49. Chapter 49

AN: Working far too many hours due to low staffing + a one day laptop strike on my one full day off + a small family emergency + a host of other things you wouldn't believe could all happen in the same three week period = severe delays in my writing. Sorry!

Meredith stood outside the glass wall of the NICU, staring in at the small, recovering infant lying in her small cubicle. The little girl – Laura, Meredith reminded herself – wasn't even a day old, and had already undergone lifesaving surgery. But she was tough, and every monitor that stood around her showed good signs. And the very attentive nurse had checked on her five times in the hour or so that Meredith had been standing there.

It was early morning, very early. Molly was still fast asleep in her hospital room, Susan asleep on the chair by her bedside. Meredith knew this because she had checked.

Meredith could remember staying in the hospital for a night when she had been eight after she had gotten her tonsils out. Her mother had stopped in after the procedure to check in on her, had been paged into surgery quickly after, and had gone home for the night without saying goodbye.

Molly was twenty-two – and okay, a c-section where the baby almost died is a lot more serious than a simple tonsillectomy – but Susan had barely left her bedside. Meredith had gotten about a minute and a half with her mother around, and then hadn't seen her until the following afternoon. She could remember the girl in the bed next to her, also a tonsillectomy patient, whose parents had stayed until the nurses forced them out, and were back first thing in the morning. And they had thought to pack games and books and her favourite stuffed animal.

Ellis had barely thought to pack Meredith pajamas.

The nurse made her sixth pass of Laura's monitors, sending Meredith a quick glance of suspicion. Meredith sighed. She had been standing there for over an hour now; she really had to move on.

Laura was doing okay, and as much as Meredith wanted to not care, she had been drawn to the NICU early that morning. She had needed to check on the small baby, her...

No.

She wouldn't use the term.

Susan Grey was not her family.

Molly Thompson was not her sister.

And Laura was definitely not her...niece.

With one last glance, Meredith pulled herself from the window. She would need to get ready for rounds soon. And rounds meant pre-rounds, which meant Susan and Molly would be waking soon. And that meant Meredith could very well be caught.

And the last thing she needed was another well-meaning speech by her father's bright and shiny wife.

Meredith stumbled slightly as she made her way towards the elevator. Coffee. She definitely needed coffee.

She hadn't slept a wink since early the previous morning.

Her mother had been agitated the night before, so Meredith had made a point to go into the nursing home before work that morning. And her mother had made a point of stating the one thing Meredith had always suspected. Okay...maybe Ellis hadn't exactly made a point to say it. With the Alzheimer's running rampant through her mind, she hadn't been aware Meredith was her daughter when she had stated her sincere disdain for having had a kid.

I never should have had a kid.

She had taken the news – not that it was exactly news to her – as stoically as she could, and had only shed one tear on her way to the hospital, hoping the day would go easy on her.

Instead, she had spent her shift sticking up for her best friend against her other friends. And there was that little part where Molly was admitted for an emergency c-section and the baby almost died. And the part where she had frozen in surgery. And the part where Addison had made her give hourly updates to Susan and Molly.

And the part where the most she had seen of Derek the previous day was him telling her Preston had finally swallowed his pride and asked Derek to take a look at his arm. Derek had told her he would be late, and to not wait up.

But it had already been late, and in the end Meredith had gotten out of the shower to find a text message from Derek saying her wouldn't be making it home.

She had spent three hours awake in bed trying to fall asleep before giving up and getting up. Her eyes had only lasted an hour before they had screamed in protest when she tried to get some reading done.

Eventually Meredith had gotten dressed and headed into the hospital. She had assumed Derek would have crashed in an on-call room, and she had hoped she would be able to find him.

Instead, he had been in emergency surgery, and she had headed to the NICU.

The elevator was empty, and she quickly rode it down to the lobby. Her head was throbbing already, and she had no idea how she was going to make it through the day. The coffee cart was void of a line, and Meredith quickly ordered the largest coffee they sold.

There was a short wait while the pot finished brewing, and Meredith collapsed against the counter, her face against her arms. She definitely felt like crap.

She didn't hear the footsteps approaching her, but she definitely felt the hand fall across her back, and she immediately smiled to herself.

"Hey," Derek greeted softly before ordering his own coffee.

"Hey," she said, standing up straight, disconcerted by how raspy her own voice sounded.

He narrowed his eyes as he took in her tired face and bloodshot eyes. "Hmm, you look like I feel..."

"Did you get any sleep last night?"

He shook his head.

"Me neither."

"I thought you made it home?"

She shrugged. "I did; just couldn't sleep."

His hand came forward, clutching tenderly to her forearm, and he tilted his head, concerned far more for her well being than for his own. "Everything okay?"

She wanted so much to be able to offer him a tired smile and shrug it off, claiming everything was fine in her life. Instead she felt tears well in her eyes in response to his concern.

His lips formed a thin line and he sighed. "Mer..."

Meredith swallowed hard and shook her head. She couldn't do this; not here, not now.

Derek gave her arm a reassuring squeeze before releasing her to reach for his coffee. He understood.

Meredith sniffed, but did not cry, as she reached for her own coffee.

"How long do you have before rounds?"

She glanced at her watch. "Half an hour."

"Did you want to come up to my office for a bit?" He asked. "We haven't seen each other since yesterday morning..."

She nodded thankfully and silently followed him back to the elevator and up to his office. He was offering her an escape, even if only for a short while.

The moment his office door was securely closed behind them, Derek's arms were around her, and try as she might, Meredith couldn't hold off the tears any longer.

She cried and clutched to his scrub top and buried her face into his chest. He pried her coffee cup from her hand to rest on the desk beside his, and held her tight against him, not making a move to ask her anything until she was done crying.

"It's okay," he whispered into her hair. "I'm here. I love you. It's okay."

"I...I...Derek..." She cried.

"Shhh," he comforted. "Take your time."

A few minutes later her tears had all but stopped. She was still shaking, but she lifted her head to meet his eyes.

Derek's eyes shone with concern. "Mer, what happened?"

"Why can't things just stay the same for a little while? Why can't things just be easy for a little while? Just a little while...That's all I want... I need...just..."

"It's been tough lately," he agreed. "But what happened since yesterday morning?"

"Molly was admitted for a c-section."

"Who?" He questioned, his brow furrowed as he struggled to determine why that name sounded familiar to him.

She sighed. "My...half sister...or whatever..."

"Right," he murmured. "And...?"

"The baby almost died," she told him. "She had jejunal atresia. Addison rushed her into surgery, but it was hours... And I had to give updates every hour... And Susan...Susan was there every time. She never left Molly's side. She cried with Molly, and she hugged her and comforted her..." Her voice cracked. "She was there the whole time. She spent the night sleeping in the chair by her bedside. She was so...motherly."

"Mer..." He sighed heavily, running his hands up and down her back. "What happened with the baby?"

She breathed, glad he knew her enough to know when to back away from the subject for a moment. "She's a fighter," Meredith whispered. "She pulled through."

"Good."

"Susan called her my niece. And she..." Meredith sniffed. "She said they could be my family too."

He cocked his head and offered her a small smile. "Do you want that?"

Shaking her head was an instinct. "No. I...he didn't want me." She stumbled over her words as she felt a swell of anxiety erupt inside her.

"Meredith-"

"You said I get to choose my family now," she reminded, as if it would cease to be true if he took back his comment.

"Meredith-"

"I have a family, Derek. I have my own family now; you and Cristina and Izzy and George and Alex."

He kissed her, suddenly, but light, cutting her off. "Meredith," he said again.

She breathed and met his eyes. "What?"

"I love you," he whispered.

She nodded thankfully. "I know. I love you too." And suddenly her chest felt lighter.

"They don't have to be your family," he assured.

The tears started falling again. "They could have been," she whispered. "Yesterday...all I could think about was what if my father had raised me instead of my mother? What if I had known these people growing up? What if they had been..."

"Oh, Mer..." He closed his arms around her again, pulling her against his chest.

"My mom didn't want me," she cried, "So I don't understand why she took me to Boston. I don't understand..."

His arms tightened around her as he rested his chin on her shoulder, nuzzling up against her cheek. "She was distant, Meredith, but that doesn't mean she didn't want you."

A sob escaped her mouth. "But she didn't; I know she didn't."

"Mer-"

"No!" She found herself yelling. "She told me; yesterday morning, when I went to see her in the nursing home. She told me straight out that she wished she had never had a kid."

He was silent for several long moments, at a loss for words. "She said that?" He finally asked.

Meredith sniffed. "She did. I... She was ranting about Richard and she said straight out that he didn't want kids, so therefore she should never have had a kid." She buried her face into Derek's chest. "I'm the reason she lost the love of her life."

"No, you're not, Meredith. She's sick and she doesn't know what she's saying."

"She knows exactly what she's saying," Meredith countered. "She may not know who she's saying it to, but she knows what she's saying. And she believes it. I always thought...growing up...but I never knew for sure..." She trailed off and swallowed hard, fighting off a new wave of tears. "Now I do."

"Damnit," he muttered. "Damnit, I knew I should have gone with you yesterday."

"It wouldn't have changed anything."

"But I still would have been there. Damnit!" He exclaimed. "I never wanted to go to that meeting." Derek had been called in early by the Chief to meet with Burke, Cristina and Bailey about Burke's hand. It was why Meredith had gone into the nursing home alone.

"This isn't your fault, Derek."

He hugged her close. "It isn't yours either." He sighed heavily. "Do you think it's too late for us to both sneak out and play hooky for the day?"

Despite her dour mood, Meredith laughed. He always knew what to say to make her feel better. "Yeah, I think it's too late. I have rounds in ten minutes."

"Hmpf," he muttered. "That's not the answer I wanted to hear."

"Sorry."

He was silent for a long moment before speaking, his voice soft and tender and loving. "I'm sorry you got crappy parents, Mer. I know we don't have a lot of time right now, and that there probably isn't much I can say to make it better right now anyway, but I am going to say this..." He pulled away far enough to meet her eyes, going so far as to duck down so they were almost level with each other. "You do have a family, even if it has nothing to do with blood. And you're loved, Meredith. You have people in your life, me included, who will do anything for you. Your mother and father can do and think and say whatever they like; and I'll still be here. I love you more than anything else in the world. You make me happier than I ever thought possible. And we're going to get through this; together. Okay? We'll get through today, and then we'll go home and get some sleep, and tomorrow things will be better."

Meredith took a deep, cleansing breath and nodded. "Okay."

He narrowed his eyes. "Really, okay?"

She released a laughing breath and nodded. "Really, okay. You're absolutely right. I'm exhausted and I'm stressed." She shook her head. "I have everything I need in my life."

His eyes narrowed again at her statement. "I don't want to keep you from them, if that's what you want."

"That's not what I meant..."

He paused. "Do you want to know them?"

Meredith shrugged. "A part of me kind of does, but the other part..." She trailed off, knowing he would understand.

"Right." He leaned in and kissed her. "You don't have to decide anything today."

Her chest suddenly lighter than it had been since the previous day, Meredith sighed easily and leaned her forehead against her boyfriend's chest. "I wish things could just stay the same for a little while."

His hand left the small of her back to run upwards along her spine. "I know things have been a bit hectic lately..." He trailed off with a small chuckle, "Okay, a lot hectic."

She giggled, lifting her head to meet his eyes. "You can say that again."

He smirked. "It's been a lot hectic lately..."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Smart ass."

Derek chuckled again before pressing his lips against hers. "I'm here for you, Mer. And your friends are here for you. That's not going to change anytime soon, especially the me part."

"Especially, huh?"

He smiled warmly at her. "That won't change ever," he clarified.

She swallowed hard, more grateful than she could begin to express for his constant support. "I don't know what I want to do about Molly and Laura...and Susan...and...Thatcher..." She stated quietly, going back to their earlier topic.

"Any decision you make will be a big one," he pointed out. "And not something that needs to be decided right now, or even soon. We'll get through today. And then we'll get some sleep. Things always seem better when you're not exhausted."

Meredith found herself nodding along. "You're right."

He smirked. "I know."

Try as she may, she couldn't help but laugh at his cocky tone. "Anyway..."

He smiled at her. "We'll get through this."

"I believe you," she practically whispered, surprising even herself at just how wonderful it sounded in her head when he used terms like we. A year ago she would never have believed how happy it would make her to be part of a we.

000

Rounds were uneventful until Bailey led her interns to the NICU to discuss the small infant recovering from her intestinal surgery the previous day. Meredith sighed wearily as she purposefully fell behind the group, entering the hospital room last and staying at the back.

Molly and Susan were, of course, up now and glued to Laura's bedside. Molly was wrapped in a light pink robe – that Meredith assumed Susan had brought in for her – and sat in a chair right by the head of the incubator, staring in awe at her new baby. Susan right beside her daughter, her arm around her in a purely supportive and loving stance, also staring at the tiny baby. She did push her chair back a bit, away from the incubator, when the doctors came in, allowing them access to the baby.

But she never left Molly's side.

She also sent Meredith a smile. A friendly smile, as if it were natural; as if Meredith were a stepdaughter she had known since she had been five years old.

But that wasn't reality.

Bailey glanced suspiciously at her interns, before catching sight of Meredith hovering at the back.

Meredith felt her breath hitch in her throat as she made eye contact with her resident. Bailey narrowed her eyes, and Meredith quietly shook her head, hoping her resident would let her off the hook.

"Miranda," Addison even attempted discreetly, trying to come to Meredith's aide.

It was no use.

"Grey, get up here and present," Bailey demanded, sending an astonished look her intern's way.

Meredith nodded and shuffled forward, her ribs seeming to tighten around her lungs and her feet feeling like they were filled with lead. This was not a situation she wanted to be in. "Uh, Laura Thompson," she began, avoiding Susan and Molly's gazes as she stared at the baby. "Delivered yesterday via C-section. Complications arose when she didn't start breathing on her own..." Meredith stammered onward, disconcerted by how mechanical her voice sounded to herself. She could feel her fingernails digging into the soft flesh of her palm; the results of a frugal effort to distract herself. Although she kept her eyes glued on the baby, she could feel Molly and Susan's gazes on herself, burning into her skin. "...And her vitals remained stable overnight," she eventually concluded.

"Does that mean she's going to be okay?" Molly asked quietly.

Meredith ripped her gaze from the baby to meet Molly's eyes, which were full of need and pain and hope. She opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. Molly continued to stare, and Meredith wondered if Susan had ventured to tell Molly who she was yet.

"Grey." Bailey prompted.

Meredith broke out of her trance and nodded. "Barring any unforeseen complications, she should be just fine."

Tears pooled in the new mother's eyes, and Molly nodded gratefully. "Thank-you," she breathed. "I don't know what I would have done if she had..." The young woman trailed off as she turned to stare at her new daughter. Susan offered Meredith a warm smile and closed her arms around her daughter.

Meredith blinked back tears as she wondered how it could be that Thatcher could have picked out two opposite woman to marry. Because Ellis and Susan really were polar opposites of each other. Where Susan was warm and openly supportive and affectionate, Ellis was cold and raised Meredith with a 'sink or swim' methodology. Although, Meredith mused, maybe there was a reason they were polar opposites. Maybe Thatcher had actively searched for an opposite to his first wife.

Susan Grey was everything Ellis wasn't; and vice versa.

Maybe Thatcher had simply realized his first wife was would never give him what he wanted, and that his first daughter was already too far gone.

As if his ears were ringing, Thatcher Grey rushed into the hospital room in a fit of fear and awkwardness and half formed sentences. "I'm here...the plane...bad weather...as soon as I could. Is she okay?"

"Dad," Molly cried, standing and throwing her arms around her father's neck. "You're here."

"I'm here," he echoed. "I got here as soon as I could. I'm so sorry, Molls. I'm so sorry I wasn't here."

"I'm just glad you're here now, dad."

"Is she okay?"

Molly pulled away and nodded. "They say she'll be just fine." She smiled at her father. "Do you want to meet your granddaughter?"

"More than you would believe."

Meredith felt like her feet were glued to the ground as she watched Thatcher's face light up as he stuck his hand into one of the sterile gloves attached to the incubator and carefully ran his fingers along Laura's forearm. She wondered if he had ever done that when she had been that small.

She wondered if Thatcher had ever looked at her the way he was looking at Laura right now.

"She's beautiful, Molls," he concluded. "Just like her mom. She looks just like you did when you were born. I can remember it like it was yesterday; I couldn't take my eyes off you."

Meredith felt her chest hitch. He sounded like such a perfect father; which obviously meant she had been the problem. She hadn't been a good enough daughter to him.

As if he could hear her thoughts, Thatcher finally turned to face the sea of doctors he had pushed past when he had entered the room. His gaze swept past, and then quickly came back to, Meredith. And for a long moment they stared at each other; their first face to face contact since that fateful night so many months before. Their second face to face contact in over twenty years.

Thatcher seemed at a loss for words. And Meredith wasn't about to offer any.

"Dad?" Molly spoke up, catching onto her father's behaviour. "What's going on?" She glanced at Meredith, and then back to her father.

Thatcher continued to stare at Meredith as he stammered a response to Molly. "She's..."

"Thatcher," Susan prompted, pushing her husband to announce the truth.

Molly glanced suspiciously at her again, and Meredith couldn't stand it anymore. "I'm just your granddaughter's doctor," she told Thatcher, meeting his gaze evenly. "That's all," she whispered, mostly to herself.

Addison sent her a sympathetic glance before turning to Bailey. "Dr. Bailey, why don't you move on with rounds; I know you have a lot of patient's to get to. I'll finish up here."

With a suspicious glance between her attending, her intern and the patient, Bailey nodded and herded her interns out of the room. But they barely got to the end of the hallway before she came to a stop and turned to stare Meredith down. Because one thing Miranda Bailey did not accept was being out of the loop on something that was affecting any one of her interns.

"Grey, explain."

Meredith sighed to herself. "It's nothing, Dr. Bailey."

"It didn't look like nothing to me."

"It doesn't matter, really, I'm fine."

Bailey pursed her lips thoughtfully for a moment, and then she barked out orders at her other four interns and silently guided Meredith into an empty conference room. "Sit," she commanded.

Meredith collapsed onto the closest chair, grateful at the very least to be sitting. The only thought getting her through right now was the knowledge that she would be able to fall asleep in Derek's arms that night.

"Grey," Bailey prompted, her tone uncharacteristically sympathetic. She had been extra harsh since Denny had died, overcompensating for her 'weakness' after the birth of her son, but could still be trusted to tone it down when it was necessary.

And right now it was necessary.

"I'm fine," she repeated weakly.

Her resident scoffed. "You don't look fine, Grey. You look like crap. When was the last time you slept?"

"Two nights ago," she responded truthfully. There was no use attempting to lie to Miranda Bailey. The woman had a built in lie detector. Seriously, Meredith mused to herself, the woman should have gotten a job with the CIA.

"How much sleep?"

"What?"

"I know you live in the same house as O'Malley, so I know you must be dealing with his father as well as whatever else you've got on your plate."

"I got enough sleep," she responded. In actual fact she probably hadn't gotten more than a few short hours that night. Or the night before. Or...any of the past week or more she could remember.

"Meredith," Bailey said supportively, using her first name for effect. "What's going on? And just to remind you that if you don't tell me, I'll be forced to assume it's something that's clouding your judgement, and I'll keep you on scut for the rest of your internship. And when I'm named Chief Resident, it will extend into your residency."

A small chuckled escaped her lips before she sighed and nodded. "My father left when I was five," she admitted. "I didn't see him again until a few months ago, when I showed up on his doorstep and he wanted nothing to do with me. And then he showed up last month with his wife and daughter, who happened to have a baby yesterday..."

"Molly Thompson is your sister?"

"Half-sister...sort of. She doesn't know it."

"Why didn't you request off the case yesterday?"

"I thought I could handle it."

Bailey nodded, and refrained from chastising her intern; something Meredith was very grateful for. "I'm sorry to hear about all of this, Meredith. It's never easy when your own family is admitted."

"They're not my family," she found herself whispering fiercely.

"Grey-"

"No. No offence, Dr. Bailey, but I've worked really hard this year to establish a new family, to surround myself with people who will actually be there for me. I have a family now; that has nothing to do with blood."

"Okay, I can accept that. But I am taking you off the case. And not because I don't think you can handle it, but because I don't think you should have to."

Meredith nodded gratefully, both at being taken off the case and at her mentor's words of support. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it. Now, you're obviously exhausted, so I'm going to put you on scut today. And you will leave on time, and have that obnoxious boyfriend of yours take you home and get you some decent food. Is that understood?"

Meredith couldn't help but smile. "He's only obnoxious sometimes..."

"Grey."

"It's understood."

"Good. And if you come in tomorrow not bordering on looking like a raccoon, I'll put you on Mr. O'Malley's case. Because I really think George could benefit from you working with his father."

Meredith nodded. "Thanks, Dr. Bailey."

Bailey paused for a moment, her eyes narrowed. "You're doing okay for yourself," she finally said.

"I'm...what?" Meredith shook her head, confused.

"I didn't hold high expectations for you when you started," her resident offered. "The Chief gave me a heads up on who you were...well, on who your mother is."

"Ahh," Meredith nodded in understanding. "Yeah...I never seem to be able to escape her."

"You have in my opinion. I expected you to be riding on her coattails, so to speak. But you've got a good head on your shoulders. You've made mistakes, yes, but you've learned from them. You're not careless, and you're not coasting."

"Thank-you," Meredith replied quietly, almost stumbling over the words in surprise. "That...that means a lot to hear."

Bailey cracked a smile. "Now, if it weren't for that attending that follows you around like a lost puppy, you'd be the perfect surgeon."

Meredith laughed, but sobered quickly. "I don't want to be a perfect surgeon. And don't get me wrong; I want to be a good surgeon. I want to save lives. I want to make a difference. But the perfect surgeon only cares about work. The perfect surgeon doesn't have a personal life. My mother was a perfect surgeon, and now she's sick, and all she's got left is me."

"Grey, people do the best they can."

"I appreciate that you think that," Meredith countered, meeting Bailey's eyes. "And I really am sorry about what I said to you in the OR last week." People want high-powered careers; I get that. But they should think twice about having kids. "I'm really sorry," she repeated. "And I know that you love your son, and are doing the best you can for him. But Dr. Bailey, my mother only ever did the best she could for herself."

"Grey-"

"No. If you had any idea..." Meredith trailed off as memories of her childhood bubbled to the surface. Memories of long nights by herself, where she would hide under her covers, no matter how hot she got. Memories of falling asleep in on call rooms and galleries. Memories of never once looking into a crowd of spectators and seeing her mother. Memories of her mother's blood spreading across the floor before her, seeping into her clothes. "My mother did the best she could for herself," she repeated, "Not for me."

"No parent is perfect."

"Do you love your son?" Meredith asked fiercely, suddenly overwhelmed with the need to make her resident understand.

"Of course."

"Have you told him?"

"I tell him all the time."

Meredith nodded. "That's my point. My mother never told me."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"She never told me; not once. Emotions made you weak; that's what she taught me. She didn't hug me. She didn't ask me how my day was, or what I learned in school. She didn't help me with my homework. She didn't let me believe in Santa Clause, or the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy, or...whatever other mythical things I should have believed in. She didn't let me believe in love."

"I'm sure she loved you, Meredith."

She shrugged. "Maybe she did, but I'll never know. And even if she was lucid, she wouldn't admit to it."

"I'm sure she meant to tell you."

"I get that you want to believe the best in other parents, especially those that are surgeons too. And even though my mother will never fit into that, I'm so glad you care this much. Because that makes your son so lucky."

Bailey's eyes took on a sheen that Meredith had never seen before, and she continued quickly before she lost her nerve, without wondering if maybe the sleep deprivation was inhibiting her impulse control. She had definitely never spoken this deeply with her resident before.

"You're a surgeon and a wife and a mother. You're doing it all, and I'm grateful for that; not only because Tuck won't grow up like I did, but also because you're proving that it's possible."

Their eyes locked for a long moment before Bailey nodded in understanding. "I'm proving to you that you can do it."

Meredith nodded.

"That's your plan. With Shepherd." It wasn't a question.

Again, Meredith nodded. "I love him," she said simply. "Even though I was raised not to believe in it, I love him. And he was the first person to ever tell me he loved me. And he's not afraid to tell me all the time. And I know that you don't support it...or didn't support it...or whatever. I don't really know where you stand right now on the whole intern dating an attending thing, but I will not be like my mother. I will be a surgeon, but I will also have a life."

"On the record, I can't officially support an intern-attending relationship. But off the record..." she trailed off with a shrug. "Off the record you two are doing much better than I would have expected. You're both being very professional, and you're not causing any problems. And I wish you a happy future."

"Thanks, Dr. Bailey."

"Just don't go expecting this treatment all the time."

Meredith smirked. "I won't, trust me."

"Good; now get to work. You have labs to pick up."

000

True to her word, Meredith turned down an opportunity to scrub in, and changed to leave on time. Although she hadn't seen him all day, she had texted Derek to tell him Bailey was demanding he take her home and feed her, and his response had included a promise to meet her in the lobby.

She made her way down the hall towards the elevator, just in time to intercept the doors before they closed. And when they opened fully before her, the one person who could still bring a smile to her face when she was this tired was standing on the other side.

"Hey," he practically hummed, stepping forward to meet her in the middle of the elevator car. "I thought you'd be downstairs by now. I was going to meet you in the lobby."

"Mmm," she murmured, leaning into his chest and enjoying having him support some of her weight for a moment or two. "It took me longer to get changed than I expected."

He pulled back far enough to meet her eyes, and tenderly tucked a few stray strands of hair behind her ear. "Were you okay today?"

She offered him a small smile and a nod. "Better than I expected. I was reminded of what I do have as opposed to dwelling on what I don't."

He smirked. "How very mature."

Meredith giggled. "I'm evolving."

"Seriously," he prompted. "You okay?"

"I think I really am."

"Hmm," he purred, pressing his lips against hers. "I think you're going crazy from lack of sleep."

She giggled again. "Maybe. Maybe I am crazy. But right now I just can't bring myself to care..." She trailed off as she lost herself in his warm eyes. Her mother would call her crazy. Hell, her mother would probably have her admitted if she knew what thoughts were going through Meredith's head right now.

The warm, fuzzy, bright and shiny thoughts.

Derek cocked his head to the side ever so slightly, not understanding the sudden inflection in her tone.

Meredith smiled up at him, knowing she didn't have the brain power to explain her train of thought right now. "I love you," she told him reverently.

"I love you too," he responded without hesitation, making her heart soar.

The elevator doors opened and Derek hooked an arm around her waist. "You ready?"

She leaned her head against his shoulder for a hint of a second, completely at ease with him; no fears or reservations. "I really am," she whispered, mostly to herself. And she was, she was surprised to realize.

Meredith was ready for everything.

"Really, huh?" He murmured, his voice portraying that he understood something important was going on in her head, even if he had no idea what, or just how important, it was.

"Absolutely," she practically breathed. "I'm ready, Derek."

"Hmm, then let's get you home."

Meredith pulled away far enough so that his arm dropped from her waist, and she quickly threaded her fingers through those of his now free hand. "Let's do this thing," she said lightly, tugging on his hand to pull him out of the elevator.

Maybe she was past overtired. And maybe Derek thought she was crazy.

And maybe she was.

But she was happy.

And she was ready.