll be lucky if the worst I do is flaunt us in front of her." She felt him smile against the crown of her head.

"You know, the thought of you being territorial is oddly arousing," he admitted.

She couldn't decide whether she should be flattered, insulted, put off, turned on or just plain confused by that one, so she let it pass. There were bigger and better things to let the back of her mind freak out about, from the 'declaring' conversation to their first 'I love yous,' which weren't even official. But she didn't actually want to think about any of it.

She yawned and he pulled back a bit to look down at her. "Tired?"

"Long day," she shrugged.

"And you haven't been sleeping well," he added, running a thumb gently beneath her eye, where deep bags were concealed by skillful makeup.

She didn't meet his eyes. She never slept well at this time of year, but tonight was not the night to discuss it. She didn't want to talk about her mother tonight. "Maybe."

"Nightmares?" he asked gently.

She shook her head. No, they weren't exactly nightmares. Dreams in which she saw her mother, and talked to her, and had her back, only to wake up alone and sweating weren't nightmares. They made life the nightmare. But she raised her eyes to meet his and he must have seen something there, because he leaned in and rested his forehead against hers, bringing both hands up to cradle her face.

"I'm sorry, Kate," he whispered.

"Thanks," she replied. "I'm okay, though."

He sighed quietly. "You know, for a cop, you suck at lying."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Thanks," she mumbled. No one ever called her on it. Damn him.

He considered her for a moment before he stepped away and extended a hand. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" she asked as he led her through the living room and into his office, then toward a door she'd never entered before.

And suddenly she was staring at his bedroom, with its big, king-sized bed and matching drapes. The comforter was navy and orange and the pillows, the enormous pillows, were navy as well. There was a large photo of an elephant along one wall, and various other odd sculptures and pictures laid out around the small room. Her toes wiggled in the plush, shaggy carpet, and she smiled as she spotted a picture of Alexis on the nightstand.

"Am I getting a tour?" she asked absently as he left her to rummage around in his top drawer.

"No, you're sleeping over. Bathroom's through there," he said as he came back to stand in front of her and handed her a pair of boxers and a tee shirt.

"Rick, I don't know that…"

"No funny business," he smiled softly. "But I want you to sleep well tonight."

"Rick…" It sounded…it sounded good, and right, and wouldn't it be lovely to wake up in his arms again? Wouldn't it be wonderful to wake up in the middle of the night, panting and wishing for her mother, and find him there, hugging her, or soothing her back into sleep? Wouldn't it be nice to not suffer alone, mourning for someone who would never return?

"Come on, for me, on your Birthday?" he pleaded, his eyes wide.

"That's not how it works," she giggled.

"But you're going to say yes," he grinned. She bit her lip and then nodded, letting him nudge her into the bathroom.

She changed quickly and folded her clothes into a neat pile, leaving them on the open space on the wide, stone counter. This bathroom wasn't quite as large as the one in the Hamptons, but it still had an enormous marble tub and dual headed shower. And the mirror was still lighted, letting her see just how awful she really did look when she wiped off her makeup. She sighed, knowing there was nothing she could do about it, and then finished up, walking out of the bathroom to find Rick fiddling with his alarm clock, already dressed in his own boxers and tee shirt. They matched, blue boxers and white tops.

"Aren't we disgustingly cute?" he asked, beaming as they passed each other and he went into the bathroom.

She sat down on the left side of the bed and looked at the pictures on the nightstand. Now she could see that there was one of Alexis—the same one that sat on her desk—and one of his mother and Alexis sitting on the couch, making faces at the camera. The picture that surprised her though, was one of her and Alexis at the museum. She reached out and picked it up, smiling. Kate stood behind Alexis as she dangled from a railing, holding herself up on her arms, with Kate's hands firmly on the girl's hips. Alexis was looking up at the T-Rex, but Kate was smiling at the camera, completely at ease with wisps of hair falling into her eyes.

"Found that, huh?" Rick's voice startled her.

"Oh, yeah," she replied, quickly putting it back as he walked around the bed and scooted under the covers.

She swung herself fully onto the bed and settled in next to him, laughing as he climbed over her to shut off her bedside lamp. He paused as he moved back to his side, leaning down to press his mouth to hers, his body weighing down on her and pushing her into the mattress as his tongue found hers. She sighed happily into the kiss, content to have his warm weight pressed against her. But all too soon, he was moving again, and sliding to lie next to her.

She turned her head and watched as he watched her. His bed was exceedingly comfortable, and she felt her eyes drooping even as she struggled to stay awake.

"Night, Kate," he murmured, leaning over to kiss the side of her mouth, before melding himself against her side, an arm warm and heavy over her stomach.

And when she woke in the middle of the night, her eyes flying open and heart racing, she was met with the sight of Richard Castle asleep on her shoulder. His breath tickled her skin and she could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest against her arm. He wasn't her mother, and couldn't replace her, but the pleasant feeling of contentment she got from watching him cleared away the aching numbness the dream had left behind.

"Go back to sleep, creepy," he mumbled, and she laughed.

"Didn't mean to wake you," she whispered, running a hand through his hair.

He turned his head and kissed her shoulder before rolling them so that he was pressed to her back, spooning her against his chest. "Just sleep, Kate."

"Goodnight, again, Rick," she replied, relaxing against him as the dark edges of sleep pulled at her once more.

Just as she felt it consume her, she heard a faint whisper, "Happy Birthday, Kate. Love you."

Author's Note: So, you'll notice that I changed Kate's Birthday. I had already mapped out the story when I saw that her Birthday is actually November 17th. So, you know, she just has it a month earlier here. Eh, it's my AU.

I'm upping the rating to Teen. I'm not going to make it higher (though I might be convinced into doing an album version for the more, ahem, mature content later on), but I felt that after this chapter, K+ was a little too low.

You guys continue to be absolutely amazing. Thank you so very much for the reviews, favorites, alerts, blog posts, Twitter messages and graphics. I'm completely blown away and extremely honored.

There's still so much to come with this story, and I hope you stick with me for the ride. On that note, a big thank you also to the people who are just joining us. It's no small accomplishment now to catch up with this story, so thank you, and welcome!

Okay, giant author's note complete.

Love you guys,

Emma