205. Deathstroke
The group eats some wild Frogoid flesh roasted in a blue fire made by Peter and drinks The Sludge from a well Bruce dug up. They made a settlement far east of the Battleworld Continent right next to the light blue ocean.
"Sarah Lance said that The Guy is several kilometers north from here," said Bruce.
"Why the hell would he pick the north pole? It's like the perfect place for Elsa and Anna to commit frozen incest," said Wade. "Hahahahaha..."
"Wade..." said Diana. "How much of that cactus juice did you drink?"
"No. It's fine..." said Wade. "These Cacti are alcoholic."
Bruce checks the binoculars and sees a cave entrance a kilometer away.
"Wade? You're coming with me," said Bruce.
"Alright..." said Wade. "Looks like I'm going to be Batman's partner this episode. Welp... Let's go, Master Bruce."
1 day later...
Wade spoke to you. The reader. "Hello, there! It's me, Deadpool! In your world by the time the author is reading this, Deadpool 3 hasn't even come out yet. And guess what? Disney bought Fox, so Deadpool 3 may or may not be canon. Another? I've been walking for three days and I SHOULD'VE WORN YELLOW AND BROWN PANTS!!! You know, yellow at the front and brown at the back. You get what I mean... I'm here just dillydallying all the way to fuckersville while Ben Affleck over here is dragging me to rob a fucking bank! I'M CLAIRE, BRUCE!!! I'M CLAIRE IN THIS SITUATION!!!"
"Will you shut the fuck up!?" asked Bruce. "God... I could just-..."
"I was trained in the Marine Corps, Wayne! I don't think you'd want to try to even fight me. I mean! Haha! You pose absolutely no threat to me!"
"You're from Canada, Wade."
"Semper Fi, bitch!"
"When will you shut up?"
"When will your crusade for justice bring your parents back? Ooh! Burn!"
"When will yours bring Vanessa back?"
"Hey!" Deadpool walks in front of Bruce and walked backward. "You don't mention her to my fucking face again or you'll get your FUCK ON, WAYNE!!!"
"Uh-huh..." sighed Bruce.
"I mean! God! Someone call Nathaniel Richards and Kang the Conqueror! We just found the worst variant in the whole fucking Multiverse! NO!!! OMNIVERSE!!!I don't like you, Wayne! I always thought I'd love it when I meet Batman! Here he is! Drinking mess who's all crying because he lost people or whatever."
*BASH*
*CRACK*
"GAH!!!" yelled Deadpool, as Bruce broke his arm with a single punch. "Un Poco Loco! Bitch! God!I'm sorry... I was tense, Batman. Please keep loving me, Papa... Papa? *sings*... Papa, can you hear me?"
Bruce slaps Deadpool in the face.
"Fuck!"
"Shut up," said Bruce.
"That's pretty rude, not gonna lie."
"No... Shut up!" said Bruce, grabbing Wade's mouth.
They've reached the cave. It's a large wet cave that is pitch black inside. Bruce noticed that their voices have been echoing the entire time. The cave was a hundred meters tall and 200 meters wide.
"This seems like a good place to show pretentious backstory," said Deadpool.
Bruce sighed and walked in, preparing his suit.
"What? What!? No comment on that still, Mr. Wayne!?Batman...Marvel's had you on a leash...Come on! Nothing!?At least tell me if you're offended!That's gotta strike some Zack Snyder-filled nerve in your body! No wonder you didn't win an academy award. Such a downer."
Later...
"Jesus! Where are we now!? Holy shit! We're going to this world's Batcave! Get ready to get your fuck back on, Snyder!"
They're still walking.
Later...
"Kinda dark. You'd think that this looks like your entire whole Cinematic Universe. Oh, sorry. Extended Universe. Hahaha!I'm so sorry... Harley and I... We had a little fight this morning... She got mad at me... Had to sleep on the sand instead of the blanket THAT I GAVE HER!!! GOD!!! YOUR CINEMATIC MULTIVERSE SUCKS ASS!!!"
Later...
"AND THEN SHE HAD THE GALL TO CALL MY CINEMATIC UNIVERSE GENDERIZING SINCE WE CAN NEVER HAVE GAY CHARACTERS IN OUR UNIVERSE!!! THAT IS A BLATANT LIE!!! I MEAN, HAVE YOU SEEN LOK!?"
Later...
"I'm so sorry... I mean... I know! I've been rude... Really rude... I should say that the DC Universe isn't that bad. It's palatable, to say the least. It's just... It has problems, too! Why can't Harley see that!? God!"
They reach the end of the cave to see...
More desert.
"NICE ONE, BRUCE!!! WE GOT INTO THE WRONG CAVE!!! WE'RE BACK IN THE FUCKING DESERT!!!"
*CRACK*
"GAH!!!"
"Shut... the fuck... up..." said Bruce, leaning toward Wade's face after snapping his arm. He then slowly sticks the bone out of his skin.
"Really? Violence? That's what you're resorting to?"
"I've struck you 29 times in the last fucking five minutes and you wouldn't stop talking."
"Well. If that's what you want..."
*CLANG*
"GAH!!! GOD!!!" Deadpool broke his hand with a single punch at Bruce's armor.
"Wade..." said Bruce.
"Take off your armor asshole! Show me what you've got!" yelled Wade.
Bruce gives off a very loud sigh. "Okay."
Bruce takes off his armor.
"Just saying... I'm stronger than a Supersoldier... So!"
*shing*
*swsws*
*ting! ting!*
*SPLAT*
Deadpool now has a Batarang in his eye.
He raises his finger as he drops to the ground, feeling nauseous.
"Are you done?" asked Bruce.
"Not so fast... BATMAN!!!"
Deadpool takes out the Batarang from his head as a trail of blood follows and swings it at Bruce like a ninja star.
*clang clang*
The Batarang falls to the ground.
"Oh... Shit..."
Deadpool takes out his katanas and slashes them at Bruce with gracefulness and speed. He slashes them left, right, up, and down, but Bruce blocks all of the attacks with his gauntlets. Bruce then disarms Deadpool and stabs him in the same eye.
"Very funny..." said Deadpool, backing away, feeling all dizzy.
"Now, are you done?" asked Bruce.
"No! Because it was Karl Marx who said that four scores and seven years ago..."
"That's Abraham Lincoln, dipshit. Karl Marx invented communism."
"I'm not... done yet..."
Bruce swipes his feet then stomps on his legs, snapping them both.
"I can't kill you, but I can cut you to pieces and keep you in a little box for the rest of the journey."
Deadpool screams in pain.
Deadpool brings out his guns.
*swsws*
*ting*
*boom*
*splat*
Batman threw a Batarang into the gun's mouth as it explodes, blowing up Deadpool's left hand.
"I still have... my one good hand."
*SNAP*
"Okay... I didn't even see you there. How... How did you do that?" asked Deadpool, whose hand was broken by The Batman.
Bruce's eyes widen. "Heal up. Something's wrong."
"What? What the fuck are you talking about?"
*wung... wung...*
Bruce catches something.
It's a Vibranium Shield with red and white stripes and a white star in the middle.
"Sam?" asked Bruce.
Captain America, or Sam Wilson, and the Winter Soldier, or Bucky Barnes, appear before them.
"Cousin Sammy!" laughed Wade. "Good to see you, chum! Would you care for a nice cup of tea?"
Wade takes off the katana in his eye.
"Oh, shit. Why are they attacking me?"
Bruce wears the shield.
*click click click click*
"Wade!? What the hell did you do to my armor!?" asked Bruce.
"Disabled it for a few minutes is all... Haha..." laughed Deadpool.
"You little shit," said Bruce. "Sam. James. What's wrong with the two of you?"
The pair have black eyes.
Bruce stands still with the shield before him as Sam prepares his wings and Bucky prepares his knife.
"Guys?" asked Bruce. "You don't want me to do this..."
Bucky grabs Bruce and tosses him several meters away. Bruce backflips and slides on the sand as he throws a Batarang toward Bucky and Sam.
*swsws*
Bucky blocks the attack with his metal arm and charges toward Bruce.
Bruce punches Bucky in the face as Bucky spits out blood. Bruce then hands the shield over to Bucky.
Memories slowly begin to flood back.
But no. Bucky is still under control.
He uses the shield to swing it back to Bruce, but Bruce grabs it and swings it toward Sam, who catches it and tries to strike Bruce with it by swinging to the right and spinning. Bruce forty-five kicks Sam away as he uses his wings to balance himself.
Bruce throws a marble on Sam's jetpack as it turns into a spider that attaches itself to the jetpack, disabling it.
Bruce throws the same marble on Bucky's arm and disables it as well.
Bruce blasts a punch toward Sam, but he blocks it and swings his fist toward Bruce.
Bucky joins in as Bruce blocks all of their swings, jabs, kicks, and punches.
Bucky grabs Bruce and punches him several meters away with his metal arm as Bruce had his ribs crushed. He slowly stands up, trying to steady himself as he coughs out blood.
"I could do this all day," said Bruce.
Their eyes quiver.
"What's wrong, James? Sam? Did those words resonate with something from within you? It doesn't take a man who broods in a cave for a living to learn about who Steve Rogers was and what a great man he was to you and the world... Yet... Here we are.You two are better than this.He was better than this."
"Better than me," said Bruce.
Bucky takes out his knife and throws his hands with Bruce. He went left, right, left, right, and dropped his knife to his next hand, and went right, left. Bruce blocked all of this as he grew tired of it and decided to grab the knife off of him and leap off of him by jumping on his belly and pushing him away and throwing himself toward Sam.
Bruce backflips and puts Sam on a chokehold, as he then knocks him out by making him faint.
"He was a symbol... an ideology... and he was more right about you than anyone ever was."
Bucky's eyes quivered as he bowed his head.
So did Sam's.
"He was a great man. He reminds me of someone I know and I will never regret to know. Someone who is a symbol of hope. That's why the both of you should calm down and remember who you're supposed to be. Symbols of hope."
Bucky and Sam gasp for breath as they scream and grab their heads.
"Don't let words break who you are," said Bruce.
"Longing, Rusted, Seventeen, Daybreak, Furnace, Nine, Benign, Homecoming, One, Freight Car. Soldier?"
"Don't let those... words..." said Bruce. "Change you."
Bucky's eyes stop quivering, as he approaches Bruce.
*pow...*
Deadpool knocks both of them out with a backflip and cartwheel split kick.
"Thanks for distracting them, mate!" smiled Deadpool.
"Alfred didn't talk like that, jackass," said Bruce.
"Crikey!" smiled Deadpool.
Bruce shakes his head. "No."
Bruce inspects the pair. "What the hell happened to the two of you?"
"I did," said someone with a deep voice.
He walked toward him.
"Hello, Bruce," said the man.
He has black armor with the left half of his face being orange. Only the orange half has an eye hole, which is red and slanted to make it look like it's angry.
"Slade," said Bruce.
"I'm sorry, who is this ripoff?" asked Wade.
Slade takes off his mask, revealing an old man with an eyepatch on his left eye.
"Dad?" asked Wade in shock.
"What?" asked Slade.
Bruce squints his eyes and throws a Batarang toward his face.
"NO!!! WAIT!!!" yelled Wade.
Slade blocks it with his katana.
Bruce turns his armor mode on and blasts missiles toward Slade, who dodges it by flying upward and throwing his own missiles toward Bruce. Bruce flies away and dodges it.
The two warriors fly around in the sky blasting at each other with their missiles and bullets.
*RATATATATATA*
*shoo*
*boom boom boom*
*BANG BANG BANG*
Slade takes out his Katana and slashes it toward Bruce, spinning to the right. Bruce blocks it and blasts a Shattered Star (Batarang made of destructive energy) toward Deathstroke
"Where is the guy, Slade?" asked Bruce.
"Where do you think is he, Bruce?" asked Slade.
"You have him as a hostage," said Bruce.
"Pretty much," sneered Slade. "So, unless you stand down and surrender yourself to me... You won't have him."
"You and I know that I never surrender..." said Bruce. "And I always win."
*beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep*
Slade looks at his own chest, which has a bomb attached to it. He tries to pull it out but a forcefield made of electricity keeps it in his chest.
"RAUGH!!!" yelled Slade.
*BOOM*
*SPLAT*
"NO!!!" yelled Wade.
Slade falls to the ground with the upper half of his torso, head, and arms being the only things left from his body.
Bruce slowly drops to the ground right next to Wade.
"Why did you do that?" asked Wade.
"Excuse me?"
"Why did you kill him?"
"I didn't kill him."
Slade slowly and angrily lifted himself.
"Oh!" smiled Deadpool. "He has a healing factor! Holy shit!"
Bruce grabs Slade by the neck.
"Jesus Christ! Can you not be violent for five fucking seconds!?" asked Wade.
"Where are they?" asked Bruce.
"They're on top of the cave," sighed Slade.
Bruce lets go of him.
"What? That's it? What about The Guy?"
Bruce uses his grappling hook and goes up to the top of the cave.
He sees White Canary (Sarah Lance), Aquaman (Arthur Curry), John Constantine, Ant-Man (Scott Lang), Rocket Raccoon, Groot, War Machine (James Rhodes), Deadshot (Floyd Lawton), Cable (Nathan Summers), Drax, Mantis, and Professor Hulk (Bruce Banner), all trapped in slimy cocoons.
Bruce uses his armor to blast all of them out. They all escape and gasp for air.
"Guys?" asked Bruce. "Are you all okay?"
"We could use a bit more manpower if you ask me," said Sarah. "Anything else? No."
"Hey, Batman," smiled Arthur.
"Arthur," nodded Bruce.
"Hello, Brucie! A pleasure!" smiled John Constantine. "Would you finally consider having me take your blood for a ritual as I speak with Barbatos?"
"Right," said Bruce, shaking his hand. "Also, no."
"Batman! Hey! Hey! Guys, it's Batman!" smiled Scott.
"Scott," nodded Bruce.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" laughed Rocket. "You look like a pointy-eared Iron Man!"
"HAHAHAHAHA!!!" laughed Drax. "He does! It's funny because Iron Man was richer and smarter!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Why are we laughing!?" laughed Mantis.
"Rocket... Drax..." nodded Bruce. "Mantis."
"I am Groot," smiled Groot.
"Hey, kid," smiled Bruce.
War Machine shakes his hand.
"Rhodes," nodded Bruce.
Cable stares at Bruce.
"Nathan," nodded Bruce.
"CABLE!!!" smiled Deadpool. "If it isn't Marvel's DC Character!"
"Christ..." said Cable, as Deadpool gave him a big hug. Deadpool then caresses his balls.
Cable grabs his hand. "Fuck, no."
"Right! Geez!" smiled Deadpool. "Who says a man can't fondle another man's balls in a platonic sense?"
Bruce sees Deadshot.
Bruce sighs. "Floyd," he nodded.
"Wayne," Floyd nodded.
"Oh, Jesus... Jesus!" yelled Banner, as he slowly stood up.
"Bruce," smiled Bruce.
"Bruce Wayne!" yelled Professor Banner. "It's a pleasure to meet you again," he smiled, shaking Bruce's hand. "Forgive my smell. It's my natural musk ever since I combine my mind with the Hulk's."
"You have to stop saying that every time we meet," smiled Bruce, shaking his hand. "So... Where's the guy?"
*shoo*
*clang*
*vzt vzt vzt*
*step step step*
A man in an iron suit landed on the ground.
Bruce meets him.
"So... you're the man from the past who knew all of this would happen?" asked Bruce. "You're the man who is a legend in Earth 616, right? The Greatest Hero of Universes 616.We were instructed not to tell you how you die... But you already knew that, right?"
"Holy shit..." Deadpool's eyes widen.
Tony Stark stood before Bruce Wayne.
"You used the Pym Particles to enter this timeline," said Bruce.
"Yeah. Pretty much," sighed Tony. "Really nice place you've got here, Wayne. Really... Really Mad Max-y, don't you think? Have you ever tried thinking of a better planet to fight in?"
"Jesus Christ," said Bruce. "You're that kinda guy."
"Uh, yeah? And what are you? Some kind of variant of Black Panther?" asked Tony.
"I'm-..."
"I know! I know! You're The Batman," said Tony. "I am Iron Man. And you?"
"Wade Wilson," smiled Wade.
"Never heard of you," said Tony. "Can everyone please bring me something alcoholic or something at least South Asian?"
"Has he always been like this?" asked Bruce.
"Yeah," sighed Sarah Lance.
Sam and Bucky land on the ground to meet everyone.
"Hey," said Sam. "What did we miss?"
Tony meets eyes with Bucky.
"Barnes," said Tony.
Bucky nods with eyes quivering.
Tony sighs. "So... You're the guy who destroyed five Universes.... Or more! Who knows? We have no idea because we're stuck in an Alternate Universe where people have died because of you," said Tony, walking up to Bruce.
"Are you challenging me?" asked Bruce.
"I'm scolding you. Is that a problem, Wayne?" asked Tony.
"I was trying to save my Universe," said Bruce.
"And you endangered other worlds because of that," said Tony.
"I didn't know," said Bruce.
"Of course you didn't. Because you're an idiot."
Bruce grabs Tony's neck as Tony blasts an energy blast with his repulsor cannon, but Bruce disables Tony's armor as Tony's armor retracts. Bruce grabs him by the neck.
"Bruce," said Sarah. "Don't."
"Don't test me, Stark," said Bruce. "You and I both know that we're all just trying to do the right thing."
Tony sighs. "Okay..." said Tony. Bruce turns around and walks away. "It's just that I thought you were the most selfless person in the Omniverse. Guess Richards was wrong."
Bruce angrily turns around as Tony turns on his armor.
"Boys," said Sarah.
The two of them blast at each other as Tony flies upward.
Bruce follows after, as he throws a Shattered Star.
"You killed my family," said Tony. "I think we both know that you're a screw-up."
Bruce and Tony blasts missiles at each other, blasting at each other in the skies.
"What are they doing!?" asked Sarah.
Bruce punches Tony, who creates a shield out of his hands. Tony then creates an ax and stabs Bruce's armor.
"You made your armor made with my tech. You don't deserve to wield it, Wayne," said Tony.
Bruce angrily blasts Shattered Stars toward Tony as Bruce disables his armor. Tony then drops him on the ground and prepares a blast.
"Not so fast, Iron Man," said Bruce.
Tony looks at his chest and sees that the marble is there, which disables Iron Man's armor as it retracts back into his bones.
Tony holds up his fists.
"You think you can challenge me?" asked Bruce.
"I'm just saying you're someone that I can't respect," said Tony. "Someone who endangered the lives of trillions just to save his own."
Tony punches Bruce but Bruce grabs his hand cartwheel spins and kicks him in the face, also breaking his arm in the process. Bruce then grabs Tony and bashes his face over and over again.
"RAUGH!!!"
"BRUCE!!!" yelled Sarah, grabbing his shoulder.
Bruce throws a Batarang.
"NO!!!"
*shwing*
The Batarang is beside Tony's face.
Tony breathes heavily out of relief.
"Your name's accurate because you're batshit crazy," said Tony, slowly standing up from the ground.
"Tony," said Sarah. "Bruce is only trying to make things right. You have to understand that."
Tony sighs and begins to pant heavily, as he then does lunges on the sand.
"What are you doing?" asked Sarah.
"Trying to relieve my stress. I'm on sabbatical at the moment, actually. And my wife taught me this... exercise to relieve stress. Call it psychotherapy, if you wish."
Bruce stares at Tony's oddness.
He does a few more lunges and slowly turns to Bruce with a silvery stare.
"Fine," said Tony. "If this means bringing back everything I worked hard for. Fine."
Both nod at each other.
"But I'm calling the shots," said both of them.
"Oh, no," said Sarah, facepalming.