Gil-kun and the Party

"*yawns* Man, I drank too much and fell asleep... am I still in the diner? Yeah, I am."

"Wakey wakey, Goldie! It's been really fun watching you and the others get drunk and fall asleep, hehe."

"You've been standing there all this time?"

"Well someone has to keep an eye on Mr. Pop Pea and anyone who isn't feeling well like Salty."

"Did she drink too much?"

"No, she had too many burgers."

"Mmm, I see. Why is it so quiet?"

"Well, everyone has eaten, so many are drunk, some are sleeping and others have gone outside the diner."

"So I didn't rest for just a few minutes..."

"No, no, it's been almost two hours. Oh, Salty! How are you feeling?"

"Better than before. Thank you for helping me."

"Don't mention it! Here, sit down with us."

"Ok, I guess."

"Ugh, drinking this wine reminds me of my conversations with Saber..."

"You must really love her."

"She's an entertaining toy."

"You really don't know how to act normal, do you?"

"Of course not, why would I ever act 'normal', me, the great king?"

"Anyway, you're not just searching for this Saber, right?"

"No, I am also looking for my friend."

"You have a friend?"

"Stop with the insults!"

"No, sorry, I was just surprised because... nevermind."

"Well, in any case, I wish to find Enkidu so that we can battle once more."

"Enkidu is your friend?"

"You seem surprised. Is Enkidu different in your world?"

"... I don't know."

"Wait, guys. Isn't it weird that we remember stuff from the previous Holy Grail Wars?"

"Normally, they would vanish once we return to the Throne of Heroes. However, I suppose the Counterforce can alter everything to their liking, so this is just one of the many peculiarities imposed to us."

"Yeah, I guess they are indeed doing whatever they want with us. But I think it's an imperfect system, because you remember quite a bit, while I don't remember much."

"You were in a Holy Grail War?"

"Well, yes, kinda, I was in the future, on the Moon, in some sort of simulation... with my Master Hakuno... was she male or female... I don't remember... but they were certainly a charming individual... and well... some stuff happened... I can't remember if I won, but it was definetely a happy ending."

"That sounds absurd."

"I wish I could remember more. But maybe it's because it happened in the future... and it's kind of hard to remember your future, no?"

"Well, I remember very clearly that I won the Fourth Holy Grail War, and in the following I was only cut down by my beloved Saber."

"Your beloved Saber... killed you?"

"We just had opposing ideals. Next time, I'll win for sure and she'll be mine!"

"... right..."

"What about you, Salty? Did you win your Holy Grail War?"

"..."

Just then, everyone felt a strong wind suddenly rising. They looked out of the diner and saw a whole group of giant birds moving their wings with an angry expression.

"Well, looks like they're pissed we took over their role and now they won't have anymore shiny things."

"I'll go outside and teach those beasts a lesson for attempting to disturb me."

Gilgamesh decided and got up, but before he could step out of the diner, a red spear went flying inside one of the birds' neck. Cu appeared and took back the spear, as the other members of the Lancer Squad also got out and started battling the birds.

"How about this, assholes! Get this nice and shiny spear lodged inside you! If I ever find your eggs, I'll enslave your newborns, that's my promise as the Child of Light!"

"Die, you damn animals! This is for making me steal from a lady!"

"And this is for making me give you my armour!"

"And this is for that time you gave us an egg that had already gone bad, you bastards!"

"Damn, they are slaughtering them."

"They are trying to regain their pride by assassinating those who stole it. I shall enjoy this pathetic little show."

"That is kind of scary and concerning... are we sure we should leave them in charge of this village."

"I mean, if I were in their situation, I would react like this too."

"EVERYONE! WE ARE FREE! WE HAVE KILLED THOSE FUCKING BIRDS!"

"YEAH!!!"

All the people cheered for the Lancer Squad as they shouted in happiness.

Nancy momentarily called off the diner and Gil stepped out of it with the others.

The Lancer Squad approached them and kneeled down.

"Thank you. Without your help, we wouldn't have been able to do this and we might have starved to death. We'll forever be grateful to you."

The entire village followed their example.

"How exciting! We are being hailed as heroes among heroes!"

"It's nice to be praised from time to time."

"I see you can finally witness and accept my brilliance. Splendid, mongrels! To celebrate the arrival of your rightful king, me, we shall hold a party tonight!"

"Hurray to our saviours!"

"Hurray!"

Everyone readied for the event. Big fires were made and the birds were cooked on them. They actually tasted pretty good. Nancy and the Lancer Squad started cooking again and, after a few minutes of begging, Gilgamesh was willing to lend some of his food and beverages to the rest of the population.

"Today was truly a day to remember! I shall immortalise it in a play!" Shakespeare drunkenly exclaimed.

"Then I shall write a poem about it, and then we shall compare which one is the best!" D'Annunzio announced.

"Wow! So much happiness! So much love! What a truly wonderful night!" Saint Valentine commented, tears coming down his eyes.

"You're such a hopeless romantic..." Saint Martha said.

"And you should put some clothes on!" Saint Augustine rebutted, blushing just at the sight of a woman of God dressed so indiscretely.

"Juliet, look! A shooting star!" Romeo shouted.

"Wow, it's so beautiful. It reminds me of when you snuck into my room, the night we met, you silly Montague!"

"Did you see it too, Lucia?"

"Of course Renzo, though it is really hard to not stare at your face..."

"Let's not say things Friar Christopher could reprimand us for..."

The day and the night went on, until everyone was satisfied and thouroughly drunk and tired. They all fell asleep. At a certain point, Gilgamesh woke up. Everything was quiet. Quiet and a bit dark.

"I need to pee... oh man, wine and beer are so good... it's hard to get enough of them... I can barely walk straight... whatever, nobody is watching me anyway... now where is the river... aha, found it! Time to take a leak."

However, as the king was trying to have some privacy, a giant fish jumped out of the water. Gilgamesh jumped and barely avoided getting all wet.

"You foolish monster! I'll show you!"

And so he started shooting weapons out of his Gate of Babylon, however they all missed the fish completely, and not for lack of trying.

"How can my accuracy be so low... it's impossible! I see... that cunning fish is using some kind of trick to deceive me. How very thoughtful! You really are an intelligent and worthy foe!"

After a few more minutes of completely failing to hit the fish, Gilgamesh resorted to take out from his vault the original Sword of Selection, Merodach.

"Consider this an honour, fish creature. You have proved yourself worthy of this test. Now let's see how truly strong you are! Go!"

The fish was, in fact, not that strong, and that strike from Merodach was the definition of overkill. Regardless, it still managed to slay the intruder.

"What's going on here? Is that you, Goldie?"

"Why did you two wake up just now?! You could have given me a hand!"

"Haha, how hilarious! You wetted your whole pants, Goldie!"

"Pull your pants up, moron!"

"I have my underwear on."

"Cover yourself, idiot."

"The king decides how covered he wants to be!"

"Pull your pants up or the king will get a king's funeral tomorrow morning!"

"Haha, you dirtied your shit too!"

"Damn you, mongrels! Don't look at me! Give me some respect-"

He tried to say before tripping and ending up face first into the ground.

"Haha! Be careful or your face will get wet too!"

"Look at the way you ended up, imbecile."

"Shut... up... mmmm, I don't get why those idiots didn't just eat this... it's delicious..."

"He's eating grass!" Nero pointed out as she couldn't stop laughing, lying down and rolling around in amusement while being unable to end her laughs.

"Hehe, King Moron thinks he's a cow." Salter chuckle, no longer being able to be angry in such a ridiculous situation and starting to feel entertained too.

"Yum, I'll save some of this from Saber... when we... finally... get... married..."

"I think he fell asleep again."

"He might have. He suddenly became quiet. Should we move him somewhere else, Salty?"

"It would be hilarious to leave him like this, in such a position and state. But then he'll get mad at us."

"I guess you're right."

"..."

"..."

"Wait, didn't they say something about the grass?"

"Oh, now that I think about it... oh crap, it's poisonous!"

They turned around and saw Gilgamesh foaming at his mouth.

"Oh man, Salty, call for help! I'll perform CPR!"

"Are you sure?"

"Trust me, I got better."

Nero approached him and put her ear close to his mouth.

"Well, he's still making sounds, so that means he doesn't need our help. As long as someone keeps making noise, they don't need medical assistance. That's how CPR works, no?"

"... yeah, I guess you have a point. Let's go back to sleep."