P a i n

JULIA'S POV-

The whole place was filled with people. Loads and loads of people. It had been so long since I'd gone out to parties that seeing so many people at once scared me.

"Let's go inside." Maria held me tight as we walked in through the huge doors.

"No," I whispered. "Maria, I don't think I can take it. I'm falling apart and something about this place tells me I should not go in. Let me go back."

"Hon, you're just overthinking," her eyes softened. "Don't think so much. Just come in with me, and enjoy. Okay?"

"If overthinking situations burnt calories, I'd be dead." I looked at her, my anxiety getting the best of me. "I'm trying. I'm trying to get better. I'm trying to be happy. Forget. Move on. But I'm so sorry I can't. Nobody's perfect... Don't expect me to be."

"Stop thinking about everything so much," She squeezed my hands. "You're breaking your own heart. Don't think too much and let yourself enjoy tonight. Hmm?"

Then without one more word she dragged me into the biggest room I'd ever seen in a house. I looked at her and she raised her eyebrows. "Expected?" she smiled.

The room was decorated with various streamers, balloons and there was a bar at one corner which sure as heck was serving without IDs, and some couples were dancing in the middle of the room to a slow song played in the back by a band I didn't know.

It looked more like prom.

"Where's Brandon?" She muttered to herself as the person in question appeared around the corner, probably coming from the washroom.

"Maria! You came, thank you so much." He hugged her. "I thought you wouldn't after the call you made last day."

Heck, she called her boyfriend to say that she won't be coming because I had refused. I would've been the reason if she didn't attend this party. She'd have stayed back because of me.

"Sorry it... was..." I stuttered. Brandon pulled away from Maria and looked at me.

He wore a look of sympathy as he stared at me. The look marring his face was the same look I received from anyone who was aware of my circumstances. Little did they know that the looks of pity did nothing for me, and only reminded me of the past I had tried so hard to bury.

"You're Julia, I guess?"

"Yes, hello there." I looked down, I had almost forgotten what I meant to say. I was a nervous wreck. "I'm so sorry. It would've been my... ah... fault if she hadn't showed up. Sorry..."

"Julie," Maria sounded solemn. "It's okay, it was not for you. And I know you would say 'Yes' anyways. I know my persuading skills work one hundred percent."

She laughed and Brandon kissed her.

I knew she was trying to make me feel less guilty but it had no effect at all. I couldn't do one single thing right. All I ever did was ruin lives. She was not going to come to her boyfriend's party for me - a shitty excuse for a human being. I had never felt so low in my entire life. If Brandon were to break up with her sooner or later, I would have blamed myself for it. She was going to stay at home with me, and listen to my blabbering instead of being here with her boyfriend. And even after all this I was standing there, in between her and her partner, being a third wheel.

I needed to leave.

"So guys, I'll see you around I guess," I started to back away but Maria stopped me.

"Are you sure you'll be okay alone?" She asked. "You don't have to leave. She can stay with us, right?" She looked at Brandon, who nodded in reply. He looked at me with such a look in his eyes that made me feel like I was a timid cornered animal.

"I'll be fine," I tried to smile but felt myself grimace instead. "I'll... uh.. Just stay around."

"Call me if you need me," she sounded so concerned that it made me stop and think about exactly how much of a mess I was. "We'll be around."

I nodded and took off towards the bar. As soon as I was away from them I sat down on one of the tools and put my head between my hands. I was losing all my shit. Everywhere I looked, there were only couples. Couples holding hands, couples kissing, couples dancing.

That's when I started thinking.

I hated when I thought a lot because there's the flashbacks, memories, pain, thoughts, and lastly, the tears.

We were almost perfect, we almost made it, I was almost enough.

I remembered telling Maria when my father died, "It hurts."

"Of course it does." She had smiled sadly at me. "The hurt is how you know it's love. The absence you feel is proof that what you had is something that can be lost."

"When does it stop?"

"If it's love, it won't," she had replied simply.

Now the conversation held more meaning than it did then.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. My head hurt from carrying so much pain, so many memories around for so long.

Memories, oh they cut like knives...

"Need a drink?" I looked up to see a very handsome guy offer me a glass filled with a red liquid. "You look like you could use one."

I was about to refuse but then changed my mind and gulped it all down. He stared at me with those very blue eyes of his.

"Whoa, slow down baby," he grinned. "What are you hurrying about?"

I shook my head and he ordered another one for me. From the taste, it could be anything and it stung my throat yet I drank it. "Better if I lost my voice," I thought.

I had even started to hope a little that this man had mixed something poisonous in my drink. I wished I was dead by the time I finished my next drink. Then I wouldn't be able to hurt anybody anymore. Not even myself.

"What's your name?" He asked as he handed me another drink. "I'm Maxwell, by the way."

"Julia. Terobia," I said each word slowly and carefully, trying to avoid stuttering.

"You're a real looker, Julia." He sat down in front of me. "The moment you came in everybody was looking at you."

God never answered my prayers.

I wanted to be invisible. And there I was, attracting everyone's attention.

I nodded in reply and he ordered a third drink for me.

"The girl you came in with - is Brandon's, I believe?" he asked and I nodded in reply.

"You drink fast." He eyed my empty glass. "Want to dance?"

"No." I looked away, avoiding eye contact. I didn't want to go dance with this beautiful stranger. "I'd rather stay alone."

"Girl," he touched my chin and turned my head towards him. "Are you okay? Your eyes are filled with tears."

I nodded and started blinking rapidly so the tears would go away. The last thing I wanted was to ruin the party for Maria with my emotional outburst.

"You can talk to me," He dropped his face so his and my eyes were on the same level. "I'll listen to you."

"You wouldn't understand," I clenched my fists in an attempt to stop crying but my tears betrayed me.

"Maybe, maybe not," he stroked my cheek. "If you want to talk I'll be here."

"Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all." I looked at the glass in my hands. "About anything. To anyone." I paused then looked at him. "I'm sorry."

He nodded and handed me my drink. Then he hesitated for sometime before walking away.

Yeah sure, who would want to ruin his evening by staying with a snob like me. But then again, I pushed him away. So it was basically my fault.

I stood up, looking at the giant clock hung at the back of the room. It was almost eleven o'clock. I wanted to go home, to the comfort of my bed, back to my old home, back to my lonely life.

I stood up to find Maria, I hadn't brought my phone so I couldn't text and tell her that I was leaving.

That's when I saw the couple kissing each other. The girl had her arms around the guy who was at least a foot taller than her even in those ridiculous heels of hers, and the guy had his arms around her waist. She had blond hair, and was wearing a cocktail dress while the guy wore a blue shirt over black jeans.

It was when the guy pulled away that I knew what drew my attention to them.

Those grey eyes which was once full of warmth and happiness but now dull and lifeless, those very grey eyes that made me fall for them. The dark haired, no-less-than-a-model looking guy.

Alex.

My eyes filled with tears the moment my eyes landed on him. Tear after tear rolled down as I stared at him. His eyes started flicking around the dance floor, almost as if he knew I was staring at him. That was when I decided it was time for me to leave. He was happy with somebody else. I couldn't move on, but I had no right to drag him down. Without wasting another moment I turned and started running towards the exit.

I didn't need to catch new feelings. I didn't need to feel the same shit towards him again. I knew he broke me, but the truth was if he wanted me back, I'd still go running back to him. I'd still overlook everything he did to me, overlook all his mistakes, forgive him for every time he hurt me, and I'd still go and love him with every broken piece of my heart, every piece of myself.

I knew he had seen me because the moment I turned away I felt his eyes on me.

"If I knew it was gonna hurt this much, I wish I'd never laid my eyes on him," was my last thought as I ran out the doors.