chapter 6

As time had gone, he decided that it's time to leave after about an hour, and so he did, as he had walked out my aunty greeted him and he seemed like he was in his own little world, which was kind of disappointing if I have to be very honest, I just wish he was much more like Zain, mostly because Zain would alway's try to make conversation with my family, infact he'd talk to them more then he'd talk to me and it was quite impressive, besides Zain, none of my ex's have been that friendly with my family, my uncle likes him aswell which is quite surprising because i have introduced atleast 2 other men to my uncle before, and he didn't like neither of them, it was almost as if they just weren't good enough to belong to our family but with Zain, it seemed like my uncle wanted him to belong

I hate how I compare every man in my life to him and I regret that he made my standards so much higher because of the way he used to treat me, I don't wanna compare Jacques to him because I've known Jacques for a long time and we also had something special and he also treats me so well but my mind drifts to Zain sometimes and I simply can't stop it, I could try but I fail, atleast almost all the time

I snapped out of my thoughts and accepted the fact that I can't force Jacques to be like Zain, I can't tell him what do to either, he is his own person and if I want to be his friend, I'm going to have to accept that, similarly to the way he accepts me for who I am, without questions or doubts

As he had walked out i had waited at the gate for him to bring my snacks that he had left in his friends car, I really wanted to share them with him but I guess it was a bit too late for that, I felt really bad because I don't usually get men to buy me anything, in my entire relationship with Zain, the only thing he had ever bought me was a ice cream, and that too a really cheap one

I guess I was so inlove with him that I didn't even notice how he used me, because I'd always be buying things for him and making sure he's happy and with me he'd do the complete opposite, I put his happiness before mine, and well he done the same aswell but only in the beginning of the relationship, and currently I doubt my happiness matters to him, I feel like I'm almost invisible to him most of the time even though we're good friends, like I said

I used to speak to one of his classmates, she was one of my close friends actually, her name is Nora, she was classmates with him back when they were in school, Zain is done with school now, he finished last year and so did she, their friendship broke apart when the holidays came, mostly because she has a boyfriend whom asked her to stay away from her male friends and so she did, I don't blame her, I done the exact same thing when I was dating Zain, and looking back he didn't even deserve it,

...he didn't deserve me!

Nora and I had only become friends because of Zain, he had once posted a picture of her and I had messaged her on Instagram, luckily I spoke politely to her so she didn't exactly fight with me or anything, she had also respectfully explained to me that they're just friends and he can be a bit forward sometimes and do things he's not supposed to but I shouldn't worry because she'd never see him that way and honestly I believed her, because she's been in a stable relationship for years now and recently her boyfriend moved to our province, so she's been spending more time with him rather then anyone else

As I had become more and more close to Nora, she had begun to tell me alot of negative things about Zain, at that time I guess I was truly in love with him and I couldn't see anything past him, so I'd ask her to ask him questions, I'd get her to stalk him and I'd find a way to pull out his deepest secrets from her, and so she did, I wouldn't say I used her because we did actually have this amazing friendship which I cherished dearly, and I loved hearing her problems and being there for her aswell

As time went I got super comfortable with her and I felt like she did too with me, she tried warning me every single day that Zain is no longer serious about me and that he's just playing with my feeling's but alas, did I ever hear her out and take what she said to head? No, I really didn't and that's why right now I'm in the situation I am

01 January 2023:

Today was the day I had found out exactly what I didn't want to, my best friend, or may I say "ex-best friend" had slept with one of the guys I had once had a romantic connection with, I guess what upsetted me was how forward she had become, it was almost as if all her self respect had left after we had stopped being friends

I had become really angered when I found out all about what she's been doing, and so i had decided to call her granny and let her know, i knew it wasn't my place to tell on her but she did say bad things about me aswell and that made it worse, I just wanted to expose her and make her repent for all the wrong she's been doing, she's been smoking and drinking, sleeping around and talking lies about me behind my back

can all of that really be forgiven?