31. Love?

"He's not going to pass, arggh," Safiya cursed in a whisper. She crouched, hidden behind large leaves from a fallen tree at the roadside of the woods.

Behind her, tall trees overlooked the empty road, while Ahmed lay on the soft grass, gazing at the heavens. "Are you sure the king is meant to pass this route?" he asked, a frown etched on his face as he wondered how long they were going to stay here; it was already getting late.

"I don't know, I thought he would pass here. I heard whispers from the guards at the palace," her brow furrowed as she kept looking at the road, wondering if she had heard wrong.

"The final match is tomorrow. I don't think the king will be leaving the palace until it's over. Besides, we need all the rest we can get for tomorrow," he said.

"I'm not the one wrestling. Why should I rest?" she gritted her teeth, already tired from the whole thing.

"Let's wait until the match is over. At least we have access to the palace for the meantime. We can slowly use it to our advantage and see what the king is up to," Safiya listened and slowly nodded her head.

They should wait until the wrestling is over and then find out what the king is up to," Safiya sighed, as she lay down next to Ahmed. They watched the sky, which was beginning to show tiny white stars.

"How is your mother?" She asked. Ahmed has a sick mom whom he is still taking care of, but yet, he would go all the way just to help her out in her revenge. Several times, she would tell him not to, but he stubbornly disagreed.

"She is getting better. The physician said she has improved and would likely get on her feet," he smiled.

"I pray she does," Safiya gave him a smile and then looked at the peaceful sky again, but she wasn't aware that Ahmed's gaze was still on her.

"So... a friend?" he asked curiously.

Safiya turned, not understanding what he meant, "What?"

"The man you talked with earlier today."

"Oh, Malik," she laughed, "A cousin to my sister's husband."

"Oh," he nodded and said nothing.

Safiya caught him frowning, but his gaze returned back to normal. She wanted to ask what was eating him up, but thought it best not to.

"Safiya," Ahmed started, while they were still gazing at the sky.

"Hmm," she looked at him slightly, although she had noticed how quiet he seemed these days. It must be his mother, she wondered if she was really doing okay.

"Do you ever want to get married?"

The question caught her off guard, and her eyes widened slightly. "No, of course not."

Ahmed looked at her, and said, "I know you want to avenge your father, and I know you think you are not deserving of love because of the fact that you do what a man does, which is not considered right by society, but..."

He gulped, though Safiya was stunned, she listened, even though she wasn't comfortable with conversations like this.

"But if you ever succeed in your goal and find someone, no, not find, if someone is willing to be with you despite who you are, will you accept that person? Would you want to be with that person?"

Safiya was looking at him, her mouth hanging open. What, why... She took a deep breath. She wasn't ready for this, and she wouldn't be rude to him.

"My goal is far from being reached, which is already exhausting, so let me think of my goal first."

"But what if..."

"Ahmed," she gritted her teeth. Why can't he understand that marriage was of no interest to her? "I do not want to talk about this conversation."

He pushed himself forward, and Safiya mirrored his movement, both now seated and locked in an intense gaze. "You are a woman," he breathed, as if carefully choosing his words. "No matter what, Safiya, you must bear a child, you must love—"

"Stop, Ahmed, just stop it," she snapped, standing up with her hand on her waist. She started pacing, the bright moonlight casting long shadows on the grass and illuminating the surrounding trees.

"Love?" She almost let out a bitter laugh. "Love is something I never want to experience. Love is pain. It comes with so many heartaches. I've seen it all."

Yes, she knew the love that her parents had shared, but the pain of losing her father was still fresh in her heart. The thought of experiencing love and then potentially losing it terrified her.

Besides, her main focus was seeking justice and honoring her father's memory, not finding romantic love. She couldn't allow herself to be distracted by such feelings when she had a mission to accomplish.

"But love is beautiful, that's what my mother said," Ahmed replied, rising to his feet.

"What do you know of love? Have you ever been in love?" she asked, raising her brow at him.

"I...I do not know, but I'm sure it's beautiful," Ahmed replied.

"You do not know? That only means there are some things you do know," Safiya walked closer to him, her voice now laced with impatience. "Tell me what you know about love, when one starts to experience it."

Ahmed furrowed his brow as he spoke. "You can't avoid it," he said. "It's when your heart flutters at the sight of that person, when every day all you think about is that person, when you always want to know their thoughts, when you...sometimes feel nervous around them because you can't control yourself."

Safiya shook her head and shifted back slightly. "That is love?"

Ahmed was staring at her intently, his chest heaving up and down. "That is some signs, I suppose."

Safiya shook her head; that wasn't true. Ahmed was probably just lying. No, it couldn't be. She wasn't...she can't feel this way for Malik. It can't possibly be love; it must be something else.

Safiya closed her eyes. "Love is distraction," she whispered.

Ahmed frowned. "I don't think it is. I think it creates so much happiness where sadness lies."

Safiya's breathing was going up and down, and she realized that her whole body was shaking slightly. No, it can't be. It can't...

"Safiya," Ahmed said, concern laced in his voice, "are you okay? You are shaking."

Safiya looked at him, her eyes widening, and she started taking some steps back.

"Safiya," Ahmed started walking slowly towards her, his face laced with confusion, "are you—"

The rest of his words were fading, and Safiya shook her head. "I need a moment." Her words caused him to halt in his steps.

"Safiya, it's late, are you sure—"

She nodded. "Yes, you can go home, Ahmed. I'll be fine."

She turned and began walking deeper into the woods. Though she managed to speak the words, her entire body trembled. Right now, she needed to be far away from everyone, to have time to think. So, she headed towards the nearby stream, hoping it would help calm her mind.