Chapter 10: A Beam of Joy

Maxx’s POV

I looked at him. I saw the way his hair fell across his face, and I wanted to feel it between my fingers. In all honesty, I sort of wanted to taste it, which was weird. Above all, I wanted to kiss him.

I refrained, because it seemed like maybe he wasn’t ready for that.

Never mind that I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it either.

I chided myself out of that thought. I hadn’t known AJ for very long at all, but I knew him well all the same. He was young, maybe even really young. And emotional, too. I loved him for it, but it was part of what made him so unsure. Insecurity was AJ’s thing, not mine.

There just hadn’t ever been room in my life for indecision. So I changed my language to let myself know that I was ready to connect further with my mate. I was even excited to get to know him more. I wanted to explore physical intimacy with him (he was SO cute!), but I also just wanted to get to know more about that complex little brain of his.

It seemed like it had an awful lot going on.

“Thanks.” AJ said, in response to my attempts at comforting him. I hadn’t ever needed to comfort a mate before. Glad to see I was doing at least okay.

“Thank you.” I replied. I was trying to lay some conversational bait.

“For what?”

Got ‘em. I gave AJ the most casual, comfortable shrug in all the land. “For being here.”

Hook, line, and sinker. That was a smooth line. I knew it, and judging from AJ’s bashful, shy glance away from me, he knew it too.

But I did become aware that I was maybe laying it on a bit too thick. I let go of his shoulders and decided to pump the breaks. If AJ was nervous, then I was excited. I just didn’t want to go too fast. He was cute, but skittish. While I was confident that I had him (with the power of the mate bond behind us, our relationship seemed like a done deal), a part of me was also a little bit concerned that he’d been intending to run away.

It was a difference in posture, a slight shuffle of his feet. One of the first things taught while sparring—and to me it had come quite intuitively—was to watch for your opponent’s hips. Misdirection was one thing, but no matter where the limbs were planted, it was the hips which directed the core of it all. Hips facing to the right? Better get ready for the fake-out. It worked almost every time.

It was sad to say, but AJ’s hips, along with the majority of his core, was ever so tilted off toward the side. If I hadn’t known what to look for, I’d say his stance was nervous, and call it a day. But I recognized the signs. The rules for how people behaved remained largely the same, whether it was in a fight, or if it was two mates alone in the woods.

The backdrop of rays of light filtering through the trees AJ’s concerned eyes quite well. I’d have captured the scene in a painting if I’d had the time. Or the artistic knowledge. Point being, I found him stunning.

Even if he was on the verge of running away.

If he did run, I’d chase after him. If he got away, then I’d find him. Unless he needed space, in which case I would give it to him, but I would try never to stray too far away. I had found my AJ—or, rather, he had found me. I didn’t want us to become unfound any time soon.

In a show of good faith that he wouldn’t bolt (not to mention that I didn’t have any right to control his actions in the first place), I took a handful of small steps back. I wanted to give him space in case he was feeling too overwhelmed.

It was just enough distance to fully appreciate how nervous he looked. Hopefully it was also the right amount of distance for him to see how understanding I was trying to be.

“You doing okay?” I asked him.

“Y- yeah. I think I am.” AJ said. He shuffled his feet again.

“You don’t need to be nervous.” I wanted it to be comforting or encouraging, but I feel like it came out a little flat.

Thankfully AJ didn’t seem to mind. “It’s okay. This is just new to me, that’s all.”

I smiled. “It’s new to me too. I’ve never had a mate before.”

“But for me it’s—wait, really? Not even a normal girlfriend or anything?”

It was cute that he assumed I wouldn’t normally have been into guys. “Nope. Nobody has ever caught my eye before. You’d be my first.”

I didn’t love how open ended I left that, but it spilled out of my mouth. It could be taken any number of ways. He’d be my first what, exactly? Then again, for being a vague thing to say, it was also accurate.

AJ was going to be be my first everything, really.

“… me either.” AJ said, sheepish and small.

I had guessed as much. “In which case, we’ll figure it out together. Sound good?”

I extended my hand again, to continue our walk through the woods. AJ started to reach for it, then stopped. He looked at the ground, and the distance between us. His eyes darted the gap, as though wrestling with himself over making the decision of a lifetime.

Do it. Come on, you brave little wolf. It’s just me, AJ. It’s safe. You can do it. I believe in you. Everything is going to be okay.

It was already clear to me that AJ was skittish about touch. If he took a step closer to me, let alone if he closed the distance and fell into my arms—it could be the decision of a lifetime indeed. It would be huge for him, not to mention it would be huge for us.

I saw him deciding if he could trust me. He was also deciding whether or not he could trust himself.

I could hardly breathe as I waited. The anticipation was too strong. I wanted him to come closer, and I knew that he could. He was on the verge of making the choice, and any moment now—

He did it. He came in closer to me, and after the first footstep the others followed in suit.

I gave the broadest smile in the world as AJ wrapped his arms around me. I returned the embrace in kind.

The mate bond between us indicated that the Moon Goddess had chosen for us to be together. But I knew AJ’s actions just now had meant he, also, had chosen me.