98. Chapter 98

"I thought I heard someone say you were here," Derek called as he approached his former friend-and-co-worker's mother, who, assuming he had heard correctly, had been sitting in the surgical waiting room for several hours, waiting for Cristina Yang. He fought the urge to mention the likely futility of her quest and instead pasted a smile on his face.

"Hello," Mrs. Burke greeted welcomingly.

Derek sat beside her with a sigh. "I've tried calling him, but he's not returning my calls..."

"He's doing his best," she said with a nod, and then her expression changed and she turned to him. "Do you think... Do you think she really loved him? Cristina?"

Derek exhaled. It was a question he had asked himself, even before Burke had left Cristina at the church. So much of their relationship had been the same as himself and Meredith, and yet so much had been different. At the hospital, in the OR, they had been strong. In sync. Committed. But outside the OR, those traits had wavered. Had broken, several times, from what he heard from Meredith. His own relationship had had its problems, but had never broken. He and Meredith were just as committed outside the OR as in.

But that didn't mean Cristina hadn't tried her best.

"I think she loved him the best that she knew how," he stated truthfully. Burke had pushed her too hard, and though she had always resisted, she had gone along with him eventually. She had tried. Burke had tried to understand her better – Derek knew from their conversations – but had never tried to modify his life to fit hers. He had never accepted the things she wanted or considered that the way she wanted them were valid. They had been too different. Too set in their ways.

Mrs. Burke nodded thoughtfully. "And that would not have been enough for you either," she extrapolated.

"No," he agreed. He had learned to love openly, and he wanted to be with someone who could do the same.

"So, you would have ended it too."

Derek sat back in his chair. "Well, Preston and I are built differently." After growing up with four sisters and being expected to be everyone's support, Derek had learned to match his life to anyone else's.

Mrs. Burke stared at him, waiting for further explanation.

He hesitated. He would never have left a woman at the altar. He would have sucked it up and walked down the aisle and done the 'right' thing. He would have said I do and done his best to make a life. He had done it before. It wasn't until he met Meredith that he realized he should expect his partner to bend part of their life to meet his. It wasn't until he met Meredith that he realized he could expect his partner to modify their life and their dream to meet his. Commitment wasn't about making the other person happy. It was about both being happy.

"I'd like to think I would have ended it sooner," he admitted, "And I'm sure Preston feels the same way. Though, he was strong enough to..." He trailed off, not even knowing what term to use to describe what Burke had done. Part of him hated the man for what he had done, but the other part wondered if the result would have been worse in a few months or a year. "We're built differently," he repeated.

Mrs. Burke sat up in her chair. "Honourable men are all built the same."

He felt the corners of his lips tugging upwards. "You think I'm honourable?"

"Do you know what to walk away? Do you know when not to take less than you deserve? If you do, you're an honourable man."

Derek smiled now. These were traits he had learned with Meredith. He had walked away from her at the airport, had given her his blessing to get on a plane that would take her away from him for two weeks, because he had known that was what she needed. He had also learned to take from his family, instead of just give. He could seek comfort and support now, when he needed it. She had taught him that.

"And if you don't believe me," Mrs. Burke added, "Ask your wife. She told me not an hour ago that you were honourable."

His smile grew. "She did?"

She nodded. "She did. After ranting about my son."

"Cristina's her best friend," he offered. "She has to hate him right now."

Mrs. Burke nodded, and to his surprise even smiled. "I'm glad Cristina has a friend like Meredith. She was very protective. It isn't to find someone who understands you."

"It isn't," he agreed.

"But you've found someone, in Meredith?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation.

"Can I ask you...would you have ended it, with Meredith, if things were different? If she couldn't give you what you want?"

He sucked in a breath as he thought, but it wasn't something he wanted to think about. He was so happy that the thought of another set of circumstances that led to he and Meredith not being who and what they were today had him floundering. He doubted he would ever have been able to end it. Not with Meredith.

"She's the love of my life," he finally settled for. "She's everything. If she couldn't be who I wanted her to be, I wouldn't be able to walk away." He paused, "But she shouldn't have to be anyone other than who she is."

Derek paged his wife the moment he was free of Mrs. Burke. He was researching an upcoming procedure, and decided the small research room on the surgical floor would be as good a spot as any to meet. Expecting her to take any amount of time to get out of what she was doing, he was surprised when she arrived in only minutes.

"Hey, I'm so glad you paged," she announced as she arrived in a breathy pile of flailing limbs. "Your timing could not have been more perfect. I'm having the day from hell." She flung her arms up for emphasis and collapsed onto the computer chair next to his.

Barely having had a chance to look up from the computer screen when Meredith made her entrance, Derek raised an eyebrow and swivelled his chair to face her. "I never would've guessed you were having a bad day; you look so bright and shiny."

She glared at him. "You're kind of an ass, you know that, right?"

He chuckled and leaned forward, motioning for her to do the same.

Meredith made a show of sighing, but the corners of her lips quirked and she met him in the middle for a kiss.

"You don't think I'm an ass," he chastised when he pulled away. "I have it on good authority that you think I'm honourable."

Her forehead furrowed, and then she nodded in remembrance. "You talked to Mama."

"Mama?"

"Mama Burke."

It was his forehead's turn to furrow. As much as he loved her, and as much as he wanted her forever, he was certain that no amount of time with her would help him to understand everything about her. "I spoke to Mrs. Burke, yes. She mentioned you two spoke, and that you called me honourable." He puffed out his chest just a bit to get a reaction out of her.

She giggled, and then her fingers were clenched around the collar of his scrub top, pulling him forward. He gave in to the pressure, and then her lips were on his. "You are," she started, pecking his lips, "honourable." Peck. Peck. Kiss.

He reached for her on instinct. His hands snaked around her small frame, pulling her to the edge of her chair. Their knees bumped together, limiting their closeness. "Mmm, you make me honourable," he murmured against her.

She kissed him again, but broke away suddenly. Her mouth clamped shut, and her chest hitched. Then her hand rose to cover her mouth. "I'm sorry," she mumbled breathily. "I'm...sorry. You're just so..." Her sparkling eyes found his as she struggled not to laugh. "That was really cheesy, Derek."

He smirked and shrugged, deciding to milk it. "You make me cheesy," he whispered.

She giggled out loud and leaned forward, her forehead resting against his chin.

"It's true," he insisted, making the most out of the opportunity to make her laugh. Anything to make her day better. "It's a disease. I'm around you, and cheesy things start happening. I like to call it Meredith-itis."

Her spindly fingers found fistfuls of his scrub top and she shifted a bit closer. Her head tilted, and he could feel her nose pressing into his neck.

He kissed the top of her head. "Let's play a game."

"A game?" She mumbled against the sensitive skin of his neck, not even bothering to lift her head. Apparently she was perfectly content tucked up against him – not that he was complaining.

"A game," he confirmed. "Called 'Whose day is worse?'"

"I'll win."

He chuckled and ran his hand along her spine. "Two of the residents I have to work and live with saw me naked this morning. I didn't get to make love to my wife. The only life I've saved today was that of a drug dealer. And I'm stuck doing research and paperwork for the rest of the day."

She lifted her head, a smile playing along her lips. "Technically, it was three of your residents who saw you naked this morning."

He kissed her. "You don't count. You're allowed to see me naked."

"Well, in that case two of my co-workers, and my boss, saw me naked this morning-"

"If you don't count for me, I don't get to count for you. It's cheating."

She shook her head, biting back a laugh. "It's a fake game."

"That I invented and am therefore qualified to know what's cheating and what isn't."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. My roommates saw me naked. Shower sex was a no go. My interns are driving me crazy. I missed out on a trauma because there were supposed to be five patients, but the dad wasn't hurt. Bailey blackmailed me, and now I'm stuck in the pit with Lexie, who I seriously think is a stalker..." She trailed off with a huff. "I win."

Derek took a moment to debate arguing with her for the sake of seeing her reaction, but the look on her face made him reconsider. He cocked his head. "Okay, you win."

Despite her obvious efforts not to, she smiled.

He smiled back. "How exactly did Bailey blackmail you?"

"She told me she saved my life, so I have to work in the clinic because I owe her."

He pursed his lips. "I'm pretty sure that's extortion, not blackmail."

She glared at him.

With a chuckle, he leaned forward and kissed her again, unable to resist.

Her fingers snaked into his hair, preventing him from pulling away.

"Derek," she groaned between kisses. Her fingers tightened in his hair, and he felt his body start to respond.

"Mer," he mumbled between kisses, "Work. We're at work." He was suddenly hyper aware that their privacy was much more illusion than fact. Yes, they were alone in a small room. But the walls were made of glass.

She pulled back, her face flushed. The hand that was in his hair fell to his shoulder and the fingers of her free hand splayed across his chest. "I..."

He breathed and pressed his forehead to hers.

She met his gaze. Her irises were dark and her pupils dilated.

"Mer," he breathed, reaching to stray hair away from her face. He inhaled, smelling the lavender from her hair. God, he wanted her. She'd been in his mind all day. He exhaled, and a quiet moan joined the rush of air.

She moved, suddenly, forward. Her hands pressed against his chest and shoulder, pushing him back in his chair. Her knees were wedged between his thighs and the arms of his chair before he could react.

Derek's hands moved to support her as she hovered over him. "Meredith," he murmured.

She kissed him, her hair falling around them.

"Meredith," he said again.

She broke the kiss, but hovered close. "I...need...please, Derek."

He pecked her lips. "I was going to say," he paused to kiss her again, "Lock the door this time."

She laughed and backed off of his lap. "Good idea."

"We don't need to get caught twice today."

"Also a good point." She walked over to the door, and was reaching for the lock when the door swung open towards her. She managed to stifle a yelp, but her reaction was still more than it should have been for someone who was simply surprised that the door in front of her opened.

Cristina stood in the doorway, her expression telling Derek she knew exactly what they had been about to do.

"We were just, uh, researching," Meredith stammered.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Why do you bother trying to lie, Meredith? You know you can't."

Meredith made a face.

Derek chuckled, knowing Cristina was right, but he resisted the urge to agree verbally when his wife glared at him.

"Seriously, Meredith, when I said to make a booty page, I meant to an oncall room. Or at least a storage closet. Here? Not very smart."

"A booty page?" Derek questioned.

Meredith groaned, and he caught a flash of her cheeks reddening before she covered her face with her hands.

"I assume I've effectively broken the mood," Cristina continued, not bothering to respond to Derek's question. "So, I need you to come back to the clinic with me. I can't take Two and Three on my own."

"Two and Three?" Derek questioned, not deterred by Cristina's lack of attention.

"She numbered her interns," Meredith responded through her hands. She then sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "You need to stop hiding out in the clinic and go. Talk. To Mama."

Cristina glared at her. "If you would just go and get rid of her for me-"

"I already talked to her. Yelled at her, actually. I'm not talking to her again."

"Meredith," Cristina whined.

"Don't Meredith me," she countered. "I had to deal with Derek's mother on my own. This is not my responsibility."

"Hey, what is wrong with my mother?" Derek questioned.

"But I don't want to deal with her," Cristina continued, "And I shouldn't have to."

"Either should I," Meredith said, before turning to Derek. "Nothing is wrong with your mother. I was making a point."

"And you didn't have to deal with her alone," he added.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Your mother is perfect," She lamented, "But you're ruining my point."

Derek bit back a smirk. "I'm just saying..."

She glared at him.

"Can we get back to me for a second?" Cristina spoke up. "I have a problem here."

"A problem that's not going to go away until you stop avoiding and deal with it."

"But-"

Meredith huffed in exasperation. "You two are driving me crazy. I came up here hoping my freaking crappy day would get a little bit better. Thank you so much," she said sarcastically. "And now I have to get back to my stalker intern in the boring clinic that I was blackmailed into working in today." She huffed again and then left.

Derek suppressed a chuckle at her outburst, knowing she wasn't actually mad. "Look what you did," he taunted Cristina.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Oh, that was all you."

He raised an eyebrow. "I beg to differ. She was quite happy until you showed up."

Cristina used Meredith as an example, and huffed before walking out of the small room.

Derek shrugged and spun his chair back around to face the computer. If he got his research done quickly maybe he could track down his wife in the afternoon.

When Cristina arrived in the clinic just moments after her, Meredith wasn't surprised. And when Cristina joined her at the desk like nothing was wrong at all, Meredith couldn't help but shake her head.

"So, I'm thinking I just hide out here and then go home."

"And what if Mama is still here tomorrow?"

"I'll avoid her until she goes back to whatever hole she crawled out of."

Meredith chuckled. "And what if Mama shows up at your apartment tonight?"

Cristina pursed her lips, and then shrugged. "Then I'll just have to go home with you tonight. She won't think to look at your house."

Meredith sighed. "Fine, but you're sleeping on the couch."

Cristina sighed, but they were interrupted before she could say anything.

Chief Webber strode into the clinic with an unhappy Alex in tow. "Grey," he called, his demeanour dark and his tone short. "Stitch up Karev's head and get him a scan."

"I don't need a scan," Alex muttered.

"You were attacked on hospital property, Karev. That means if something happens the hospital – my hospital – is liable. You're getting a scan."

Alex nodded. "Yes, Sir."

Richard nodded authoritatively and paused to glance at Meredith, his gaze flickering to her left hand, and then sighed and strode out of the clinic.

Meredith didn't have time to wonder what Richard's attitude was about. She turned to Alex. "What the hell happened to you?" She demanded.

Alex scowled. "Drug dealer hit me when my back was turned."

She pointed to a chair.

Alex sat and waited as Meredith pulled a cart over. Cristina joined them, not looking concerned for Alex.

"What exactly happened?" Meredith demanded as she pulled on a pair of gloves.

"I yelled at the dad," Alex admitted. "The police and social services were taking too long. I lost my cool. The poor kid was just screaming and the dad was pissing me off."

"So you yelled at him?" She brushed his hair out of the way to get a good look at the wound on the back of his head.

"Yep."

She swatted him. "You're an idiot."

"Yep."

She smiled. "It doesn't look too bad."

"Just try not to mangle my scalp."

She resisted the urge to swat him again. "Ass."

Cristina sidled closer for a look. "Couldn't you have at least gotten a real injury? It's boring down here."

"You wouldn't be bored if you just went to talk to Mama. Then you could wander around upstairs without worry and you wouldn't be bored anymore."

"I like it here."

"Sure you do," Meredith said, cleaning the wound.

Alex hissed. "Careful, Grey, that's attached to me, you know."

"Oh, you're fine. It doesn't hurt that much."

"That's some bedside manner you have, Dr. Grey," he retorted.

"Better than yours."

"Whatever."

Meredith finished cleaning the wound. "Do you want me to freeze it for the stitches?"

"How many stitches are we talking about?"

She took a good look. "Four, maybe five."

He sighed. "Give me the freezing."

Meredith motioned for Cristina to get it ready.

Cristina sighed, but did as requested. "Wuss," she prodded Alex when she returned, passing Meredith the small syringe.

"Bitch," Alex countered, turning his head to glare at her.

This time Meredith did swat at him again. "Hey, I'm holding a needle to the back of your head. Stay still."

"Yang started it."

"I'm ending it. Sit. Still."

Alex huffed, but did as he was told. Meredith finished injecting the freezing and passed the syringe back to Cristina to dispose.

Cristina tossed it in the sharps bin and returned to Meredith and Alex, walking circles around them as Meredith waited for the freezing to take effect.

Ignoring her best friend, Meredith poked at Alex's head, right beside the wound. "Still feel that?"

"Yep."

She sighed. "I can't believe you were stupid enough to taunt a drug dealer."

"It's Alex," Cristina responded before Alex could.

Alex kicked out his foot in response, forcing Cristina to hop over it to avoid tripping as she continued to circle. "Shut up, Yang. I did it for the kid. He deserves a better father than that."

Meredith patted his shoulder. "It was still stupid. You could have gotten really hurt."

"Says the girl who chucked her shoes at me this morning."

She laughed. "That you deserved."

"Technically, walking in on your and Shepherd was Izzy's fault. I was following her."

She shook her head and poked at his head again. "Numb yet?"

He nodded.

Meredith reached for the sutures. "Just so you know, I'm installing a lock on the bathroom door."

"I don't blame you."

She started the sutures, frowning slightly as Cristina continued to pace. "That's getting annoying."

"That's always annoying," Alex said, referring to Cristina and not the circling.

"Shut up, Evil Spawn," Cristina hissed, but said nothing more.

"What's with her?" Alex asked.

"Mama Burke is here and we don't know why," Meredith explained. "My guess is that she's here to kill Cristina."

"I could take her," Cristina hissed as she circled around behind Meredith.

Meredith sighed. Her best friend needed a distraction before she drove them all crazy. "She's hovering again," she spoke up, referring to the unwanted attention she had been receiving from Lexie all day. She'd been able to feel the intern's gaze on her since she re-entered the clinic.

Cristina paused in her circling and snapped her head around to face her interns. Lexie was standing at the desk behind them, chart in hand, and Two was beside her, looking uncertain. "If you're done with the charts go fold something, like sheets."

Lexie and Two snapped into action, obviously already afraid of their resident in only their first week. They passed Meredith, Alex and Cristina to head across the clinic to the storage shelves.

Meredith sighed in relief that Lexie's gaze was finally off of the back of her head. She finished the last suture and took a moment to check her work. She poked around and then nodded. "Looks good." She snapped her gloves off, and then frowned as she noticed the direction of Alex's gaze. Lexie.

She smacked him on the shoulder. "What are you looking at? Don't look at her."

"Your sister is hot."

She smacked him again. "She's not my sister. I'm an only child. Don't talk to me about Lexie. And don't stare at her; it's creepy."

Alex chuckled. "You sound like a big sister."

She smacked him again.

His pager went off. "The police need me to make a statement. Are we done here?"

"For now. I'll call CT and get you in line for a scan."

"I don't need a scan."

"Chief's orders."

"Whatever. Page me when you have a time." He stood.

"You're welcome," she called sarcastically after him as he left the clinic.

He turned before he reached the door, shooting her a smile. "Thanks, Grey."

Meredith smiled back, and then shook her head as he left. She turned to Cristina, only to frown at the expression on her face. "What?"

Cristina's already wild eyes only grew larger. "I need to know why Mama is here."

Meredith resisted the urge to shake her best friend. "Go talk to Mama," she commanded. "You need to get it over with."

"But-"

"No buts. You're driving me crazy."

"Meredith-"

"Go. Now." She pointed to the door.

Cristina glared at her and huffed dramatically, but acquiesced.

Meredith couldn't help but laugh as Cristina stalked out of the clinic. She pushed the cart back to the wall and turned to head to the desk for another chart – only to come face to face with Lexie.

"The sheets are all folded," she said brightly. "What should we do now?"

If only she could get rid of Lexie like she had Cristina. "Uh..." She stammered for a moment, thinking. The clinic was quiet today, even more so than usual. All of the patients had already been assessed. "Vitals," she finally added. "Checked vitals and report back to me with any problems."

The very few patients in the clinic were stable and within Meredith's eyesight. But it was a good excuse to keep Lexie preoccupied. She sighed in relief when Lexie got to work.

Leaning across the desk, she picked up the phone and quickly entered the extension button for CT. They had an opening in an hour and she scheduled Alex for that time, hoping that would be long enough for him to make his statement to the police. She then paged him with the information. When that was done, she glanced around the clinic. Still no new patients. Lexie and Cristina's other intern were both with patients and neither looked like they needed help.

Meredith opened a chart and began making notes from her exam that morning. At the very least, working in the clinic practically guaranteed she'd be able to leave on time. She just had to make sure her notes were up to date.

She finished with the chart and reached for the next. Unfortunately, she only got half way through those notes when she was interrupted.

"Uh, Dr. Grey?" Lexie laughed as she said her name, as if it were funny that they had the same name. "I was wondering... Do you know where the thermometers are? Because I -"

Meredith fought the urge to roll her eyes. She had seen Lexie using a thermometer that morning. "Do you really not know where the thermometers are, Lexie, or are you just looking for an excuse to talk to me?" She asked without looking up from her chart. She had done her best to explain to Lexie that she wasn't interested in any sisterly bonding, but Lexie obviously hadn't taken the hint.

"I..." Lexie began, but trailed off quickly, caught off guard.

"Simple question, Lexie; are you an idiot or a stalker?"

Silence.

Meredith sighed, feeling bad. Yes, Lexie was being intrusive and stalkerish, but the situation wasn't her fault. She looked up from her chart to meet Lexie's now uncertain gaze. "Okay, that was a mean thing to say," she admitted, "And generally I'm not a mean person. But I'm a person who just doesn't want to know you. And you are a person who is making that very difficult." She paused. The uncertainty in Lexie's gaze was quickly being replaced with shock and something resembling hurt. Meredith forced herself to keep talking. Lexie had to understand her point of view. "So please, stop making it so difficult for me to not know you. Okay?" Without giving the shocked silent brunet a chance to respond, she grabbed her charts and moved down the counter.

She got back to work on her notes, ignoring the feel of Lexie's gaze on the back of her head again. She felt bad, but reminded herself this was necessary. If she accepted Lexie's request to talk it would lead to more. And before she would know it they'd be friends or sisters or something. And that meant Meredith was practically guaranteed to get hurt and Lexie had a good chance of having something bad happen to her.

For a moment, she believed Lexie to have taken the hint. However, footsteps moved towards her, and then Lexie spoke, her previously hopeful voice now filled with frustration.

"I am a nice person. I am. And I don't know what it is that I did to you, but, you know, we have the same dad. So, I was just thinking that a simple conversation wasn't too much to ask."

Anger flared inside her, but Meredith managed to pushed most of it down. She turned to Lexie. "We don't have the same dad, Lexie," she said quietly. "We do not have the same dad."

Lexie tried to cut in, but Meredith wouldn't let her. "My dad disappeared when I was five years old and I never saw him again. Does that sound like the dad you grew up with?"

Lexie's determined gaze faltered as she shook her head. "No..."

"I spent a long time being angry at Thatcher. And being angry at my mother. And being so afraid of getting hurt that I couldn't get close to anyone. And when I finally found a way of building a family for myself, Thatcher swooped in and almost destroyed everything. I was so close to giving up, so close. So, you understand why I don't want to know you. Because I'd bet everything I have that you've never doubted that there are people in this world that love you and will do anything for you. For me, that's something new and something I still struggle with at times. And it doesn't take a shrink to figure out why; cause our dad chose you."

Lexie stammered for a moment. "I just wanted to know you..."

"And if we had the same dad, I'd want to know you, too. But we didn't have the same dad. He's your family, not mine."

Lexie was silent.

"I'm sure you are a very nice girl, Lexie," she offered, for some reason wanting to rid the younger woman of the upset in her expression. "But I hope you can understand that you're not a girl I ever wanted to have to know."

Meredith cleared her throat, ignoring the small lump, and pasted a neutral expression on her face. "So, I assume you don't actually need me to show you where the thermometers are?"

Lexie shook her head and took the hint to return to her patients.

Meredith turned back to her charts, blinking away the stinging sensation as she reminded herself that she did have a family.

Confused about why he was being paged to his own office, Derek checked the small scroll on his pager as he walked down the hall towards it, just to make sure he hadn't been mistaken.

The pager was definitely directing him to his office.

He returned it to his waistband with a shrug, wondering if the Chief wanted to discuss a case. If that was the case, he hoped it would be fast. He was scheduled to go home in an hour, and he really wanted to be able to leave on time. Meredith was scheduled off at the same time as him.

The door was ajar when he arrived, and he pushed through without knocking. Instead of finding the Chief, however, he found his wife. She smiled softly at him from his desk chair.

"This is a nice surprise," he greeted, closing the door behind him.

She stood and approached him. "I wanted to see you."

He felt his brown furrow at her tone. "Everything okay?"

Her small hands snaked around his waist. "I hate today," she mumbled into his chest.

He wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back. "It didn't get any better?"

"No."

"Lexie?"

She sighed and lifted her head to meet his eyes. "I feel bad, even though I know I shouldn't. She wouldn't stop pressuring me to talk."

"Have you considered talking at all?"

"No," she said quickly.

Derek sighed, cupping her face as he debated whether or not to push. She leaned into his touch and closed his eyes. He kissed her forehead, before pressing his own forehead to hers. He wouldn't push. Not now. She needed to figure this out on her own.

"I love you," he whispered.

Her arms tightened around him. She was hurting.

Derek hugged his wife tight. "I love you," he repeated, "More than anything."

"I love you too," she murmured against him, her face now pressed into the nook between his shoulder and his neck.

"Do you want to talk about your day?"

"No."

"Okay." He rubbed her back.

"I just want to be reminded that I didn't screw everything up."

Derek pulled back, forcing her to life her head and meet his eyes. "You didn't screw anything up."

"I almost did. I let him in. I let his opinion matter. I let myself care about him and want him to care about me."

Derek didn't have to ask who he was to know she was speaking about Thatcher.

"And then, when he left – which I obviously should have expected from my track record – I let it dictate my thoughts. And I ran."

"You didn't run," he insisted, trying to figure out why she was suddenly so insistent about this again. In the first two days she had been in New York, she had been vulnerable about her behaviour immediately following Cristina's non-wedding. But he had believed himself to have convinced her otherwise. "You needed space. You needed to figure things out."

"I could have ruined everything."

He cupped her face with both hands, forcing her gaze to his once again. "You didn't ruin – or almost ruin – anything, Meredith. Do you hear me? Even if you hadn't come to New York, things wouldn't have been ruined. You would have spent two weeks in Hawaii. And you would have flown home last weekend, and I would have been waiting for you at the airport. And we'd probably be right here, right now. Nothing would be different."

"We wouldn't be married."

"We wouldn't be married," he agreed, "But we'd be engaged." He ran his hand through her hair. "We'd still be in love. We'd still be planning on spending the rest of our lives together. We'd just be a step or two behind, and in the grand scheme of things, a few weeks is nothing. You're allowed to need time, Meredith. You're allowed to not be perfect all the time."

Her eyes flickered at his words.

He kissed her, recognizing the vulnerability in her gaze. "You're allowed to make mistakes," he added. "I'm not going anywhere, no matter what."

She kissed him back, hard. "Thank you."

"I'll always be here."

She kissed him again. "I know."

He smiled. "You do?"

She nodded. "That's why I paged you. I need you."

"You need me, huh?" He raised an eyebrow.

She pressed against him. "I need you."

"Is this that 'booty page' thing Cristina mentioned earlier?"

Meredith's lips curled up into a smirk. "I thought your office would be safe. We don't need to get caught a third time today."

"Good plan." He kissed her as his hands found their way under the hem of his top. "You're sure you're okay?"

She met his eyes as her small hands cupped his face, her fingers in his hair. She nodded. "I just need you to remind me of what I have."

He kissed her lips and cheek and neck. "That, I can do," he whispered against the soft skin of her neck.

She moaned and tugged at the hem of his scrub top. He released her for long enough to remove it, but when he reached to pull off her top, she backed up. For a moment he was concerned, but then she giggled and turned away, making a show of marching up to the door and turning the lock. "I'm not taking any chances this time."

"Good thinking."

Meredith returned to his arms, pulling off her scrub top on the way.

Derek couldn't help but think about how beautiful she was, and how lucky he was. The moment she was back in his arms he captured her lips with his. She deserved so much more than she's ever gotten from anyone. And he was going to be the person in her life to break the cycle.

AN: After the worries leading up to the end of 'season three' I just wanted to write a reminder that (1) I am trying to follow the show as much as possible and (2) this story is about Meredith and Derek being together, and happy as much as possible. That being said, even though they're married and secure and happy, a lot of crap happened to Meredith and she's struggling to adjust to Lexie (who in this universe has only been in Meredith's life for a few days and is the bright and shiny daughter of the man who abandoned her). They will, of course, be sisters eventually, like in the show, but that's not going to happen overnight. And Meredith still has some things to deal with. But I assure everyone who is reading this that she will be dealing with things WITH Derek.

Second, I just really wanted to thank everyone who has stuck with this story for so long (more than 3 years now!). My updating has sucked lately, and I apologize for that. I'm trying to deal with a lot of my own crap and I'm not getting nearly as much time to write as I want. I had expected to have a week of in September, and had planned to spend much of it writing, but instead I ended up spending my vacation week from work dealing with family issues with absolutely no time to write. My fingers are crossed that things will continue improving and I can get back to writing regularly. I want to get through 'season 4' as quickly as possible, and I'm hoping to get back into HWA by the end of the year.

Thanks for reading!