Blood of Carnations

As the clock strikes three past midnight, I rub my eyelids in an effort to lessen the exhaustion.

I can't sleep. Again. If Cora were here, she probably would have fainted at the sight of 'the jewel of Aresia' reading a book this late at night.

Or was it morning now?

I turn in my seat to check the curtains. The first morning light is just beginning to show through the gaps in the heavy velvet-red cloth.

Sighing, I turn back towards the warm ember of the hearth, and as I do, I notice the silhouette of a man sitting next to me.

Now. If this man had been anyone else, I would have probably proceeded to scream and promptly chop his head off. But the simple sight of this man - this one man- sent relief washing over my body like a warm blanket... Because I knew what the sight of him meant.

"...I'm dreaming," I smile.

James cocks his eyebrow, "and what makes you think that?"

"Because you're dead," I whisper.

He ignores me and shifts his eyes to the fire, his eyes crinkle and he smiles, his eyes glowing in that specific way that tells me he is recounting a memory. " You know...when I was first debuted, all the ladies of the court simply swooned to my feet. They just couldn't stand my gorgeous-ness."

I roll my eyes and smile. "Please, the only reason why they seemed the least bit interested in you was because of your crown."

He smiles. "No..not all of them..."

Andrea...

I smile at the thought of her. Her beautiful smile, the way she looked at James on their wedding day. Her tears...

Her tears...

I frown as nausea fills me, the same nausea I felt when I first saw Aria. But as always... I don't let it show. Instead, I muster the most vengeful glare I can and look straight at him. He squirms in his chair, clearly uncomfortable.

"...Are you going to say something?"

I narrow my eyes as I make sure to completely drop the temperature around him to emphasize my words. "You. Broke. Her. Heart," I say through gritted teeth.

He turns his head abruptly, anger blazing in his eyes. I know what he would say next. I always did with him- but the words that would come from his lips always, always seemed to shake me to the bone. " I didn't love her."

I sigh. If I had been the headstrong princess I had been while my brother was alive, I probably would have jumped from my seat and swore at him so colourfully even my mother would have gasped. Alas, that princess was gone, and replaced by her was the cold, icy being I had become. " Must you always lie to yourself, Jamesy?" I use the pet name I had given him when we were children, as I know it would provoke him.

And as I had predicted, he is up from his seat and stomps towards me with the might of a bull. I raise my eyes to his, defiance coursing through my veins.

"We all saw you, James. You can lie to yourself but you can not lie to us. We all saw how besotted you were by her. When it stopped, no one except you knows."

His eyes soften at this but I continue, "you had a child together, remember her? Oh wait, you never met her, did you? For you just had to die. Only four months into your marriage as well. You must be oh so proud of yourself, brother. Tell me, how does it feel to leave behind a widowed mother, a daughter you never met and an orphan child? Oh and let's not forget sweet mother dearest. Did you know she refuses to talk to any male lord? Even the ones from her own council must pass their messages to their wives for them to reach the queen," I was rambling now, but so what? I was dreaming after all.

Tears fall from my cheeks. Yes. That's right. I was only dreaming. After all, I could never be able to talk to James like this ever again.

I collapse to the floor. James, catching me in mid-air. Embracing me in that special way that always seemed to calm me.

"..I miss you.." I sob. And it was true. I missed him, almost too much for even me to bear. During his life, James had been the only thing keeping me from plunging into the darkness of my thoughts and court life. But now that he is gone.....I could never enjoy life. Never again. Because he was gone gone gone.

As I sob, James strokes my hair and says words that are barely audible to me. " You will find love... you will enjoy life once more... and when you do... You will look back at this dream and wonder what a silly girl I was..."

But how? I want to ask.

How can I possibly love after what everything that has been done to me?

Instead, I sit silently in his arms and let him cradle me into the waking world.

*****

James: *sips wine in a red velvet chair* Oh, to be dead and an asshole. Now vote and comment, before I come to you in your dreams and make you sad.