Ravings

Rosie´s heart ached when she saw her son sitting on the bench of Dr. Best´s veranda, leaning his elbows on the knees, the face covered with both palms. In that moment, he looked so tired, sad and vulnerable that her maternal instinct literally screamed inside of her.

She hastily overcame those last few meters of the muddy street and four steps up to reach the young man. Rosie wanted to take him into her arms and protect Kazuya from everything wicked in the world; despite knowing she was not strong enough to manage that. She was painfully well aware of her own incapability; the loss of her two younger children created a deep bleeding wound in her heart, which had never healed. She would do anything for Kazuya, her only remaining son, but she just couldn´t protect him in a way she would like to. She could only be there for him, love and support him by her whole self.

Rosie sat down next to her son slowly and squeezed his slightly shaking shoulder.

"Kazuya..."

He raised his head and Rosie forgot to breathe for a while, when his eyes full of deep worries and other suppressed emotions focused on her.

"Mum..." his voice was only a little more than a whisper. "Who told you I´m here?"

"Mike came for me," she answered him, keeping the calming tone of her voice. "He´s a good kid; he was worried about you and about that friend of yours... What happened, Kazuya?"

Her son sighed and it sounded terribly tired and hopeless.

"That´s for a long talk," he said. "But Jin ended up here with a high fever. And it´s my fault..."

Rosie didn´t understand why her Kazuya was blaming himself, but she heard about a certain Jin Akanishi from Mike. The boy seemed to be very fond of that gunslinger and she felt some kind of sympathy towards him as well, even though they were not even properly introduced yet.

"I brought you something to eat," she pointed out the small basket in her hand.

"Thank you, Mum, but I´m not hungry…"

Rosie placed the motherly and knowing look on Kazuya.

"Last time you tried this on me, you were only fourteen and wanted to disappear on some crazy adventure with Liwan as fast as possible. It didn´t work, remember?"

It was as if he was that fourteen-year-old boy again. Kame repaid his mother´s firm glance for a while, and then he nodded in defeat. Before he could say anything else, some fast steps from the street approached them and in the next second, a tall young man jumped on the veranda and started to pound at the door of the clinic.

"Dr. Best! Dr. Best!" he shouted out in panic, while Kame and his mother were watching him surprised. "Please, open the door!"

It took some time before the door was opened and a frowning face of the doctor appeared in them.

"Dr. Best!" the young man breathed out. "My… My… My…"

"David. What´s going on?" Dr. Best asked sharply.

"My wife is in pain! She couldn´t even get up from her bed! I think it has already started! You must go with me! Quickly!" David was obviously scared to death.

"It´s not exactly the best timing your wife has," the doctor murmured while picking up his coat from the hanger next to the door. Then his eyes fell on the two sitting on the bench.

"Kamenashi! You´re still here?" the doctor was obviously surprised and Kame was uneasy about what to say.

"Yes, doctor… I just… I just wanted to know… How is he?"

"Not well," came the response, which froze his heart. "Actually, it´s convenient that you had stayed. I can´t leave him here alone. Can you watch over him for a while?"

"Of course," Kame didn´t think about the request at all and got up on his feet immediately.

"Great," the doctor rubbed his hands and glanced at the sitting woman then. "Mrs. Kamenashi, unless you have some serious health problem, I recommended you to rest at home," he said strictly and focused on Kame again. "And you, come with me, please," Best turned away from the door.

"Dr. Best!" David screamed desperately.

"Calm down; we´re going right away!" the response came from the inside of the room. "Kamenashi!"

Kame already moved toward the door, when his mother stopped him for a moment and she forced the basket into his hand.

"Take this and come home as soon as you can," she urged on him.

Kazuya just nodded gratefully and entered the clinic, feeling the worried eyes of his mother behind. He followed the doctor to the back part of the medical room and then upstairs.

"I´m not sure yet, but it can be contagious," the doctor informed him on the way. "Are you willing to stay anyway?"

"Yes," Kame reacted without any hesitation.

Doctor gave him a sharp observing look, before he nodded: "All right," he said and opened one of many doors in the long corridor.

And there he was, half-naked Jin lying on the bed, with the eyes closed, his skin wet from the sweat shining in the light of two kerosene lamps. Kame felt the hard lump stuffing his throat all of the sudden.

"It doesn´t seem to be any infection," Dr. Best assumed, while checking on the thermometer, which he took out from Jin´s armpit. "He doesn´t have any symptoms of it except the high fever. I think it´s caused by exhaustion and he needs to rest, but this high temperature can be dangerous, I don´t like it…"

"What can I do?" Kame asked him not being able to cover the tension in his voice.

"Under other circumstances I´d let his immune system deal with it, but in this case we have to keep him as cool as possible. There´s the water and some cloths," the doctor indicated towards the small table. "You have to prepare the cold wraps and change them regularly. Try to keep his fever down, measure him each twenty minutes. If his temperature goes above forty-one degrees, come for me. David´s house is next to the barber´s. Understand?"

"Yes, doctor…" Kame nodded, feeling somehow overwhelmed with the amount of information he had just received.

"Can you really deal with it here?" Dr. Best asked in a very serious voice.

Kame tore his eyes from helpless Jin and looked at the doctor: "Yes…. Of course, I can. Why do you ask like that?"

"You look quite pale himself. What about your wounds?" the old man was observing him carefully.

"I´m fine. I´m just tired, thank you, doctor," Kame assured him as firmly as he was able to. "You should rather go with that David down. If I understood correctly, his wife is giving a birth now, right?"

"Oh, yes, she chose the great time, really… All right… I´ll leave the things here up to you then. I don´t know how long it will take, she´s quite young."

"Don´t worry; I´ll stay here," he repeated firmly.

Doctor nodded and left the room in a rush, leaving Kame alone with the almost unconscious patient...

Kame felt such an unbearable anxiety looking at sick Jin that it was as he was suffocating. Not only that he put his friends from the Blackfeet Tribe into a very dangerous situation, this was his fault as well. Jin rode to the tribe during a horrible rainy night and got soaked to the bones. He had to be incredibly cold then and after that, without a proper rest he rushed back to Bozeman to join them, just to go to the same place once again.

I should have noticed his poor state earlier; I should have done something… Kame was blaming himself hopelessly, not realizing there was nothing he could do to prevent Jin from collapsing.

He put the basket from his mother aside. With the guilty expression, he approached the bed, pulling the table closer and sat down carefully. Jin mumbled something intelligibly, while Kame was wringing the cloth. The older one was raving in fever, moving his head from one side to the other jerkily.

Kame put one properly folded bandage across his forehead and with the second one, he started to wipe his bare chest from the drops of sweat. He noticed that Jin´s neck still had some tinge of tan, while the rest of his skin was slightly lighter. It wasn´t the first time he saw the older one like this, exposed, only in his pants. Yet somehow, it felt very different from the moment they were washing themselves in the river.

Back then, Jin was cheerful and seemed so strong with his arms and chest shaped by the hard manual work into impressive muscles. Now, Kame could also see that his skin was far from being smooth. His back was covered with the small white scars and his hands were dry from using the guns and hard on the specific places, which were affected by the regular practice of shooting the most. Kame could also see the dark nipples and short dark hairs under Jin´s bellybutton. The older one´s hair wet from the sweating was clinging to his red face and strong neck, looking like the small dark snakes.

With all those details completing the whole image, there was only one word, which sneaked up onto Kame´s mind – beautiful. Jin looked like the most beautiful person he had ever seen. One part of him felt terribly guilty for observing the man so closely, without the other one knowing about it.

Suppressing all inappropriate thoughts away Kame was trying to cool Jin down with the long soothing movements. Even through the thick fabric he could feel how hot the older one´s skin was, which didn´t leave much space for any stupid ideas his mind might have; more like it made Kame sick worried. A few days ago, he wouldn´t have even imagined seeing the energetic mood-switcher in the condition like this.

"I´m… I´m… Sorry…"

Kame got surprised by the soft mumbling and focused his eyes on Jin´s face. The other´s eyelids were still closed, but his facial features were clearly showing some pain.

"I couldn´t… Couldn´t do… Anything…"

Kame exchanged the cold wrap on Jin´s forehead for a new one, listening worriedly to his pointless words caused by ravings. He had already seen the fever so high that it caused the hallucinations once and it didn´t end up well for that sick person.

"No!" Jin shouted suddenly and tried to sit up, which Kame prevented and gently pressed him back to the bed, putting the wet cloth back on its place.

"It was not my fault! Not my fault!" Jin was defending himself from of somebody invisible.

"Ssshh… It´s all right, Jin," following his instinct, Kame caught Jin´s face between his palms. "You can stay calm…"

Jin stopped moving completely for a few seconds, stiffened by something what only he could perceive. Kame could almost hear the older one´s loud heartbeat, and he felt the pulse under the skin of his neck, as he kept the hands on him, trying to bring the feeling of safety to the other one. The sick gunslinger was still breathing heavily, but it seemed he calmed down a little. Kame let his face go, stroking him across one shoulder, before he got up.

"I´ll be back right away," he said, despite it was obvious Jin couldn´t hear him.

Kame went downstairs, for the fresh water from the pump and returned as fast as he could, trying hard not to spill the wooden floor in the process. Jin was still lying there, only this time it seemed that he was on the edge of crying.

"No, please… No," his voice was only a whisper, sounding almost like of a child.

Kame put the water aside and sat down next to him hastily.

"Please, don´t lock me there… Not again… Please…"

That begging voice was too much for Kame to handle calmly. He caught Jin´s forearm and leant over him.

"Jin, nobody is going lock you up anywhere," he assured the delirious man, forcing his voice not to shake. "Do you hear me? You are safe here with me."

Suddenly, the other one´s eyes opened, all blurred from the fever, wide and scared.

"Jin, you´re safe," Kame emphasized again.

It took a few seconds before the dark eyes recognized him.

"Kazuya?" the lying gunslinger asked unsurely.

"Yes, it´s me, Jin. I´m here with you. You will be all right."

Kame wasn´t sure if he said that to convince the sick gunslinger or himself, but Jin´s tense expression eased up gradually, until it changed into a grateful smile and that was satisfying enough not to ponder about it.

"Yes…" Jin breathed out closing his eyes again. "I will…"

Kame was overfilled with a nice warm feeling, seeing that Jin reacted on him like this. He let his arm go slowly; intending to start with the cold wraps preparation again, when a surprisingly strong grip circled around his hand. Jin was looking at him again, his eyes even wider than before.

"But you stay? Here?" he asked hoarsely, looking weirdly scared.

"Jin…" it was difficult for Kame to speak, as something incredibly hard gripped on his heart and stole his ability to create the words.

"Don´t leave me!" Jin requested hastily, his chest coming up and down in the fast pace. Kame felt his skin burning under the touch of his fingers. "Don´t leave me alone… In the dark… Kazuya…"

Jin looked like a lost kid scared to death and Kame felt the huge urge to chase his fear away. Or even better – erase any of his fears completely. He moved closer again, trying to smile encouragingly.

"I won´t leave you," he said in a moved tone, which made it sound like a lifetime vow.

"Promise?" Jin asked anyway, like somebody who was already betrayed and needed the repeated assurance.

"Yes, Jin, it´s a promise," Kame nodded and placed a palm on his shaking hand.

"That´s…" Jin breathed out heavily. "That´s all right, then…"

After that, the raving gunslinger relaxed a little again, and closed his eyes, but he didn´t let Kame´s hand go, and kept holding on it tightly. Kame sighed and moved with his free hand to stroke Jin over the forehead, putting his hair aside.

"I´ll stay here," he whispered once again. "So, don´t worry, Jin... You have to be healthy again soon. I cannot continue with this on my own... Not anymore."

***

Brad so knew that he would be the one to deal with the consequences of that day´s fiasco with those shitty redskins. It was not a good day for his boss at all and he felt bad about it long before the order came from the deputy´s mouth, when he told him to stay in the office.

His other companions left, some with the sympathetic look, but most of them mainly relieved they were not going to be the target of Grenet´s anger. He remained motionless and silent in front of the table, behind which Math was smoking the second cigarette already, his cold eyes buried in the wall somewhere behind Brad´s back.

The silent Grenet was much more dangerous than the yelling one and Brad didn´t like it. As he knew him, the deputy was able to shoot him off on the spot just to relieve his frustration, even if poor Brad was not responsible for anything what was screwed up that day.

"Brad…" the forcefully calm and cold voice put him on even higher alert.

"Yes, boss?" he asked carefully.

"Do you remember the way? To the cliff where we had met with that fucking tribe?"

"Yes," Brad confirmed convinced.

"Good. Tomorrow, right in the morning, you´ll go there back again. I don´t care how, but find where that village is. Don´t come back before you´ll know the exact location, got it?"

Oh, fuck… Brad relieved himself in his mind. Wandering in the damn woods, spying on the sneaky Indians, avoiding their unpleasantly sharp arrows and praying for not ending up anywhere near the torture stake... Not exactly the trip of his dreams.

"Yes, boss, I get it…" he said aloud. "Can I take someone with me?" at least he wouldn´t be alone in this.

"All right, but only one…" Grenet let out a huge cloud of smoke from his lips.

"What about Akanishi?"

It would be convenient to sacrifice that annoying greenhorn, if anything happens, Brad thought.

"No, I don´t trust him that much," Grenet denied his proposal. "Take Marty. You must be stealthy. Don´t get caught, is that clear?"

"Of course, I´m not stupid."

"By whom you judge that?" Grenet grinned awfully. "I have to prepare a report soon and I need to give our dear salary payer the good news, so hurry up with this. I´ll be waiting."

"Sure thing, boss," Brad nodded, hardly covering his annoyance from the newly assigned task.

***

It was a damn long night. Jin´s condition was switching from the fever ravings to the uncontrollable shaking regularly, but the thermometer didn´t show the value above forty degrees.

Finally, he calmed down around three o´clock in the morning and Kame spent another hour by constant checking before he let himself to be relieved a little. Jin fell asleep and it seemed that the fever was going down slowly.

Dr. Best wasn´t coming back, so Kame assumed the birth of that child was probably very difficult. He didn´t mind staying by Jin´s side for a whole night though. He wasn´t closer to him than for what a hug would take since their time spent in the woods. And Kame realized that he missed it badly. Even though Jin wasn´t able to perceive him.

He covered the older one with some blankets carefully and sat on the chair right next to the bed. Silently, he was observing a finally calm face of his friend, and…

Let´s be honest, Kame, the young bartender said to himself defeated. The face of my secret crush.

He thought that he would stay awake till the morning, just watching Jin, but in the end his own exhaustion caught up with his mind and covered it with the blanket of heavy sleep.

***

When somebody´s hand shook with Kame´s shoulder not so gently, it felt like it was only a minute since his eyelids covered his sight with the comforting blackness, but as soon as he started to pay attention to his surroundings properly, he realized that it had to be quite late in the morning.

"Good morning," Dr. Best said looking at his face with the red eyes.

"Good morning, doctor," Kame answered in a sleepy voice. "What time is it?"

"Almost nine o´clock. You should go home, I´ll handle it here from now on."

"All right…" Kame nodded and got up to his feet slowly.

He felt tired, but a lot better than on the previous day. The pain from his bruises started to go away slowly, but for sure.

"What about J… Akanishi? Will he be all right?" he asked, when the doctor moved towards the still sleeping patient.

"Yes, I think so," the man nodded slowly. "His fever is almost gone. You did well. Thank you for watching over him."

Not that Kame would want to complain about his night task. He got to know a very different side of Jin again and if anything, it made him fall even more for the older one.

Oh, crap, this kind of thoughts right in the morning? I must be still dreaming...

"You´re welcome, doctor…" was what Kame said, not paying attention to his inner self.

"No, seriously. Not everyone would be willing to do this…" the doctor focused a sharp look on Kame, which he avoided. "I´m sorry I got back so late. Difficulties with that birth…"

"Are they all right?" Kame asked politely.

"Yes, fortunately, yes," the doctor smiled and despite that he was very tired and worn out, he looked honestly pleased about this fact. "Go and have some rest, too."

"All right, thank you, doctor…"

It wasn´t necessary to tell Dr. Best, that he needed to go to work instead of resting… Kame stopped at the door, as one thought came to his mind and turned back: "And… Doctor Best?"

"Yes? What is it?"

"Can I ask you for something?"

The doctor straightened up with a curious look on his face: "Sure, you sound serious…"

Kame took a deep breath before he spoke again: "Don´t tell anyone I was here watching over him…"

"Oh, why?" the doctor looked confused.

"Well, I don´t want to cause him any problems, you know?" he tried to explain without saying anything important.

"What do you mean?"

"I think you understand… Grenet doesn´t exactly like me and if he finds out I took care of one of his men like this, it will cause unnecessary questions and so…"

Doctor stared at him for so long, that Kame started to feel uncomfortable.

"You do understand, right?" he needed to hear the doctor´s response.

"Yes, don´t worry," Dr. Best said finally. "I don´t feel like telling to the deputy anything, but… I´m just surprised you think about something like this. You don´t want to cause the troubles to him and not to yourself. It´s just that I´d expect the opposite…"

Kame stiffened. That was right; he was not supposed to care for Jin…

"Well, he… is not… that bad…" he just couldn´t think out anything more persuading.

To his relief, the doctor smiled: "Yeah, I´ve noticed… Don´t worry, Kamenashi. I´m not any gossiper."

"Thank you."

"Not really," Dr. Best shook his head. "I owe you for this, Kamenashi."

***

Darkness, coldness and fear-awakening shadows were surrounding Jin so closely it felt as if some greedy tentacles reached out for his legs and arms and they tied him up so tightly, that he couldn´t move or breathe or even scream. And even if he could, it would have been meaningless, as he knew that no one would come to save him, to take him out of that horrible place…

It still felt the same, it still brought the freezing shivers all over his spine, despite that it was so many years ago, when he was locked up on that place for the last time. He tried hard not to remember those days and nights; he wasn´t thinking about them at all. But his fever had brought all those cold dark memories back to him in his ravings and now, even though he was already fine, his temperature back to normal, they were still inside his mind, mocking him, irritating him and scaring him off…

"Akanishi, do you really feel well?"

Jin was torn out of his past by the worried voice of the grey haired man, who was sitting behind the table, writing something down into the new medical records. Jin assumed it was the papers about him.

"Yes, doctor, I´m fine," Jin nodded, trying to look convincingly.

"Listen to me then…" Dr. Best murmured and looked back at his written notes. "I´m still trying to figure out what was the cause of your condition. Weren´t you kind of sensitive towards the temperature changes when you were a child?"

"Well, maybe…" Jin admitted, but he didn´t intend to tell any story of his difficult childhood to anyone, not even to his doctor.

"It seems to me that your organism is somehow weakened in this way. Have you ever had pneumonia?"

Jin knitted his eyebrows trying to remember.

"Actually, yes, I think so… I was very small, maybe five or six years old."

"Hmm…." the doctor wrote something down again. "That may have caused it… Listen, you have to be more careful about your health. I think your immune system has a weakness, thanks to this old disease in your childhood. It´s quite common. Your body reacts in panic when you put it under very tough conditions…"

"Such as?" Jin asked.

"Quick changes from cold to heat, letting yourself to get wet and staying outside, running in the freezing air and similar… The system cannot deal with it well and your temperature goes high because of it. At least, it´s one of the options. I don´t think it´s anything serious, though… Just be more careful."

"I will," the young gunslinger nodded seriously.

Doctor Best put his pencil aside and looked Jin in the eyes: "And you should also know that the deputy asked about you yesterday…"

"Grenet? He was here?" he asked frowning.

"Yes, it seems that Harada told him you ended up here, so he came with the request to release you. I explained him you were not able to do anything in your condition… But he wasn´t very understanding; I think you can imagine."

"I´ll deal with it. Thank you for telling me, doctor."

"You´re welcome. Just come back if you don´t feel well, all right?"

"Yes…" Jin assured him, and stood up from the chair putting his hat on the head.

"Anything else?" Dr. Best raised his eyebrows, when Jin didn´t leave and stayed in front of his table.

"Well, yes…" there was one thing Jin wanted to make sure about, because he didn´t know if it was only part of his hallucinations or reality. "You said that Kamenashi from the saloon and Mr. Harada brought me here, after I had collapsed, right?"

Doctor Best nodded.

"And was anyone with me during the night when I was… delirious?"

"Uhm, yes..." the doctor was looking at his face with a curious expression now. "I asked young Kamenashi to stay and watch over you as one of my patients was giving a birth that night. Very difficult… I couldn´t watch over you myself."

Jin was staring at the doctor, but he didn´t really see him. So... That caressing hand, calming voice, brown eyes full of worries, it was Kazuya after all…

"Any problem with that?" Dr. Best asked.

"No!" Jin shook his head. "No, not a problem, it´s just that I don´t remember that night properly. Thank you once again, Dr. Best."

"At your service, young man."

***

Two days since the morning on which he left Jin in the doctor´s care, Kame spent behind the bar in the saloon, trying to make up to Mr. Harada for those missed days and also nights, when the saloon´s owner had to serve his guests himself. He was lucky to have such an understanding employer. Harada didn´t make any scene, despite having a full right to it. He didn´t even ask about his whereabouts on the night following after they carried unconscious Akanishi to the doctor together. He just said he would shorten Kame´s regular salary a little.

Kame didn´t dare to go to ask about Jin during that time. Not anymore. They were both lucky that nobody cared who had dragged him to the doctor, when he collapsed. After Grenet found out his subordinate was sick and marched in and out the surgery room hissing some vulgarisms, Jin´s condition became a target for various taunts.

Working Kame was condemned to listen to the stupid accusations and sneer of Grenet´s gunmen, that Akanishi was even more girly than he was.

He missed the older one so much during those days. Even more than when Jin was on Karnaka´s farm for a whole week. It was probably because he was more worried for him now. He didn´t expect to see the gunslinger so weak and in such a defenseless state and it scared him. It made him realize that Jin wasn´t only a handsome funny gunslinger, great with his revolvers. He was also only a human. And each human could be hurt so easily... Or get sick.

"It´s about time, Akanishi!"

This exclamation of one already drunken man in the taproom made Kame forget about his dark thoughts immediately and he focused his attention to the saloon´s entrance.

It was an incredible relief to see those deep eyes again. Kame felt how the tension from his back was disappearing slowly. Even though Jin tore his look from him hastily and walked toward the corner table casually.

Grenet´s group, fortunately without Grenet himself, welcomed him with loud mocking remarks and laughing before they forced him to sit down on the free chair.

"Hey, Kamenashi! Bring some dinner over here! Our sick princess is starving!"

*

It took some time before those drinking idiots got bored of the jokes on his account and left him at the table alone. Jin was lucky that they were out of money for that evening. He was too tired to deal with them.

He got up on his feet, which still felt a little weak, and went to the bar, putting his empty plate with the fork onto the counter and waited for Kame, who was collecting the empty tankards from the soldiers, who were already leaving too.

"Thanks for the meal," he said, when the bartender came back to his place. "How much do I owe you?"

"That´s on me," the younger one replied without even glancing at him.

"Really? What for?" Jin asked confused.

Kazuya raised his eyes finally and looked at Jin surprisingly serious: "Take it as an apology."

Jin still didn´t get it: "There´s nothing for what you should apologize to me," he insisted frowning.

The bartender checked his workplace suspiciously, but from that few guests left, nobody was paying them any attention.

"We shouldn´t talk about it here," he said anyway. "I´ll bring you some tea later... Agreed?"

Jin smiled quite sneakily: "Only if it will be that special tea you made for me before."

Kame nodded wordlessly.

"I´ll be waiting for you then..." Jin said already turning away from him.

*

It didn´t take long before the saloon got empty, Mr. Harada went to sleep and Kame could clean up and close the business. And of course – to prepare the special tea with rum and bring it upstairs. But there was no response on his first knock, neither on the second one.

Still somehow worried for the young gunslinger, he opened the door quietly and peeked in.

"Jin?"

He was there, and it seemed that Kame´s voice woke him up from the short nap, as he signalized him to go in sleepily, his eyes only half-opened. Kame stepped inside the room hesitantly, put the mug on the nightstand and focused his eyes on the still laying man.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Yeah, just tired..." Jin yawned widely. "And that´s a wonder, after I slept so much."

"I´ll let you rest then..." he reacted immediately and turned on the spot ready to leave.

"Wait! Wait!" Jin sat up in a rush and managed to catch his sleeve. "Don´t you dare to run away, Kame," he frowned.

Kame stared on that unexpected facial expression first, then on the hand which was holding him. He had a feeling that he really should go away... But he didn´t want to.

"Come on..." Jin whined suddenly. "Do you have any more guests downstairs?"

"No," Kame admitted not very willingly. "The saloon´s already closed."

"Great. Stay then," the older one said and pulled him for the sleeve so stubbornly, that he made Kame sit next to him on the bed, before he let the cloth go.

Then he focused his attention at the huge mug, from which the tempting smell was coming.

"I was so looking forward to this!" Jin grabbed the drink with both his hands, and turned so that he could see on Kame properly, folding the legs in front of him, ending up in the position in which his leg was touching Kame´s thigh from the side. The younger one stiffened feeling this simple touch.

Why didn´t I just leave, when I could?

It wasn´t unpleasant, it was simply too nice to feel Jin touching him. What it would be like, if...? Almost terrified Kame stopped his own dangerous thoughts...

Jin studied Kame´s profile for a while, before he spoke.

"You look much better..." he stated.

The young bartender shrugged a little: "Yeah, I´m fine now..." his voice sounded tense.

"Any more troubles with that shithead?"

"Not yet," Kame assumed gloomily.

There was a moment of silence.

"So, what did you mean by that apology?" Jin asked, leaving Grenet-topic out and sipped on the hot liquid carefully.

Kame leant forward on his knees, the eyes pinched to the floor, when he answered.

"Don´t pretend as you don´t know," he huffed. "It was my fault you got sick. If you didn´t ride to the tribe during that night..."

"You´re blaming yourself for this?!" Jin exclaimed interrupting him, almost spilling the precious tea. "I thought that we´ve already discussed this, Kame," he continued in a calmer tone, but still a little pissed. "You´re not responsible for anything here."

Kame didn´t look at the older one, neither said anything as a response. But that face of his was enough for Jin to know that he didn´t persuade him.

"We´re friends, right? And friends help each other," he tried again.

"Yeah, friends..." there was a murmur formed on Kame´s lips, which sounded a little... Disappointed?

Jin fidgeted nervously. Hell, what should he say to make that stubborn bartender understand?

"And if you have to take it this way, I think you had already made up for it fully," he stated firmly.

Kame´s eyelids moved and then a goldish look focused on him carefully: "What do you mean by this, Jin?"

"I know you were there with me..." he explained slowly, and this time it was him who looked anywhere beside Kame´s face. "On that night I wasn´t on my senses... I don´t remember it very well, but the doc told me."

"Ah... So?" Kame asked with the look, which was saying that he had no idea what Jin was talking about.

"So?" Jin repeated in disbelief. "You stayed there with me for the whole night! Took care of me and... such stuff... You didn´t have to..." his voice was dying into nothing gradually, seeing the strange warmness in Kame´s eyes.

"I wanted to," Kame said seriously. "You´d do the same for me, right?"

"Of course!" he reacted immediately. "What I want to say by this is that... I have to thank you for it. So, forget any apologies, is that clear?"

"It was nothing..." the younger one shook his head.

"Maybe it was nothing for you but not for me!" Jin snapped putting so many emotions into each word that it surprised even him.

Kame was looking at him wide eyed.

"I just wanted to... It was..." Jin forced himself to stop blabbering. "It was good you were there. Thank you, Kazu. And drop the topic, already."

They stared into each other´s eyes for a long minute, before Kame was able to get out from that heavy tension between them, nodded and pointed out at the mug in Jin´s hand.

"Your tea... It´s getting cold," he said.

"Ah... Yeah..."

Jin took it up to his mouth, almost grateful for some distraction. Well, only almost...

Kame stood up before the older one could finish his tea and say something else, what would have made his heart beat even faster.

"I should go home, my mother is surely waiting..." he was mumbling on his way to the door where he stopped.

It was all ridiculous. Kame knew that he couldn´t pretend much longer than Jin was nothing more than a friend to him. He didn´t want to lose him though and he was afraid that might happen if the older one found out about his feelings for him.

But he should say it to him; Jin had a right to know, right? Or should he keep it only to himself? Hopelessly lost in the circle of thoughts, Kame let the handle go slowly.

What if I do not have any other chance to tell him, how much he means for me? What if something like two days ago happens and then...?

Kame turned back before his mind could make another decision with Jin´s name on his lips, which never left them. Because he found himself looking into the dark eyes, just inches from his own. Jin left the bed and came after him to the door, with one of his hands reached towards Kame.

They were imprisoned in the tense moment, when none of them moved, and they just stared into each other´s eyes. And in those eyes, it could be seen what was on their minds, what they wanted to say, but they were too afraid to do it.

It was Jin, who put his reasoning away first, seeing something in Kame´s look, what made him move and overcome that remaining space between them...