The Average Man #187

Gray's Hideout

'The Joker... huh?' I mused as I sat on the couch, tapping on my lap, to which Little Soot meowed before jumping and making himself comfortable like he owned the place.

"Poor commissioner Gordon is probably having the worst time of his life right now..." I muttered, shaking my head as I patted the little feline's back, enjoying a rare moment of peace in a rather hectic few days.

If it was anyone else, I might have been willing to involve myself and rescue the commissioner, but I wasn't ready for the Joker's level of insanity.

Unless I absolutely had to, I wouldn't touch the clown prince of crime with a ten-foot pole because there was simply no winning when he's your opponent.

I could rely on my limited knowledge of the comics and my abilities to outsmart, outmaneuver and destroy most people. However, the Joker was known simply for being unpredictable and willing to go to shocking lengths to prove a point.

The Joker was, in a way, the manifestation of the DC's comic book logic, as he would always come back no matter what you did to him, and no one would see it coming, even the readers who've been reading his antics for years.

Throw him into Arkham Asylum? He breaks the world record for the fastest prison break in the world like he was some 12-year-old kid on steroids speed-running Minecraft.

Put him in the Phantom zone, a PRISON DIMENSION for Kryptonian war criminals, and whatnot? He comes back as a jumped-up interdimensional god and fucks everyone up.

Eventually, when you get tired of his shenanigans and finally put a bullet in his brain? He would go to hell, make friends with the demons and return with an army of hellish creatures to invade the world.

So yeah, Jim Gordon would have to walk it off because I'm not going anywhere near the deranged piece of shit unless I had a guaranteed method to put him down for good. Not to cripple or kill him but to fully erase his existence.

But enough brooding over the crazy clown. I still had work to do, and Little Soot had already gotten his fair share of attention, evident by how he suddenly bounced off my lap and started zooming around.

"I need to find Enchantress and Nightshade, make some calls, and start throwing money around for the trial..." I said, sighing as I scratched my head, not looking forward to any of the three tasks.

...

Amusement Miles

As he slowly approached the merry-go-ride, Nightwing vigilantly eyed the surroundings. He suddenly stopped and jumped back as a carton cut out of the Joker sprang from the ground before him.

"Ladies and gentlemen-- wait, where the hell is Batman?" The Joker's voice came through the amusement park's speakers, only to stop midsentence as he realized the caped crusader wasn't there.

"Well, never mind, children of all ages it is then..." The Joker went on, his mirth audible in his tone even as Nightwing refused to answer his question.

"I'm afraid this is a private for adults party ... and you're not on the guest list..." The Joker playfully remarked, trailing off at the end of his sentence as the amusement came to life.

Circus music played in the background as the rides suddenly moved, including the merry-go behind Nightwing. "But I suppose you'll have to do. The show must go on, after all..." The Joker concluded, to which Dick heightened his vigilance and started looking around.

Meanwhile, a half-naked scrawny man slowly rose to his feet on the merry-go, eying Nightwing as he raised his axe before silently lunging at the latter.

Nightwing turned around to see him coming just in time and threw himself to the side just in the nick of time. However, the man was persistent and quickly closed the distance to start swinging again.

Nightwing dodged two swings before backflipping into the merry-go behind him. He gripped two of the ride's support poles and used them as leverage to plant his feet into the scrawny axe wielder's face.

Letting out a breath, Nightwing looked around and located a man in a purple suit resting on a strange stone throne with a stairway leading towards it, surrounded by a mountain of creepy, broken doll parts.

He recognized the man as the Joker. However, before he could move, a thin, bearded woman in a frilly, yellow dress came charging at him, knife in hand.

He dodged the knife swing and caught the woman's wrist before punching her in the jaw and knocking her out cold. He turned away from her and began sprinting.

Now weary of ambushes, Nightwing moved from cover to cover between the amusement park's stands, carefully surveying the surroundings before moving closer.

Nightwing stopped behind one stand to peek at the throne and suddenly raised his head as he heard faint breathing. His eyes widened as he spotted an overweight woman wearing a pink leotard perched on the stand, smirking at him.

Dick quickly moved away as the woman bounced on him with surprising grace, clearly intent on crushing him with her weight, which was at least four times his own.

The overweight woman landed on her feet and bounced on Nightwing just as he regained his balance. He reacted in time and began trading blows with her.

After dodging a swing of the woman's meaty hands, Nightwing's eyes widened as he spotted a knife flying toward his face from the corner of his vision.

He kicked at the overweight woman, using her as leverage to get out of the knife's way, which knocked her to the ground as the sharp blade flew between them.

Nightwing surveyed the area and spotted a two-headed siamese twin in a fancy evening dress in one of the stands, grinning as she raised two more knives and sent them flying in his direction.

Nightwing jumped and cartwheeled as the woman threw knife after knife with remarkable accuracy. Even as the knifes hit the overweight woman, she did not stop until Dick took cover.

He rummaged through his utility belt and retrieved a black spherical ballet, which he took a deep breath and threw in the two-headed woman's direction.

She saw the attack coming and intercepted it with one of her knives, causing the ballet to explode, releasing a dark cloud of knock-out gas, which put her to sleep instantly.

Climbing out of cover, Nightwing looked around and saw no one else blocking his path. He took a deep breath and sprinted toward the Joker, still resting on his stone throne.

He arrived at his destination with no more obstructions and climbed to the top of the broken dolls' mountain. He paused as he got to the throne before reaching for the Joker's head.

Nightwing removed the hat, revealing a hairy face with razor-sharp teeth that growled before the man lunged at Nightwing and tackled him to the ground below the doll mountain.

The hairy-faced man straddled Nightwing and punched his face before opening his mouth full of sharp teeth and trying to bite his nose off. Dick reacted in time, kicking the wolf-like man in the gut and pushing him away.

He followed through and knocked him out, pausing for a second as he leaned on his knees to take a breath. However, he barely took two breaths before the sound of a cane hitting the ground from behind his back snapped back to attention.

Upon turning around, Nightwing saw the Joker leaning on his staff as he stood there next to a squarish object covered in a dirty brown cloth, looking as giddy as a child in a candy store.

"Boys and girls... I present to you..." the Joker said, grinning as he slowly reached for the cloth. "The average man!" he added as he yanked it away, revealing Comssioner Gordon sitting in a fetal position inside a cage, naked as the day he was born.

"Impressive, eh? Hahahaha-" The Joker looked like he had more to say, but Nightwing didn't seem to be in the mood to listen as he tackled the latter to the ground and started pounding his face.

The Joker laughed, unfazed by the beating, as he raised his staff, pointing it at Nightwing's shoulders. The cane's decorative head splashed green acid, melting Dick's costume and scorching his flesh, which forced him to let go of the clown.

He quickly retrieved a spray bottle from his utility belt and used it on his shoulder to neutralize the acid. However, the Joker took advantage of his distraction and ran for the mirror house nearby.

Nightwing stood up, hesitating for a second as he alternated his gaze between the Joker and the Commissioner. He sighed and shook his head before turning away from the Joker.

...

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