Cursed knowledge

Pov Kurumi

Opening my eyes abruptly , I am greeted by the sight of the dark ceiling of my new room . Due to the fact that it seems to be still late at night , the room itself is dark . Only thanks to the light from the streetlights coming into the room through , red , thin curtains was it possible to see the general shapes in the room .

Taking a few breaths to calm down after this nightmare , I look at the object weighing down the left side of my chest . It was Emerald's head , she was sleeping peacefully snuggled into me , I felt that my left hand was firmly pinched in her grasp as her head rested on the left half of my chest . Focusing then on the soft thing pressed against the right side of my head and face , I guessed quite quickly and accurately that this thing , was Neo's chest .

I felt that Neo's arms embrace my shoulders , while pressing my body against her's . In this position I could feel and hear Neo heartbeat and breath hitting the top of my head . In addition to this physical contact, which made us all warm, my nose caught the minty scent of Emerald's hair and the rather peculiar smell of Neo's body cream . To be honest I felt really good in this position , but unfortunately I was not in the mood to enjoy it .

Because of the nightmare from a moment ago my whole body was shaking . I felt the sweat not caused by heat but by fear , running down my goosebump-covered , skin . Despite my condition , I tried to calm down so as not to awaken any of them . I know them and I know how both of them can be sensitive during sleep .And I know it is related to me , I know well that Neo likes to take care of me every time I have a nightmare . The same thing has been happening to Emerald lately .

However, calming down is not easy for me .... The whole thing is not easy . These nightmares are caused by the events of that day . From the moment I woke up in the clock store , where I was taken right after I took Neo out of the way of the bullet trajectory and then pass out , I tried to hide what happened then . The truth is that no one but me knows what happened, but I know .... And that makes me close to falling apart .

I don't want others to know anything . At least when I don't put everything together myself ... All the knowledge I received at that moment make me not know what to feel . Most of the time, however, I feel terrible while thinking about this . I am just not able to cope with what I have learned . Everything I knew about myself was a lie ..... While looking in the mirror I don't recognize myself.

Looking in the mirror and remembering the way " I " was created , I see only a disgusting monstrosity who stole the body of a dead child . And yes , I know that I am and at the same time I am not that child ... I just don't know what to feel about myself . I live in a reanimated body of an already dead person and my soul consists of three dead people .

However, this thought is not as frightening as the thought of how will others react when they find out about , the truth I am hiding inside me . After all it also has huge complications for my friendship with Neo and Emerald . With a secret like mine it's hard to even look them in the eye . Let alone develop our relationship further . I know what Neo and Emerlad feel to me , I am not stupid or blind enough not to notice their behavior . However ...

' What would Neo and Emerald do if they found out ... ? '

Thinking about it , I am not sure of the answer .

' How would they reactreact to the fact that I have two old souls inside me ... The original Kurumi was seventeen years old when she became a spirit and then lived as a spirit for quite a long time , I saw part of her memories but I did not see how she really died or what happened to her. '

' Still, inferring from everything I saw the original Kurumi was no younger than fifty-five before her soul was used to create me. As for the soul of this boy ? He was nineteen years old , so I have a good seventy-four years of memories in my head . '

Of course it's not that I feel like I experienced all that they did in their lifetime , I watched it rather in the form of a film that I can not forget now . But still ..... There are these few memories of their lives that I myself felt on my own skin ..... '

Thinking about it I wonder how uncomfortable Neo and Emerald would have to feel if they found out that in spirit I am closer to big mom's age than theirs . Of course it's not that I feel old ..... It's just that it's hard for me to realize who I am? I may have been created from three souls , but the degree of their proportion is not equal . How much is me in me ? Which of the combined souls in me represents the most of me ? Am I really myself ? Or perhaps , a bigger part of me is the original Kurumi Tokisaki ?

' Besides that , my identity and origin , is not even the worst part of my secret . I believe that Neo and Emerald would be able to accept who I am . But if they found out that perhaps their lives had been manipulated so that we would meet , they would not be happy . How on earth would I even explain this to them ? '

Thinking about it another inconvenient truth pushes against my brain . That day it was not just the memories that struck my mind , rather the very purpose for which they struck it was also a serious blow to me . There is a purpose in my creation , the same purpose that the older version of me probably had . This purpose of my existence is another crap that demolishes the basis of the world I know . So far , I have time before I have to do something in the step of its fulfillment , but I do not know what I will do when that time comes .

However, from the awareness of this task I know that an older version of me , or should I say , I from another timeline , which until my " awakening " was just me from the future , controlled every event in my life , so that it agrees with the previously planned path .

' From the huntress who raised me , through all the moments in which only my " luck " allowed me to survive , to the important information I heard on the street , which allowed me to go to the pawn shop or meet Neo ... All this is her work .'

' My whole life has been and probably still is manipulated . The same is probably true for the lives of Neo and Emerald , whose fates came together with me at one point . How much of their lives happened because of manipulation to make their fates merge with mine ? What would their lives have been like , if not for my existence ?'

With this thought another flash of memories and the truth of my existence pierced my head like an arrow , causing emotional pain , with which , appeared headache and lower abdomen pain . Feeling the need to get to the toilet and then get some fresh air to think , keeping calm so as not to wake the girls , I slowly pull out both hands , which they hold in their embrace .

In the case of Neo , who held my right palm between her thighs , pulling out my hand was not difficult . The fine sweat between her legs made it easy for me to just slip my hand out. The problem was Emerald , because when her head lay on my chest , her hands in a hug clipped my left hand to her chest . At that time , my left palm , as with Neo was between her thighs

This certainly made it difficult for me to get out ..... However , this is not the first time I have been in this situation . For this reason , if I didn't have my own way to get out , my nightly visits to the toilet would be impossible .

Blowing a little air into the hair on Emerald's temple , I make one of her hands head to scratch that spot . Taking advantage of the weakness in her grip , with the help of the sweat on her and my body , I pull my hand from her grasp . At this point I had to act quickly to prevent Emerald from hugging me around the waist .

Exploiting the free movement of my right hand .... Constrained only in my shoulders by the Neo embrace . I gently touch the back of Emerald's head to gently pull her off my chest , this certainly increases the risk of her waking up or trying to recovery bodily contact with me.

However , unable to do anything about it I focus on Neo , to get out of bed as quickly as possible to prevent this . From Neo's embrace I wanted to simply slip out from underneath , unfortunately it turned out that somehow Neo had put her lower hand through both arm holes in my top .

With no other option, I slipped out of my top, thus leaving my chest for the world to see . But this didn't really bother me because the only people who could see me now were Neo and Emerald. And they saw a lot more than my chest.

Not risking being caught again by a sleeping Emerald or Neo , who was already holding my top under her nose . I slid under our cover , of course in doing so I made sure not to lift it too much in the process so as not to wake them up with the cold .

Then , under the cover where the air was permeated with the scent of Neo and Emerald , I slowly and carefullys , moved to the foot of the bed , where I had enough space to get out from under the cover . Getting out of bed , I put my bare feet on the soft , white and pink , furry rug located across the floor of our new room .

In terms of its size, the room was no different from what we had in the basement . However, unlike the sometimes stuffy and dreary bunker , this room has two windows located on the wall to the left of the bed . The wall opposite the wall with windows has a door and a large closet.

On both sides of the bed, by the headboard, which itself has a built-in shelf on which to lay our personal belongings such as scrolls and documents, there are two bedside tables. Even in the legs of the bed there is a dresser .

In the future we planned to put on this dresser a double-sided holographic TV, which would allow us to watch TV from both sides. From the bed and from the couch located on the wall opposite the bed . In front of the couch itself is a small table placed there to fill the space . In the corner of the room , between the wall with windows and the wall with the couch is a scratching post with a small built-in house in which the cat sleeps .

Without waking anyone , which was easy thanks to the carpets on the floor , I went to the headboard of the bed , on which there is a shelf where I put my scroll . Leaning over I took my scroll and walked over to the closet . Gently and soundlessly sliding the closet door , I took from inside one shirt , which I will be able to put on myself later .

Then going to the door, I left the room to go to the room next door, where there was a newly renovated bathroom, where I first took care of my "bleeding" and then put on a shirt. While I was in the bathroom, I did not forget to look at the time on my scroll. As I guessed it was still the middle of the night , and it was exactly one o'clock . After that I leave the bathroom and head for the stairs leading to the roof . Opening the new door leading to the roof , a cold wind hits my body . But cold has stopped bothering me since the events of that night .

' After all , I'm no longer human ....'