Chapter 53

"Alvarcus Mar." Orochimaru pins me in an intensely blank glare.

We're sitting in his office. He's behind an impressive desk with a very detailed map of the surrounding area covering the entire wall behind him. He has his hands laced together and arms forming a temple before him on the desk. His face is one of blankness, I can't read him at all. I don't know if he's mad, or happy, or curious. He's entirely void of all emotion.

I'm across from him in the center of the room. He has sat me down in a very uncomfortable wooden chair. I feel like I'm being interrogated.

"Yes, that would be me." I reply with mirrored indifference.

"Explain." He smoothly demands of me without letting his glare waiver.

"I would but I don't know what you mean. Can you please be more specific?"

"My shinobi." Orochimaru calmly specifies. "Why are three of my shinobi scarred for life?"

"Because the fourth one got away." I growl out. "Sasuke is crafty, he managed to cut through my webs using a unique shape change to lightning chakra to make it into a blade. Which is annoying since it's him that deserves to be punished the most."

"That is not what I meant." Orochimaru lets a hint of a smile leak through his cold indifferent mask. He's not mad at me. Whew, that could have been bad! "What did you do to scar them? I need ideas for my disciplinary program."

"Are you sure you want to know?" I let a smile dance on my face. It's not a warm and friendly look, it's one that promises pain and anguish.

Flashback

"Sakon. Kidomaru. Jirobo. Sasuke." I address each shinobi one at a time.

The four cocoons are suspended from the ceiling and are slowly swinging back and forth like pendulums. Over and over they rock back and forth, never ending in their movements. To top it all off, they're upside down. They're hanging from their feet. They've been caught in the spider's web.

"I'm so glad you all volunteered to help me with this."

I slowly, agonizingly slowly, reach into my coat.

"You see, I am actually a lot alike with Orochimaru-sama. We each have ideas, crazy and slightly unethical ideas, that we want to test. And I've recently had one bouncing around in my head that's just begging to be tested."

As I withdraw my hand each of the four shinobi are riveted to it. They're wondering what horrors await. What kind of torture device am I going to pull out. It's nothing so outlandish, it's just an innocent storage scroll.

Sasuke's bundle starts to flail. He has seen this scroll before, he knows what is hidden inside it.

"Yet unlike Orochimaru I don't pick my test subjects at random. No, that's not my style. To me someone has to earn this treatment, they must deserve it."

I unroll the scroll and spark some chakra into it.

"So I thank you for volunteering for this. I'll make sure that you provide me with as much information as possible."

Out of the smoke of the innocent storage scroll appears various items. A rake, two watermelons, a lotof plastic sheets, precisely 13.75 meters of rope, a rubber ball and a wheelbarrow.

"Dammit." I start to rifle through the numerous pockets on my coat. "I know I have matches around here somewhere. I can't not have matches for this, they're very important."

The sound of electricity resonates through the air. It's quickly followed by the sound of fabric being severed and someone sprinting away as fast as they possibly can.

"How unfortunate. I've lost a test subject." My eyes settle on the frozen remaining shinobi. "I suppose I can make do without him."

Shadows dance along my face as a creep towards the suspended shinobi with unadulterated sadistic glee. "Shall we begin?"

"Perhaps not." Orochimaru decides after a moment of consideration. "It would be unbecoming of me to steal your techniques from you. This one shall remain yours."

"Well, I suppose that's alright." I let my sinister persona fade and replace it with my usual self. "So what's up with you?"

"Besides having to book therapy sessions – which is something I've never had to do before – nothing unusual or noteworthy has happened since we last talked."

"Lame. Eh whatever. So I can't help but notice that map of yours." I point at the huge wall spanning map.

"Yes? There's nothing special about it, it's just a map." Orochimaru raises an eyebrow at me in question.

"Well duh." I sassily say and his raised eyebrow starts to twitch. "It's not the map I care about but what's on it. See that island off to the east of us?" I get up from my chair and walk over to the wall and tap a specific island.

"Yes, what about it?" Orochimaru asks.

"Is it important?" I casually ask as if we're discussing pleasantries over a good meal.

"Is it important? What kind of a question is that?" Orochimaru gets up and joins me at the map. "That specific one is, it is where I run wartime simulations with my shinobi. I have various types of buildings and altering terrains all set up. The shinobi have taken to calling the simulations the War Games, it's rather fun to watch them struggle like mindless sheep to earn my praise. This one in the south east is not. There isn't even a human presence there at all, it's too small to support humans and the luxuries that they've grown to enjoy."

"Cool. So you don't mind removing it from the map then." My casual tone throws Orochimaru for a loop. "Especially since it might get blown up soon."

"You're going to blow up an island?" He asks in surprise. "But why? What goal does that serve?"

"I've never really tested myself on just how far I can go." I offer up an innocent shrug.

"Really? I've seen your techniques, your more destructive jutsu. I've even had one of your strongest attacks, if not the strongest attack you have, targeted at me. And you say that you still haven't truly seen just how far you can push yourself?"

"Well... no. There's always been some form of collateral around. Particularly people. I can't throw around earth shattering jutsu when I have a teammate right next to me. It has forced me to limit myself."

"Interesting. And why not use one of the numerous training grounds I have here? That island is a few kilometers away and barely ten square kilometers big, surely that is an inconvenience."

"It is an inconvenience, but it's one that is necessary. The training fields are too small, too fragile. Take one of my more impressive jutsu for example, let's say Devouring Earth. I can't test that at my maximum because I could bring the roof down on my head at the least. At the worst I could destroy a chunk of this base. Who knows, maybe I could take down all of it. That's just one. So how about False Darkness, well if I really juice that one up it could pierce through a lot of walls. Like all the walls. Then there's -"

"You've made your point." Orochimaru cuts me off. "You may use the island. Just try to not draw too much attention to it, I do need this base to remain hidden from the public."

"Yay! This is great, I've even got some ideas for variations on a couple of my jutsu and just whole new jutsus altogether! Not to mention working on my combination jutsus, they're in a whole different league! It'll be the perfect place to work on them since it's uninhabited. I don't have to worry about breaking anything." I happily skip out of the room.

"Well at least he's eager to improve." Orochimaru turns back to his desk. "Reminds me of myself when I was younger, only unconsciousness would keep me from my work."

Alvarcus's Room, Ten Minutes Later

"I wonder when I'll actually make it over to that island." I mutter to myself as I stroll into my room. "Soon ish. Maybe. Probably? I've got some other stuff that requires my attention first."

"Please say I'm not on that list?" Sasuke says from my couch. "If I am tell me what I can do to get off of it. Please? I'll do just about anything."

"Just about anything?" Now that's quite a lot of options there. "Come find me tomorrow morning. I need to think on this and I have some stuff that I need to go check on."

"Okay I can do that. I'm not going to find any unsavory surprises today, am I?" Sasuke tentatively asks as he pauses in my doorway. "Please no?"

"Nah, you're exempt for today. Plus how can I ignore such a generous offer? I'm sure I'll come up with something humiliating."

"Right. I'll be going now." He leaves me alone in my room.

"Oh that poor boy, he has no idea what he's getting into." I sigh in promised joy to come. "Now where are those chakra conductive kunai Kidomaru got me?"

Alvarcus's Lab, Minutes Later

"Dammit." I stare down at all twenty of the beakers in displeasure. "I have no idea how the Sword of Totsuka is made of liquid. I sunk a ridiculous amount of chakra into each liquid and they're void of chakra already! I just left them overnight! I thought for sure that at least one of them would have lingering traces of my chakra, but NO! That would be too easy!"

I sigh and rub my brow in discontent. I know this isn't going to be easy. I know that it will take me a long time to work everything out and that I'll run into numerous potholes and ditches along the way. I just didn't expect one so soon. How can all of these liquids not hold chakra for more than half a day?

"You know what? Fuck it let's see if this is any different." I grab a clean beaker and place it down on the desk next to the rest. With a quick flick of a kunai I sever my wrist.

"Oi. Jiongu. Blood please." I'm holding my wrist over the beaker.

~You're so needy. When can we do something fun?~

"What, was chasing down four people not fun enough for you?"

~No, I didn't get to play with them. They're alive still.~

"Just be patient. Knowing my luck we'll find a whole gaggle of people for you to play with. And done!" The beaker is full of my red blood, it's the exact same amount as the other liquids here. "Thanks Jiongu."

~You're welcome Host.~

"Now, let's try this all again. I'll have to check on them sooner to see which ones last the longest. I'm going to guess blood. That's really fucking dark, even for me."

I spend the next ten minutes pumping an insane amount of chakra into the tiny volumes of liquid.

"Time for the real reason I came here." I move over to another desk, this one has the case of chakra conductive kunai from Kidomaru on it. I have so many desks in my lab that I can have different stations for each individual project I'm working on.

"I've started to make the blade part, but what will be probably even more important and difficult is the container that will have the entities sealed away. I can't really make the production on figuring out which liquid is best for the blade move any faster, so I'll just work on this in the mean time. Let's try and fashion a storage seal onto a kunai and see what happens."

I take out one of the fifty chakra conductive kunai and place it in the center of the table. Next I pull out a set of etching tools, provided by Orochimaru. Usually I'd do something like focusing a small but dense amount of wind/lightning/fire – depends on the exact type of material I'm working with – and use that to leave behind a mark for the seal.

But in this case I can't do that, these kunai are chakra conductive. My chakra would naturally spread across the kunai, that's why these are a commodity among shinobi. It makes streaming your chakra into the blade much easier.

So since I can't use chakra I'm using these etching tools. I have a sneaking suspicion that they're diamond tipped. Honestly I'm not sure if Orochimaru or I am more eager for me to work on this. He's giving me literally any and every tool I could possibly need.

"Let's start simple. Basic storage seal. No, too complex. A storage seal so small it can only a fist sized rock. That's a good spot to start."

I go through the tedious process of etching a seal onto a kunai. You would think it's hard to do with two hands, right? I can assure you it's easier to do with chakra strings. I have no idea why no one else has thought of this, they're broken.

Or I just took them way too far.

Stop that! Get back on task! You can idolize your chakra strings later, like when you visit that soon to be remodeled island!

"Done." I look over the simplest of simple storage seals that's etched onto the surface of the kunai. "All that's left now is to test it."

I place a fist sized rock on top of the seal. Then I spark my chakra against it.

The rock is quickly swallowed into the seal, then instantly spat back out.

"Okay what?"

I try again. Same result. The rock goes in, then without me adding more chakra it comes back out. Almost as if it has a mind of its own.

"Oh. Oh. I'm stupid. No shit it's doing that." I can't believe I missed that earlier.

It's a chakra conductive kunai, it'll hold a little bit of my chakra in the blade. That residual chakra is enough to jump-start the seal to spit its contents back out. Which is exactly what it's doing right now.

"So chakra conductive metal is a bad idea. I need something completely opposite of that for the material of the container since I want the entities to be trapped there forever or until I release them. It wouldn't do for them to be able to disturb the entire sword with their chakra, that alone could dismantle the whole genjutsu thing it has going. Or is supposed to have going, that's a whole different problem. That means the less chakra conductive the better. How the hell am I going to find a material that doesn't carry chakra?"

"I'll look into it for you." Orochimaru says. "I'm sure I've come across something like that before. I'll just have to sift through my old records."

"Wow. Really? Just like that?" That was easy. Way too easy.

"Yes. Just like that. Although you may need to go fetch the material yourself. Depends on how easily accessible it is and whether it's easier to steal it than buy it."

"I can live with that. No rush though, just whenever you have the time."

"No rush? Do you have something else that's piqued your interest?"

"Yeah, creating the actual seal that will pull the stabbed entities into the container and trap them there in a genjutsu. Getting the physical pieces is the easy part, it's making them all work together that's going to suck. That's the part that I don't really know how to do. "

"Good luck with that."

"Thanks, I'll need it. So, on a completely unrelated topic, feel free to ignore any and all loud noises coming from the south east."

"You're going to the island."

"Yep. Ran out of other stuff to do today so I figured why not play with fire? Lots of fire. So much fire the Devil himself would want to run away."

"Just... make sure it stays in one piece."

"Me or the island?"

The Island

"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the ground and a small cloud of smoke spawns into existence.

"Hey Al. We're outside now. Why can't you summon me somewhere consistent recently?" Shirokumo halfheartedly whines, judging by the way he's stretching and preparing to bask in the sun he's happy.

"I need to keep you on your toes. Do you even have toes? Whatever that doesn't matter. I've got some questions for you."

"Really? That's why you summoned me? Dude. You totally could have done this back in your room while lazing about on your dumb couch as I'm working on my web. Those things take time for me, I'm nowhere near as good as our best builders. I'm rambling, what's up? You said you had questions?"

"Yeah. I need a way to keep people out of my lab and room. There are too many people that are simply okay with walking into it. That's going to stop. I don't want anyone messing with my stuff."

"Why not install a good lock?"

"That wouldn't even slow down Academy students. Why do you think that nothing is ever locked at shinobi villages? There's just no point. So I need something better. I was thinking that maybe the Spiders have a gate keeper or something? Someone to stand watch over a specific location for me?"

"Nope, we don't have anyone like that. I suppose Keji might come close if he could block the entrance with his legs, but that's not his style at all. He likes to run around like an idiot then once an opportunity arises he traps his prey. Plus I have no idea how he'd contort his body to make that work, spiders aren't exactly the size and shape of doors."

"Dammit. There goes that idea. Do you have any other ideas? Cuz all I've got left is some elaborate seal traps or leaving behind a Jiongu monster to stand guard. There's no way I'm doing that last one, I'm not going to willingly separate from two fifths of my strength."

"Hmm. Maybe. I'll need to ask a couple questions to a handful of spiders first. I'm good, but even I don't know everyone's own personal skill set."

"What are you thinking?"

"We have some spiders that lace genjutsu into their webs, they spin them in a specific pattern and color to trap prey in illusions. Some of them get so good that their webs actually mimic the environment and are nearly invisible even by our standards. Maybe they can put one on your door or something."

"That would be awesome. Yet another reason I'm miffed that I can't use genjutsu." I could have done that myself. Maybe. Probably? I suppose I could bully Sasuke into doing it for me but that feels like a waste of his debt.

"You can't use genjutsu?" Shirokumo stops his lazy stretches to look at me in worry. "Did the Jiongu screw that up?"

"Kinda." I indifferently shrug. "Basically since I have five chakras whenever I try to place an illusion I also break them out of it."

"Huh, who would have guessed? It'll be fine, you have Sasuke for genjutsu."

"Exactly." Sasuke and I make one of the strangest pairs of shinobi ever. Almost nothing of ours overlaps, yet that is our strongest trait. What I don't know he does, and vice versa.

"So I've got my own question for you." Shirokumo rustles around some leaves, making a bedding of sorts. "You rigged the last base to explode. You had the trapdoor spiders work night and day to accomplish it."

"Yep. Really glad they did too."

"Then why is it still standing?" Shirokumo asks me with as much seriousness as he can muster. "You went on a couple huge tirades about how you hate Orochimaru and want to burn him, skin him, murder him, force him to watch as everything he's built falls, and so on. This seems highly out of character for you. Plus now you have to run all the way back there to set it off. You're a better planner than this."

"So you did notice that." I let a sinister smile form on my face. "Yes, I left that base standing. I've used the Spiders to leave behind hundreds, thousands, of seals that are hidden inside the walls. But do you really think that I don't have a plan?"

"No, I think you do have a plan. That's why I'm asking, I want to know what it is because right now I don't see it."

"It's simple really, I left behind more than just explosive seals." I pull back my left sleeve to bare my arm to the world. A long slit forms on it, spanning the entire length from elbow to wrist, and the Jiongu slowly leaks out of it.

But it's not just the Jiongu that comes out, with it comes a sealing scroll. It's a small scroll, only being ten centimeters long and barely a centimeter in diameter.

I take the scroll and gently unfurl it to show Shirokumo exactly what is inside. It isn't something grand and inspiring, it's not even impressive. All that's on this scroll is a simple seal that is surrounding numbers in a circle and on the very bottom there's a label. It says Land of Sound Base.

"What is that?" Shirokumo asks me. "Hold on. Are those numbers changing? They are, they're counting down."

"Correct. I've made other seals like this. It's a little bit more complex since once the timer hits zero on that one it sends out a pulse of chakra while this one just remains at zero. But what's nice is that the seals were activated at the same time, this is a clock. It's a timer that shows how long that base has left to live. Even if I die right now this very instant that base will explode. There's nothing that will stop it, nothing short of dismantling the entire network of seals there. And thanks to some very helpful spiders that entire network is hidden away within the walls, the floors, and the ceilings."

"Well, and I know this is a long shot already but hear me out, what if someone accidentally destroys your timer seal that's over there? Then the entire network is defused."

"Who said I just made one timer? There's fifty. The entire network is linked together and it has fifty unique timers to set it off all in different spots. Even if one is destroyed the others will tick away until they reach zero. Then boom. No more base."

"Wow. You really planned ahead didn't you?" Shirokumo praises me in his own way. "You even made a timer to carry around yourself so you know when it does explode."

"There's more to it than that. Having this timer also lets me synchronize this base, and the next base, and the one after that together. Otogakure is going to burn, and it will all burn together in an instant of pure glory."

"I take back what I said. You've been planning that from the beginning, haven't you?"

"Yes. From the moment I asked you about spiders that can tunnel. That's why I haven't taken any actions against Orochimaru yet, that's why nothing has gone terribly wrong for him since I've sworn vengeance upon him. I could be sending every single Kage his personal itinerary for the next year, but I won't. Because that isn't personal enough."

"Wow. How far ahead do you plan these things out?"

"I play the long game. I'm already focusing on countering something that might happen around... three to four ish years in the future. I think? I've never been that good with the timeline. Anyways I have Orochimaru fooled, he thinks I'm making the Sword of Totsuka because I want to. I'm making it because I need to."

"Jeez kid, when are you not scheming?"

"Actually that's what my next few hours are going to be. Mindless senseless destruction of the highest possible scale. That's one of the reasons we're out on an island."

"You're blowing up an island? Why am I not surprised. Wait you said one of the reasons, what's the others?"

"Oh, my room here is closer to the rest of Orochimaru's shinobi. I don't know their skills yet, I don't know if they can hear us talking about the more unsavory things. Like skinning their boss for instance. This will be a one time thing, I'm making some sound dampening seals for my room and lab. They're just not done yet."

"Ah, gotcha. I'm going to go back to the Nest now. Since you're about to go fire crazy."

"Wise decision."

Shirokumo poofs away back to his home.

"Now, let's try out some new moves. I want to see just how durable an island is."

Hours Later

"Orochimaru-sama come quick!" One of Orochimaru's minions shouts into his lab.

Even when something goes wrong no one enters the lab without permission. It is a place to avoid at all costs.

"What is the issue?" Orochimaru quickly walks over to a sink to wash his hands free of the blood of his latest victim.

"We think we're going to be attacked!" The minions shouts into the lab again with a great deal of fear. Whether it is fear of disturbing Orochimaru or the impending attack no one knows. It's best to assume it's both.

"Karin is sensing something. It's too far out even for her to tell how many or who this is, but -"

"Really?" Orochimaru cuts off the minion, his interest has been piqued. "We have tested Karin before, even at the edge of her range she can tell who and how many shinobi there are."

"Yes, the issue is that there's too much chakra in the air for her to sense through it. She knows something is there, something strong. But she doesn't know who or what. It's just too thick, to potent."

"Interesting. It takes large quantities of chakra to cloud a sensor's capabilities, especially for Karin. Only long sustained ninjutsu battles of the highest scale could cloud her senses. Someone would have to use high level jutsu after jutsu, over and over and over again to achieve this effect. This phenomenon also occurs when there's a clash between large groups of shinobi who throw around ninjutsu like it's going out of style."

"We think it's a group prepping for a massive jutsu. One meant to destroy our base all in one go. We think we've been discovered. She felt this an hour ago and it's just kept growing since!"

"Where is this coming from?" Orochimaru takes off a protective red apron. It was white when he put it on. "I shall go confront them myself. To think that someone would be so bold in this day and age! To me! They shall not live to make this mistake twice."

"The south east. One of the neighboring islands. We think they're using it as a staging ground, a base for themselves."

"Oh." Orochimaru's visage changes from deadly to surprise. "That's nothing to worry about."

He casually dismisses the minion and turns back to his latest victim. Said victim whines in both fear and agonizing pain.

"You're still alive? Maybe this isn't a loss then. Let us continue." Orochimaru dons his red apron again.

"Orochimaru-sama? You know what that is?"

"Yes." Orochimaru confirms as he picks up a scalpel. "It isn't a what, but a who."

"I know it is not my place, but may I ask who it is?" The minion is doing this for two reasons. One: so that he can explain to everyone exactly what is going on to calm them down. Two: he doesn't ever want to be on the bad side of whoever that is.

"My child." Orochimaru grins sinisterly. "He's the one causing that."

"You have a child?" The minion staggers as if he was stuck by a powerful blow. "A child?"

"Yes. Now is as good as time as any to publicly introduce him to my shinobi. After all, one day he will command you himself. Now begone! I have more things I need to do before this subject expires."

A Few Minutes Later, With the Unnamed Minion

"Hey! What is it? Where's Orochimaru-sama? What are his orders? What do we do? Some of our other sensors are starting to feel it! It's not just Karin anymore!"

"Oh. Yeah. That." The shaken up minion says. "Ignore it."

"Ignore it? Are you mad? What the hell even is it?"

"Orochimaru-sama's child." The minion from before whispers out. Even though his words were spoken softly they're heard clearly by everyone present.

"Holy shit. He has a kid?"

"There's a mini Orochimaru-sama running around now?"

"Oh I bet he's cute!" One of the more fanatical individuals exclaims.

"We're so fucked. I thought Orochimaru-sama could be cruel when things go wrong but now his kid is here. He's going to explode if anything wrong happens to the kid."

"The Sound Three are terrified of someone. Have you seen them recently? I heard a kid was dragging them around last night. They were tied up and everything. You've got to be skilled to do that, no one here can stand up to them."

"Do you think it was Orochimaru-sama's kid that did that?"

"I don't know. But if it's Orochimaru-sama that raised him, you can bet they're similar. It's best to not piss him off. Or insult him. Or look at him funny."

"Didn't one of the new arrivals raid a kitchen yesterday? Do you think it might have been..."

"There's no way Orochimaru-sama would raise his kid like that. Had to be someone else."

"Hey you're not going to believe this."

"What?"

"Orochimaru-sama has a kid! And he's here!"

"No way!"

"So there's this new rumor going around."

"The one about Orochimaru-sama's kid?"

"Dammit! How do you always find out things before I do?"

"SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!"

"What's his problem?"

"He heard about Orochimaru-sama's kid. He's terrified of two of them running around."

"Oh. Shit."

"Maximum security at all times! Nothing will happen to that child on my watch! I want our defenses doubled, no tripled! We will protect the child at all costs, for Orochimaru-sama!"

"We don't even know if it's true."

"QUADRUPLED!"

The Mess Hall

This is one of the few places in Orochimaru's base that is considered an 'at ease' location. It is an unwritten rule that no one will attack anyone, no one will have to acknowledge their superiors should they walk by, no one has to do anything of the sort. This is a place where people can relax.

It's just one giant cafeteria. Along one of the walls is a buffet style arrangement of numerous kinds of foods while the rest of the room is covered in sets of tables that run all the way across it. This is one place that everyone considers a good spot to unwind, they can happily chat with friends over food.

"Whew!" I plop down at an empty section of a table with my tray of food. "Nothing like a good workout. I don't think I've ever pushed myself that far before! Is this what having low chakra feels like? I never have that issue anymore. Man I'm beat!"

~Yes, you were very zealous today. I don't know if there's anything left.~

"Oh shut up. I know there's at least smoldering ruins left. I can't make it disappear, I don't have the Jinton. Though that would be cool. And even more broken than I already am."

"OI!" Someone from a group of four quickly approaching shinobi shouts at me. "You came here with Orochimaru-sama right?"

"Uh... yeah? Doesn't everyone? How else do we know where the bases are?"

The four of them sit down around me. There are three guys and one girl.

One of the guys has bright purple hair and deep green eyes. He is rather lanky, towering over everyone else but is as thin as a twig. He has a sword strapped to his hip, another on his back, and a short blade strapped on each calf and forearm. I think he has a thing for sharp pointy stuff.

The second guy has on long flowing clothes, much like the Sound Three and Orochimaru wear but they are definitely of a much lesser quality. This guy is bald, there's not a single hair on him but he's trying to hide that fact with his forehead protector. He wears it like Ibiki, it's covering his scalp.

The last guy, the one that shouted at me, has a mohawk. A bright sky blue mohawk. He really should have picked a better color. This one is just wearing the usual basic shinobi gear, a chunin vest and rugged and durable clothes.

The girl is on the shorter side. She's barely as tall as I am and has lovely normal brown hair. Seriously normal hair is hard to come by now, there's blues and greens and purples all over the damn place! Anyways, she's wearing what looks like a red battle kimono with white floral accents on it. I say looks like because she obviously took a pair of scissors to it to make it a low cut. A very low cut, it's exposing almost all of her shoulders and quite a lot of her bosom. It's nothing short of a miracle that it can stay up. Or just chakra control, she could be adapting the premise of tree walking to hold it up.

"Can I help you all?" This is strange. I've never had anyone so casually join me before. Not even in Konoha.

"Actually yeah. We've got a question for you. But that can wait, introductions first! I'm Sora." The male with the sky blue mohawk waves friendly at me.

"I'm Seiji. Nice to meet you. And sorry about Sora. He's just a ball of energy." This is the guy that is mimicking Orochimaru's style.

"Katsuo." Is all the shinobi with all of the blades provides. I like him the best so far, he's quiet.

"I'm Maiko, but everyone calls me Neko-chan. Pleasure." She purrs at me. Literally, she literally purred. What? Humans can't actually make that noise!

"Neko-chan?" I question rudely. "Isn't that a little derogatory?"

"Nope!" She happily says as she points at her hair. "It's accurate!"

Holy shit. I'm seeing things. I have to be seeing things. She has cat ears. A pair of fuzzy brown cat ears. And a tail. A nice bushy tail. She's a catgirl.

Alright! Just remain calm and play it cool. She's just a catgirl. It's a thing. Orochimaru made a bunch of fantasies possible by making her but that doesn't matter. She's just another person. Treat her like one.

"Well I'll be calling you Maiko. I know that I'd hate if everyone went around calling me Sureddo." I bet that deep down she doesn't like her nickname.

"Threads?" She taps her chin cutely as her ears twitch and her tail darts around playfully. It's just begging to be petted. DAMMIT NO! Control yourself man! Fuck you puberty! Fuck you very much!

"Why would anyone call you that?" Sora asks. Thank the sweet and merciful Kami.

"It's kinda my thing." I shrug. I'm going to massively underplay that. "So you had a question for me?"

"Oh yeah we did! Oh this is going to be so cool! What was it again?" Sora asks his team.

"Dude. Really? It was your idea to come over and ask." Seiji sighs. I feel like this is a normal thing for them.

"That's right! I remember now!" Sora claps his hands together in victory and turns his full attention on me. In fact everyone's full attention is on me. "Is it true that Orochimaru-sama has a child?"

"Is it true that he's here?" Seiji adds on.

"Is he skilled?" Katsuo breaks his long silence.

"Is he even a he? No one knows, maybe Orochimaru-sama raised a kunoichi!" Maiko merrily says.

"Uh..." This is awkward. This is really awkward. They have no idea it's me. "Yes, yes, I like to think so, and he's a he."

All four of them ponder the answers.

"Wait you've met him?" Seiji asks.

"Well yeah. Something like that." Awkward. This is so awkward.

"Are any of the rumors about him true?" Maiko asks eagerly.

"Uh... what rumors?" There's already rumors about me? That was quick. Perhaps my stunt with the Sound Three and Sasuke left an impression.

"That he's a monster! Rawr!" Maiko mock roars and curls her fingers in an attempt to make claws. It's adorable. Fun fact: she actually does have claws. Orochimaru definitely paid attention to detail. "Boo! I'm a scary monster! Fear me!"

"Ignore that." Seiji sighs again. I think he's the one who keeps everyone else in line. "She means that if it was him that had all of the sensor nin running wild for the past couple hours. According to them someone was throwing around some serious ninjutsu and when they asked Orochimaru-sama what to do, he said 'oh, that's just my child.' How have you not heard any of this yet?"

"I was training?" I squeak out. Well I was! It's not lying, just a bit misleading. Misdirection is very helpful. "And it probably was. He's known for being a bit unorthodox. Tends to ignore some rules and general concepts that most people adhere to."

Most people wouldn't use unorthodox. They'd probably say crazy. Or insane. Or mad.

"Wow. Orochimaru-sama's child is that strong already? Just how old is he?" Sora asks and Katsuo doubles his focus on me.

"Thirteen." I'm starting to feel a little bad about leading them on like this. At first it was fun and amusing – also really awkward – but now I just feel bad.

"He's not that much younger than us!" Sora exclaims. "We're only a couple years older than him. We should totally befriend him!"

"Yes! Great idea!" Maiko raises her fist in the air in determination. "Sora! Seiji! Katsuo! New unofficial mission: Befriend Orochimaru-sama's son!"

"Fine." Katsuo grunts out.

"I don't see why not." Seiji shrugs in indifference. "Couldn't hurt to be on his good side. Plus if we're friends with Orochimaru-sama's kid then he might be more lenient with us if we mess up."

"It's agreed then!" Sora shouts out happily! "Let's get going! So anyone know where he's at?"

"Nope!" Maiko swats at Sora who has stood up to leave the Mess Hall.

"No idea." Seiji adds.

"No." Katsuo grunts out again.

They all turn to me. Oh boy.

"Uh... hi?" I squeak out. "What's with the looks?"

"Do you know where he's at?" Seiji asks.

"You want to know where he's at when you don't even know his name?" They haven't even asked for my name either. They just introduced themselves and then we started talking.

"You know his name?" Sora goes wide eyed.

"Yeah? Doesn't everyone know by now?"

"No, Orochimaru-sama never gave us his name. Just said that he has a kid." Seiji clarifies.

"Wow. Really? I thought for sure Orochimaru would do more than that." I casually say.

All four of them tense up. Oh. Shit. I didn't say sama. Whoops. It's not even just them who have tensed, there's a lot of people listening in on our conversation. Most are staring at me in open shock. Others in pity and fear of what is in store for me. Some even have anger plastered on their faces.

"Hey. Newbie." Seiji says loudly. "Don't forget the suffix. Ever. This is your one pass, you didn't know better. Now you do. Don't make that mistake again."

Seiji is almost yelling. He's doing this for my benefit, by saying I'm a newbie he's letting the other's know that I'm a newbie. That was a bit redundant. Then there's him publicly reprimanding me and also giving me a pass. He's dealt with the problem so no one else has to. That's really kind of him.

"While I thank you for teaching a 'newbie' a lesson, it was unneeded." A cool and confident voice rings out over the entire room. "He is the one person who does not need to add on a proper suffix."

Orochimaru himself is standing off in one of the corners. He stealthily entered and watched the proceedings. He saw and heard that entire conversation. Going off of his large smirk, he enjoyed how I never revealed just who exactly I am to these four.

"Although it warms my heart when my child addresses me so formally, I do not require that he does."

The entire population of the room swivel their heads. Each and every single person is staring at me. Analyzing me, studying me. I think I just became a celebrity.

"Holy shit." Sora softly exclaims.

"Hm? You're his kid? I can see it." Maiko says. "There's something about the both of you that just screams leader. His is more of 'fall in line or face the consequences' while yours is warm and inviting. Strange. Maybe it's an animal thing? Are you a cat person?"

"Interesting. I wouldn't have guessed that." Katsuo says his longest sentence of the day.

"I-I-I am so sorry!" Seiji says in fear. "We had no idea, p-p-please forgive us!"

"Nah, you're all good." I casually dismiss them. "I liked our chat. There's no need to be afraid of me. Just treat me like another person, I'm not someone ridiculous like the Prince of Sound. Ha! Good one me, well done!" I pat myself on the back twice.

"Alvarcus, come." Orochimaru orders. "I want you to tell me how your training went."

"Good news! There's still an island!" I hop up and walk over to him. "Well most of one?"

"Why was that a question?" Orochimaru asks as we both leave.

"Because I'm not sure you could call it an island now." I say as the door swings shut behind us.

Sora turns to his team. "Anyone expect that? Cuz I didn't."

"Nope!" Maiko grins. "I like him!"

"You would." Seiji groans out.

That Night

"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the ground. "Why do I keep saying that?"

"Saying what?" Shirokumo asks as the smoke disperses.

"Nothing. How you doing?" I throw myself onto my bed and dive under the covers. It's a chilly night.

"Swell. We got a nice big catch today in our webs. Had us a nice meal together, you should have been there." He walks up a wall to start working on his web again.

"No thanks. I don't like bugs." Except for the Aburame's beetles. Those are freaking cool!

"Yeah probably for the best. We don't eat similarly at all. You barbarians eat everything solid while us refined folk soften the meal up first."

"Yeah, I know how spiders eat. They vomit digestive fluids all over their prey, then they chew it up a bit with their 'jaws' and proceed to elegantly suck up the digestive fluid and meaty juices both. Rinse and repeat until all the edible parts are gone. It's gross. Really gross."

"You're not wrong, but to me it's you who eats strangely." Shirokumo shrugs his whole body.

"So I called you here for a reason." I snuggle deeper into my bed. "Totally not trying to change the subject at all."

"Yeah that was real smooth." Shirokumo blandly says. "What's the reason?"

"There's a piece of paper on the desk. Can you run it over to Jiraya for me? This is to prove that I can be useful. He'll be getting it bit by bit. I can't just give him everything I know right off the bat, I have to make it look like I've been investigating and discovering things as time goes on."

"Sure." Shirokumo grumbles as he descends to the desk. "Not like I want to work on my web at all, I'll just drop everything I'm doing to be your minion."

"Shirokumo you're a genius! It's perfect!" I fly out of my cocoon of warm blankets to start pacing back and forth. "It's great. But I need to make this worth it, I need to plan more."

"Right. I'll be going now. You're busy doing whatever the hell that is." Shirokumo poof away.

"Oh yes, this will be glorious!" My eyes gleam dangerously.

With Jiraya and Naruto

"Why are we still not back at Konoha?" Naruto groans out to himself. He knows that no one around him truly cares about what he's saying. In fact there is only one person around him. "I know why. Because you've not only stopped at every whore house but every damn bath house too!"

"They're not whore houses! They're brothels! There's a difference!" Jiraya defends his pastime activities.

"Whatever. I still don't know why I'm putting up with this."

"Hey Naruto, why don't you join me?" Jiraya says without looking away from an inconspicuous hole in the wall. "You're really missing out!"

"No." Naruto dryly replies. "You're lucky I don't yell pervert."

"I miss Alvarcus." Jiraya wilts in disappointment. Yet his eye never left the hole. "He joined me! He's the only person who has ever joined me! I swear he was the only one in your generation that showed true promise! There were the beginnings of a real Super Pervert in him!"

"I feel dirty." I shiver slightly as the feeling courses through my body and causes me to screw up the detailed plans of revenge against Sasuke I was working on. "Dammit. I spilled ink all over them."

"Yeah that was before he went rouge and joined Orochimaru." Naruto darkens at those words and his hand darts into one of his pockets. It's wrapped around something.

"True." Jiraya sours along with his student for a moment. "But the path of the Super Pervert knows no borders! It is a journey open to all!"

"Stop saying super pervert or I will shout." Naruto threatens. "Seriously I swear you spend more time perving than training me."

"Kiddo it's your fault you're not having a good time right now." Jiraya pats the spot next to him. "All you have to do is join me and you'll understand."

"No." Naruto deadpans.

"Good, because I'd hate to pull you both away from that." A scratchy voice says from behind him.

Both shinobi immediately tense at the sudden voice but they manage to only pull out kunai instead of throwing them.

"Yay, progress. You didn't try to kill me this time." Shirokumo steps out of his hiding spot in the shadows. The fact that he can hide in shadows has both shinobi impressed, he is a white spider. "Hello Toad Sage."

"Hello Spider Sage." Jiraya coolly replies as he straightens himself up from his peeping. The Akatsuki is more important that his research. Though it is close.

"Oh? You're a lot more insightful than any other human I've met. Bonus points to you." Shirokumo pulls a single piece of paper off of his back and hold it out to Jiraya. "How did you know?"

"Gut feeling." Jiraya accepts the paper. "I know what nature chakra feels like, you had lingering traces of it on you the first time we met. Plus there's something about you that screams dangerous to me."

"Ah yes, my Sage Mode will have that effect. I haven't gotten all of the traces of it out of my system from the last time I used it. You'd be surprised how long it stays with you, even if it's only a trace. It's almost like a marker for other Sages to recognize each other. You have one yourself."

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Naruto interjects himself into the conversation. "The hell is a Sage? I thought he just called himself the Toad Sage for shit, kicks and giggles."

"He doesn't know about Sages?" Shirokumo asks Jiraya.

"Does Alvarcus?" Jiraya retorts.

"Fair point, Naruto has had access to the Toads for longer than Alvarcus has had access to the Spiders." Shirokumo accepts defeat.

"What about your other Summoner? The one you won't name? Do they know about Sages?" Jiraya asks with a mask of casualness.

"You want to know if Orochimaru has a Sage at his beck and call." Shirokumo saw right through it. "Orochimaru doesn't. He's never brought up that topic with my Summoner."

"Whew!" Jiraya wipes non-existent sweat from his brow. "I was worried for a moment! Could you imagine what Orochimaru would do with a Sage?"

"I hate to repeat myself, but what the hell is a Sage?" Naruto asks again. "No ignoring me this time!"

"So consider that paper my Summoner's proof that he's valuable." Shirokumo blatantly ignores the irate Naruto. "I know I teased you a little bit last time so here's proof that we actually do know more than you do."

"Let's see it then." Jiraya reads the paper. There's only one sentence on it. "There are currently nine members. Currently? Does that mean they're recruiting?"

"No, it means there used to be ten." Shirokumo clarifies. "I suppose they are looking to get their numbers back up, but they're having a hard time replacing the tenth member since he took something valuable with him when he left."

"Who was he? Who has the balls to leave a group like that?" Jiraya asks.

"Ah ah ah, that would be revealing too much." Shirokumo taunts him. "So does my Summoner meet your expectations?"

"Yes, he does." Jiraya burns the piece of paper on the spot. "I look forward to a profitable relationship. How can I get in contact with him? This is supposed to be a two way street right? I use him and he uses me?"

"No, this is just him using you. He doesn't want anything from you. All he wants is to provide information."

"That's surprisingly selfless for any shinobi, myself included."

"Is it though? He wants the Akatsuki gone even more than Konoha does. He's using you to further his own agenda, it just so happens that your agenda and his line up. If my Summoner wanted Konoha to burn – which he doesn't so don't bother asking – he would have sent me to an Iwa nin. You're nothing more to him than a means to an end."

"Wow. He's a dick, isn't he?" Jiraya says in mock irritation. He's done the exact same thing before so he can't blame him.

"Well you're not wrong, but I wouldn't say you're right." Shirokumo shrugs.

"Hello? Still here!" Naruto waves like an idiot. "OI! What is a Sage!"

"I'll be on my way now." Shirokumo says his goodbye.

"Until next time." Jiraya replies.

Shirokumo leaves in a cloud of smoke that quickly vanishes on the wind.

"Seriously though, the fuck is a Sage?" Naruto asks his teacher.

"I'll tell you when you're older." Jiraya turns back to his eye hole. "Hehehe! Yes, they're still here!"

"Oh gross is it one of those sex things?" Naruto draws the wrong conclusion.

"Yeah sure let's go with that." Jiraya remains glued to his hole. "Wait what the hell do you mean gross! I've taught you better than that!"

"Throwing me into a whore house and saying 'have fun' is not teaching! And you wonder why I don't like going there!"

"It's not a whore house! It's a brothel! They have class!"

The Next Morning

"Sasuke!" I shout as I rip open the door to Sasuke's room.

"What?" He irritably barks out from his bed. He's reading a book.

"I know how you can get off of my people to prank list!" This is going to be glorious!

"Okay." He snaps his book shut. "What do I have to do?"

"You're going to be my minion for the day." I evilly grin at him. There's no way he'll ever agree to that then I'll be free to get my revenge as I see fit! "If I say jump you don't waste time asking me how high, you fucking jump. If I say scrub the ground so I don't get the bottom of my shoes dirty you scrub until its spotless. If I say attack you rip the target to shreds with impunity. If I fetch me a glass of water you get it for me. Nothing major."

I've got him cornered! There's absolutely no way the proud Uchiha will bend to someone else's will so completely. Then it is revenge plotting time. I think I might loudly say a few plans in front of him just to watch him squirm before I do anything. Mmmm yes, that sounds lovely.

"Deal!" He quickly accepts.

"Wait what?" He accepted? That's not supposed to happen! "But but but WHAT?! YOU ACCEPT!?"

"Yes I do. That's how much I want to get off your 'people to prank in malicious and intentionally cruel ways' list."

"Fine!" Well... it's hugely unexpected but I can totally work with this. "Come minion, I require sustenance. We're going to the Mess Hall."

"Can you at least not call me minion?"

"I'll call you Butler if you refer to me as My Liege." I compromise with him. I'm not cruel! Well actually I am. I'm very cruel.

"Of course, My Liege." Sasuke elegantly bows, displaying every minuscule iota of his dignified upbringing.

"There's just one last thing we need to do before we go." I clap my hands together in giddy anticipation. "Summoning Jutsu!"

"Alvarcus!" A huge spider wearing a purple scarf eagerly scuttles out of the smoke. "How have you been? Do you need anything from us Weavers? Can we finally drape you in royal clothes that are fit for someone of your status? Please?"

"No. Please no." Sasuke whines in defeat. He's already accepted his fate, his whining is just him attempting to cope with it.

"My dear Murasakino, I've got a different project in mind for you."

The Mess Hall

"Butler." A happy voice sounds on the other side of the door to the Mess Hall. It is one that hasn't been heard here before, and since it's an unknown it has the added effect of quieting down the shinobi inside. They want to see who the newcomer is.

"Yes, My Liege?" Make that two newcomers.

"The door is closed."

"My apologies." The door swings open to reveal two surprisingly young kids.

One is clad in a dark green trench coat and a vibrant red scarf. The other is wearing a suit of the highest make, it's one that nobles would sell their entire fortunes for. Obviously the coat wearing one is the butler, that is what everyone thinks at first.

But then they see that it's the one in the suit that's holding the door open.

"Thank you Butler." I sweep into the room with a grand flourish.

"My pleasure." Sasuke responds with forced happiness. He's a great actor, the only reason I can tell he's forcing the happiness is because I know him so well.

"My pleasure..." I trail off.

"My Liege." He amends his earlier words.

"That's better. Now, I require sustenance. Go get some for me. I will be waiting for you." I confidently walk over to an empty part of a table and sit down as Sasuke gets my food. "Don't forget the chocolate cake!"

"Holy shit. Am I seeing things?" Jirobo asks his equally shell shocked teammates from the other side of the room. Their shock is so great that they're not running away in fear of me like they have been ever since they were my test subjects.

"That depends." Sakon can't take his eyes off of the tamed Uchiha. "Are you also seeing Sasuke Uchiha of all people dressed up in a suit and acting as Alvarcus's butler?"

"I am." Kidomaru forces out despite his surprise.

"Okay. So I'm not seeing things." Jirobo says as he watches Sasuke bring me my food. "I think we got off lucky."

"You're sustenance, My Liege." Sasuke sets down my food then stands regally behind me, waiting for his next set of orders.

"Best. Day. Ever."