37. Detention With McGonagall

Disclaimer: Icy's brain dead at the moment. XD So, simply said, she doesn't own Harry Potter in any way at all.

Parenting Class

Detention with McGonagall

"But… but I've never had a detention before," Hermione sniffled, sitting on the couch with a box of tissues in her lap, and blowing her nose every few seconds. "Mommy and Daddy…they're going to be so upset when they hear about it."

"Detentions aren't bad," Draco assured her.

"Yes they are," she sobbed, pressing her face into a pillow. In a more muffled voice she said, "You get them for getting in trouble…I've never been in trouble before."

Draco and Harry raised eyebrows at the last comment, but kept quiet. "It'll be okay, Mione," Harry comforted, patting the girl's head. "Your parents don't even have to hear about it."

"They… don't?" Hermione slowly looked up from the pillow. "I don't have to… tell them?"

"That's right. At Hogwarts your parents won't hear about any detentions you get unless the headmaster deems it necessary to."

Hermione brightened. And then a second later, her face fell again. "But I still got in trouble. And I can't lie to Mommy and Daddy when I go back home…it isn't right."

"Well…if they don't ask then you don't have to lie," Draco smirked.

"But what if they do?"

"Then you're in trouble."

Hermione broke down crying again. "I…I don't even…even know…what I….I did wrong!" she wailed, pounding her fists into the pillow.

"You were teaching the other kids swear words," Harry informed.

"B-but…why…is that…a bad thing?"

"We aren't supposed to use those words," Draco explained. "They're bad and the teachers don't like to hear them. We only say them when there aren't any teachers nearby."

"And we shouldn't even do that," Harry interrupted before Hermione could get any ideas. "Words like darn or shoot are okay though."

"What about fiddlesticks?"

"A what stick?" Draco asked.

"That'd be okay," Harry clarified.

"What about muffins?"

"That'd work too."

"Fudge?"

"How many more words do you have?" Draco grumbled, snatching the pillow from Hermione and placing his head on it.

"Lots of words! Mommy uses them all the time. How about bah-humbug?"

"I'm pretty sure any words your mom uses will be all right to use here," Harry said tiredly, flopping down on one of the armchairs, Butterscotch jumping up on his stomach a moment later.

"What time is the detention at again?" Draco asked, closing his eyes to take a nap.

"Eight," Hermione said tearfully.

"And what time is it now?" Harry queried, also settling down for a nap.

"Seven fifty-nine."

"That's nice…" A few seconds pause. "DID YOU SAY SEVEN FIFTY-NINE?" Harry screeched, jumping to his feet, Butterscotch hitting the floor with a soft thump. "WE'RE LATE! WE'LL NEVER MAKE IT IN TIME!"

"Just kidding," Hermione grinned. "It's seven."

Harry looked absolutely livid, his face bright red and eyes stormy. "Draco," Hermione squeaked, climbing on top of Draco and then over him so she was between him and the back of the couch, "save me."

"Save yourself," the Slytherin replied, grabbing a blanket off the top of the sofa and pulling it over himself. "I'm trying to sleep."

"He's getting closer…"

"For the last time, let me sleep," Draco growled, wrapping an arm around Sparkles.

"DRACO!" Hermione screamed as Harry lunged. The Slytherin yelped as Harry slammed a fist into his face in his attempt to reach Hermione.

"GET OFF ME, POTTER!" Draco demanded, trying to catch Harry's fists so they would stop hitting him. But the Gryffindor took no notice, not even realizing it was Draco he was pummeling (which is actually a good thing since if he did hit Mione it'd be child abuse).

"FIGHT BACK YOU IDIOT!" Hermione shouted, pulling the blanket over her head and cowering with Sparkles in her arms.

Draco, although angry about Hermione's choice of words (namely calling him an idiot) did see some sense in her remark. He wouldn't be getting beat up so bad if he started to land some of his own punches.

"GO DRACO!" the child cheered, now peeping out from beneath the blanket since both boys were on the floor and not on the couch. "BEAT HIM TO A BLOODY PULP!"

But all too soon Hermione grew bored, her applause dying down to 'Yay…', and she jumped off the back of the couch and disappeared into Draco's room to find something to read…something that wasn't a fairytale. She wanted to learn and save the story for bed time. Neither boy noticed her, both still snarling in rage and trying to knock each other out.

Opening the Slytherin's trunk, Hermione tug through some of the texts and came out with a thick black folder, sheets of parchment scrawled with notes stuck inside. "Defense Against Dark Arts- The Three Unforgivables," Hermione read, studying the neat cursive. "Those sound interesting."

Going out into the common room, the girl passed by Harry and Draco, both of who were now fighting for control of Draco's wand, Harry's lying abandoned several feet away. With a shrug, Hermione went over, picked up the lonely wand, and disappeared into her bedroom.

Flopping down comfortably on her bed, Hermione propped up the parchment on her pillow and began to read.

Defense Against Dark Arts- The Three Unforgivables

Tuesday, Sept. 18Draco MalfoyD.A.D.A- Moody

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

First spell- Imperius Curse

- The incantation is Imperio.

-Gives user the control over victim's actions.

-examples:

-Spider tap-dancing

-Pansy singing WAY too high (SHUT UP!)

-Blaise juggling (He can't do that!)

Hermione paused in her reading. How was Blaise mentioned in Draco's notes if he was only five? Was it a different Blaise? Shrugging, she continued on.

Second spell- Crutacius Curse

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

-The incantation is Crucio

-Causes enormous amount of pain to victim. Can result in brain damage, memory loss, uselessness of limbs, etc. The longer it is placed on victim, the more prone he is to being permanently injured.

She shuddered. That sounded awful!

-To effectively use the Crutacius Curse, the caster of the spell must want to see the other person hurt.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE! (Would you stop saying that, you bloody bastard?) A large smear of ink blocked out the rest of Draco's swearing, along with a small note from Moody for Draco to come to his office that night at seven for detention.

-example:

-Spider being put under spell

Third spell- Killing Curse

-The incantation is Avada Kedavra

-Victim is dead on contact with spell. Green is the color of magic of the spell. No shielding charms can block this curse. Physical objects can as long as infused with magical properties.

-Like Crutacius Curse, caster must want to see victim dead.

-example:

-Moody killed spider

CONSTANT VIGILANCE, MALFOY! (ARGH! Quit singling me out!)

"Those sound dangerous," Hermione mused, tapping Harry's wand thoughtfully against the page. "I don't think they'll really work though. I mean, why would Hogwarts teach this?"

Hermione had the sudden idea that Draco had planted the papers. It would make sense! He'd known she would (eventually) raid his stuff and put it in to trick her! She should use one of the spells on him - it would probably be some type of tickling spell or make cake!

But...

She bit her lip as she looked down a the list again. Maybe it was real. Maybe it really could kill someone. And she didn't want to kill anyone. She had already killed the flobberworms and that had been awful!

Maybe though, she could still play a little prank on the two of them. After all, they'd left her completely unattended!

Giggling, Hermione clambered onto Draco's bed and started to go through his spell books. Maybe she could find something that sort of looked like one of the curses and scare the pants off the boys!

A few minutes of searching later, she'd found one. It was a silly little party trick designed to be part of a light show. She liked it because, just like her magical 'hocus pocus' it was magical words she'd heard before. And it was so cool that they actually worked!

Back in the common room...

"Die… Malfoy," Harry panted, poking Draco lightly in the arm.

"No…you die," Draco returned, tapping Harry's leg with his foot. "I'll…never…surrender…"

"Then…I'll kill…you," Harry responded weakly, trying to poke Draco again but his hand misjudging the distance and tapping the carpeting.

Hermione approached both boys, wand at the ready and a devious smirk on her face.

"Get up and face me, Harry!" she demanded. "I'll fight my own battle now!"

"You mean after I've already been pummeled by Draco?" Harry asked wryly, not moving from the floor. "That doesn't seem very fair."

"Go for it, Hermione," Draco mumbled from his spot on the ground. "Teach that Gryffindor not to mess with Slytherins."

Harry cracked open an eye at that. "But she's—"

"Shh!" Draco shushed.

Hermione was confused now too. "She's…" she prompted.

"She's mean," Harry inputted. "Wanting to attack a defenseless wizard. And with his own wand no less."

"Humor her," Draco moaned from the floor. "At least she's giving you a chance this time. It'll be like a duel."

"But she's not supposed to do magic. McGonagall would kill me."

"I won't do anything dangerous," Hermione promised, now more excited by the prospect of a wizard duel than her revenge. "Just the stuff I've read in books. Please, Harry? I want to challenge you to a duel!"

Harry sighed. "All right. But we each get three spells and that's it, got it?"

"Got it," she bubbled happily.

"Why don't you give Harry back his wand and use mine?" Draco suggested, handing it to her. "A wand is always best used by the wizard or witch it picked."

Hermione agreed and soon stood facing Harry, the couch shoved out of the way and Draco sitting on it off to the side to watch.

"My name is Inigo Montoya," Hermione said, pointing her wand at Harry and adopting a (very bad) accent. "You killed my father. Prepare to die."

"What…?" Draco asked.

"Movie quote," Harry said, smiling. "Although I don't know why a little girl like you would be allowed to watch The Princess Bride."

"Mommy and Daddy don't know," Hermione said with a sly grin. "I stayed up late and watched it from behind the couch."

Both boys rolled their eyes. They weren't surprised.

"Well, ladies first," Harry said, gesturing to Hermione. "Do your worst."

She pursed her lip, trying to think of what she should start with. She wanted to save her new charm for her last spell. "Bullarumpana!" she shouted, and large, colorful bubbles spouted off the end of Draco's wand.

It wasn't really a duel spell, but it was impressive magic none the less for a five-year-old. The bubbles floated over to Harry and quietly popped when he poked them with his wand. Hermione though was all grins, they looked like little faerie bubbles!

"My turn," Harry said, deciding to go with something as equally gentle. "Flostempesta!" A rain of daises poured from his wand and covered the floor. Hermione picked one up and stuck it behind her ear.

Hermione drew her inspiration for her next spell from a previous engagement with Harry – the ear bubble! "Magnabutia!" she shouted, which produced a loud boom and a puff of smoke from her wand. That one actually was a dueling spell, as it could render the opponent temporarily deaf and cause a distraction.

It worked, although Draco seemed to take the brunt of it on the sidelines, staggering off the couch and clapping his hands over his ringing ears.

"NICE ONE!" Harry shouted, his own hearing reduced to shrill ringing. "ERUPIGNISA!" Dozens of fireworks flew off the end of his wand, Hermione clapping her hands in delight at the loud (deafening Draco even more) and colorful explosions.

It was now time for her last trick. "ABRA CADABRA!" she shouted at the top of her lungs, and a bright green light shot off her wand straight at Harry. The light collided with him and dispersed harmlessly, but Harry, still reeling slightly from his loss of hearing, stumbled backwards and fell down. His own spell, a body bind so he could immobilize Hermione and get her out of the way while he cleaned up the common room, engulfed him instead as he turned his wand on himself.

Draco though did not see that. Still deaf, he saw Hermione mouth the words that resembled the killing curse and a bright green light leave her wand. He then saw Harry collapse, the couch blocking his view of Harry's own spell.

Hermione was doing a celebratory dance next to Harry's still body, waving Draco's wand in the air.

Draco felt numb. Harry was dead. Harry, who was supposed to be the savior, was dead. Because of a silly duel that he'd encouraged.

And his damn hearing was still gone.

"STOP!" he yelled, not hearing it himself, but Hermione did and paused in her dance. Her humor seemed to fade as she took in Draco's face, looking one moment away from tears.

"What?" she asked. She held out his wand. "Did you want this back?"

Draco snatched it from her, stuffing it in his robe pocket. He wasn't sure he wanted it though – it had just been used to murder Harry.

"We need to go," he said.

Hermione said something back to him, but he just shook his head, not hearing her. With a flick of his wand he levitated Harry, completely missing the fact that Harry was rapidly blinking at him.

Harry wasn't quite sure what was going on. He'd thought Hermione's duelling skills were pretty bloody good- especially when she had never had any actual training. And her trick at the end - if he hadn't heard her he'd have thought she'd just tried to kill him! What a little bloody genius! She even made him stun himself!

If he could he'd shake his head. Out dueled by a little girl. He'd never hear the end of it.

Except that Draco didn't seem to be amused. He was incredibly upset and stone-faced as the three made an odd little procession down the hall.

And Harry then had the sinking feeling that Draco thought he was actually dead. Which might be funny down the road, but right now Draco looked one step away from either going into a screaming rage at Hermione, who for once hadn't actually done anything wrong, to shutting down completely.

Hermione, who had been asking persistently "what's wrong?" had grown silent and was walking by Harry's head after Draco hadn't answered back at all. She caught Harry's eye and he blinked at her and she gave him a small smile.

Draco was apparently taking them to detention and McGonagall, and by the time they arrived it was two minutes past eight. When they walked (and floated) in, McGonagall looked up from her desk where she'd been sitting and timing how long it'd take this group to make it. But the lecture she was going to give them fell from her lips as she caught sight of Harry, floating eerily still behind Draco.

"Mr. Malfoy?"

"Harry's dead," Draco said.

Hermione gasped. "What! No he isn't!"

The class of students, who had all silently been sitting in their desks, were now crowded around Harry's floating body.

Draco's hearing, finally starting to come back, said, "Hermione and Harry were dueling. She cast the killing spell and -"

Hermione stamped her foot. "I did not! Harry's alive! See! He's blinking."

Everyone looked closer and did indeed see that Harry was blinking rapidly at them.

"Oh thank goodness," McGonagall said, pressing a hand to her heart. "It looks like he's just been petrified. One moment."

She cast the countercurse and a second later Harry dropped to the floor in a heap of limbs.

"Ow," he moaned, glaring at Draco who'd removed the levitation spell.

Draco just stared at him. "But... I saw you..."

"I said abra cadabra," Hermione defended. "And then Harry shot his own spell at himself."

"I tripped," Harry admitted, allowing Ron to pull him to his feet. "And stunned myself. I'm okay though."

Draco resisted the urge to collapse in a chair, as that was very un-Malfoy like. "Well... don't do that again."

"What was Miss Granger doing dueling in the first place?" McGonagall asked, turning a narrowed gaze on Harry and Draco.

"Ummm..." Harry started.

McGonagall waved a tired hand. She for one could not wait until this parenting class was over. "Never mind. No one was hurt. Just no more magic, Miss Granger. Understood?"

"Yes Ma'am," she said. "I promise."

McGonagall sighed. "Now that that's all taken care of, please, take your seats and I'll explain your detention. Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy? I'll let you off this one time for coming in late given the circumstances."

"Your job is simple. I want this room and my office cleaned top to bottom. Books alphabetical on the shelves by subject, all the supplies organized, chairs and desks cleaned and gum scraped off. No one will touch any of my things or you will receive more punishment. Any questions?" The class shook their heads. "Very well. Oh, and no magic. So please, bring your wands up to the front of the room."

"I trust that I don't have to be in the room with you when you're cleaning, do I? I'm hoping that as a class you'll help each other out. For if even one person does something wrong, the lot of you will be punished. I'll be back by ten…I hope this room is sparkling by then." With that, McGonagall swept from the room, wands in a box under her arm.

All the students turned to look at each other. "I'm not cleaning," sniffed Pansy. "That what House Elves are for."

"Me either," Draco said, putting his head on his arms. "I've done enough today."

"What exactly did happen to you two?" Ron asked, staring at the bruising Draco and Harry.

"We got in a fight," Harry muttered. "I don't really remember why though."

Draco shrugged. "Neither do I. Although I guess it doesn't really matter…but does anyone have ice?"

"Sorry," Pansy apologized. "I'd conjure you some but McGonagall took our wands."

"Which leads us back to our current problem. Who wants to clean what?" asked Terry. "And everyone has to help," he said, pointedly looking at Draco and Pansy.

"All the kids could wash down the tables, couldn't they?" asked Neville. "It isn't too dangerous."

"Good idea," Hannah congratulated. Turning to the kids she said, "Just take the bucket of water by McGonagall's desk and wash down the chairs and desks. If you find gum or a stain that won't come off, put one of these-" she held out a bag of bright red cloth circles that she used in her sewing- "on top of it and an older student will come around and assist you."

"I'll alphabetize the books," Neville said. "I don't think I can mess that up too much."

"I'll help you with that," Pansy said. "It sounds easy."

Pretty soon, jobs had been distributed to each student (Draco sulkily joining the cleaning crew for McGonagall's office and Harry placed as sweeper in the classroom) and they were hard at work.

"Can you imagine if Hermione were older right now?" Harry whispered to Ron as he swept past the redhead, who was shelving boxes. "She'd be using this to show that House Elves aren't needed."

"Let's hope she doesn't remember this," Ron replied.

"I'm pretty sure she will."

"Yeah," Ron sighed, pushing a crate full of rope to the far corner of the top shelf. "But we can hop-"

"FIRE! THERE'S A FIRE!" screamed Lavender, racing away from the desks. Indeed, flames were rapidly consuming one of the desks, a knocked over candle the source of this damage.

"What do we do?" Ron screeched, backing away from it. "We don't have our wands!"

"Fire extinguisher!" Terry shouted.

"Wizards don't have those," Harry pointed out.

"Jump out the window!" shouted Pansy.

"Let's not be so drastic yet," Harry said. "It's just the one desk."

"Two now," Hannah observed.

"Get the water buckets," Harry commanded. "Dump it on the flames."

The few buckets they'd been using to clean the desks were emptied onto the fire and most of it went out. Harry shrugged out of his robe and threw it on top of the desk, patting it quickly with his hands.

"What... are you doing?" Ron asked.

"Preventing the fire from getting oxygen... it shouldn't be able to burn without it."

Moments later the classroom was silent, save for the steady drip-drip of water as it fell to the floor. Smoke had filled a good chunk of the room and many students had ash flecking their robes.

"Well, that could have been much worse," Neville said. "Nothing like the fire in the Great Hall earlier in the year, right?"

Murmured agreements echoed around the room, and the students returned to cleaning as best as they could with the new mess.

McGonagall though, arriving back at ten, was not happy with the mess, although she was grateful no one had been hurt.

Soot-stained and weary, students had trudged back to their rooms and taken quick showers (or baths in Hermione's case).

As soon as Hermione had been tucked in bed (for once going without a fuss) Draco and Harry flopped down on the couch and pulled out their homework that they hadn't managed to do. But their minds weren't focused on homework.

They were wondering how much more they could take.

Author's Notes:

Edit: 6-26-16; As some of you may have noticed, parts of the chapter have changed. That is due to myself, the author, not liking certain aspects of Hermione's character (hellion? Yes! Completely out of control? Not so much..) and realizing it wasn't going to flow very well with the sequel. For fans of the original (or those who want to see how even worse she was!) you can see the original version on my website: sites dot google dot com /site/icypanther/fanfiction/harry-potter/parenting-class - Just replace the (dots) with actual "." and remove the spaces.

And here's chappie 37! This was the last little Mione chapter I'm afraid. Many of you seemed to be tiring of her (-sniffle-) so since I do what's in the public interest, she's done now. Next chapter will be a speed bump chappie (That's what I call the summary of the last few days of their childhood) and Hermione turning back to herself.

One thing. Someone hacked my account. The stupid idiot fortunately put my password back as one of my old ones I used to use. If you read any other stories or go back and reread chapters of this one, let me know if you see anything bad or out of place. Like me saying things I never said. The text messed up…etc. I don't have time to go through all 14 of my fics and look. Although I did reread My Hero and that one's fine.

Please do review! They feed me and the muse (who is at work right now and therefore out of her cage!)

And Happy Fouth to those of you who celebrate it!

A gigantic thank you to my wonderful reviewers! THANK YOU!

Demongirl12000, PopcornPotter818, Steelo, Sunflower18, Airalynn, LiLbLueangeL1223, Laurel Ducky, ilovetom88, BlondeGal123567, Fire-Pack, pink-helga, knivesgirl346, Moghedien17, Avian Marie, runnerz, Shalaren, JC, Appi, CareBearErin, hottennispro88, addictedtofantasy, addictedtofantasy, Roberta, Alenor, Kiwi-San, IY-ROX, kOu shunu, poorpadfoot, KatiePhantom, The Horns Hold The Halo Up, Stephanie-Felton, Sweet As Butterbeer, HgBookworm, goodybad, sandiwandi, Emma-Lizzy-Black, Softball-Rocks, blravenclaw101, BlackasNightColdasDeath7, IceChildofNight, QuietWorld, fanficiton fan, murai-sakura, batchick OF DOOM, The Stump, ShadesOfFire, Hayden, x0BloodyDeath0x, draco's gurl, LilacBlu, ShadowOfMoonlight, hermionerocks2008, LishaChan, snow mouse, saytheya, mizzlilme, MegTao, Lila Berylla, skysongscry, CherryBlossomAngel-225, cierra, Karana Belle, Miranda, Smile88, curlyqntx, charmed sisters, epona9009, scarlet-knight13, Sayaku-chan, knockout2, Maria Casey Weasley, anone, cheekyangelkisses, Kylz, DracoFan, rani singala, Ellie, Shy-Lil-Dreamer, Kat, Jinenji, DracoHermyarecute, Kylria, apparateawayhp13, Aquafairy, lnk, Cherry Blossom02, GoldenGirl313,0odr8co's'girl0o, hplucky, Rebell, Sk8eRgIrL1990, EmilyEB, Lady Nessa Fefalas, PrincessOfSlytherin, wockygal, YamiClara, lilithofunderworld, Hyperpearlgirl, The Daughter of Light, tatina180, Softball-Rocks, samhaincat, swtdohtee, greenfly, kel-warrior-goddess, hermioneashley341, badbluekit, ThePhantomRoarer, Ori, blackxhole21, tigerlily727, .Nyome., Lucharachan, DracoFan, Chinese Miko, Emma Lee18, XKayXBearX, WannaBArtist, The Future MrsDaniel Radcliffe, Rachel Tessen, carebearsrock753, aya777, Criss, Aquafairy, sexgoddessmisha4draco, klass2008, The Daughter of Light, Nosilla, Michellebelle, Moonlight on the Water, kawaiitie, SKOAguitarfreak