Chapter 34 : Listen Closely

by

I lay in the dark as Dean's heavy breathing filled the empty room. His warm arm pulled tightly at my waist as he nuzzled himself into the pillows. As much as I wanted to curl into his sleeping form, I couldn't. My mind just wouldn't let me. It had been everything I expected, maybe even more. No one had touched me the way he had in a very long time, but the only thought going through my mind now was how long I had with him until Azazel swooped in for the kill.

I did my best not to move him as I slid away from the bed. I wanted desperately to stay with him. I didn't want him to be like the others, but I couldn't calm my head long enough to turn around and watch him in the dark. I couldn't pull my hand to his chest and feel his heartbeat without thinking of the day it would stop. It took everything in me to force myself to look at him, but the hot, whiskey breath that hit my face pushed me further away until I was pulling on my pants and slipping into my boots.

The door shut quietly behind me, and the guilt flooded as I sunk into the plastic chair just outside his window. I stole a quick glance over my shoulder, taking in his half-naked body as the light of the flickering streetlamp flooded through the broken blinds. His arm was sprawled across the bed, where my body had just been. I wanted his arms around me, but just as I began to convince myself to go back, heavy footsteps pulled my attention elsewhere.

Sam made his way quickly across the parking lot, almost breaking into a sprint as he dug around in his pocket. He hadn't noticed me sitting under the streetlight as I watched him curiously, nearly jumping out of the seat as he stopped just behind the Impala, intently watching the front door of the bar.

"Hey," I shouted at him, causing him to jump. "Is everything okay?"

I rounded the railing and made my way to him as he glanced back and forth between me and the short blond he had run into earlier. The look of confusion on his face was apparent, but I wasn't sure what caused the semi-panicked expression as he watched her hug each of her friends.

"Sam?"

"Yeah." He snapped his attention back to me but again glanced back once more as she got into her car. He took a deep breath, his tall stature sinking as the thoughts bounced around his mind. "Actually, no. I don't think so. I know her."

"Yeah," I chuckled, "I gathered that after she ripped into your brother."

He gave me a quick apologetic look, and all I could do was smile. I knew he loved his brother, but I knew what it was like being drug back into this world after being out. "I met her weeks ago on the side of some random road and Indiana. The day that Dean left me to find you." He said, trying to put the pieces together himself. "And now I run into her at some random Chicago bar? I mean the same bar where some waitress was slaughtered by something supernatural. You don't think that's a little weird?"

"It could just be a coincidence, Sam." I sighed, trying to convince myself that the one person Sam seemed to be slightly into wasn't a raging lunatic. "I mean, if she was hitchhiking, then you know she wasn't tied to one place. For all you know, she could be a hunter," I said with a shrug.

"Or someone that needs to be hunted."

I pursed my lips. I could see in his eyes how desperate he was to be wrong, but I knew more than most that he was more than likely right. I just didn't want him to be. "Look, I'll look into her, okay. You follow her, see what she's up to, and I'll let you know if I find anything. Okay?"

He thought it over for only a moment before he nodded. "Yeah. Fine. Meg Masters from Andover, Massachusets." His gaze fell to his feet as he let out a defeated sigh. "And see if you can dig anything up on that symbol while you're at it?"

I nodded as he pulled the keys from his pocket and slid into the Impala. I stood there a moment, hoping the roar of the engine wouldn't wake Dean, and gave him a small wave before I made my way back to my room instead of Dean's. It was a mess, still. Though, despite the bloody blankets in the corner and the shattered glass on the floor, I grabbed my laptop and held my middle finger in the air as I spun around, hoping the bastard was watching me.

I crawled up onto the counter and leaned back against the cupboard as I tried to get situated. I could have quickly gone into the other room, but the thought of waking Dean after what had just happened was not something I was ready to do. So, I sat there, wishing I had five cups of coffee as I tracked down every Meg Masters until I found the right one and smiled. Finally. A win. Now I just needed a phone to call him and tell him.

With a deep breath, I pulled open the door that separated our rooms quietly, my eyes catching Dean's sleeping body still sprawled across the bed. He was so still that for a second, I thought Azazel had already gotten to him, but I had forgotten that the door closed on its own, and it slammed shut, sending Dean upward in a panic.

"Woah," I shouted, stepping backward, frantically searching for the light switch as I heard the familiar cock of his gun. "Dean! Jesus! Relax! It's me!"

The light illuminated the room, and Dean stood beside the bed, the sheet pulled tightly around his hips with one hand, and his gun pointed at my head with the other. My hands went up as I watched him wipe the sleep away from his eyes, and when he finally realized it was me, he shook his head and set the gun down on his nightstand.

"Sneaking out, really?" he asked, giving me a tiresome glare. He plopped down on the bed and leaned back, letting the sheet dip just below his hip bone. My fists tightened at my side as I tried to ignore the swoon in the lowest pits of my stomach.

"Back in, actually," I corrected, almost too carelessly.

"Where were you?"

"Next door. You fell asleep, so I was doing some research for Sam." I averted my gaze away from his body as he rolled over and stared at me as I tried to put an emotional distance between us. I picked up his jeans from the floor and skimmed through each of his pockets. "Where's your phone?"

He let out another tired growl, and I glanced back as he motioned towards the nightstand next to his gun. I gave him a weak smile and rounded his bed, but as I went to reach for it, he gripped my arm and pulled me down next to him on the bed. His pale green eyes fluttered as he stared at my head resting on his arm, and he smiled as he pushed my hair away from my face.

"I was really hoping you were here when I woke up."

I pulled at his wrist gently, wishing he was still asleep. I knew it was me. I was the one putting the wall between us, but I knew something that had felt so right would not turn out the way either of us wanted it to, and I couldn't get the thought of it out of my head. I couldn't keep doing this, though. I couldn't pull him in and then push him away. I couldn't tell him I wanted this and not be there when he wanted it to. I had to make a choice, but I couldn't, at least not until this was over.