The one the world rejects [4]
Trrrrr—
I held onto my knees and stared at the moving wheel.
This was my last-ditch attempt at something. Although I knew that this was merely a fruitless attempt at trying to save my skin, there was nothing else I could do.
I had exhausted all my options.
This... was my only remaining option.
It was a futile attempt at trying to do something.
Even though the previous times bore fruit and helped me out in my situations, the case wasn't the same this time.
Emotions.
They were a supplementary power.
.....A tool used to help in certain situations.
But...
That's it.
By itself, they couldn't help me in this situation.
I was doomed.
I knew it.
...And it was because of this that the sense of frustration that I felt further intensified.
'Damn it. If only...!'
The wheel stopped.
Red.
'Anger.'
The world around me changed. It turned white.
"Hm...?"
I looked around me and frowned. Unlike the previous experiences where memories or environments appeared, the world remained like this.
Completely white.
"What—"
I lost control of my body.
It wasn't an unfamiliar experience as it had happened to me once before.
I didn't reject it.
I let it guide me and my body slowly sat down on the ground.
What...
My hand moved forward and a warm current flooded out from my body, slowly gathering toward the tip of my fingers.
A circle and set of runes hovered over my fingers.
Ones I had grown used to seeing a lot.
"This is..."
One rune.
Two runes.
.
.
.
Five runes...
Tzzzz—!
The spell shattered at five.
And it was at that moment that I regained control of my body. My chest tightened a little, but aside from that, I didn't experience anything else.
".....What's going on?"
I looked around me.
The world was still completely white.
There were no changes around me and I was confused.
However, thinking back at my actions after my body was taken over, an idea started to form.
"Is it telling me to practice?"
How did this represent anger?
.....Or was it that my powers understood my situation?
That I was fucked.
Regardless...
"Hoooo...."
I took advantage of the situation and started to practice again.
One after another, runes started to connect.
Rune One—Rune Two—Rune Three—Rune Four—Rune Five—Rune Six—Rune Seven...
Tzzzz—!
"....Fail."
Nothing surprising.
I had lost count of the many times I had failed by now.
Looking around and seeing nothing changed, I knew that I was fine. Time stopped on the outside.
I could still practice.
Though I didn't know how long I'd be here, I knew I needed to take advantage of the opportunity.
"Hah, yeah... It's fine."
Though I told myself that, my lips were pursed together.
Yeah...
I can do it.
"...Again."
.
Time passed.
.
Tzzzz—!
"Haha, it's nothing big..."
I laughed but my mind didn't.
My chest grew tighter all of a sudden.
Six runes.
My progress regressed.
"...Let's do it."
.
It continued to flow.
.
Tzzzz—!
"....Another failure."
How many was it now...?
Hundredth time? Okay... Reasonable.
"H-huh."
My chest trembled and my eyes narrowed.
A weird sensation tangled my chest. It was light. Nothing that I couldn't control. But it was growing.
Steadily.
What was it...?
I pushed it down.
I had no time to ponder over such a matter.
"Again..."
I had to keep practicing.
"Right... Practice."
.
It never stopped.
.
Tzzzz—!
My chest felt tighter.
"Haaa... Haaa..."
My vision became narrower.
"Haaa... Haaa..."
My breathing quickened.
The feeling I felt before...
.
.
Tzzzz—!
It started to grow.
.
.
Tzzzz—!
With each failure...
.
.
Tzzzz—!
The feeling in my chest started to grow.
And...
.
.
Tzzzz—!
I finally realized what it was.
.
.
Tzzzz—!
"Argghhh....!!!!"
I clenched my fists and screamed at the world.
Rage.
...The feeling that was slowly building up in my chest.
It was rage.
"Why!! Why!!!!! Why can't I!!!!"
I punched the floor repeatedly in my fit of rage.
"F-fuck...!"
Bang!
"Fuuck!!!"
Bang!
"Why...!"
Bang!
"Can't..."
Bang!
"...I do it!!!"
Bang!
"Haaa... Haaa... Haa..."
My head felt light.
All I could feel was a strange pulse in my head as my thoughts disappeared, and all I could think of was my repeated failures.
"How many times is it now?!?? Why can't I do it? What is wrong with me?!"
I continued to scream at the sky as I felt my veins bulge from my neck.
"Am I really that shit! Is that the fucking case...!"
I couldn't accept it.
"Fuuuuuckkk!!!"
I didn't want to accept it.
So...
I continued.
.
.
But.
Tzzzz—!
Despite all my attempts, I continued to fail.
And the more I failed...
"Arghhhhh!!!"
The angrier I got.
"D-damn it...!!!!"
I trashed my surroundings, screaming at the sky with all my might.
Bang...!
I punched my face.
It seemed to relieve some of the frustration that I felt.
So...
Bang...! Bang...!
I punched it again.
"Kh!!"
Faster.
Bang!
Stronger..!
Bang!!
And faster...!
Bang...! Bang...!
"M-motherfuck...! Akkkh!"
I screamed again.
"Ahhhhhh!"
I let everything out.
I knew that my current appearance was pathetic.
That I... was pathetic.
But.
I was desperate. Failure meant death.
I had no choice but to succeed.
Why couldn't I just do it...?
"Ha Ha... Why..."
My eyes started to sting.
The rage that had clouded my mind slowly started to subside, and I lay blankly on the ground.
My entire body was in pieces and my mana reserves were empty.
I was powerless.
"....."
Time passed again.
One hour.
Two hours.
Three hours...
And in such time, I remained motionless on the ground.
'...When is this going to end?'
At some point, I started to wonder.
How long was this immersion going to last for?
It had never lasted so long before...
I closed my eyes and embraced the darkness. I was starting to get tired of white.
When I opened my eyes again, a little more time had passed.
I was still stuck in the white space.
"Haaa..."
My mind had recovered, and so did my mana.
Sitting up straight, I extended my hand.
"Again..."
And tried again.
.
.
Time flowed.
A week passed like this.
Or something like that. I had lost track of time.
In the time, the only thing I did was practice. Hunger, thirst, and sleep weren't a problem for me. I could practice for as long as I wanted.
But...
Tzzzz—!
Once again.
I failed.
"Ahhhhhh....!"
I reached out for my head to pull my hair, but...
There was nothing left.
.....I had already ripped out all the hair on my head.
"Dammnnnn it!!"
Rage had already taken hold of me.
But even that had its limit.
"Haaa ... Haa..."
In another week, I had lost my voice.
"....."
I slumped down on the ground and blankly stared at the white world.
I was tired now.
So tired that the anger that had taken control of me was slowly starting to subside.
When will I get out?
Wasn't this enough...?
For how much longer did I have to be here?
I already understood anger.
So...
Let me out!
Let me fucking out...!!!
Now!!
Please...!
I....
Can't...
C-crak—!
As if the world had finally listened to my prayers, the space shattered and darkness overtook my vision once more.
One that was broken by a sudden notification.
∎| Lvl 1. [Anger] EXP + 23%
"H-hah..."
I felt the coarse texture of the ground beneath.
The cold wind in the sky.
And the faint earthy smell of the soil.
I was back.
Finally...
"Hahahaha..."
I started to laugh, unknowingly. A certain emotion boiled in my chest. It was a raging fire... A volcano that was on the verge of erupting.
It threatened to take hold of my body.
But...
All I could do was laugh.
"Cough... Haha..."
Even as I coughed up blood, all I could do was laugh.
So much time had passed, and yet...
I still hadn't managed to achieve success.
How could I not laugh?
It was pathetic.
I was pathetic.
"Haha-Uekh!"
Then, something held me by the neck, and I felt my body lift from the ground.
"....Have you lost it?"
It was the hooded figure.
"I was told not to kill you, but..."
Though I couldn't see, he appeared to be frowning under the hood. I didn't care enough to wait for his next words.
My chest was burning.
I needed to let it out.
My hands slowly raised. They neared for his arm. So long as I touch him I'll be able to....
"What are you doing...?"
His eyes snapped down to stare at my hands.
"....!!"
Bang—!
"Akhh...!"
I felt my back crack as I crashed against something hard. My mind buzzed, and my vision blurred.
What happened...?
I glanced around me and noticed the pieces of trunk around me.
'Ah.'
"Shit, I don't know what to do."
The hooded's figure voice reached me from the front.
Ruffling his head, he mumbled,
"Should I just kill you? My orders were to keep you alive. Ugh, when will that bastard get here?"
That bastard?
There was someone else...?
Haha.
I wanted to laugh again. How fucked was this situation? Had it ever been possible for me to escape this situation?
"Cough...! Cough...!"
Blood spilled all over my pants as I coughed.
I looked up at the hooded figure, reaching for every breath.
"Stay put, will you?"
He began to raise his hand, a purple magic circle floating in front of him.
I widened my eyes and prepared to move my body, but the magic circle never pointed at me.
The ground shuddered.
Tuck!
And several skeletal hands reached out from the ground.
"What..."
The sight stunned me.
Clawing up from the ground, they slowly pulled themselves up to reveal the figures of several skeletons.
"Necromancer...?"
The hooded figure flicked his hand.
The skeletons approached me from all sides.
KubKubKubKub.
"That should keep you from moving. Don't even think about using your powers on them, unlike me, they don't have feelings."
"This..."
I gritted my teeth and stared at the approaching skeletons.
The pain that was invading my chest was growing with each second, and it was getting hard to sustain. But as he said... Skeletons had no feelings, and unless I touched him, there was no way for me to affect him.
'What do I do...?'
I grabbed onto the tree trunk and forced myself up.
My legs were shaky and my only support was the tree behind me.
Without it, I'd still be on the floor.
KubKubKubKub.
The skeletons were now a few meters in front of me.
It's over.
'...I don't want it to be over.'
One more time.
I moved my hand behind my back.
A warm current flowed from my abdominal area.
It was a familiar process.
One that I had done countless amounts of time.
Each time ending in failure.
More!
My mana drained.
I started to perceive pain even more vividly. The pain from my broken back, the pain in my mouth and the taste of my blood, the fire raging in my lungs, and the boiling feelings that were spilling from my chest...
I perceived everything.
Vividly.
And it was tearing my mind apart.
But...
'Come...!'
I endured that pain and added to it.
If it meant success...!
Rune One—Rune Two—Rune Three—Rune Four—Rune Five—Rune Six—Rune Seven—Rune Eight—Rune Nine—Rune Ten—Rune Eleven.
The runes were connecting.
This was a step I had reached thousands of times before.
I always failed here.
A part of me was already expecting my inevitable failure.
I thought it'd be like this even now.
I really did.
But then...
Click—
"Ah."
As if some shackles broke free, my mind cleared.
The mana flowed without interruption. It didn't stop and shatter like it usually did. As if a path had formed, the mana in my body flowed toward an end.
This is...
I could feel the mana bend and twist at the tip of my fingers.
Purple points scattered around my vision.
They were spread apart.
But it felt like I could do something.
As if I was entranced, I raised my hand which had turned wholly purple, and pointed in their direction.
Tangible purple hands sprouted out from that point.
"Uh?"
They clasped on the hooded figure's clothes.
But they shattered almost immediately.
Still.
"Ukh."
It was enough.
"What the..."
The hooded figure fell on one knee.
"W-What i..."
"Kh..!"
My body moved forward.
I stumbled forward.
Raising my hand, I glanced around and tapped three other points around me.
Hands sprouted again.
They latched onto the skeletons, halting their movements for a brief moment.
But that was enough.
I stumbled forward.
Toward the hooded figure who had grown pale.
[Hands of Malady] — It wasn't a powerful spell. However, when caught, one would experience hallucinations, nausea, and vertigo for a brief moment. The stronger one was, the less effective this was.
It was because of this that I had to keep moving.
As if bewitched, my steps hurried.
But just as I neared him...
Thump!
My legs faltered and I stumbled forward.
"Ukh...!"
'No, not yet... So close...'
I reached my hand forward and grasped the soil.
Purely out of desperation, I clawed myself forward.
Time seemed to flow slowly, but all of this had happened in a matter of seconds.
I had to be fast.
'Almost.'
His foot was close.
So close to me...
So long as I managed to touch it...
It was only a few centimeters away...
I was the closest yet, and yet... it felt the furthest I had ever been.
It reminded me of a previous thought.
'The world rejects me.'
My very existence didn't belong to this world.
I wasn't meant to be here.
...But was that really the case?
Did the world truly reject me?
It didn't.
I was the one who rejected the world.
The existence that was known as Julien.
And everything that came with it.
It wasn't the world that rejected me.
It was I who was rejecting it.
And that made me understand... If I wanted to survive in this world, I needed to accept who I was.
Accept that I was no longer back on earth but in a different place. One with different rules, and set of morals.
I was no longer Emmet Rowe.
I was now Julien Dacre Evenus.
While I mustn't forget my past, I also mustn't forget my present.
And with such thoughts.
My hand...
Ah—
It finally reached his foot.
And I let everything out.
'Anger.'
"Ahhhhhhh....!"
A scream resounded. It echoed loudly in the sky as it pierced through everything.
It was overwhelming.
Thump!
He fell on his back and held his head with both hands.
"Ahhh! Ahhhhhh!"
I could relate.
After all... He was experiencing all the anger I had felt in the immersive state. All of it in a concentrated bundle.
All at once.
"Ahhhh! Ahhhhh!"
He trashed on the ground, pulling at his hair with force.
"....Ukh."
I clung to the ground and pushed myself up.
It wasn't over yet.
Reaching for the nearest rock, I stumbled forward, only stopping a few meters away from him.
"Ahhhh! Ahhhhh!!!"
My lips trembled, and I took a deep breath.
I...
"Kh. "
My eyes closed and my hand raised.
Pfttt—
"Ueht!"
Blood splattered over me as I smashed down with the rock.
My entire stomach churned at the sensation and unknowingly, my mouth parted open as something came out of my throat.
"Bleergh!"
It was puke.
But...
"Ukh... Haaa..."
Taking a deep breath, I once again smashed down with the rock.
Pfttt—
The sight upset my stomach further as everything flooded out of my stomach.
"Bleergh!"
In my mind...
The thought of killing someone... and witnessing such a gruesome sight...
'No, he was going to kill me...'
I had no choice.
Yes.
I had to do this.
Pfttt—
"Bleergh!"
But even so...
My stomach continued to betray my thoughts as I continued to bash the head with my hand.
Blood continuously spilled all over me as I raised my hand and smashed it down.
Over.
And over.
And over again.
Thud.
"Haaa... Haaa... Haaa..."
I only stopped when my body could no longer move.
Lying on the ground...
I stared at my hands.
"….."
Even as I bled, and my bones were broken...
"D-did it..."
The only thing I thought about was the fact that I had succeded.
That I... hadn't failed.
After so much struggle. I had managed to succeed.
And that...
Felt so liberating.
It tore away at all the other thoughts that were clouding my mind.
"Huuu..."
Gradually my eyes closed and darkness overtook my vision.
I was tired, and I still didn't know what was going on.
But...
For the first time in a very long time.
I...
Felt joy.
∎| Lvl 1. [Joy] EXP + 2%
***
Oof, that was a very long chapter. And also a bonus for reaching another goal. Thank you so much again!