83. Beach Boy Part II ~Psy-Crab Returns~

"Guys! Beach episode!" yelled Josuke, slamming the door open with his foot.

"Beach episode!!!" yelled Erina, Bodyguard Jedan, Finn, Jake, Spongebob, Patrick, Gumball, and Darwin.

"BEACH EPISODE!!!" yelled Josuke.

"AWOO!!! AWOO!!! AWOO!!!" they yelled, beating their chests like feral children.

Jobin Higashikata, the uncle of the current ruler, Josuke Higashikata, sat before Stephen Rivers, the friend, and ally of the Stardust Crusaders.

"I just need your help!" yelled Stephen.

"Ah... yes... I believe you're the orphan The President told me about who wanted the Empire's help to find your father?" asked Jobin, steepling his fingers.

"Yes... I am the servant of The Reaper!" smiled Stephen.

"Very well..." smiled Jobin. "You will have the address of your loving mother as a 'thank you,' for your services."

"My dad?" asked Stephen.

"So far, you have no father. Probably left during your birth," calmly said Jobin. "Go along."

Jobin chuckles as Stephen skedaddled out of the room.

Jobin called someone.

"Where is the boy?" asked Jobin. "What do you mean, 'He's at the beach?' He will be displeased by this.What?! We need him alive, Stanley.You sent him?! He's absolutely immune from Josuke's abilities!"

"Sir... I'm sorry."

On the other end, is Stanley, a businessman walking in the street.

"I promise that we won't harm the Prince..." said Stanley. "Sir... You've gone awfully quiet-..."

Suddenly, Stanley's head melts into liquid flesh, as he drops down dead in the middle of the sidewalk. His phone melts as well.

Jobin sighs and writes something on a paper on his desk. He presses something on his telephone and speaks.

"Cover Stanley's demise up. Rule it as an accident," said Jobin.

"Yes sir."

Jobin sighs. "That little prick sits on his throne thinking that he has it all... No matter... I, Jobin Higashikata, the future ruler of the seven worlds, will rule the world supreme."

"Sir, what of Eradicator?"

"We'd eliminate him if that idiot, Miguel JoJo, fails to take him out. I only need one thing... something far more valuable than those Arks, and that is Josuke."

Meanwhile...

"Okay... now pour that water on that glass..." said Ghost Jedan, as Kariel nodded.

"Ask for your father's blessing? What!?" asked Miguel. "What!? We have to do that!? Why don't you ask my mother's blessing, HUH?!Oh..."

"Miggy, come on! Just ask my dad, and you'd be TOTALLY fine!" smiled Anne, handing him her cellphone.

"Consider yourself lucky that I chose you..." said Miguel, pointing to her. "For me, men are more attractive.Hello?Hello, Mr. Zeppeli! Hi!May I have your hand for your daughter's hand in marriage?Wait... no...May I have your daughter's hand in marriage?Uh-huh...What!? We're already getting married!Wait, what!?"

*ZAP*

*POP POP*

"Gah!" yelled Miguel, as Levi Zeppeli teleports in front of them.

"What!? YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!?" howled Levi.

"You didn't TELL HIM!?" Miguel angrily turned to Anne.

Anne smiled awkwardly and shrugged.

Meanwhile...

From left to right: Josuke, Bodyguard Jedan, Erina, Yoshiko, Finn, Gumball, Jake, and Darwin all laid on their benches. Meanwhile Spongebob and Patrick "swam" in the ocean.

"So, Bodyguard Jedan!" smiled Josuke. "Or should I say, 'BJ' for short? Yeah! I should call you that! What's your take on the new Spider-Man in Civil War, BJ?"

"What did you just call me?" asked Bodyguard Jedan.

"So, anyway!" shouted Erina. "That's why I stopped drinking diet coke because they say that you get zombie cooties from it."

Yoshiko sips her soda and turns to her. "I really don't care for you right now."

Josuke's star birthmark shines bright. He sighs, stands up, and drinks some coconut milk.

"You okay, Josuke?" asked Finn, seeing Josuke looking down. "Is it the Reverse-Flash encounter?"

"Pretty much," said Josuke.

Everyone, concerned, starts to say "no" to what Josuke insinuates.

"I... just need some time alone..." said Josuke, as he stood up and walked away.

Meanwhile, Spongebob and Patrick are blowing bubbles underwater in the dead coral reefs.

"Bahahahaha!!!" laughed Spongebob. Spongebob blows a bubble as a fart noise comes out from its pop. "Bahahahahahahaha!!!"

"HAHAHAHAHA!!!" cackled Patrick. He blew a bubble as well which also popped and created a fart noise.

"Who knew that bubbles Mr. Reaper developed from bear digestive fluids would make such funny noises!" laughed Spongebob.

*clickity clackity clickity clackity*

"What was that? I sense Stand Energy!" asked Spongebob. "H-Hello? Anyone out there?"

"Why are you saying hello to an enemy Stand-User, Spongebob?!" asked Patrick. "Do you expect him to walk out of the ocean and say 'Hello!' back and give you a sandwich?!"

"You're right, Patrick... That was dumb..." said Spongebob.

"To get a sandwich from him you should learn to assert dominance!" yelled Patrick. "Hey! Barnaclehead! Come on out here so we can kick your sandy cheeks!Oh! I get her name now!"

"Oh, hello there!" smiled Spongebob, meeting a face familiar to the characters of the previous Part.

It's...

"Greetings, injudicious dullards..." greeted Psy-Crab, in a British voice that echoed in their heads. "Sure, that may seem redundant, but an echinoderm and a sponge who blow fart bubbles developed from a bear's digestive enzymes can be described with redundant adjectives."

"Wow... How are your... brain... putting... in our brain?" asked Patrick.

"What's your name, mister?" asked Spongebob.

"Sycharus Newton Einstein Fermat Archimedes Crab III. Or for short... Psy-Crab," said Psy-Crab.

"Do you happen to be related to Mr. Krabs?" asked Spongebob.

"No," said Psy-Crab.

"Are you a lobster?" asked Patrick.

"No," said Psy-Crab.

"Are crabs fish?" asked Patrick.

"No."

"Are all shellfish selfish?"

"No."

"Can you drown?"

"No. Stop asking."

"Stop talking!"

"You're the one who started talking-!!! Ugh!"

"Look, funny man... We want one thing and one thing only... That thing is answers, Crab!" yelled Patrick.

"Those are plural... 'things'," said Psy-Crab.

"We want those darned sandwiches IF IT'S THE LAST THING WE DO!!!" yelled Patrick.

Psy-Crab sighs. "BEACH BOY!!!"

Suddenly, Psy-Crab's giant armor appears from underwater. It has a large bubble helmet on its head where Psy-Crab sat. It has a large buff body with a fish hook on the left arm and a giant pincer on the right arm. His armor has large legs and a buff body. It has eyes where the nipples should be, and the eyes glow.

Spongebob and Patrick trembled in fear.

"N-N-Nice suit," said Spongebob.

"Thank you," said Psy-Crab. "I awakened it myself."

Meanwhile...

"She rejected me!" sobbed Stephen, as Miguel sighs. "She... She has a family of her own! She abandoned me when I was a baby because she... she never wanted me!"

"Look, Stephen... I'm really sorry about your mom, but we're kinda in the middle of something," said Miguel, who faces Levi. "We'll talk tomorrow, okay? Promise! Take the rest of the day off. I'm really sorry about your mother..."

Stephen sobs as he runs away.

"Poor guy," said Anne, crossing her arms.

"Who?" asked Miguel. "Oh, right... Stephen...*sigh*Anyway! Mr. Zeppeli!"

"Yeah! Dad!" smiled Anne. "What does Miguel have to do to earn your respect and blessing?"

"A Stand fight," said Levi.

"But I don't have a Stand right now, sir," said Miguel.

"Is that so?"

Miguel and Anne nodded.

"Very well," said Levi. "You may gain my blessing once you regain your Stand."

Later...

"That was understandable," said Miguel. "You think that my left leg needs to be healed by Josuke, again? My left leg isn't responding well to my brain, and I think it's starting to pus."

"Are you shitting me?!" asked Anne. "Who the hell is he to control my life like that! It's not like he has the power to still do that to me! I'm 36-years-old! I should be able to make my own decisions!"

"Heheheh!" laughed Miguel. "I should be calling you, 'Ate Anne.' That's weird. I have a relative named 'Ate Anne.' Never friggin' mind."

"Ugh! He should come to respect me! I'm the gal who is going to take over his company! I deserve to be respected!"

"Anne, you should think before you do anything risky... Or at least even think about something risky..."

"That's it! The Ark of the Covenant! We could use the Ark to find you worthy enough to regain your Stand!"

"Anne, that's not how the Ark works... I can regain my Stand and most likely get a new ability, but as you said, I must be proven worthy. The other option is the equivalent exchange, and I'm really not up for doing that!"

"Then we should get you to fight Eradicator at this once!"

"Anne... Lay off the Eradicator business... That man is dangerous."

"Then fight someone big and bag or whatever! I just need you to prove him wrong, get your Stand, and beat my father!"

"Anne, is this about me winning your hand, or is this about proving to your father that you didn't choose wrong?Do... you... think that you chose wrong?"

"What!? No! I love you, Miguel!It's just that... he thinks that I chose wrong. He always thinks that I chose wrong. At every moment in my life, he thinks that I'm a failure! Me! His little girl who's constantly in the shadow of her sister! Look at me! I was a mess when you left! I ended up getting a job I really didn't like! He makes beds and clothes, while I make less money because I started school late! And you're living proof that I have a choice that wasn't wrong!"

Miguel grabbed his head, feeling a headache.

"If this is really important to you... I'll make the equivalent exchange. I mean, I am running out of ideas on how to regain my Stand to stop Eradicator, after all... I don't think that this would hurt now, would it?"

Anne nods. "Let's go get your Stand!"

Meanwhile...

Josuke is sitting on top of some rocks near a cliff above a shallow.

"You okay?" asked Erina, crossing her arms and meeting up with Josuke from behind.

"No..." said Josuke. "Because for one thing, we both almost died. And for another, I'm... I think for the first time in my life, I'm..."

"Vulnerable?"

Josuke slowly nodded. "This is the first time... I feel... emotions... and the first time that I ever felt fear.My whole life I always thought about what it was like to live outside of my powers. And... it was..."

"Scary?"

"It was awesome! But not scary... It was terrifying! I couldn't tell whether or not I was going to die, Erina...I don't know...I just have a hard time coping with that experience."

*ZOOM*

*GASP*

Josuke gasps for breath out of fear and breathed heavily.

"Josuke?" asked Erina.

"Just... leave me alone..." said Josuke.

"Hey..." said Erina. Erina looked down and tilted her head. Her left eyebrow lowered and her left cheek raised.

She turned red, realizing that she can't talk.

*thud*

She gave Josuke a big hug from behind. She slowly slid her face across and rested her ear on his chest.

"What the-...?" asked Josuke, as he turned red as well.

"Your heart's beating faster..." said Erina. "Earlier, it was louder. Now, it's softer but much faster."

The two turned red.

"Y-You can hear my heartbeat?" asked Josuke, gasping for breath.

"Y-Yeah... I guess... I guess I can... *ahem*... Is whatever I'm doing working?"

"I'm terrified about something else now... so... So-so...Sometimes... I wonder if you even actually like me... Or someone out there is paying you to do this... because no one is meant to like me."

Erina makes a worried look.

"I have to tell you something-..." said Erina.

"Guys!" yelled Finn. "Where's Spongebob and Patrick? Because it's been two hours! They said that they'd only be in the waters for a minute!What are you two doing?"

Josuke and Erina stand up, turning red.

"Teenage stuff! Back off, blondie!" yelled Erina, pointing at Finn.

"We can't find Spongebob and Patrick anywhere! We need your help!" shouted Finn. "Darwin's look around the waters. Jake is looking around the beach. Gumball's looking into every public bathroom around.We need your help, Erina... You have the longest range out of all of us."

Erina's face turns serious as she nods.

"Let's go," said Josuke, smiling.

Meanwhile...

Beach Boy, with a fishing hook on its left hand, tries to hook Spongebob and Patrick up, but the pair dodge the hook. Patrick brings out Goofy Goober Rock and tries to punch Beach Boy with him.

"GUBI GUBA GUBI GUBA GUBI-!!!" howled Goofy Goober Rock, beating Beach Boy's helmet over and over again.

"Really? That's your attack? You resort to punching! I am quite amused that most Stand-Users use their Stands to drub their enemies to death, " asked Psy-Crab, as his fish hook grabbed his neck as Patrick's neck gets hooked as well.

Psy-Crab pulls his fish hook as Patrick's neck explodes with mucus.

"AAAAAAAH!!!"

Spongebob gritted his teeth and wished for something. He grabs Patrick and runs away.

*step step step*

*click*

*BOOM*

Sand clouds cover the entire reef as the pair hide under a stone.

"A mine?" asked Psy-Crab. "That's it?! If you weren't such an idiot, you'd realize that your Stand has no limits of what it can do. Nuclear bombs, a cure for cancer, the Life Equation, the answer to life written in a fortune cookie... And you use it for the simplest ways just to help people."

"That's it! Bahahahahaha!!!" smiled Spongebob. "I wish for a weapon that can penetrate Psy-Crab's Stand Armor!"

*pop*

Spongebob gets an alien blaster, which is much larger than both of them.

"'Fortisite?'" asked Spongebob.

"Screw it! Blow him up!" yelled Patrick.

Spongebob and Patrick struggle to point the blaster toward Psy-Crab.

Psy-Crab charged toward the pair.

The blaster charged with pure energies.

*PEW*

Psy-Crab sees the blaster. In fear, Psy-Crab leaps upward and dodges the blaster.

*BOOM*

A large shockwave underwater occurred, moving most of the sea creatures.

*pop*

A bubble pops on the surface.

*pop*

Another bubble pops on the surface.

"What the hell?" asked Psy-Crab, as he turns to the pair. "You wished for a Fortisite Blaster? Latest Generation? How'd you know about that?No... you're too stupid to know about that...You wished for a blaster that can penetrate my armor."

Spongebob and Patrick slowly pointed toward Psy-Crab once more.

*PEW*

Psy-Crab immediately shot missiles at them using his right pincer.

*shoo shoo shoo*

*BOOM BOOM BOOM*

"Whoa!" yelled Spongebob.

"I'll handle this," said Patrick, as he brought out Goofy Goober Rock.

Patrick and his Stand leap toward Psy-Crab but has his head get itself grabbed by Psy-Crab's pincer.

*CRUSH*

*SPLAT!!!*

"PATRICK!!!" sobbed Spongebob.

Patrick floated downward and slowly dropped to the seabed, headless.

Spongebob angrily shot at Psy-Crab.

*PEW PEW PEW PEW*

"RAAAUGH!!!" yelled Spongebob.

"Hey, Spongebob," smiled Patrick.

"Hey," said Spongebob, as he turned back to Psy-Crab. "PATRICK!??" Spongebob turns to Patrick and hugs him. "I thought you died!"

"I'm a Starfish, Spongebob. I can't die. I can just regenerate limbs and body parts," smiled Patrick.

"But your brain was crushed!" shouted Spongebob.

"Brain?" asked Patrick. "What brain?"

"That's enough!" Psy-Crab loomed over the pair. His fish hook grabs the blaster as Psy-Crab pockets it in a compartment behind his Stand Armor. "I will not be fiddled with any longer! This violin's strings have snapped. I will no longer condone to such foolish mannerisms and schemes of yours."

Psy-Crab prepares his missile pincer.

"Prepare to die, mongrels."

"Wait... Last words!" shouted Patrick.

"Very well... I have at least some form of humanity. Do go on."

"My last words will be... Man... this is hard. Spongebob?" asked Patrick.

(theme begins)

"How about this! 'PLEASE DON'T KILL US, MR. PSY-CRAB!!!'" yelled Spongebob.

"Nah... That's just too pathetic, Spongebob. Ooh! How about, 'To infinity... and beyond...' Huh?"

"Sounds taken. How about we say that we believe in Jesus and go to the Catholic's paradise?"

"Sounds cheap. Ooh! Ooh! What if we say, 'I am... IRON MAN!!!'"

"*GASP*... Did you spoil yourself on End Game from the Grimm Universe! We made a pact to not watch that movie until after 2019 on the Prince Universe!"

Psy-Crab, out of annoyance, facepalms. Both his armor and himself facepalm.

"I AM PATRICK... DESTROYER OF EVIL!!!"

"You stole that from me, pinhead!"

"What makes you say that I'm the pinhead, pinhead? For all we know, I may be a Swede!"

"Patrick, we're sea creatures."

"Let's just both agree that all the Finnish people are evil!"

"Patrick, Finn's cousin is a descendant from Finland. Haha! Get it? His name's Finn!"

"The fact that Finn has a cousin offends me! Finn's face offends me! EVERYTHING about Finn offends me!"

"I wish for this to end already..."

"I wish for you to end already!"

"*GASP*!!! I wish that your face is stupid!"

"Ha! My face is already stupid!"

"STOP... TALKING!!!"

The pair turn to Psy-Crab out of fear.

"GOD!!! IT'S LIKE LISTENING TO A FUCKING PODCAST MADE BY A PAIR OF TEN-YEAR-OLDS!!! Do you know what I wish for? FOR A METEOR TO COME CRASHING DOWN ON ME SO THAT I WON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS CONVERSATION!!!"

"You got it!" smiled Spongebob, with a thumbs-up.

*shoo*

A meteor comes crashing down from the sky toward Psy-Crab.

"Oh dear God. Oh, Jesus... Oh, God... OH DEAR GOD!!!"

Psy-Crab immediately propelled himself far away as the meteor followed him.

"NO, NO, NO!!! I WILL GET YOU AGAIN FOR THIS, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK!!!"

"I'm bored," said Patrick. "Let's go back up the surface and try some cheese dogs."

Spongebob nodded as the pair walked away.

"MARK MY WORDS!!! I'LL MURDER THE BOTH OF YOU!!! NOT BECAUSE OF MY EMPLOYER, BUT FOR VENGEANCE!!!"

"Hey, Finn!" smiled Spongebob, meeting Finn on the surface.

"Oh! Hey, guys! Geez! Where were you?" asked Finn.

"Oh... we fought a crab," smiled Patrick.

Josuke and Erina are with Finn.

"Oh my Gosh!" shouted Josuke. "Are you okay?"

"We're fine," they both shrugged.

"Do you hear that?" asked Erina.

"Mark my words! mark my-!!! oh... god..."

*BOOM*

A large tidal wave occurs from the ocean and splashes most of the beach-goers.

Josuke was there, however, so the tidal wave shrunk when it reached the shore.

"Welp! All's well, it ends well!" smiled Erina.

Meanwhile... in one of the public bathrooms...

A piece of meteor comes crashing down toward the ground.

Gumball enters the bathroom with his Stand out.

"COME ON!!!" he yelled. "WITCHES?!!! HM!!? ANY DARNED SPIRITS!!?"

*gurgle*

"I do need to poo," said Gumball, as he slammed the door shut.

*sss*

*pop*

The meteor fell into the shed and popped itself inside.

*BOOM*

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-!!!"

The walls came flying outward as the whole beach watched Gumball naked on the toilet.

"STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!" yelled Gumball. "AVERT YOUR EYES, YOU SAVAGES!!!"

"GET THAT AWAY, DUDE!!! THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!!!" shouted the man.

They start throwing things at Gumball as Gumball sobs and runs away.

"Almost everything," sighed Josuke.

Meanwhile...

Miguel stands before one of the Arks of the Covenant.

"Miggy... I don't think we should-..." said Anne.

"Yeah, yeah... I know... you've come to your senses..." said Miguel. "But... I need my Stand back, Anne... If not, Eradicator's going to kill everyone we care about."

Anne, looking concerned, stared into Miguel's eyes. She closes her eyes and nods.

"I'll be okay..." said Miguel, as he proceeded to smile. "I promise."

"Spiral staircase, Rhinoceros beetle, Desolation Row, Fig tart, Rhinoceros beetle, Via Dolorosa, Rhinoceros beetle, Singularity point, Giotto, Angel, Hydrangea, Rhinoceros beetle, Singularity point, Secret emperor... Spiral staircase-..."

Miguel began to glow with energies.

"What do you exchange?" asked Prometheus.

"Range..." said Miguel. "I offer you... my Range..."

Gold Experience Requiem returns, but Star Platinum looks awfully... different.

Star Platinum is still humanoid. However, it resembles less of a human but more of a mecha armor. The armor has a Samurai face mask and has a metallic body with multiple cracks of the armor that allows it to move. But, Star Platinum still has black long hair. It is still mostly purple and blue. Its eyes, however, are now glowing yellow.

Star Platinum then goes around Miguel's body... like armor.

"Huh... cool..." said Miguel.

"Whoa..." said Anne. "Can we do it while you wear that?Ooh! Can you use Star Finger?"

"Damn it, Anne!" yelled Miguel. "No! Saving the world is clearly more important. No sex until I save the world."

"Ugh..." said Anne.

"I'M BACK, BITCHES!!!" yelled Miguel. "ORA!!!"

Meanwhile...

The Fusion walked into Josuke's mansion. Josuke waved Erina goodbye as Erina waved back. Erina then walked into her home.

*ring ring*

Erina picks up her phone.

"Hello? Oh... Hello, sir. Me? In love with him? Pfft! No... Never...Uh-huh...Of course, master... I will be delivering the package to you...In a moment, you will have him, and you will be able to control all of Cryptid-kind and eradicate those deemed too dangerous for your rule.I don't care about anyone, Mr. Jackson...I never did..."