3

Last time

"Eh, Moria-sama." A shy voice entreated.

"What!"

"Uh, ah, that is to say, ano. A Mr. Kuma is here to see you sir!"

My eyes bulged, how can a zombie-tree with such a crooked face have such a fairy-like personality! I guess it's true not to judge a book by its cover.

"Zoro is my patient, I'll not let you treat him 'Hogwash' you're a disgrace to Doctor's everywhere!"

"Fos Fos Fos! Moria-sama gave me a direct order to save your nakama's life! Don't be so mean Doctor Chopper."

The sounds of Chopper and Hogback arguing brought me out of my stupor. I looked around to assess the situation. Chopper was arguing with Hogback, that's what brought me out of my stupor.

Luffy was standing next to Zoro.

"Shi shi shi, Zoro's tough, he'll make it through."

Absalom was butting heads with Sanji.

"Give me my Angel! Angel, I love you! No, Goddess!"

"She ain't your Goddess. She's my Goddess, isn't that right, Nami-swan~"

Franky was talking to Brook.

"Look Brook, you've got your shadow back, Super!" He posed lifting his arms.

"It's all thanks to Zoro. I'm so happy to have nakama again!"

Usopp was looking at me, quickly turning around when we made eye contact and pretending to be invested in Chopper's conversation.

"So, Miss Ghost Lady, what do you do for fun."

"Oh, I play in my garden, and collect cute servants!"

Perona was speaking to Robin…Okay. I clapped my hands. Plan time.

"Absalom, stop making a fool of yourself, and see that the winners of my wager receive their feast." Absalom looked away from Sanji in embarrassment, and answered in affirmative.

"Hogback, offer your expertise, but let Chopper be the lead doctor on this one."

"Perona, see to it that the Straw Hats ship is removed from the webbing. Open the gates for them whenever they'd like to leave. I have a very important meeting with my fellow Shichibukai, Bartholomew Kuma. So, don't interrupt me unless the island is about to sink!"

Kuma will most likely be at the top of my tower, and I have to meet him before he grows suspicious and searches the island. Alright, no time like when your life is in danger to unlock the power within. I have to learn how to switch with Doppleman and have him fly to my chambers. Easy.

I swaggered away from the gathering with as much confidence as I could project towards the edge of the graveyard. My line of sight blocked from the gathering; it was time to practice this ability.

"Shadow body switch go!"…nothing happened.

"Fly! Up up and away shadow! Shazam! Go! Go teleport, go!" I wiggled my body about, and finally, I felt something different. Sudden vertigo had me almost vomit all the food I ate earlier.

"Uhh" I reached to cradle my head but what I felt with my hands was something slightly cool, and not at all consoling my rushing vision. I took a steadying breath, and looked up. There standing before me was Moria's body with Doppelman's head.

"Ah!" shocked, my flesh and blood body jumped up. I looked down, and saw that my head was attached to the rest of Doppleman! In my haste, I had forgotten that Moria could selectively swap body parts with his shadow. Curious enough, the hood thing that Moria wears traveled alongside me. This ability might be useful to transfer objects across long distances, something to look into later.

Without anytime to play around, this will have to do. I left my body with the Doppleman head at the base of the castle, and willed the Doppleman body with my head to fly up to my throne room.

Slipping in through the window I spot a cowering Red at the entrance to the room, his brothers performing my tasks. In the center of the room stood a man reading a book. He was wearing an odd hat that resembled an upside-down tupperware. Long dark brown hair flowed to the sides of his chin, and his eyes had a blank soulless look to them. He was quite literally larger than life. We're both similar in height, but his aura was stifling. The 'Tyrant' indeed.

Take a deep breath. Inhale, exhale. How I'm breathing when my body is at the bottom of the tower briefly assails my attention span. But the snap of a book echoing throughout the hall starts the conversation. It's show time.

"Bartholomew Kuma, for you to come all this way out to see me. It must be important; would you like some tea?" A glance at Red, and he bows.

"Gecko Moria," a surprisingly soft voice comes from the powerful man. "If you could go anywhere, where would it be?"

"Red, no tea for the government lackey! I'll take two sugars in mine." This punk, I'm trying to be polite here. Why did I insult him? Stick to the plan.

"Regarding Crocodile's demotion from the Shichibukai, the successor has been made."

"Hohh, Red, make Kuma a cup of tea. You know, the government could've just called me on the den den mushi."

"The successor's name is: Marshal D. Teach, also known as Blackbeard." This bastard ignored me!

"He is already becoming quite a disturbance in the world, though the news may not have penetrated this fog."

"Your tea Moria-sama"

"Thank you Red"

"He left Whitebeard's crew; he has already shown that his strength is real."

'Sip' "Ah, the tea is too hot!"

"A thousand apologies Moria-sama!"

"Teach has captured Whitebeard's Second Division Commander, Portgas D. Ace, delivering him to Impel Down."

I spit my tea out at the awful flavor.

"Here's a towel Moria-sama."

"Good work Red."

"With the defeat of Crocodile, and after the events at Enies Lobby, the World Government has been carefully monitoring the Straw Hat Pirates' movements. Following the log from Water 7 to the Mermaid Island, it was highly likely that they would be stopped here."

"Your point being?" I answered in a bored tone.

"Don't you get it? Do you understand what is worrying the World Government?"

I maintained a carefree attitude, and pretended to examine my nails. While he tried to spook me. Suddenly, his face shadowed over, and his voice dropped several octaves.

"They are afraid that another Shichibukai may be toppled by the Straw Hats."

"The World Government, worried about me? What a joke! They're not worried about me. They only care that if I were to fall to the Straw Hats that they would lose face!" Spittle flew out of my mouth, as my tea spilled everywhere.

'Sip' Kuma took a long sip of his tea. "If the need arises, I wouldn't be opposed to coming to your aid."

This fucker right here!

At the graveyard, a true Straw Hat Pirate party was underway.

"Shitty lion! You call this food! There's no heart in it! No soul! What do you call this! Sanji yelled at Absolom, he grabbed Sanji's lapel. "Huh?! You call this food?!" In Sanji's hands was a plate containing a crusty white paste with melted butter flowing down the sides.

"Mnnnmmmpp" Absalom mumbles.

"Un?! I can't hear you!"

"Mnnn-mash-mash potatoes." An embarrassed and defeated tone croaked out of Absalom's throat.

"I'll show you what real food is." A determined glint entered Sanji's eye.

A cry echoed throughout the graveyard "More meat Sanji!" At the center table, Luffy was a machine. Systematically eating everything within his grasp. As several zombies were reaching for their food, or in some cases eating their half-finished food, stretched arms reached across the table snapping food into Luffy's gullet.

Further down the table Zoro had a bandage around his torso, and was swinging his new sword, ignoring the world around him.

"Fos fos fos fos, excellent work Doctor Chopper!"

"Oh, you! Zoro would've taken at least three more days to recover if it was just with my skills. D-Doctor Hogbag!" Chopper wore a bashful expression, and kicked a rock.

"Fos fos fos fos!"

When Perona returned from her task, she went up to start a one-sided conversation with Robin.

"Hey Robin, what do you do for fun?"

"I like to read." Robin stared blankly off into the distance when giving her reply. For every question or statement Perona made, Robin would reply with a three word answer or less. In most cases she would say "uh huh, yep, or mhm."

"Yoh hoh hoh hoh! I'm a living skeleton dancing with the dead!"

"This new table I devised is, Super!"

"Hey, leave some of that chow for us Zombie Generals!"

"Yeah!"

"Shi shi shi shi!" Luffy placed a finger under his nose and laughed.

"Huh, Robin? Leave? Mory wouldn't do that to us, we won his bet! But if I fight both of them, then I'll be closer to becoming the Pirate King! Okay Robin, if you really think it will be anything like that Aokiji guy, then I guess we can leave."

Blue ran into the room with a sense of urgency. "Sad news sire, the Straw Hats have left before the feast was ended. I saw their ship sail away with a telescope."

"Feast?" Kuma utters one word, and stares at me with his soulless eyes. Does he ever blink?!

"What, imbecile, you let them escape my trap!?" I backhanded Blue across the room. To sell it, I continued to berate my minions, and tossing them around the room.

"Looks like I'm no longer needed here." Kuma walked to the balcony, stared into the horizon for a moment, and with a pop, he was gone.

"Few" I wiped some sweat from my forehead. That monologuing bastard is finally out of here.

"Good job minions!"

"Thank you Moria-sama"

"Yeah yeah" I give them a lazy wave of my hand intent on sitting in that bean bag chair. "Blue, go clean up the feast, and tell Absalom I want that graveyard restored. Red, wake me up tomorrow."

Having given my orders, I can finally relax. "Fuuu" I blew air out of my mouth. With that taken care of, I have nothing to worry about. I can just sit back and let my reputation take care of the rest. I wonder if Shichibukai have a good retirement package? I'll think about it with a clear head tomorrow.

I heard rapid movement right by my side. Looking down from my bean bag chair, I see Red hopping from side to side, like he has to pee. What? Zombies don't have to go to the bathroom…or do they?

"Red" At the sound of my voice, Red stops dancing, and trembles. "Do zombies have to go to the bathroom?!"

"Huh? Oh, no, that's ridiculous Moria-sama. Uhm, master, I was wondering, did Kuma say that the Whitebeard's Second Division Commander was imprisoned in Impel Down when you spilt your tea?" Red adopted a look like I was about to hit him. Heh, I wouldn't hit a subordinate over this, it's just spilt tea.

Wait. Impel Down? Oh balls, that means. That means!

Marineford.

An: And thus, comes an end to our interaction with the Straw Hats for a while. (In case you were lost this chapter, Hint: Robin can make ears with her power.)

I have a poll up on my profile page, will Absalom find true love? You decide.

Retconning Hogback's laugh to "Fos fos fos fos." And Moria's to "Ki shi shi shi."

I spent like 6 hours writing this chapter, mad respect to those guys who write way more than me. I recommend all those people in my favorites list, they've got talent. I keep spelling Absalom's name as Absolom, damn, he might as well be a pokemon.

Thanks for the reviews/comments.