Chapter 32

One Week Later, Three Weeks Until the Exams

"Alvarcus, get up." I'm instantly fully awake. That is one voice I never want to wake up to again. Orochimaru himself came to get me this morning. "Today we are doing something different."

I climb out of my bed and look at him expectantly. "Care to elaborate? Different could be anything from learning something new to a training session where you don't maim me or even that one time where you let me play pranks on the Sound Four all day to test my stealth." I walk over to my dresser and pull out my clothes for the day. I don't care if he's technically a doctor or not, there is no way I'm changing in front of Orochimaru.

"I'm going to have you test out a theory of mine. If I'm correct, your taijutsu will become much more deadly. It is one of your lacking talents, you haven't developed your own style yet. This will give you the extra push to move from dangerous to deadly." He has a wicked look about him, whatever this is I'm not going to like it. I am all for learning what he's talking about but I have a feeling I'm going to hate how he teaches me this.

"Okay, I'm game for learning a new trick. Now can you wait outside? I have to change." Orochimaru graciously exits my room. I quickly change and meet him outside, even I don't dare to keep him waiting when he's this excited.

"Follow." He briskly walks down the hallway and I do as told, follow.

We walk in silence the entire time. He's taking me to somewhere I've never been before, but it is a place I know about. I hear horror stories about this place from almost everyone I've met here. This is where Orochimaru tests out new things, this is his lab.

Orochimaru generously holds open the door for me. "Come inside, there is no need to worry. I'm not experimenting on you. This time." That is both relieving and horrifying, I don't want to be his lab rat. Ever.

I cautiously enter his lab. The moment I enter this room, I know this day will haunt me for the rest of my life. It isn't the jars of organs lining the walls, it isn't the grotesque half cut open carcasses, it isn't even the cages holding feral half human half animal hybrids. What haunts me is one thing, and one thing only. There is a person strapped down on an operating table, completely nude. Nothing has been done to him yet. At first I dismiss him as just another scumbag that Orochimaru collected. Then he spoke.

"Alvarcus?"

No. Kami no. I don't want this to happen. I know him. I know him.

"Alvarcus it is you!" There is hope in his voice, he thinks I'm going to save him. "You remember me right? We met when you left on that Land of Tea mission. I'm one of the gennin who took your paperwork! It was you and Sasuke Uchiha! You do remember, right?" His last words are said in a desperate whisper.

"So you two know each other?" Orochimaru gleefully says as he enters the lab. I can see the gennin's hope waver.

"We've met once before, yes." I force myself to respond calmly. I can't afford to display any kind of sympathy.

"I wonder what the chances are. Oh well, what's happened has happened. It won't affect my theory at all."Orochimaru wanders over to one of his desks and picks up a clipboard with paper and a pen. He's going to take notes. This man is sick.

The gennin's hope shatters. You can see his body physically accept defeat. "I didn't want to believe it. You really did go to Orochimaru willingly. I thought you were better than that." He's crying, tears are streaming down his face. He's lost all hope of getting out of this. "I thought you were a good person."

Orochimaru is looking at me expectantly as he idly scribbles down something. He wants me to reply. I mentally prepare myself for what I am about to say.

"You thought I was a good person?" I say in a disgusted tone. "There is no good or evil in this world. There is only strength and power. The strong tell the weak what is good and evil, the strong say what is right and wrong, the strong make the rules, the strong rule over all."

I pause for effect, and to give myself a moment to steel my mind and body for what comes next. The poor gennin is tearing up. To him, I used to be a hero. I was someone he looked up to in awe and wonder. Now I'm standing above him and I'm spitting on everything he thought I was. No longer am I a symbol of what to strive for. No longer am I a good person. No longer am I a hero.

Now I am a monster in both name and title. I'm something to hate. I'm something that needs to be purged from this world. I'm something that is disgusting, a blight on humanity.

"Konoha wouldn't make me strong, I've learned that since coming here. Look at Orochimaru, that is the man who killed the Hokage. That is the man who killed the Kazekage. That is the man who is personally training me, my strength will be unrivaled. Now look at you, strapped to a cold hard table. Where's your strength? Where's Konoha? What did it do for you? Nothing, it only got you trapped here. There is nothing left in Konoha for me. I refuse to be a mild mannered weakling."

I broke him. I broke him with only my words. There is no tension at all in his body, his eyes have a vacant expression like there is no one home. He's given up.

I suppress my utter fury and I turn to Orochimaru. He disgusts me. He is the most vile creature to walk on this world. That bastard is proud of me. I can see it in his eyes, just a glimmer of emotion. He's proud that I crushed this gennin's hope for survival. He's proud that I broke him. He can sink no lower in my eyes.

"As... interesting as that was to watch, I didn't bring you down here for a reunion. We're here to test a theory." Orochimaru walks around the strapped down gennin so that we are on either side of him. "The Jiongu can exit your body and is extremely durable. You can form it into any shape you want. What I want you to do is to mock punch the test subject and when your fist connects I want you to spear the Jiongu into his body and leave a piece behind."

"No." I will not put someone else through that pain, that horror. The pure agony is indescribable, there are only two people who deserve that level of torture. One of them is standing before me and I have the other's heart beating in my back.

Orochimaru falls deathly still. A very impressive killing intent floods the room and all of it is directed at me.

"You will." All of Orochimaru's friendliness has vanished. He is pure killing machine right now, and I just told him no. It is a miracle my head is attached still. I'm not sure anyone has told him no and survived in the last few decades.

"I refuse." I will not back down. I stare straight at him without a hint of fear or self preservation. The gennin on the table has passed out from the pressure of Orochimaru's killing intent. The only reason I'm not in the same situation is because I've felt this pressure before, during in training and the Forest of Death.

In the next moment three things happen. One: Orochimaru vanishes in a burst of unrivaled speed. Two: His hand clamps down on my throat, hard. Three: I'm slammed through a wall into a large adjacent storage room and then pinned by my throat against the far wall.

Orochimaru leans in close to my face and quietly says, "This is not something you can refuse. You will do this, or I will cut you open and take a piece of the Jiongu and put it in him myself. Do not think that you are irreplaceable. Do not think that you are special. Do not think that I won't kill you."

~Can we kill him now?~

"Fuck you!" I roar.

Pure unadulterated white hot rage courses throughout my body. I lash out at Orochimaru, the Jiongu tears out of my neck and wraps around his hand. Even the great Sannin couldn't dodge that, not when he's this close. I crush it without a hint of mercy or hesitation. Orochimaru rips his hand out of the Jiongu leaving behind a fair amount of skin, muscle and blood. He jumps across the room putting a small amount of distance between us.

A sadistic grin makes its way onto both of our faces, all thought and logic is gone for both of us. The promise of bloodshed has clouded both of our minds.

"You want me to use the Jiongu?" I rip off my shirt, turning it into rags. I couldn't care less about it, right now I need to kill someone. "Fine! I'll use the Jiongu!" I push out my wind, fire, water and earth hearts and make them into my loyal minions.

"Yes! Come at me my child! Prove that you are worthy of such an honor! Prove that you have the ambition to not let anyone limit you, that you will not let anyone demand things from you! Prove to me that you are strong like you so eagerly claim to be! Prove that you are mine!" Orochimaru opens his mouth wide and pulls out his Kusanagi Sword. Then he moves.

My left arm falls to the ground. Black threads reach out of it and me and pull it back where it belongs. Jutsu of four elements are flying around the room, the Jiongu isn't holding anything back. It is viciously attacking Orochimaru with everything it can. He's dodging all of it.

"Is this all the great Hearth Thief can manage?" Orochimaru taunts as he nimbly weaves around every and all of my numerous attacks. "Come on! Do more! Do better! I know you have the resources! You have the means! Or was giving you the Jiongu a mistake? Perhaps I should take it back."

I spark up my elemental defense sphere, a rotating ball of lightning whips forms protectively around me. I don't stop there, I send out normal strings to attach to debris around the room and start spinning that around me too. I have a physical and an elemental shield around me.

"I will never part with the Jiongu! The Jiongu is mine!" I call out in a crazed voice.

~And the host is mine!~

Orochimaru isn't phased by my defense, he weaves through it and lops off my right arm this time. It reattaches in moments just like my left. He didn't get away cleanly, one of the projectiles clipped his shoulder. There is no damage to him, but there is a noticeable black smudge on his robe.

"I WILL NOT SHARE WHAT IS MINE!" I roar out to Orochimaru.

I will all of my hearts back into me, I'm going to try something new. Something so destructive and overwhelming that even a Sannin won't be able to get away unscathed. Like when I fought against Gaara I let the masks extend out of my back but I don't let them separate from my body. They form a black X behind me with each stark white mask on the end of the new limbs. Each mask and I in unison channels an overwhelming amount of chakra, but each one of us is channeling a different element. Once I can't muster up any more chakra, I insanely stare down the patiently waiting creature before me.

"Yes!" Orochimaru swings his arms out wide in a welcoming gesture. "Come Alvarcus Mar, attack me with everything you have! Attack me at your strongest! At your best! I want to see it! I want to see if you truly are worthy of being my child!"

"ELEMENTAL MONSTROSITY!" We launch our attacks in unison and they all merge into one large beam of destruction.

Orochimaru slams his hand down on the ground and yells, "Summoning Jutsu: Double Rashomon!" Two very large hell gates rise from the ground in the path of my attack.

My beam of elemental fury slams into Orochimaru's resolute defense. "The power! The intensity! The pure destruction! Everything it touches is destroyed! I've never seen a fusion of all the elements before! Alvarcus Mar, there is no doubt in me now!"

With a deafening BOOM, my attack plows into the first gate. A loud noise of tearing metal drowns out all other sound. My fury fueled attack is going straight through the hell gate.

"Marvelous! You actually have an attack that is capable of breaching one of Hashirama's fabled defensive summon!" Orochimaru is laughing insanely. He's giddy with happiness, he's elated to see my attack overcome one of his defensive walls. "I knew you would be great! I knew it! But to achieve this so soon? No, even I didn't dare to dream of this! I should have known! Truly, in this moment you have proven yourself to be worthy of being my child!"

Orochimaru's defense isn't anything to dismiss. Even though my attack managed to plow through the first hell gate it is weakened so much that it only manages to dent the second and tilt it backwards slightly before it peters out into nothing.

"Alvarcus, enough!" Orochimaru's voice echos in the suddenly quiet room. No, it isn't enough yet. He's still breathing, once he stops doing that only then will it be enough. "I've made a mistake."

I'm jolted out of my bloodlust. Orochimaru admitted to making a mistake, that is enough to stop anyone in their tracks. "Explain. I was having fun." I'm not even lying, it is very therapeutic to attack the person who viciously hurts me nearly every day.

"I misunderstood you." I tilt my head in confusion. How do you misunderstand a giant beam of all the elements aimed at your heart? Pretty sure that is universal for I want you to die. "When you told me no, I thought it was out of concern for your former comrade." Oh, that part. The spark that ignited our quick battle. "Now I know it is because you don't want others to have the Jiongu. It is what makes you unique after all, you want to keep it to yourself. I can understand that."

I don't get out of my battle stance yet. "So... are we going to stop attacking each other now?"

"Yes." Orochimaru swallows his sword again. "I didn't plan for us to spar at this level for a long time. I admit, I let it get out of hand. I could have stopped it at any moment, but I've never seen you so passionate in battle before! I just had to keep pushing you! And what a show you put on! I might have to step up your training."

I withdraw my monsters fully into me. "Yay. More torture. Can't wait." I swear he's going to turn me into a masochist at this rate. I'm not even phased by being gutted or my limbs getting cut off anymore.

"That will be for another time." Orochimaru assures me. "Now, I believe we were going to test out a theory of mine. That was the purpose of this meeting. Not the destruction of one of my storage rooms."

A cold hand grips my hearts. "I'm not giving the Jiongu to anyone else." I don't care if Orochimaru wants me to. It is staying with me. Let him assume that I want it for myself, I don't want anyone else to go through the pain I did. Especially someone I know.

Orochimaru and I make our way back into his lab. "We've established that. I'll adjust for you, instead of leaving a piece behind just spear him. Send the Jiongu into the test subject and cause as much damage as you can." We're standing around the still comatose gennin again. That is for the best, he shouldn't have to feel what will happen next. "Kill him using just the Jiongu and physical contact." My heart turns to lead.

I liked it better when Orochimaru and I were trying to kill each other. I don't want to hurt this child, that's what he is at this moment. He's not a shinobi of Konoha, he's just a kid that is in the wrong place. I don't want to kill him. He's still innocent, he isn't like the others down here. He shouldn't have to die.

But he is going to. I can't afford to show compassion for him. I can't display a hint of regret or mercy. I'm going to kill him and a piece of myself. The least I can do is make it quick.

I form my right hand into a fist and lightly punch the gennin directly above his heart. I push the Jiongu out of my knuckles and it digs into his flesh and worms its way through his ribs and wraps around his heart. I squeeze. A faint wet pop rings through the air. He's dead. I killed him. I killed a Konoha shinobi. I killed a child.

"Excellent display of your control of the Jiongu, but I want to see damage. We already know you can take hearts, I want you to shred his organs, I want brutal." I hate this man. I want him to die. I want to be there when it happens, I want to see it.

It isn't enough that Orochimaru made me kill him, he is having me desecrate his corpse.

Calmly, without showing any emotion at all, I raise my fist again and lower it to the dead gennin's stomach. I have the Jiongu spear into his gut and shred everything it can in a quarter second. It is all I can take, if I let it go on my facade would crack.

"Better, there was true damage this time. Let's see what you did." Orochimaru draws a scalpel across the dead gennin's gut. I look away as he peels back the skin and muscle to show his entrails. "That was better than I expected! This is a success. You're exceeding all of my expectations today."

My curiosity gets the better of me and I glance down. There are no organs. The only thing left is a thick reddish brown chunky paste. I did that. I did that in less than a second. I rush over to the nearby sink and throw up.

I did that to a child.

"I was wondering how long you would last. Everyone pukes their first time seeing something like this." Orochimaru is lovingly rubbing me on the back like a parent would with their sick child. It makes me want to empty my stomach again. "You lasted longer than most, I've had people that didn't make it five seconds upon entering my lab." He takes hold of my arm and places something cold in my hand. "Here, water to rinse out the taste." I rinse out my mouth and rise back up from the sink.

I hate this man with my entire being. Hate isn't a strong enough word.

"Did you need me for anything else?" I mechanically say to Orochimaru. There is no life to my voice at all.

Orochimaru is scribbling like mad on his notepad. "No, that is all for today."

"I'll be going then." I calmly walk out of the lab and back to my room in silence. No one escorts me for the first time.

That bastard planned this. This was meant to test my loyalty. He wanted to know if I would kill a Konoha shinobi. This entire day was meant to see if he could trust me.

I storm over to my desk and whip out a piece of paper. On it I write "Visiting the Nest" and stick it on the outside of my door.

I slam my hand to the ground. "Summoning Jutsu!"

POOF

Shirokumo appears before me. "Hey Al. What's up?"

"I need you to reverse summon me to the Nest." I say blandly without emotion. If I let a little break through I know that it will all pour forth. I can't have a breakdown here.

Shirokumo stills in worry. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Please. Now." I can feel my resolve weakening, my suppressed emotions are surging back to the surface.

"Alright." He disappears in a cloud of smoke.

POOF

I'm whisked away after him.

The Nest

I land on my feet in a dark clearing. I stretch out my senses, only Shirokumo and I are here. Good, I don't want what happens next to be common knowledge.

I release my hold on my emotions. I roar in anger, I cry in sadness, I wail in pain, I scream in terror all at the same time. I lash out at a nearby tree, punching it so hard I put a fist sized hole in it. I don't stop at one punch. I hit it repeatedly.

"I!" Punch. "Killed!" Punch. "A!" Punch. "Child!" Punch. "UNFORGIVABLE!" The tree topples to the ground.

"Why? Why did he have to die?" I whine pitifully. "He didn't have to die, it didn't have to be him. It could have been anyone but he picked him."

I laugh in insanity. "I know why it was him! It was to test me! It's all my fault! Hello world, I'm Alvarcus the killer of children!"

"No." I say in a hushed angry tone. "It wasn't my fault. It is Orochimaru's fault. He made me. He made me do it! Yes, his fault! Not mine!"

"That doesn't make the blood on my hands go away." My voice sounds broken, defeated. "I still did it. I could have said no." I fall down to my knees. "I could have said no." I scuttle backwards until I hit something. I wrap my arms around my legs, holding myself tightly. "I could have said no." Tears are streaming down my face, I'm rocking back and forth. "I could have said no."

~ENOUGH!~

My head snaps upwards at the sudden noise.

~Enough of this! You are better than this, you will overcome this! My host is not a weak sniveling child! I do not choose the feeble and frail, I choose the stoic and tenacious!~

"But I killed a child." I barely whisper out.

~No, you ensured our survival. That is what we do, survive. Look at the work you are doing, you know what Orochimaru is capable of. I've seen it in your memories. You've killed one to save thousands. He had to die so others could live.~

"That doesn't make it right."

~You gave him a quick death. Orochimaru would have done much worse to him. What you did was mercy, not murder. He was going to die today by your hand or Orochimaru's. With you he didn't suffer.~

Hoarsely I croak out, "You're right." I wipe my face dry. "He was going to die no matter what I did. I didn't kill him out of anger. I didn't kill him out of need or want. I killed him because it was the merciful thing to do. I didn't kill him, I spared him from Orochimaru."

~Yes, now get up and move forward. We accomplish nothing by dwelling on our actions. Honor the dead by remembering them, do not let them fade into obscurity.~

I climb to my feet. My will is back, my resolve is back. "I will. I won't forget him. He'll be my motivation, my reason to push forwards. I will finish what I have started so one else has to share his fate."

~Well said, host.~

"Are you done freaking out now?" Shirokumo asks from the other side of the clearing high up in a tree. "Cuz that was weird to watch. Did you know that you talk to yourself?"

I bet that was very strange to watch. He probably thinks I am crazy now. "Alright, hear me out before you judge. Basically..." I tell Shirokumo everything. I explain how the Jiongu works, that it is sentient and parasitic. I tell him that it talks to me. Then I tell him about today and what I had to do, and how the Jiongu calmed me down, talked sense into me. "... so that's it. Your summoner has a living parasitic thread monster inside him that talks."

"If you were anyone else I wouldn't believe you." Shriokumo climbs up me to rest on my head. I'm glad that he accepts me, if he didn't I would lose one of my friends. "Tsunade was right, you are a magnet for crazy."

"Aw shit. I have to tell Tsunade what happened. Are you willing to run a letter today for me?" This is going to be one terrible letter.

"I've got nothing better to do. Lets go." Shirokumo raises his two front legs.

"Right-"

POOF

Sound Base, Alvarcus's Room

"-now?" We're back in my room. "Thank Kami, I thought you were taking me to Tsunade."

Shirokumo screeches in amusement. "I can't do that. I can only summon myself to other spiders, passengers are a no go."

"Dang." I plop down at my desk and pull out paper and pen. "Guess I can't use you as a taxi service."

Shirokumo scampers up to his web. "What's a taxi?"

"Oh... uh... transportation." I haven't slipped up like that in years. Today has really gotten to me. "Basically a service that charges a flat rate per kilometer and would take you from point A to point B. Like a carriage or caravan."

"Interesting." He lets the conversation drop so I can work on the letter. As I'm writing it he's expanding his web across my ceiling. It's taking up at least half of it now.

"Alright Shirokumo. I've got it all ready."

He repels down from my ceiling and lands on my desk. "Whoa, it's heavier this time. How many pages did you write?"

"Only one. I also included data sheets for the Sound Four, that is what the extra weight is from. I was very detailed."

"No kidding." He heaves the letter and report onto his back. "I'll be going then. If I take to long the weight will crush me."

"Thanks for doing this." I say as he puffs away in smoke. "Now, I'm going to pass the fuck out. After today I deserve it." I plop onto my bed and fall into a hopefully dreamless sleep.

It isn't.

Hokage's Office

POOF

"Tsunade." Shirokumo says in a very serious tone. Miraculously Tsunade doesn't try to squish him this time.

"Drinking buddy!" Tsunade's whole face lights up. "Please say you can stay for drinks this time. I've been looking forward to this."

"You need to get him out of there." Shirokumo throws the letter aggressively down on her desk.

She picks it up and reads it.

Lady with the Hat,

The Traitor forced Spider to kill a lost leaf today.

It cemented my loyalty in the Traitor's eyes, but you need to know what happened. I don't know his name, I've only met him once before. He was one of the two that let me and the Snake go get Tea. Dark brown hair, blue eyes, gennin. I didn't want to kill him, it was either I do it or I let the Traitor have his way with him.

Since I know you'll ask, I am not okay. I had a breakdown but I will preserver. I'm not going to let this be the end, I'm going to move forward. Just do something for me, make sure his name makes it onto the Stone. He deserves more, he deserves a proper funeral but he can't have one. Not while he's here.

I've also included a few profiles on the people I've met here. They have a general outline of their skills and rank in the Traitor's hierarchy. Since I've finally earned his trust, I should be privy to more sensitive things now. If I can get my hands on a map of where the Traitor's bases are, I'll make sure you get a copy.

Spider

"It says that he killed a Konoha shinobi. A gennin. Someone he knew on sight." Tsunade says grimly. "He had a breakdown? I've never seen that kid phased by anything. He shrugged off being decapitated by a S-rank missing nin."

"Breakdown doesn't do it justice. His whole persona shattered. He literally went from anger, to sadness, to insanity, to desperation, then to self loathing. He talked through it out loud to himself, he thinks I didn't notice but I did. He tried to play it off on the Jiongu. You do know about that right?" She nods, she examined him herself after all. She knows more than most. "The Jiongu had to snap him out of his funk. I called out to him multiple times but he ignored me. I couldn't help him, he didn't notice me at all."

"He doesn't want out." Tsunade replies after reading further into the letter. "I can't afford to withdraw him now, not when he just earned Orochimaru's trust. He's in too deep, but I need him to keep digging."

Shirokumo raises himself up higher. "You need to do something! The person you know is changing! He's becoming twisted and rent all thanks to that revolting man! He killed a child today and you want him to stay there?"

"SILENCE!" Tsunade thunders at the large spider on her desk. He doesn't back down. "Do not make the mistake of thinking only you care for him. I don't want Alvarcus there at all. I expressly forbid him from doing it and he did it anyway. The first chance we have to get him back he tells us to do nothing and avoid him. You want me to do something? There is nothing I can do, nothing at all. He's on his own by choice. I didn't want this, Kakashi didn't want this, Konoha didn't want this! Alvarcus wanted this, so he did it."

"Write back to him." Shirokumo demands. "He sends you weekly letters with his reports. He actively differentiates them in his mind. Don't you get it? He's writing you a letter. He's reaching out to you, the one person who actually knows what is going on in his life. He's using me as a crutch for positive contact. He summons me almost everyday just for conversation. He needs reassurance from his own species, he needs a friend. Someone to lean on, someone to tell his problems to, someone to listen to him. He has to wear a mask around everyone except you and the Spiders."

Tsunade pales. "I missed it. All three reports have had a personal letter just to me about mostly irrelevant information. How did I miss it?"

"You weren't looking. You've missed more than that. Alvarcus has changed. He's becoming desensitized to pain and violence. You know how bad that is, he's a shinobi that is loosing touch with his morals. He constantly endures torture under the disguise of training! I fear for the next person he fights, his level of acceptable damage has skyrocketed. He doesn't even blink when his arm gets cut off! The only things that can phase him are getting his head cut off or losing a heart!"

"He is going to end up killing someone in the Chunin Exams, isn't he?" Tsunade morbidly asks.

"Yes, and it will be purely accidental. He won't scale back his strength until something irreversible happens. He's been fighting only Orochimaru for who knows how long! Every damn day for hours. He's fighting Sannin level opponents, your level, Kage level."

"He's well on his way to achieving his dream. I only wish it wasn't like this." Tsunade says in a bleak tone. "He should have stayed here."

"You should have kept him here." Shirokumo poofs away, returning to the Nest.

"I can't even get mad at him for that comment. He's right." Tsunade opens the bottom drawer in her desk and pulls out a bottle. "Alvarcus, you better survive through this. Konoha is always open to you as long as I am the Hokage."