I want to become a killer

I see, I hear, I smell, I kick with my small legs. These are my first marks in this world. My mother told me that I never screamed or cried at birth. I simply looked around the hospital room. She said my gaze was deep.

My name is Psychobi, but everyone calls me Psycho. I am now a twenty-year-old young man. I live a normal life, or at least that's what I try to show, and it seems I've been successful so far. I live with my mother, just the two of us, since my father died of cancer four years ago. I cried at his funeral, but it was just an act, or rather, a perfect performance. I fake my emotions from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep. I hate being fake, but my reality is hard to accept. When I look at anyone, even my mother, I see their head severed. This doesn't scare me; it reflects an inner desire. It makes me smile. You can't control your desires. When you're hungry, you eat. My hunger has no food to satisfy it.

I remember when I was young, I used to catch stray cats by luring them with food. I'd take them to the forest, and that's where my true happiness and desires would unfold. I tried to keep the cat alive as long as possible, but most of the time, I'd end up killing it due to my urges. I remember the first time I caught a cat; it belonged to my friend who lived nearby. I took it to the forest, first cut off its tail to see if it would die, then took out scissors and cut off its four legs. It stayed alive for a while before dying, and I felt my emotions while torturing the cat were not fake .i had an idea and cut off the cat's head ,placing it in front of my friend's house.i watched from my window,which faced theire house ,to see her reaction .it was truly worth it .

It was enjoyable for a while, but it didn't last. I repeated it and didn't enjoy it. I tried to diversify the animals, but it was of no use. That's when I realized I had crossed a threshold I shouldn't have crossed. Despite that, I tried to continue my life as usual and hide my true self from everyone. One day, while browsing YouTube, something caught my attention that would change the course of my life completely. I found a video discussing a serial killer from the 90s, and this was the first time I discovered such videos existed. I watched it more than ten times that night. The next day, I made a decision with myself—a decision to immerse in my desires and give myself what I felt I deserved, what would make me happy. I brought a notebook and decided to watch all the videos about serial killers and take notes on them, including how they committed their crimes, their motives, and how they were caught. These elements alone would enable me to achieve my goal.