Hopelessness

THEA RIVALDI

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Knock

Knock

Knock-knock

My heart was pounding against my rib cage with such force that it threatened to break it.

Having kicked off my shoes in the room, I quietly tiptoed along the icy tiled floor of the dark corridor. Grabbing the hem of a long, uncomfortable dress higher so as not to step and fall, I trotted through the darkness of the sleeping castle at a brisk pace.

Not to make a sound, to be your own shadow.

"Yes, Thea, you will succeed, today you will escape!" - this mantra was with me all the way, so it was easier to distract from the devastating fear.

I knew the corridors of the castle by heart, my childhood here bore fruit, which is why I knew exactly the shortest way to my salvation. I couldn't think about anything other than my goal right now because of the piercing feeling that everything would fall apart again, but fleetingly touching the cold walls with my hands, I felt regret that everything turned out that way and now I can't be in my father's house. I just can't, it will destroy me from the inside.

I ran faster and faster, and the light slaps of my bare feet echoed hollowly in the empty space. Just a little more.

And here before my eyes is that very door, saving. I hurriedly push her with my hands and…

And nothing!

Absolutely! She doesn't move. Locked!!!

Panic, a lump rises in my throat. My head goes blank for a moment, but then, like a wave, the howl of an alarm siren notifying of an invasion attempt covers me, and I shake with withering horror.

Everything is gone. I'm finished!

Loud, rapidly approaching footsteps, murmurs, the ringing of steel and armor are heard from all sides. And I'm in a panic rushing around.

What to do? Think, think, think, Thea! Use your brain. Hurry up.

A sharp U-turn, a brisk movement and I brag about the door handle of the next room. A click and I press my back against this very door already from the inside. My breath is knocked out, my heart is dancing a cancan, an unruly curl has escaped from my bangs and stuck to my sweaty forehead. A soft sigh escaped from my lips with a slight tremor somewhere inside my chest.

The room is dark and very quiet, no movement after my audacious intrusion into someone's chambers. Empty. It's good. I didn't have time to assess the situation with a cool head, I didn't have time to think that this room was already occupied by anyone, I acted spontaneously, chaotically, rapidly, but now deep in my soul I felt relieved that everything was going smoothly so far.

But we have to get out, the guards will turn everything upside down now to find the one who tried to invade the king's private office. Well, either they already realized that it was me.

Looking around. There are no adjoining rooms, only a bathroom, the ventilation hole is high - I can't get it. And what's too narrow, I can't get through. Only the window remains. My complexion is thin, the cornice should withstand. Stretching out my hands, I easily opened the window, lavishly decorated with exquisite stained glass and reached up, grabbing the frame. Since childhood, I loved to look at these stained glass drawings on the glass, they were ornate, elegant, mostly with geometric figures or monograms, but also some had images of people and birds. Sparkling, bright, juicy drawings attracted the eye. But not today, I was in a hurry.

A light cool breeze gently touched my face, and I absorbed in one deep breath the scent of night violets coming from the flower garden that is broken right under the windows. Sweet.

The noise outside the door was getting louder, I was getting more nervous.

"Find her and return her in any way!" - I will not confuse the formidable voice of my father with anyone.

I would be surprised how quickly I was declassified, but not now. There's no time, and it's not the first time I've tried to escape. Expected. And then the realization hits, and what's next? I wanted to use the portal in my father's office, to escape wherever my eyes look, to any place where a whirlwind magic stream would throw me, but who would have thought that it would be protected. Surely the lock on the door can't be opened with an ordinary key. Well, I'm a dumbass, the most ridiculous from the absurdity of the situation. Did I think that they would lay a red carpet for me to go out? Idiot.

It's all in vain, and I admit I'm tired. They hold me in a vice, like a strong vine of prickly hops entwining, I can't breathe freely, speak freely and express my thoughts, my desires. And I don't want to be their slave in my own house, I want to remain the same disobedient and gain the freedom to make decisions myself. And I don't want to get married! Almost a year ago, by the grace of my father, I was engaged to a man who is 27 years older than me, twice a widower. Our castle is full of rumors, the servants know how to add fuel to the fire, so I learned about the vile character of the future spouse, a tyrant who likes to humiliate women and beat them, not forgetting to change left and right to his wives. So is he a double widower by chance?

Something I doubt.

And so all this year I have been looking for ways to retreat. I tried to talk to my father, begged, poured rivers of tears – it didn't help. And I decided to run away. More precisely, I tried, more than once, but failed every time. It is difficult to be an ordinary person when you are surrounded by magicians and witches, and it is even more difficult to hide from them, as you understand. Partly for this reason, I was betrothed against my will. The shame of the ancient Rivaldi family had to be compensated by the magical side of the future husband, well, his valuable territories, and an army to boot. My opinion, of course, was not taken into account in this matter.

I grew up in a happy full family - a loving, gentle mother, a strict but caring father. So it was until my fourteenth birthday. That year, my mother began to slowly wither, no one could understand the reason, as if magic was leaving her body, even ancestral charms and artifacts did not help. The best healers from all over the continent of Riliya were invited, but everyone just shrugged.

When she was gone, a part of my soul seemed to break off, and when my father remarried a year later, another part of her ceased to exist. I loved my father, but he changed overnight – he became cold, rude, alienated me from his surroundings, which cannot be said about stepbrother and sisters – it seemed that he sincerely loved them as relatives. I didn't insist on such a manifestation of feelings for me, just don't marry me off, leave me alone. I beg.

By the way, the news of the engagement reached me 3 years later, then I was seventeen, a decent age for marriage, many of my friends were delirious with this idea and often therefore attended balls and social events. From them I learned about how repulsive my future husband looks, each of them looked at me sympathetically, but no one could change my father's decision. I'm still so young, not bad-looking, if only a little rebellious in character, but that's not a reason to get rid of me like that. I assume that this happened with the light hand of my father's new wife. I don't love her, and neither does she love me, however. If you ask me, I think she's a witch who bewitched her father. There is no other way to explain how he so soon forgot his beloved deceased spouse and stopped showing paternal interest in his daughter.

My father (aka the king) and my mother has only one of his own children, no matter how hard my mother tried, she could not bear other children and there was no crown prince, only I, a girl without magic, like a curse.

And so I found myself in the place from which I was trying to find a way out, if there is one. You can, of course, accept your fate, or you can go to the end in your stubbornness to escape. I certainly don't take her. But as I said, I'm tired of trying to run and bumping into closed doors. All my faith in a bright future disappeared somewhere at once and the heavy weight of the realization of hopelessness began to press on my fragile shoulders. And I decided, tightly closing my eyes, with wet drops appearing in the corners, I take a step forward. They won't get me! Never!

Free fall, lightness and emptiness, there was no more fear, only the expectation of a hard blow and freedom.

Hard. The crunch of my own neck vertebrae was loudly reflected in my ears, and before the light of my eyes went out, I felt hands tightly squeezing me.