Chapter 80: You’re just like me

Kai sat in the cold garden, his face buried in his hands, desperately trying to clear his mind.

The air was sharp and cold against his skin, but it did nothing to soothe the tempest brewing within him.

Hina's words lingered, wrapping around his thoughts like a noose, tightening with every second.

*"You're already like me, Kai."*

He shuddered, not from the cold, but from the weight of those words.

He kept repeating those words in his mind , denying everything.

He hated it.

He was hating the thought that he was no different from Hina.

Now they had another things in common: they're both killers.

Kai started wondering about a lot of things regarding his present , the future and even all the events that happened until that moment.

He was doing all of that for Hina.

He was enduring every single pain only because of her, or because of his selfish desire to love and save someone dear.

But after seeing Hina's reaction, his mind became a mess.

He had always thought that the gentle Hina was the true girl behind that killing machine.

But no… she said that she was waiting for that moment , where Kai would've killed someone.

In the other hand, he still kept thinking about his beautiful moments with her, where she was ashamed about what she did to other people…

…Where she cried because she didn't want Kai to leave her.

"Was it all… manipulation…?" Kai asked to himself.

Questions without an answer.

But that's the only thing he could do.

He always saw Hina as the fragile girl with a dark past who only wanted to be loved and live a normal life, but she had now shown him a side he never expected.

She was waiting for him to kill someone…

That strange laughter, those gleaming eyes, her excitement over what he had done…

How could she find pleasure in it?

Kai had killed someone, yes, but it wasn't out of desire or thrill.

It was survival. Wasn't it?

"I had to... right? There was no other way. But why does it feel like... I'm losing myself?" Kai thought.

But despite that, he had no remorse in what he did.

He knew that he would've done it again a hundred times.

"…no… no…" Kai whispered, while looking at his trembling hands.

"You just have to accept it." Another thing that Hina said to him.

"I'm not… I'm not a monster…"'Kai said, with a shaky voice.

But before he could have another mental breakdown, he took some deep breaths.

He inspired from his nose and held the air inside his lungs for 5 seconds before releasing everything in order to calm down.

After that, he sat on a nearby bench into his garden and buried his face into his hands.

The night's events spun in his mind, twisting into an ugly knot of confusion, guilt, and fear.

He was exhausted, his body screaming for rest, but his mind wouldn't let him.

He couldn't shake the sensation that Hina was waiting for him, her presence pulling at him from inside the house.

He sighed deeply, the cold air stinging his lungs.

He didn't know what to do.

He didn't want to face her, not after what she had said, but at the same time, he couldn't stay outside forever.

Hina was the only person he had here with him.

He had no one else.

He had to accept her, and there was no turning back.

There was nothing he could do.

"You have to go back." The thought hit him like a weight, settling heavily in his chest.

It wasn't just about facing her; it was the realization that he had nowhere else to go.

Hina was the only one that could understand him in that moment.

Nobody other than her could.

He was trapped in this situation, in his own mind, and, it seemed, in her influence.

Reluctantly, Kai stood, his legs feeling weak beneath him.

He rubbed his hands over his face, trying to summon the courage to return inside.

He had no choice.

As much as the thought of being with Hina scared him now, the alternative of being alone, with nothing but his thoughts and the horror of what he had done was way worse than stay with her.

So , he finally stood up and decided to walk back inside.

He had no other choice.

And Hina already knew that.

~~~~

Hina was waiting for him when he returned, just as he had feared.

She had changed into a soft, pale blue pajama set, her long hair falling loosely over her shoulders.

She looked… serene, as if their earlier conversation hadn't affected her at all.

In fact, she seemed almost at peace, her wide eyes watching him closely as he entered the room.

Kai hesitated in the doorway, his heart racing as he met her gaze.

For a brief moment, he considered turning around, walking back into the night, and never coming back.

But he couldn't.

Something about the way Hina looked at him… the way she seemed to know all of his thoughts… made him feel like running would be useless.

Kai was literally an open book due to his vulnerability.

She would find him.

She would always find him.

"Kai-Kun," Hina's voice was soft, almost a whisper, but it carried across the room like a lullaby. "Come here."

Her tone was gentle and sweet like the voice of a mother speaking to his baby, but there was something underneath it.

Something that made Kai's stomach twist in knots.

It wasn't fear, exactly, but a strange sense of inevitability.

He knew he couldn't resist her.

The only thing that Kai could do in that moment was staying with her and pretending that the discussion between them never happened.

With slow, hesitant steps, he made his way over to the bed, where Hina was sitting, waiting for him with a small, knowing smile.

She patted the space beside her, her eyes never leaving his face.

"Sit down, Kai-kun. It's okay." Hina whispered softly, while looking at him with a lovely smile.

Her tone of voice seemed to have returned to her normal and genuine one.

This put Kai at ease.

Kai accepted her invitation sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands trembling slightly from the bad thoughts enveloping his soul.

The tension in his body made it hard to breathe.

He probably wanted to stay alone, but where else could he go? He couldn't face his own thoughts, not tonight.

Hina leaned in closer, her hand gently resting on his arm. "You're so tense," she murmured, her fingers tracing soft circles against his skin. "You don't need to be. I'm here, my love. And I'll always be with you. You can count on me for everything. I love you." Hina said, while still caressing his skin.

Kai swallowed hard, his throat dry.

He wanted to pull away, but her touch was warm, comforting in a way that was almost dangerous.

"It's okay, don't speak if you don't want to. Leave it all to me. My precious boy…" Hina whispered again, while gently rubbing his cheek.

Kai wasn't reacting at her touch at all.

She shifted closer, until her body was pressed lightly against his, her head resting on his shoulder.

"You did what you had to do," she whispered, her breath hot against his neck. "There's nothing wrong with that. You were protecting someone, right? Yuna… She's safe because of you. You're her hero." Her voice was soft and tempting.

Kai squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out her words, but they seeped into his mind, wrapping around his thoughts like a snake tightening its coils.

He knew what she was trying to do.

She was trying to make him feel better, to justify what he had done.

But deep down, he also knew that she wasn't doing it to comfort him.

She was doing it to change him…

Or that's what he thought.

Maybe his girlfriend was truly genuine, or she was being manipulative… who knows…

Hina's hand moved up to his face again, her fingers gently caressing his cheek.

"It's okay, Kai. There's nothing to worry about. You're safe now." Her voice was low, almost hypnotic, as if she was lulling him into a trance.

Kai's body relaxed involuntarily under her touch, the weight of the day's events slowly slipping away.

His mind, exhausted and overwhelmed, clung to the only comfort he could find, even if it came from Hina.

Her soft touch, her whispered reassurances… it was easier to give in.

He was too tired to resist.

Hina smiled softly as she felt him relax, her eyes gleaming in the dim light of the room.

She leaned in closer, her lips brushing against his ear as she whispered, "There's nothing to worry about, Kai-kun. You don't need to think anymore. Just let it all go."

Kai nodded weakly, his mind too clouded to argue.

He didn't want to think.

He didn't want to feel the crushing guilt, the horror of what he had done.

If Hina said it was okay, maybe it was.

Maybe he had done the right thing.

Maybe he was like her, after all.

But in that moment, the only thing he wanted was nothing more than some physical comfort from his girlfriend despite everything they've "argued" about.

Hina shifted, pulling him down onto the bed with her, her arms wrapping around him in a gentle embrace. "You're safe now, my precious baby…" she repeated, her voice soothing, her hand running through his hair. "I'll take care of you." Hina said, before landing a kiss on his lips.

Then, after some instants, their lips parted and their eyes were locked into each other's.

Hina's eyes became the same color of the passion, and you could literally read all the desire coming from her gaze.

She clearly wanted to go further than the kiss.

It seemed that all the situation actually turned her on.

But Kai felt himself sinking into the bed, his body growing heavy with exhaustion.

His mind was numb, empty, as if Hina had somehow drained all the fear and confusion from him, leaving only a hollow, fragile shell.

He closed his eyes, too tired to fight it anymore.

Hina let out a small sigh, probably a little disappointed that his boyfriend wanted to sleep instead of spending some quality time with her, but she understood him.

"It's okay, Kai," Hina whispered one last time, her voice soft and sweet, like a lullaby. "There's nothing to worry about." Hina repeated, while Kai's head was gently laying on her chest.

"So… warm… so… good…" Kai thought in his mind, while being in the warm embrace of his girlfriend.

Her hand caressed his cheek once more, her fingers brushing lightly against his skin.

Then, she gently hugged his head and started to gently caress his hair.

Kai sighed, his body sinking deeper into the mattress.

He didn't know what to think anymore.

He didn't know what was right or wrong, only that Hina was there, and for now, that was enough.

As sleep finally claimed him, Kai's last thought was of Hina's voice, echoing softly in the darkness.

"There's nothing to worry about..."

And for the first time in what felt like an eternity, Kai believed her.

---

The room fell silent, the night pressing in around them.

Hina smiled softly as she watched Kai drift into sleep, his body still curled up against hers.

She ran her fingers gently through his hair, her eyes gleaming with quiet satisfaction.

"You're already like me, Kai," she whispered, though he was too far gone to hear.

And in the quiet darkness of the room, Hina continued to hold him, her mind already working on what would come next.

A new but already known enemy was about to emerge from the shadows.

It was someone evil that Hina knew perfectly.

It was only a matter of time…