37

Chapter 36: Road Trip With Ero-Sennin

The sun was rapidly fading as Naruto ambled back through the gates of Konoha with the team he had been placed with to lead on his latest mission, Kurenai's squad, Team 8. Kiba grumbled as Naruto signed them back in at the check in station and caught up with Izumo and Kotetsu for a moment, "Man, how come nothing cool happened on this mission? We had Naruto leading it, he's like the magnet for irksome situations or something so we should have had some trouble."

Shino spoke as Naruto continued with the pleasantries with the gate guards, "Kiba it is illogical to actively desire a desperate confrontation the way you do. Though from what I've heard it is something of an anomaly to go on missions with Naruto-san and avoid trouble."

"Yeah, right? Exactly!" Kiba exclaimed, "From what we hear you could go on a C-rank with Naruto to deliver a wagon full of plush toys and chances are he'd end up fighting a A-ranked missing-nin with a plan to control the economy of an entire country with the plush toys! And don't give me that crap like you're not disappointed Shino, you know that you wished something happened too."

"Perhaps." Shino alluded to him being right, "But unlike you I can keep the complaints to myself and can keep the amount of noise pollution in the air to a minimum." Kibe fumed at his usually stoic and silent teammate.

"Kiba-kun, Shino-kun, stop fighting." Hinata chided softly, "The mission was successful and we're all okay, that's what matters right?"

Naruto watched the team interact from afar. This was his third mission led as a jounin and it went off without a hitch. He actually couldn't wait to get to Tsunade's office and see if his probation would end with him as a jounin or if he would get demoted. He'd better not get demoted, every single mission ended with him bringing the team back in perfect condition and then some. As he looked at the team of his former classmates he had to admit, they were way stronger than he thought they would get when he fought them after bringing Tsunade back, especially Hinata. His incident with her was either going to make her or break her, and apparently she had enough fight in her at the time to have that episode end up building on her character. Getting promoted was proof of that.

She was still sweet as could be, and he could tell she still had a little something for him, but damned if it wasn't manageable now. He could easily work with her, and from the looks of things she could be the voice of reason between the two extremes of emotion and logic that resided on her squad. It was clear she was skilled enough in a fight or else she wouldn't have been promoted in the first place and of course it never hurt that she was absolutely gorgeous.

Kiba and Shino were stronger, that much was clear just from looking at them… and Akamaru… who was fucking huge. Kami how did he miss that during the Chunin Exam in Suna he was there to watch? Anyway, after his last mission with Team 10 as well it was evident that everyone was stepping their game up for the future and he was proud of them. Why he was proud of them he didn't know. They were friends of his. He would hang out with Kiba when they ran into each other sometimes, good times. Shino was actually ballsy enough to head into the Forest of Death every now and then, not so good times actually. And then Hinata, when Neji asked him for spars every now and then she would sometimes watch and talk to them afterwards. She never wanted to fight him herself though. Still she was good company.

"Alright everybody." Naruto said, directing their attention back to him, "Good work. That was quick and clean, my kind of mission actually." He smirked when he heard Kiba snort his displeasure at the lack of action, "I'm going to go and give an oral report on the mission to Tsunade-baachan right now. You guys can turn in your written ones whenever you get to them."

Shino nodded and walked off on his own. Kiba nodded as well, "See you later Naruto. Don't be a stranger okay?"

Hinata smiled at him with her arms behind her back, "Goodbye Naruto-kun. You should come back to the clan compound sometime, it's nice speaking with you."

"Sure thing Hinata." Naruto said, "Take it easy and make sure you kick Neji's ass for me next time you two spar. I owe him." Getting a giggle out of her, he turned and shunshined away towards the Hokage Tower.

XxX

Naruto stood out in front of the Hokage Tower with an intent look on his face as he wrestled with himself to make a decision, 'Should I take the front way or should I take the window like usual?' He pondered to himself, 'This could be important to my full promotion… If I take the regular way it would show professionalism and that I'm ready to be a jounin. But it might show that I get rattled by pressure, while going through the window would show that I can stay cool in important situations or-.'

"For the love of Kami brat!" Naruto's head snapped up to see Tsunade looking down out the window from her office with a tick mark on her head, "You've been out there for twenty minutes just standing there. Get up here already and get debriefed!"

'Well I guess she doesn't care as much as I thought she would.' Naruto thought as he bent his legs to get ready to jump, 'Maybe I overthink some stuff?' Naruto jumped up and landed on the windowsill of Tsunade's office, "Hi Tsunade-baachan."

Tsunade shook her head with a smile on her face, "Get in here already and get this done."

Naruto hopped down into the office and smiled at Shizune who was standing by Tsunade's desk holding Tonton, "Hello Shizune-neechan, hi Tonton."

The dark-haired assistant returned his smile, "Hello Naruto-kun, you seem awfully upbeat today." Tonton oinked as if to agree.

"And why wouldn't I be?" He said, unable to keep the excitement off of his face, "I didn't screw up and fail and missions, all of my teammates were always in top condition when we got back. There's no way I'm getting demoted, I'm a jounin now!"

Tsunade took a seat at her desk, "Alright, I'll be the judge of that. Now go ahead and debrief."

"Okay Hokage-sama." Naruto coughed and got down to business, "The mission, a B-ranked reconnaissance mission into Ta no Kuni came up with no new outward fortifications by Orochimaru's forces. He hasn't made any new moves since I sacked his bases on the mission that ended a little over a month ago. We were unable to recover anything new and there hasn't been any presence at what was formerly his main base since we last took it out."

Tsunade nodded, "That sounds about right. Orochimaru was never too careful when it came to covering his tracks. And we only have five months left until he attempts his jutsu on Sasuke Uchiha."

Naruto leaned against her desk, "Should we really be wasting resources like this to stop him before he can take Sasuke's body? I mean, he already failed trying to take Itachi Uchiha's body at full strength and when his body wears down this time he should be easy pickings. Sasuke will kill him when he tries unless he's been lazy for the last few years and I just don't see that."

Tsunade sat her chin on her hands, "Do you think that he will come back after he beats Orochimaru or something?"

"Hell no." Naruto said immediately in response, "He's going to go after Itachi probably, but that won't matter right now. All that matters is that Orochimaru will be dead and his forces will be in disarray. That's the time to actively search for the smattering of bases and disoriented forces with a few quick task forces if we have any ready at the time. Let Anko-chan do that to make up for sending her back on the last mission we took to take his bases out."

Tsunade nodded with a serious face before a grin came across her features, "Trying for another promotion so soon are we brat?"

Naruto smirked, the serious moment for the most part over with, "Not really Baa-chan. I don't think I want one right now anyway… that is if I'm a jounin."

Tsunade rolled her eyes, "Yes, your probation is over, you're a jounin now, congratulations. You've earned it." She smiled at him, "You're really earning that necklace of yours too aren't you?"

Naruto pulled it from under his flak jacket and held it out, "I'm glad you think so. I make it look good don't I?" He said with a grin.

"Alright calm down, sheesh." Tsunade said, waving him off, "You're dismissed. Stay in good condition to move out on another mission soon, don't overexert yourself, and get some rest. The specifics behind what you're doing should be out for you to know of in a few days."

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "Why so secretive on the mission Tsunade-baachan?"

"It's supposed to be at least S-ranked in difficulty and importance." She said, "Do you still want it?"

Naruto didn't flinch, "You wouldn't have asked me to do it if you didn't think I could or didn't think I was needed. Of course I'll take it. I told you already Baa-chan, I may mess around a bit, but I'll follow any order you give me. That's the way I was taught." Naruto gave a two-fingered salute to the women in the room and left through the door.

XxX

Naruto opened the door to his apartment to find Hamako laying on the floor in the living room with notes strewn about. Naruto quietly shut the door and prepared to sneak past her to get to his room when he was stopped in his tracks, "I already know you're here master. I felt the security seals go off when you opened the door."

Naruto sighed and walked over to her, sitting on the couch nearby as he looked at what she was doing, "Been busy?"

Hamako stood up and sat down in Naruto's lap and kissed him happily at seeing him, "Welcome home Naruto-sama." She then looked at the floor and the mess she had made with all of her work all over the place and blushed, "Well, yes. I have been. I've been studying Anko-san's seal."

"And?" Naruto said curiously. Hamako had taken over systematically studying the seal in his place due to the fact that she was far better at fuuinjutsu than him and could work it out better than he could and faster as well.

Hamako looked away sheepishly, "I've hit a brick wall of sorts in getting it off of her." Feeling Naruto's gaze on her she squirmed in his grasp, "It's not that I don't understand what it entails because I do. And I'm positive I can get it off of her."

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "I'm sensing a 'but' here somewhere."

"I need certain things to get it off of her." Hamako said, a frown marring her pretty face, "Apparently Orochimaru engrained some of his very being into the seal, and enzymes of someone else too. Without the DNA of both of them I can't break the seal without doing anything to her mind. It could either stunt her abilities and mental to physical capabilities or break her mind altogether. Orochimaru is a true villain, he won't even bother taking it off of her the way he did with Tayuya-san because he still sees use in keeping it on her unlike Tayuya."

Naruto returned her frown, "I'm guessing you weren't able to get any of Orochi-teme's DNA from the hospital, or Baa-chan or anything like that right?"

Hamako shook her head, "No such luck Naruto-sama." He rested her head in the crook of his neck, "I'm sorry. I haven't told Anko-san that I've failed yet."

"Good." Naruto said, letting her get closer to him, "Because you haven't failed. You know what to do, you just don't have everything you need to do it. That's what I'm for. I don't know how, but I'll end up getting Orochimaru and our mystery jerk's DNA for you to finish. I already promised Anko-chan I would anyway."

"You're going to ask for permission to hunt Orochimaru?" Hamako asked curiously, "Can you do that?"

Naruto shrugged, "I have no idea. But I'll have to build up some credibility to ask for a mission like that. Maybe after my next one I'll build up enough, it's supposed to be S-ranked at least." He felt Hamako stiffen in his grasp, "What's the matter?"

"You're going to be gone again?" She said sadly, "I know you're an important ninja to the village and everything, but you're always away. Always working. I miss you a lot master."

"You know all of my friends and I know they like you too." Naruto tried to reason, "I can't take you with me. You know I can't."

"I know, and I love that you keep correspondence with me through our tattoo." Hamako said desperately, "But your friends aren't you. And I don't really fit in with them. They're all ninja except for the Ichiraku family and I'm not. Just because I sometimes teach seals at the Academy doesn't mean much."

Naruto stood up, "Well I have time to rest for a bit, so I'll tell you what." He said pleasantly, "You and me are going to go to bed, because it's clear from the notes everywhere and the tired look in your eyes that you haven't been sleeping too well while working on this. And then tomorrow the whole day will be about you, okay? Whatever you want to do we can do, and it's about time we look for a new place too right?"

Hamako smiled at him before pouting playfully, "And give me an even bigger space to clean up after you?" Her smile returned, "I would like that very much." When she noticed the he carried her past her room into his she looked at him curiously, "What are you doing Naruto-sama?"

Naruto set her down in his bed, "You said you missed me didn't you? So why would I make you sleep in your own room tonight?" He started taking his shirt off, "You're with me tonight, or do you mind?" He pulled his shirt off to see that Hamako had already shed her own clothing and was securely underneath the covers of the bed waiting for him, "Fast."

"Master." She said softly, "Come here and keep your servant company."

'I thought I was the one that was supposed to be giving orders?' Naruto thought to himself as he shed his pants and climbed into bed where Hamako immediately latched onto him, "You haven't done this in a while. And you still don't wear anything when you sleep."

Hamako looked up at him from where her head was on his chest, "My offer from the first night I spent with you still stands master. I have no issues with you taking advantage of my body if you wish."

Naruto felt her lovely breasts press against his bare torso and felt himself stiffen, "You have no issue, or you would love it if I did?" Okay was it him or did they grow since he had met her?

Hamako smiled sweetly, "A combination of the two if I were to be honest with you."

'She knows it would put a smile on her face for the rest of the month if I did.' Naruto thought to himself as he started rubbing the sides of Hamako's body. He locked eyes with hers, blue staring into amber, "And I did say that I would do anything you wanted tomorrow. I guess I can start that a little earlier than anticipated."

Lemon Start

Hamako smiled and pulled back the covers enough to reveal her nudity to him, "As you wish master. *giggle* Or as I wish in this case."

Naruto gave her a kiss before pulling away, "You're never going to stop with the master stuff are you? I think it's been turning you on all this time to be calling me that." He rolled her over onto her back where he began kissing his way down her jaw and neck.

Hamako mewled in pleasure as her hands roamed up and down Naruto's neck and back, "No, it was simply the proper way to refer to someone of your stature over me. You are my master by blood relation thus I have always and will always insist on calling you such." She let out small gasps when she felt Naruto biting down softly on the juncture between her neck and shoulder.

"It's a habit I can't break you of I guess." Naruto said, letting up from her for a moment only to feel Hamako making to remove his boxers, "You sure it hasn't been turning you on to call me that? Because you're kind of into it right now and we haven't even started yet." Instead of a verbal response, Hamako stroked his length softly. Man she had really soft hands.

"I don't know how well I'll do for my first time master." Hamako said, not able to take her eyes off of Naruto's cock, "But I'll do my best for you to enjoy it." She let out a squeak of surprise when she felt her legs pulled out from beneath her and blinked in confusion, "What's wrong?"

Naruto shook his head and began to softly massage Hamako's chest, "This isn't for me Hamako-chan. I'm going to enjoy it no matter what we end up doing. This is all for you, what do you want us to do?" Hamako had a heavy blush on her face as she turned her head to the side and mumbled something, "What was that?" He said, switching to playing with his female helper's nipples, "Speak up if you want something."

Hamako let out a moan before repeating what he had instructed her to, "I want you to make love to me Naruto-sama, not have sex with me, make love to me." She turned her eyes to his, "I want my first time to be really special, especially with you."

Naruto smiled warmly at the white-haired girl and leaned down towards her face, "I can make sure you remember it Hamako-chan, I'll make it as special as I can for you." He lowered his face the rest of the way and kissed the very receptive girl who had her arms wrapped around his head, pulling him close to her. Hamako opened her mouth, inviting Naruto's tongue inside, an invitation he accepted as they continued to kiss passionately.

They broke away and Naruto noticed the look of absolute delight in Hamako's eyes just from a kiss. Naruto looked at the body of Hamako as the moonlight through the shaded windows hit her and gave her an ethereal glow, "You're beautiful." Naruto traced a finger along her jaw, down her neck, chest, belly, and finally reached her soaked womanhood, "And you're very excited too."

"And you aren't?" Hamako bit back playfully, "Or is that the normal size that you walk around regularly with?" She gestured at his rock-hard member, "Because if you aren't even erect yet master then I'm kind of scared." She finished with a laugh.

Naruto rolled his eyes at her joke, "Yes, I'm very excited Hamako-chan, but there's something I want to do first." Naruto moved down her body and placed his hands on Hamako's knees, which instinctually closed when he moved towards her pussy. Naruto rolled his eyes, now was the time she actually chose to be shy about it, and gently parted her legs to take in the sight of his lovely servant fully.

"Please don't stare like that master." Hamako said, "It's embarrassing."

"Nothing to be embarrassed about." Naruto said in return, "You know I've always wanted to know just how sweet you really were Hamako-chan." He said with a grin.

"Ara?" Hamako muttered in confusion before she felt Naruto's tongue run along her private place. Hamako grabbed the bed sheets tightly as Naruto's tongue danced about inside of her. Her breaths started coming out in rather ragged pants as her legs wrapped around Naruto's head.

Naruto's oral fixation on Hamako didn't cease or slow an inch as he continued eating her out. His tongue darting in and out, he didn't even register it when Hamako's legs wrapped around his head and neck. For having such pretty, shapely legs they weren't as strong as he expected a kunoichi's legs to be due to Hamako not really training her body like one. If he had been doing this to someone like Tenten, Tayuya, Yugito, or any of the other ladies that were interested in him they might have severed his spinal cord while he had been doing it.

Naruto allowed enough room to start moving a finger in and out of Hamako's wet warmth. He licked his own lips as the sounds of her panting filled the room. As he lifted his head, continuing to finger her, even adding a second one much to her delight, he could not see her face due to her rather large mounds on her chest obscuring his view and rising and lowering to go with her breathing. His attention returned to her special spot when he made her shiver violently with the movement of his fingers.

He lowered his head back down and quickly found her clit which he began to suck and stimulate, getting a loud cry from Hamako. Hamako's eyes were shut tight as pleasure jolted all throughout her body. She grabbed a fist full of Naruto's hair with both hands, encouraging him to increase his tempo, "Naruto-sama I'm going to cum!" He didn't hear her or he didn't care because he stayed down there and allowed Hamako to scream his name as she finally let go and coated Naruto's lower face with her juices.

Naruto let Hamako splash his whiskered cheeks and licked what he could from the inside of her thighs as she slowly calmed down. Naruto's head popped up with a grin, "Well your disposition and your pussy have something in common Hamako-chan. You're both sweet."

Hamako smiled at her master and grabbed his arms to guide him back on top of her, "I'm ready for the real thing master." She adjusted her legs so that Naruto's pelvis was set right between them.

Naruto used the back of his hand to stroke her cheek, "You sure? We don't have anything here to keep you from getting pregnant."

"Oh it wouldn't bother me in the least if you did get me pregnant!" She said cheerfully, "But we do have something for that." Hamako tapped the emerald on the ever-present choker around her throat and made a few hand-seals before tapping it again. A rapid series of kanji appeared on it before disappearing, "There! Everything's fine."

Naruto poked at the choker around her throat, "A seal? You put a seal for birth control on the choker?"

Hamako nodded, "Yes, and many other kinds too. It's a fantastic medium. Such a good birthday gift master, it's so useful."

Naruto lowered his mouth and loudly sucked on Hamako's right breast, letting go with a loud pop, "You're welcome Hamako-chan. Now you said you were ready right?" He got an eager nod from the cheerful girl that brought a smile to his face. Naruto adjusted the tip of his penis at her wet entrance before slowly sliding inside. Hamako bit her lip and moaned softly until Naruto hit a barrier, "Virgin…" Naruto said lowly. He didn't want to hurt her, but from the look on her face she didn't care too much.

Hamako reached up and stroked Naruto's whisker marks lovingly, "Go ahead Naruto-sama. I trust you completely. I love you."

Naruto nodded down at her, "I love you too Hamako-chan." He kissed her hand and held on to her waist so that he could break her hymen in one motion. With one push forward he forced Hamako to cry out in pain. Naruto leaned over and kissed her lips, trying to quiet her whimpers. Hamako held back tears as Naruto whispered to her soothingly.

After a few moments the searing pain turned into a dull throbbing. Moving around herself a few times to see if everything was okay, Hamako whispered into Naruto's ear, "You can start moving now master." She said, licking her lips in anticipation now that the pain was subsiding.

Having been given the green light, Naruto started to rock his hips slowly back and forth, burying himself further and further into his beautiful attendant with each thrust. With each motion he heard Hamako moan into his ear and speak his name breathily as she wrapped her legs around his waist to push him deeper. The feeling of being inside of Hamako stirred something inside of Naruto and prompted him to steadily pick up the pace, drilling in and out of Hamako as her pants matched his rhythm.

Naruto pulled up from Hamako's grip and freed her legs from around his waist by grabbing her ankles. The cute look of confusion on her face when he held her legs apart by them soon turned into a face twisted in satisfaction as Naruto's speed picked up from the new angle he was using. Naruto was more or less hypnotized into keeping his rhythm by the bouncing of Hamako's generously gifted breasts.

Hamako turned her head side to side and bit down on one of her fingers as a loud moan escaped her. Naruto wasn't being gentle with her anymore and she couldn't care less. He was hitting her spot deep inside of her again and again and she absolutely loved it. She started putting her own hips into it and moving to meet him, increasing the intensity of the sex even further and getting a low grunt of effort from Naruto.

Hamako felt her vision haze over and started playing with her own nipples to stimulate herself further as she was brought closer and closer to climax. Naruto felt the girl tighten around him, signifying her release. The increased tension from Hamako's inner walls then proceeded to milk Naruto of his own cum, letting it coat her insides.

Naruto let Hamako's legs relax against his chest as they were both breathing hard from the sex. Despite her exhaustion and the sweat coating her form, Hamako had a look of complete satiation on her face, "I feel so full Naruto-sama. Thank you so much." She said in a tired voice.

Naruto slowly pulled out of her, relishing in the sound of her moan of disappointment once he freed his cock from inside of her. He could see some of their mixed juices leaking out of her pussy before she closed her legs. Naruto moved up the bed and lay down next to her, planting a soft kiss on her lips, "Don't thank me Hamako-chan. I enjoyed it just as much as you did. We'll have to do this again soon."

Hamako sighed in contentment and snuggled up to her blonde master, "Well you said that I have you all to myself to do whatever I want tomorrow. Right now this is what I want to do the most for the time being. I want more tomorrow."

Naruto laughed as he draped the covers over both of their bodies, "Whatever you want Hamako-chan."

XxX

(Four Days Later – 11 a.m.)

"Master, wake up. Come on Naruto-sama you have to get up."

Naruto opened his eyes to see a mop of red-hair on his chest and his own body sprawled out on a couch, "What the…" Naruto looked around to see a few bottles of sake on the floor around the couch, "Ugh. What happened?" He looked over at the door to the apartment to find Hamako standing there with her hands on her hips, "Hamako-chan?" He felt the person on his chest stir, "Tayuya-chan?"

Tayuya looked up at Naruto's face and held her head with a pained look on her face, "Uzumaki… What the hell did we do last night?"

Hamako walked over to the both of them who were still fully clothed much to Naruto's surprise as he could feel the effects of a hangover, "You, Naruto-sama, and all of Naruto-sama's friends went to a bar last night to celebrate him being done with his probationary status for jounin."

Tayuya's eyes widened in remembrance, "Oh yeah." She looked at Hamako, "You didn't go?"

"I don't like drinking." Hamako replied with a distasteful look, "I was kind of scared off of it when I saw a few people mix alcohol with experimental fuuinjutsu." She shivered in terror. "That's why I locked up all of the notes and supplies last night when you two left the complex. It seemed like the wisest course of action available at the time."

Naruto's brain was working in slow motion as it muddled through the leftover brain cells he killed last night. It was him, Tayuya, Sai, all of the rookie teams, all of Team Gai… and a lot of alcohol, mostly because he could afford enough for everyone ten times over and not even make a dent in his account so he paid for most of the drinks for everyone. He was generous like that.

And in gracious fashion, everyone got smashed, even Sakura who was the one who was most against it in the first place. Yeah, she loosened right up once she got a few in her. For sure.

Even Rock Lee. Once he was good and fully tied up by every dude in the building. Hands and legs… tied together… and he still wound up destroying two tables and part of the bar itself with the use of only his head before he finally blacked out much to everyone's relief. Lee was a mean drunk.

Even Sai… though nothing seemed to happen to him. He drank, he drank just as much as anyone else but when it was time to head home he didn't have a waver in his step at all. Damn Sai could hold his liquor.

As if remembering something interesting, Tayuya suddenly pointed at Naruto and smirked, "Ha ha, you made out with the girl with the buns in her hair last night."

Naruto raised an eyebrow, he did make out with Tenten. A lot, "You say that like it's a bad thing." A memory then triggered that got him to smirk right back, "I made out with you too Tayuya-chan, all the way back here apparently."

"Yes." Hamako said plainly as she put two glasses down in the kitchen and started fishing through the cabinets for some kind of medicine, "You did. And you probably would have done more if Tayuya-san hadn't passed out on top of you Naruto-sama."

"Ha!" Naruto said to a stunned Tayuya, not stunned because things might have gone further, she was actually kind of disappointed that they didn't, stunned because she passed out first, "You lightweight, you passed out first. I'm still the reigning champ." He looked at himself and saw that he was extremely dirty and disheveled, "I don't know why I look like this from making out though. Were you that rough with me?"

Ignoring his question and focusing more on his teasing of her ability to imbibe in the drink, Tayuya poked Naruto in the stomach, "We all don't fucking have demons stuck inside of us that help us process poisons and the effects of alcohol through our systems you fucking ass. If you didn't have the Kyuubi I would have put you down." She went back to holding her head, "Kami I feel like that fatass Jirobo tap-danced on my fucking head."

Hamako placed a glass of some orange substance in front of her face, "This should help with feeling in your head right now." Tayuya took it and she handed the other to Naruto who quickly drank it down and cringed for a moment, "Naruto-sama, there's a message for you to show up at Hokage-sama's office immediately for a mission."

"So today's finally the day?" Naruto groaned, moved Tayuya off of him and stood up, "Damn, is there time for me to at least wash up and change? I smell like a complete drunk right now."

Tayuya held the glass of what Hamako gave her in her hand, "You are a drunk Uzumaki, you just control yourself better than most. Get it through your head. You do this every time you're home. I don't see how Hamako here is even able to put up with taking care of your ass."

"So?" He said moving towards the bathroom, "I'm taking a shower and changing before I go. Tsunade-baachan is going to be pissed off even if I do show up on time because I smell like booze. So if I'm going to be in trouble no matter what I might as well smell fresh when I am and give the monster headache time to go away. Kyuubi better get to earning his rent."

"Fuck you ningen, I'm not the cure for all that ails you." Kyuubi mentally butted into Naruto's conversation vindictively.

'You are today.' Naruto shot back as he entered the bathroom and flipped the lights on.

Tayuya finished downing Hamako's apparent remedy and cringed like Naruto did at the taste, all she knew was that crap better have worked, "Aw hell… I have a mission today too. I might as well go and shower for that too. I would get in with Uzumaki, but that would just end up making us later." Tayuya said with a sheepish grin.

Hamako smiled at Tayuya, "I hope you feel better Tayuya-san." Tayuya let out a grunt of acknowledgment once she reached the front door. Hamako turned towards the bathroom and called out, "Master I'll help you. You'll take too long otherwise. I think you only have a few minutes to be there anyway."

XxX

(Two Hours Later)

Naruto stepped into Tsunade's office with a huge grin on his face only to be forced to duck a paperweight thrown at his head. He looked at Tsunade who still had her arm outstretched from the throw, "Brat there had better be a good reason you're late."

Naruto grinned to himself once more before it faded, it would only get him into more trouble, "I could tell you the reason and you could get even more pissed off at me or I could say I'm sorry and it won't happen again and we can drop it." He didn't feel like telling Tsunade that a shower had turned into him having sex with Hamako for well over an hour and forced him to take another shower lest he smell like Hamako once he got there and get hit for real.

"Fine." Tsunade said, "We're just waiting on someone else and you can be briefed on what you're doing. You're to work under this person on this assignment." That got his attention. He was a jounin and was supposed to work under this person instead of with this person.

A moment later found Jiraiya jumping through the window with a grin, "Tsunade-hime! You left the window open for me this time! I knew you cared!"

Tsunade sighed, "Just get on with it and tell the brat what you two are doing."

Naruto looked between the two sannin, "I'm with Ero-kyofu on this one?" Naruto said before shrugging, it sounded good to him, "So what's up? What are we getting into this time?"

Tsunade was listening clearly as she wasn't sure what this one would be all about either. All she knew was that it was to be something of a reconnaissance mission. Jiraiya's face was gravely serious, "I've found the base of operations for Akatsuki."

Naruto and Tsunade both showed clear shock at what Jiraiya had just said. Tsunade spoke, "That's great!" Then the reality of it hit her, "Wait, why do you two have to go? It's too dangerous, let me send someone else."

Jiraiya shook his head, "Can't do it Tsunade-hime. Nothing spoils quicker than information and you can be sure we won't have a surefire window to enter the village for long. Besides, the only people you have in Konoha good enough to get in are me and the gaki. You know what I can do, and the brat's proven he can do it by repeatedly sacking Orochimaru's bases right from the heart again and again. Since he was eight I should add."

Naruto glared lightly at the perverted man, "You still screwed me over in that one. Who fucking blows up an entire section of the base during a reconnaissance mission?"

Jiraiya rolled his eyes, "Get over it gaki. Things are on the up and up now aren't they?"

Naruto didn't let it drop, "No, you never explained this to me, I want to know. What in Kami's name possessed you into thinking that was a good idea?"

Jiraiya rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "I wanted to leave with a bang…"

Naruto palmed his face, "The entire point is to make sure no one knows you were there stupid… Sometimes I forget you're a sannin, I swear." Jiraiya rapped Naruto on the back of the head, "Oi! I will break my foot off in your ass Ero-kyofu!"

Jiraiya got into Naruto's face, "Come and try it gaki! You're still ten years too soon to even be in my league!"

Naruto pushed right back, "You want to test that out? You feeling froggy Ero-sennin?"

"I summon toads you idiot!" Jiraiya cracked back, "Are you sure you have the brain power to be a jounin? You seem to be back to your stupid twelve year old self."

The two were stopped by Tsunade's fists neatly depositing them onto the ground, "Both of you shut up and be serious!"

Naruto pulled himself to a seated position, "Ow, damn Baa-chan. But yeah, Ero-kyofu's right. We can handle this, and besides, who else could you send that actually knew what to look for and could actually pull it off?"

A frown came to Tsunade's face, "I really don't like this you two. This is a little too close to the hornet's nest, don't you think?"

Naruto shrugged his shoulders, "It's no different than running around Orochimaru and his cronies on eggshells inside of those rat nests he calls hidden villages, but this time I have more room to move about and I don't think we'll be there for over half a year this time."

Jiraiya nodded in agreement, "He's right Tsunade-hime, it'll be a quick in and out to confirm some things and that will be that. Like the leader of the entire organization." His face turned serious again, "Apparently the man's name is Pein. The entire village sees the man as a god of sorts."

Naruto scoffed, "Sounds like another case of that S-ranked arrogance again."

"Quiet Naruto." Jiraiya said, "But yeah Tsunade, anyway, we'll be there for a moment to confirm this and that, maybe get some new information or see if they've bolstered their rankings since super-gaki here keeps taking them out one by one."

"Hey…" Naruto said, "What about Hidan's head? You've had that for a good month now. Have you gotten anything out of him yet?"

Tsunade shook her head, "He's unbreakable brat. Even Inoichi can't get too far to get anything on the group out of him, and since his head is gone and he's probably in screaming pain every second of his existence there isn't anything we can do to persuade him any further that way."

"Fuck." Naruto said, "I thought I had something this time."

Jiraiya ruffled Naruto's head after standing back up, "Well that's what we're leaving for. Rest assured we're coming back with something big. Count on it."

Tsunade looked away from the both of them, "Just… Just be careful you two. Don't get yourselves killed out there. I need you two here."

Naruto grinned at her, "No worries Baa-chan, I can't die yet right?" He pulled her necklace out from his flak jacket, "I've still got to prove that little curse of your wrong don't I? I'll keep Ero-kyofu out of trouble, don't you worry."

Jiraiya put Naruto in a headlock, "Really you cheeky punk? Don't you worry Tsunade-hime, I'll keep the kid from biting off more than he can chew. We'll be back before you know it, driving you crazy in no time."

Tsunade smiled at both of them, "Very well. Naruto Uzumaki, Jiraiya, do you two accept the S-ranked reconnaissance mission to the village of Amegakure no Sato?"

Jiraiya smirked, "Of course. I was the one that suggested it after all."

Naruto grinned, "You've got it. I'm at your command Baa-chan, you know that."

Tsunade nodded at both of them, "Then proceed with caution. I want both of you coming back from this one, or else I'll drag you two from hell just so I can kill you myself." With that, the two of them left the office through the window as both of them were prone to do. As she watched the two of them walk down the street towards the exit of the village she couldn't help a feeling of foreboding that crept through her person, "Please come back from this."

XxX

(Two Days Later – Kusa no Kuni)

Naruto and Jiraiya were hitching a ride on an ox cart heading through the country towards Kusagakure. Naruto footed the bill due to Jiraiya not carrying any cash on him… ever apparently, but Naruto was of course still loaded from the bounty on Sasori… he hadn't been able to turn Hidan's head in yet. The would have to hop off sooner or later lest they get too close to the village, be forced to answer some rather unsavory questions, and blow their cover before they even got close to getting started.

"So Ero-kyofu." Naruto started, "Why are we heading through Kusa no Kuni instead of just heading right through the country Ame is in? We directly border it so what's with taking the roundabout way?"

Jiraiya smirked at his godson, "Naruto, you should develop a more worldly taste for something other than the women that you care for." He ducked a swing at his head, "Though I have to say I am proud of you on that front, you're almost like me in that regard; making ladies swoon worldwide." He ducked another swing.

"Bite me, I don't make anyone swoon." Naruto growled, "But when I went to Otogakure I didn't take the long way and I got in just fine."

Jiraiya leaned back in the cart, "That's because you didn't know exactly where it was but the country was well documented, you could afford to go straight to it once you had the exact location since you had been briefed on the country in general and could aptly sneak around because you knew for the most part what was there, I know because that's how I found it the first time. We don't have that luxury this time around. Can you tell me why?"

Naruto nodded, "Amegakure's supposed to be in the middle of a civil war. It was like that when I was in Root. Ame was always supposed to be a dead zone. He always told me no matter what I was doing, no matter how safer it seemed than running back to Konoha, I was never supposed to go into that country, ever, I was supposed to go around and stay the fuck away at all costs. He never told me why though. A civil war shouldn't have been any of my business right?" Naruto asked rhetorically, "All I know is that it was the only place Danzo ever told me to stay away from with no exceptions."

Jiraiya looked at Naruto as he spoke, "The old one-eye gave you some damn good advice kid. That place is locked down so tight by the guy that runs it that if you bit off a hangnail while you were anywhere in the vicinity he'd know it and bust you for 'littering'."

"Sanshouo no Hanzo (Hanzo of the Salamander)." Naruto said, "Yeah I know who it is. It's one of the few people Danzo ever cursed verbally for being a 'fucking fool' in his words. Do you know how hard it is to hear Danzo-jiji curse someone out and not laugh your ass off when you're eight?"

Jiraiya blocked a snort at thinking of uptight Danzo cursing at or about anything, "Why does the old mummy have a problem with Hanzo?"

Naruto frowned, "Before I was born I guess, Hanzo must have done something stupid that really pissed Danzo-jiji off because I heard him curse him out every day month for one reason or another... most of the time Danzo wasn't even talking about Hanzo at the time. I called him senile on it like seven different times." Jiraiya started snickering, "I'm glad you think it's was so funny. Because I didn't think it was when he would 'spar' with me after I said it. That old son of a bitch can seriously fight. He's really good enough to be Hokage if for nothing else than the ability to fight."

Jiraiya was skeptical, "He's an old geezer with one eye and one good arm, and you were eight at the oldest."

"Yeah I was just an eight year old." Naruto said cynically, "I was an eight year old good enough to fight all of Orochimaru's elites at the same time and live without the conscious use of my biju, and did I mention the biju? Yeah, because if you didn't know I have a biju." Naruto looked up at the progressively cloudy sky, "Danzo is most certainly not weak, no way in hell. And if you somehow found a way to beat him, in the end his wily old ass would find a way to take you with him… and that's exactly how he taught me to fight."

Naruto raised a fist to the sky that blocked the specs of sunlight peeking through the clouds, "Win if you can, lose if you absolutely must, but failure is not an option, keep your goal in sight. You don't fail. Not in Root. No, you finish what you start, and you don't need to survive to complete a mission if it's important enough."

Jiraiya looked at the sky as they were nearing the point of crossing over into Ame. They would have to get off soon, it was nearly time to get started, 'It's been so long since I was last here…' He looked over at Naruto who was still looking at the sky himself, 'With my first students.' Jiraiya spoke, "Yeah, kid… That's actually some damn good advice."

Omake 1

Shino had taken to going inside of the Forest of Death every now and then to study the large insect samples that the forest had to offer. The place had interested him when he had first come through in his first Chunin Exam, but not only was it a free-for-all deathmatch section of the examination, his team had flown through it so fast he didn't have time to do anything or look at anything, and without a team to watch over him he didn't feel safe heading back in until now. He was a chunin and had been through it before so he should have been fine.

Shino was currently studying a giant leech that he was very familiar with, as they had been the direct catalyst to his team getting a scroll quickly and easily and getting through the forest so quickly. The forest really wasn't as scary as everyone said it was… he didn't see what the big deal was.

Other than the rustling of nearby animals it was a very peaceful place. There were sounds of far off conflict between the more violent denizens of the forest he assumed, but it didn't bother him. It wasn't his problem.

"Fuck!"

That was the only indication of warning Shino had before a human sized blur flew into his general area and obliterated the trunk of a nearby tree with its body. Shino noticed that the leeches had been disturbed and were swiftly fleeing from something, more than likely whatever had just landed in their vicinity. Perturbed by the disruption of his favorite activity, Shino walked over in that area before the figure stood up.

"Goddamn it, their teamwork is better now, and since when could they spit their poison out at stuff?" Naruto yelled, brandishing his sword wantonly. His body was covered in scuffs and his clothing was splotched with a strange colored blood, "I'm making them evolve just by fighting them! I don't know if I should be nervous or if I should publish a journal!"

"Naruto-san?" Shino asked as he got closer, "What are you doing here?"

Naruto turned to face him and his face paled, "Shino…" He said carefully, "What are you doing here? No one comes this far in here… except me and Anko-chan… and even she's having second thoughts these days."

Shino's hands were placed in his pockets as he looked at Naruto through his sunglasses, his entire body concealed by his clothing, "I am here to study the insect life found inside of the forest. The specimens are very interesting. You can't find anything like them anywhere else in the world."

"Tell me about it." Naruto said with a deadpan face, "But seriously, we need to get the hell out of here. If you're here then I can't leave you by yourself or I might get you killed somehow." He ran over to Shino and started pushing him, "Come on, go, go, go. Things were bad enough with just me, now I need to get you out too."

"Am I aware of the dangers of the forest Naruto-san? Yes, of course I am." Shino dug his heels into the ground, but Naruto was physically stronger than him by a lot, "What exactly is this all about?"

"Oh no you're not. No you're fucking not, I'm saying that right now you are not aware of how messed up this place is. I'll tell you more later, but right now we need to get moving." Naruto said, "They are smart, they are fast, they are agile, and they are everywhere."

Shino cocked his eyebrow and looked over his shoulder, "What is everywhere?"

A hissing noise prompted both of them to turn around and see a group of slowly advancing giant spiders, stalking towards them, fangs moving about and dripping venom.

"That's what's everywhere." Naruto said, sword out in front and ready for anything, "So how about it Shino? You ready to get moving or would you like to stay back and use your insects to help me fight these things for a bit?" Naruto turned his head to Shino behind him, "Shino?"

'Shino' didn't respond. Instead he simply turned into a mass of kikaichu and flew away faster than any other time Naruto had seen the bugs move, "Mushi Bunshin no Jutsu (Bug Clone Jutsu)…" Naruto said with a sweatdrop, "That was good, I didn't even feel him do the replacement." The hissing of the spiders brought Naruto back to the brevity of the situation, "You still could have stayed back and helped me asshole!" Was the last thing Naruto said before he once again found himself locked into a life or death struggle with the most devastating denizens of the Forest of Death.

It would be a long time before Shino even thought about venturing back to the Forest of Death again. Was he a coward by nature? Of course he wasn't.

Was he fucking terrified of normal spiders, let alone the fucking massive, steroid-riddled ones Naruto had haphazardly introduced him to that day? Who wouldn't be?

…Especially a guy that used insects to do anything battle oriented.

Omake 2

Naruto sat down on the ground in the middle of the sparring ring in the Hyuuga Clan compound, "Okay Neji… you're way better than you used to be for sure."

Neji himself was taking a long drink of water after their heated spar, "I couldn't let you stay as far ahead of me as you were when we last fought Naruto. But I believe if you weren't afraid of the repercussions of causing property damage you could have won decisively."

Naruto scoffed, "Like I'm really going to pay for destroying half of the buildings surrounding the ring because I wanted to win a spar. You Hyuugas have a sparring area in the middle of the compound because you guys don't have any techniques that could wind up taking out half of the area if it misfired. I'm not that subtle in major fights."

"Yes, I'm painfully aware of that fact." Neji said with a dry look on his face, "But Byakugan and use of the Jyuuken is a very subtle art Naruto. Our eyes allow us to see everything clearly and gives us the ability to strike truer than anyone else without the need for widespread mass destruction."

Naruto nodded and caught the bottle of water that Neji threw to him, "A nice little kekkei genkai I have to say." He took a sip before putting on a thinking expression, "Hey, you guys can see through pretty much anything right?"

Neji nodded, "Yes, it's how I can see your chakra pathways. We can see through most solid objects and control the intensity of the effect."

"Huh…" Naruto stroked his chin, "So that would mean clothes too right?" Neji blushed at Naruto's implication, "Man Ero-sennin probably would have killed for some Hyuuga eyes at one point, those sound tailor-made for him. But that certainly explains something."

Neji put as straight a face on as he could given the nature of the conversation, "What would that be?"

Naruto grinned, "It certainly explains one of the reasons Hinata had a crush on me for so long. She could obviously see what I was packing when I was a kid and was thoroughly impressed."

Silence reigned between the two jounin for the longest time as business as usual carried on for the multiple other Hyuuga Clan members walking around the compound, oblivious to the actual conversation going on between their young genius and the village's jinchuuriki.

"Hakke Kuushou (Eight Trigrams Empty Palm)!"

Neji shot off a vacuum shell type attack at Naruto and sent him flying hard into the wall nearby the sparring ring hard. Naruto slumped to the ground against the wall, rubbing the back of his head, "Damn, why didn't you hit like that during the actual fight?"

"Hakke Hasangeki (Eight Trigrams Mountain Crusher)!"

Neji got in Naruto's face and launched a harsh wave of chakra from his palm, obliterating the wall behind him and turning it to rubble. He narrowed his Byakugan activated eyes in anger when he found a smashed up log where Naruto should have been and turned to the side.

"What was that all about Neji?" Naruto said from nearby where Neji was looking, relatively unscathed, "It was a theory. A theory I can't prove… or could I? Hmm." Naruto stroked his chin again before pointing at Neji with a serious look on his face, "Where is your cousin? I can get to the bottom of this right now."

"Die!" Neji shouted as he began chasing after Naruto with murder in his eyes, firing off a Hakke Kuushou every now and then and missing, "Hold still and die Naruto!"

Naruto laughed maniacally as he and Neji dodged the shell-shocked Hyuuga denizens that cleared the way for them as they sprinted through the compound, "Better men than you have tried Neji! And I'm not paying for any of that by the way!"

The two continued the chase until rounding a corner where they stopped abruptly on a dime as if nothing had been happening. The reasoning being that the head of the clan, Hiashi Hyuuga was out for a walk with his two daughters Hinata and Hanabi.

Neji quickly bowed to cover his tracks over the mayhem they had been causing all over the compound, "Good afternoon Hiashi-sama, Hinata-sama, Hanabi-sama."

"Good afternoon Neji." The man replied stoically. Damn, did everyone except Hinata have that same dull tone with everything they said?

"Good afternoon Neji-niisan." Hinata said to him. Ah that was more like it. She did have a rather sweet voice. She blinked once she realized who else was there, "Naruto-kun? What are you doing here?"

Naruto had a straight face as he was simply playing up the tone set by Hiashi and Neji, "Oh I just came here to spar with Neji for a bit. He was seeing me out like a good host." Naruto could feel the low killing intent coming from Neji who obviously still wanted to take a swing at him as he spoke.

"Yes." Neji almost growled out, "We must be on our way now." With that, the two Konoha jounin walked past the clan head and the two heiresses and continued on their way. Naruto looked over his shoulder to see Hinata doing the same, looking at each other. Naruto grinned at her, getting her to turn back around abruptly, possibly to hide a blush. Naruto then took advantage of the moment and let his eyes linger on Hinata a bit longer, "Stop staring at her or I'll stop your heart right here, right now."

Naruto did not do as instructed, "Man I wish I had Byakugan."

Omake 3

Kiba was sitting at the bar laughing loudly as he and the others were having fun, "Naruto get off of Tenten and get over here already! You two have been over there for fifteen minutes!"

Naruto forced Tenten off of his lips and tried speaking as she kissed any part of his face she could get to, "I think Tenten-chan's had enough. Someone should take her home and I don't mean me. If I did it I don't think I'd be able to leave."

"So?" Kiba roared across the bar at the blonde, "Sounds good to me."

Naruto responded as Tenten finally passed out in his lap, "No, I make it a personal bylaw to avoid hooking up with drunk chicks… even ones that are hot and I already know like me." Naruto shakily formed a hand-seal and a Kage Bunshin formed in front of him, "Take Tenten-chan home, and don't drop her." He looked at the Kage Bunshin swaying on its feet, "Great, you're fucking drunk too."

"I may be drunk boss, but you're ugly." The clone said, pointing a swaying finger at Naruto, "And tomorrow I'll be sober… but you'll still be ugly."

The bar started snickering at Naruto and his clone as the original just stared at his creation before dispelling it, "Fucking smartass." He formed another one and gave it an order before it could speak, "Take Tenten, don't drop her, and shut the hell up."

The clone leveled a drunken glare at Naruto before taking Tenten off of his hands and stumbling out the door with the bun-haired chunin in its arms. Naruto walked over to the others and steadied himself on the bar where Tayuya shoved a small shot in his face, "Wuh?"

Tayuya had a heavy drunk blush on her face, "Here Uzumaki-shithead. Drink this, it's called zamuki, zazuki, zensuki…"

The bartender Ren answered for her, "Zambuki."

Tayuya gestured towards him, "Right! Zabunuki! Anyway, drink it."

Naruto shrugged and threw it back, smacking his lips at the taste, "That's spicier than a motherfucker! Give me some more of that Ren." Ren did as instructed and watched Naruto throw them back as soon as he was able to put them down.

"Go Uzumaki!" Tayuya shouted.

The others gathered around and watched Naruto drink sixteen of the shots before he hit the bar with his palm, "That's really good! What's it supposed to be?"

Ren smirked, "A shot of whiskey and pure caffeine."

"Well whatever it is." Naruto said, having completely ignored Ren, "It finished the job." He said, balancing against Tayuya, "I'm fucked up. I'm really fucked up. I think I'm done."

"Take me home Uzumaki-shithead." Tayuya muttered as she draped herself over Naruto's back, "And don't take advantage of me… or do. I don't care as long as you get me home."

Naruto bid one last inebriated goodbye to everyone in the bar before he and Tayuya slogged home.

XxX

(One Hour Later – 2 a.m.)

Tayuya was draped across Naruto's chest, "You know what we haven't done in a long time Uzumaki?" Tayuya said in a husky voice.

Naruto looked extremely wired as his eyes darted around the room and his body was steadily shaking, seemingly unable to stay still, "What Tayuya-chan? What, what, what? What is it? Is it fun? Huh?" He said in a rapid, slurred voice.

"It is. I like it, and you seem to like it too." Tayuya smirked and began kissing Naruto who eagerly kissed back. Tayuya let out a sharp cry of surprise when she felt Naruto spank her but started to moan when she felt Naruto massage where he had struck her.

The kiss carried on for four minutes, until Naruto realized that Tayuya was unconscious. "Fuck." Naruto said to himself as he shifted the redhead to the side of the couch and got up, "What the fuck is wrong with me? I know I'm fucked up but I can't pass out." He ran around the couch a few times, "I know, some exercise should get the rest out of me." Naruto started doing jumping jacks.

XxX

(One Hour Later – 3 a.m.)

"Fuck!" Naruto said to himself, "I've done like a million goddamn jumping jacks and I still feel fine!"

"What a glorious morning for youth!"

Naruto ran to his door and went outside to see Gai on a brisk run around Konoha… on his hand, "Gai what are you doing? Huh? Huh? Huh?" Before Gai could respond, Naruto shrugged and jumped to the ground before standing on his own hands, "Whatever it is, I'm in too!" With that, Naruto started rapidly walking down the street on his hands.

Tears sprang from Gai's eyes, "I've finally found someone youthful enough to partake in my early, early morning exercises! If it's a challenge you want Naruto-kun it's a challenge you'll get! Explode with the power of youth!" Gai yelled before rushing away on his hands to catch up to Naruto.

XxX

(Two Hours Later – 5 a.m.)

Naruto let out a low groan as he limped back into his apartment with scuff marks all over his body and collapsed on the couch next to Tayuya. The girl crawled on top of him and snuggled close to him before both of them broke into a cacophony of snores.