Ritsuka Fujimaru Gets It

Nicholas tapped his fingers on a metal table, resting his head in his other hand as he idly stared into the kitchen behind the cafeteria where a certain Saint was busy with her cooking, "How long?"

"Are you a damn kid?! I said it'll be ready soon so just be patient!" Martha shouted back for the umpteenth time and Nicholas chortled like he'd been doing every single time she shouted at him.

It was kinda adorable to see the 'graceful' saint kick being prim and proper in the balls and be like what she actually was around him... It was even more adorable to see her in a simple green t-shirt and jeans with an apron, working hard for something like cooking.

It was awesome to see someone give good food as much importance as he did.

Life just wasn't worth it if a man couldn't even eat good.

"How long will it be? Your King demands sustenance. I would like another burger."

"GAAAH! Shut the hell up before I smack you ne-...urgh!" Martha started coughing heavily, reason being that it wasn't Nicholas who talked that time.

It was the pale, goth blonde in a dark tank top and shorts sitting next to him, peering into the kitchen with big golden eyes.

"Pardon my tone, what are you doing here?"

"Mhm, it is foolish of you to think a King would leave her territory without valid reason." She even looked proud of how she pointed out the Saint's mistake, going so far as to raise her head ever so slightly and cross her arms, "Now hurry and complete the task you have been assigned."

"When did she get here?!"

Nicholas observed the exchange with amused eyes.

"You fool, I never left. I have simply mastered the art of standing so still I become invisible to the naked eye... I thank you for telling me of it, Master." The Saber that had been their final enemy not a few days ago now sat in their cafeteria, giving a small nod of gratitude to Nicholas.

The Chaldean Master just waved his hand in response, "No prob."

"Hey Master, don't you think you're using the Fate system way too casually? When did you even get the tim-... You are one absurd man."

"...I think I did it yesterday." Nicholas rubbed his chin in thought, "Yeah, before going to bed. I was actually going for that Archer dude but this is fine too. We all need a bad goth chick in our lives."

Martha pursed her lips, deadpanning, "And you don't think you should've informed me about the fact that you summoned another servant?"

"I wanted to but... I don't like walking around alone in Chaldea anymore. Have you seen how empty and dead this place is without the staff?"

Martha stared at the ceiling with empty eyes before letting out a small pitying sigh, "It's fine I guess..." Sometimes she forgot he was still a teenager, SOME TIMES, one that had abruptly lost a good number of friends, close friends, to the whims of a deity...

She could excuse his behaviour.

"...I would've liked it if you told me though." She muttered inaudibly.

The thing she'd learnt over the course of their 'relationship' was that he more often than not summoned people that were just like him... She didn't like the implications of having many like-minded women living under the same roof as them.

"Wait till you see the other one... It's not a big titty milf or something."

"Well I'm sorry for not being a big titty milf, you dick."

Guess who answered his question.

"Great, how did I not see this coming?... Oh wait, I did." Martha nodded to herself, if he wanted to summon the 'guy who slit his own throat', Nicholas would probably punch the fate system till he did summon that man.

...And he did.

"Hey lady, you've got my sympathies... I can only imagine what living with this..." The Archer scrutinised Nicholas before slightly smirking, "Symbol of civility would be like. I'll help you out with the kitchen."

The Archer withdrew an apron from a stand and walked into the kitchen as he put it on, "Seeing as there's no way it could ever matter in this 'relaxing' situation we're in..." The man sighed to himself, "You can call me Emiya, nice to meet you. And er..." He gestured towards Saber with his eyes, "If that one's anything like the Artoria I know, you're gonna need the help."

"Great men need great food."

"The more amazing one is, the more the sustenance needed."

Nicholas and Artoria turned to look at each other, a tacit understanding flashing through their eyes, and fist bumped making Martha squeak abruptly, "Ah! How could you?!"

'Emiya' raised his finger to point something out but stopped midway and tilted his head before lowering it back, "It's nice to see you people so relaxed... It's not like we have a world ending threat looming right above us, right? Not like everything outside Chaldea just doesn't exist... Who am I even kidding?"

The more logical part of him appreciated that they could relax in the face of such a problem, tension would only give room to a mistake but they were way too relaxed...

"Oh bitch I know you ain't just tried to pull the sarcasm card right now."

"...You're just the very picture of civility aren't you?" Emiya found himself dragged into the vibe all the same, "What? You want to punch me?"

"Shut yo ass up, Homer Simpson looking ass."

-

Guda-

Ritsuka Fujimaru! R-I-T-S-U-K-A F-U-J-I-M-A-RU!

...Gudako walked through Chaldea's empty hallways, humming idly as she made her way to the cafeteria for some grub after a nap she DESERVED after all the bullshit thrust onto her day one of a job she'd randomly applied for.

Having faced heroes of legend, grunts that could alter the damn landscape and literal Gods... along with a lot of harassment from one of these so-called grunts, the red haired teenager felt it was her right to have a good long nap.

It did her good too.

Apparently Nicholas' advice wasn't all that bad.

"Ah whatever."

Was a very good answer to most of life's problems.

Certainly a good answer for all of life's problems that you could associate with the organisation named Chaldea Security Organisation and it's denizens.

So, when the door to the cafeteria slid away to reveal a very similar trying to jam her big black sword into a Martha that was trying to beat the shit out of her with her bare fists and Nicholas eating food being prepared by a man that committed suicide because he told him to without any care for safety while shouting, "Catfight! Catfight! Catfight!..."

Gu... Ritsuka Fujimaru could only sigh with dead brown eyes, "Ah whatever."

The 48th Chaldean Master went to Nicholas' table and took a seat next to him, sitting down on it like a moving corpse.

"You have some very... intriguing friends." Archer put down a plate of eggs and bacon next to her, "Something tells me this isn't your first time?"

"Nope. Way too many... too... too many times..."

The moment was interrupted by Nicholas, of course, who gasped and looked at her in horror, "You a hoe?!"

"NO! SCREW YOU! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?"

...Ritsuka Fujimaru finally exploded.

-

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