Side Story 40: Knick Knack Paddy Whack Makes a Move

Jeanne took Asia to Kuoh high and she started cursing Ein in her mind. Making her think of lying to the sweet girl.

"Ummm, Jeanne-sama. Where are we going? Is this perhaps a school? Aren't we supposed to go to the church?" Asia tilted her head and Jeanne's eyebrows twitched for a moment.

"This is god's will, he wants me to guide you. To live a better life, this is your reward for being such a pious believer." Jeanne said in a regal voice. Almost cracking from her little display.

"Really!? Thank you very much oh lord!" Asia prayed once again and felt that she was blessed like no other.

Jeanne frowned and thought that the girl was too pure. She then agreed with Ein's decision to kidnap her. Because if they don't then someone else will.

"Oh god, am I turning into a miscreant who thinks that kidnapping someone is a good deed?" Jeanne had a realization. She shook her head immediately and thought that Ein's rubbing off on her too much.

She then guided Asia to the student council to meet up with Sona. Jeanne knocked on the door and they were quickly let in.

"Sitri-san, this here is Asia Argento. My master told me to bring her here and let her enroll in this school." Jeanne gave a sigh and Sona looked at her getup.

'A nun from the church? Are they really trying to do something to us?' Sona contemplated their plans. But she just couldn't imagine it. If they wanted to do something, then they would've done it already and there is nothing Sona and Rias could do to resist.

"Fine... Please go on and follow Tsubaki, she will lead you to the place where she can get a uniform. Classes will be starting soon, Jeanne-san. Please hurry up." Sona massaged her temples and they followed Tsubaki briskly.

At another class, the mature girls like Artoria, Scàthach, Quetzalcoatl, Semiramis, and Fran were in the 3rd year class.

"Hello everyone, my name is Artoria Pendragon. The king of knights, please do take care of me." Artoria introduced herself just like how royalty would.

Rias and Akeno looked at each other and they had an inkling suspicion on who she really was. "Hey, Akeno... Did you just hear what she said? She said she was the king of knights... And I believe her, even in the underworld, she exudes a regal aura like a lion. And she is leaking a holy aura, her mere presence makes my skin crawl." Rias whispered to her queen and Akeno nodded in agreement.

"Hi~ I am Quetzalcoatl! Call me Kuku okay? It seems someone else has my name." The bubbly goddess introduced herself, whispering the last sentence and the two onee-sama's of Kuoh felt her divinity like a freight train. It was suffocating them and they felt that it would make them kneel.

"The name's Scàthach, warrior queen of Dun Scaith." Scàthach gave a succinct one and they felt a really dangerous aura from her.

"I am queen Semiramis of Assyria, peasants. Revel in my majesty, you are lucky to witness me in the flesh." Semiramis snorted and introduced herself haughtily, but the normal people were charmed by her. Thinking that it was just a quirk of hers.

"Hello, I am Fran. I hate wasting electricity." Fran just introduced herself quickly and they thought she was a kuudere.

Rias and Akeno then just watched as they took their seats. Not really doing anything in particular but just relax and read their lectures.

At the 2nd year classrooms, the younger looking ones started introducing themselves. "Hello, I am Atalanta. Please do take care of me." Atalanta gave a polite greeting.

The boys then started cheering immediately, especially a certain perverted trio. "Motohama! Quickly, tell us what her three sizes are!" A brown haired horndog immediately whispered to his best friend.

Achilles immediately heard their ramblings and threw a coin right at their heads. Knocking them out. "Tch, disgraceful bastards. Perving on big sis Atalanta like that, you're lucky I knocked you out. Or she would definitely hunt you down later."

"I am Karna, the son of Surya and Kunti." Karna introduced himself with confidence. Making the girls squeal.

"Ahhh! Another handsome bastard! Kuuuuh! I am so jealous... If I am as good looking as that guy, then I'll get all the girls!" The brown haired kid cried tears of blood at life's unfairness.

"Oh my, they're certainly... Gifted." A bespectacled girl fixed her glasses as she just used her superpower. Checking the sizes of boys using her scouter.

"Gah, are people so lecherous these days?" Achilles looked at his companions and they shrugged, thinking that the times must have changed.

"Hi, the name's Arcueid Brunestud. The white princess of the true ancestors." Arcueid did a curtsy and she oozed princess all over her.

"Wahhh, a princess type. She's definitely a princess." Kiryuu, the bespectacled girl thought that she couldn't be messed with or she'll end up in a ditch somewhere.

"Yo! I am Mordred Pendragon!" Mordred acted like a delinquent, but her pretty face definitely made her look like a charming tomboy.

"Jeanne d'Arc, I will not tolerate such scandalous behavior at this class." She raised a brow at the bespectacled girl and the perverted trio.

"Ummm. I'm Asia Argento, I just came from Italy. Please take care of me." Asia bowed and shyly introduced herself.

"Morgan of Britain." The fairy introduced herself and curtsied, making everyone gasp in awe at her beauty and elegance.

"Ahhh, step on me mommy!" Issei shouted out with his two friends and Morgan gave a disgusted look at them. But it had the opposite effect and they swooned, breathing harder at her look that was as if they were worse than dirt.

She also felt something familiar in him. A feeling that was similar to Artoria, but she just couldn't put a finger on it.

"Ahhh, Morgan-sama finished. I am Melusine, of fairy Britain." Melusine tilted her head and the class thought that they now have a mascot besides Koneko.

"Hmph, be thankful you are witnessing my beauty mortals. I am Ishtar." She crossed her arms and huffed, thinking it was stupid to learn with mortals.

"Guhahaha, I am Gilgamesh! The king of Uruk." Gilgamesh brushed his hand against his hair, making the girls scream once again.

Ein's kids were at the 1st years at Anahaat's insistence and one Koneko Toujo was currently in her lap during class.

"Go on now, continue the class human. Do not mind us right here. Isn't that right? Koneko?" Anahaat smiled at Koneko and gave her a cookie.

The Loli cat girl quickly warmed up to her, she was scary as hell at first. But her bribes have borne fruit. Unlike Mobius who was clearly still struggling with cute things because of her unsettling aura.

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And back at Ein and Serafall, after they finished some nice and cold bubble tea. Serafall immediately tried pulling him to the underworld.

"Ein-kun! We need to go to the underworld! One of my friends want to meet you too! You must know her, she's a beautiful girl with pink hair!" Serafall excitedly jumped up and down. She was like a kid in a sugar rush.

"Okay, calm down Sera. I know Roygun of course, I was the one who gave her the special powers of Lucifer." Ein shrugged and Serafall wasn't surprised.

"Why did she get Lucifer's though? And mine was only Leviathan's." Serafall pouted at him and Ein pulled her cheeks. "It's because it would work really well with your magic." Ein aggressively pulled her cheeks and Serafall rubbed them with a pout.

"Hmph, I know that. But of course I would get jealous, we had more time to bond with each other!" Serafall puffed her cheeks.

"Let's go then?" Ein smiled at her. "Hey, don't ignore me!" Serafall was being a little unreasonable so he quickly disappeared and went to the underworld.

"Mou, he left me behind... Maybe I came on a bit too strong?" Serafall shook her head and she teleported to the Gremory household. Expecting that he was there. Because Roygun was still in the guest room at the territory.

Ein whistled when he saw the massive estate, thinking that they really have some style. He then started walking into the place and he of course kicked the door down as per usual.

Guards immediately tried to fire magic spells at him, but Serafall appeared. "Wait! Wait! He's with me!" She glared at Ein cutely and he patted her head.

"Good girl, now you should call Venelana and Roygun. Oh, bring Grayfia too. I'll check if Ragna taught her well." Ein gave a smug smirk at her and Serafall hated that she couldn't do anything but follow.

Ein took out a table, Ragna and Rita appeared and they knew that Grayfia will have her final exam. So the two hugged him briefly and stood beside him while Serafall fetched them.

After a few minutes, Grayfia was the first one to arrive as it was her duty to entertain guests. "Master Ragna and Grandmaster Rita?" Grayfia saw them and immediately greeted them with an elegant bow.

"Good job, Grayfia. But you were still a bit surprised, passable." Rita graded her brutally and Grayfia nodded in affirmation.

She then proceeded to use as much magic as she could to help her brew the perfect tea at the perfect temperature as quickly as possible.

"Here, Ein-sama. Please do enjoy." Grayfia served it and waited in anticipation. Ein took a sip and he merely nodded. "Passable." Ein brutally graded her as well, but she was happy that it went well.

"Ein-san? Ara, it's been a long time... And you even destroyed my front door." Venelana appeared and she chuckled at his antics.

"Hmmm, so he's the one huh?" Zeoticus looked at him in the eye and they stared at each other for a moment. "Nice goatee and hair. A beard wouldn't suit you so it's quite appropriate." Ein nodded at him and Zeoticus nodded sagely as well.

"He's good, I approve." Zeoticus looked at Venelana and laughed. Ein then took out a cask of lager, Rita then quickly prepared steins. Already filled up with the luscious beer that he created himself.

"Oooh, you know the good stuff. I'm Zeoticus, thanks for saving Venelana and Grayfia back in the past. That was quite the harrowing experience for them." He smiled and took a swig of the beer, going wide eyed.

"Eh, it wasn't much. I just helped Serafall and happened to see them in trouble." Ein shrugged and a pink haired woman appeared with Serafall.

"Hey, mister. How are you doing? I've been doing very well." Roygun smiled at her and thought that he didn't change through the centuries.

"Wow, you really improved. But I guess that limited training manual couldn't push you to the max. Your growth stunted for the past few centuries." Ein nodded in satisfaction at her progress and Roygun sighed, thinking that he must know everything or something.

"Well then, let's party!" Ein immediately raised his stein and they started drinking like high schoolers on cocaine.

After a few hours, Serafall and Grayfia clung to him like leeches. "Ein-sama~ thank you for giving me the opportunity to be the best maid here~ How about I repay my debt to you?" Grayfia smiled at him lewdly and Serafall pouted at her.

"Hey! You can't do that! You're getting ahead of yourshelf!" Serafall tried peeling her off of him, making Venelana and Zeoticus chuckled at their antics.

"Ladies, please. I know I'm awesome, but two of my wives are here you know?" Ein pointed at Rita and Ragna. They then smiled at the two of them, sobering them up.

They blushed heavily, looking at the two maids awkwardly. "Hah, I guess he would be married and have a harem. He's too irresistible." Roygun sighed, shaking her head with a bit of melancholy.

"Applications would need to go through the harem first of course. You're in luck, Elysia-san is right here. She's the 2nd wife, her authority is only 2nd to Eden." Rita announced with a smile and the women perked up.

"Umm, may I ask? How many are they anyway?" Zeoticus asked with a bit of apprehension. Thinking that he was a lucky bastard that didn't have any trouble with his harem.

"I lost count once they went through a dozen. What's important is they're happy." He shrugged and he was one to focus on the important things.

"Damn, and they're all as strong as them right?" Zeoticus chuckled nervously, feeling Ragna's absurd strength that leaked. While Rita was like she wasn't even there. You lose sight of her for a moment, and she's gone.

"Yeah, Ragna isn't quite strong because she doesn't like fighting. But Rita is up there, her manipulation of time is next to no one." Ein gave them a little kiss.

Rita then called for Elysia, she cracked the space open and suddenly went there in all her smol glory. Making them think she was a goddess of beauty or something.

"Hi~ I'm Elysia ya know? I heard that some girls were interested in my husband~" Elysia looked at them, immediately evaluating them.

"Sorry, you're good girls. But if Ein doesn't like you, then it's a no go. You can enter a trial period, but you've gotta make him like you." Elysia shrugged nonchalantly and just sat beside him. She then gave Ein a kiss and disappeared into crystal dust.

"Wow, what a woman. She's in a word... Enchanting." Venelana whistled and Roygun nodded in agreement.

"You heard the lady, we can be friends." Ein smiled at them and they started cooking up plans to bag him.

"Anyways, I'm actually going to have a little excursion here in the underworld. We're looking for someone in the Astaroth territory. Ask him a couple of questions." Ein gave a meaningful smile and the devils immediately frowned, thinking that some idiot offended him immediately.

"Who is it?" Serafall asked quickly and would try to have some negotiations. "Ohh, it's a little relative of a friend of yours. I heard his name was Diodora Astaroth. Tried corrupting a new friend of mine." Ein informed them and Serafall's face soured.

It was well known in the underworld that Diodora plots and schemes to get holy women and corrupt them. Turning them into devils, breaking their wills as he turns the girls into his playthings. Ajuka wasn't quite interested in his relatives and it was expected from a devil. But now, it's gonna blow up quite massively.

And based on what they have seen from the war centuries ago. He doesn't really care for their politics.

"Hah, that stupid heir of theirs... I guess I need to inform Ajuka at least. Get some of the innocents out of the crossfire. At least Latia can be the heiress of the Astaroth clan." Serafall shrugged and she accepted Diodora's death as fact.

"Great, look at the time. How about we look on what my little friends will be doing?" Ein created a nice view of Jeanne, Mordred, and Artoria that was going to have an enthusiastic walk at the Astaroth territory.

"Shit, Ajuka! Answer the damned phone you fucking nerd!" Serafall panicked and kept on trying to call Ajuka.

"What do you want, Sera? You know that I'm busy." Ajuka gave answered with annoyance and Serafall immediately shouted at him.

"You fucking nerd! Go to the Astaroth territory immediately and take Latia with you! Everyone's gonna fucking die there if they resist!" Serafall was in a panic and Ajuka noticed it.

He trusted her friend and immediately went to the territory to get as many important people as possible. But the place where Diodora was in is of course locked already with an infinite corridor.

"Now, let's see how they'll do this." Ein smirked and bust out a wine. Swirling it around with his goblet. As the devils saw a side of him that was clearly ruthless.

"Hah, good thing they're taking their sweet time. I don't know who they are. But those ladies are holding some pretty dangerous toys. I can feel my skin crawl just seeing it." Zeoticus noticed the swords on Artoria and Mordred. As well as Jeanne's flag that was waving in the wind like a banner of war.

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"Hmmm, I never knew that I will be strolling in the underworld. Hunting down a devil, but he had a hand in Asia-chan's exile. I'll absolve him in holy light, the gall of him to try and corrupt such a pure girl like her." Jeanne huffed, making Mordred snicker.

"You sure did took a liking to her, you're like a big sister. I didn't expect that, I thought you'll be all she healed a devil and crap like that. She must be a witch." Mordred commented and Jeanne frowned at her.

"You think so lowly of me, hmph. Even if I acted that way, I'll still be better than you." Jeanne roasted her ass and Mordred gritted her teeth. But she couldn't retort, she caused a rebellion after all.

"Enough... You are both better than that. This Diodora Astaroth is a real devil. In essence and in mind. I will purge him from this world with my sword. You better do your jobs properly." Artoria chided them and they shut up.

"I'll prepare a holy field in the entire place. Ein-sama gave me a pretty good boost in strength." Jean started praying to Ein and she felt a massive boost. Her flag shone brightly, the skies of the underworld got illuminated by holy light. Locking down the whole territory. And the devils that remained due to Ein's infinite corridor burned like a match. And there was no escape.

"Good thing that this place is deserted. It's riddled with defenses everywhere. Mordred, can you do the honors?" Artoria looked at Mordred with a smile.

"This is just like the old days with our campaigns father... Gladly." Mordred got a wide grin on her face. Like she wasn't going to commit murder in a few minutes.

She activated her noble phantasm. And fitting of its anti army designation. A sword beam crashed onto the territory of the Astaroth. Quickly whittling down the magical defenses.

Mordred roared and put more oomph into it. Blasting the walls as tons of buildings got mowed down.

"Haaa, I guess that does it father. Watch closely, Jeanne. This will be a treat." Mordred smiled and watched with excitement.

"Sheathed in the breath of the planet, a torrent of shining life." Artoria raised her sword in the sky and a burst of golden light flooded the surroundings. It was felt all over the underworld, a huge pulse of holy energy washed over the devils.

"Feel its wrath! Ex...Caliba!" Artoria swiped the sword horizontally against the territory. Blowing away everything that was unfortunately in the way.

The whole city turned into a smoldering crater. Everything that was not beyond the horizon got vaporized instantly. Artoria was surprised and she felt that she was stronger than ever.

"Holy fucking shit!" Serafall shouted out as the peanut gallery went wide eyed. They gaped like a fish upon seeing Artoria unleash Excalibur on the Astaroth territory.

Ein even protected them from the holy energy that came from Excalibur as it would give them some burns. And the Astaroth territory was really far away as the underworld was huge.

They all looked at Ein and he shrugged. "That's not even that impressive. You devils should be thankful I didn't send Arcueid or Quetzalcoatl to have a little talk with that guy." Ein gave them some context in their minds how destructive their heavy hitters were and they paled.

Back at the Astaroth lands. Jeanne whistled with Mordred and they thought that Artoria was quite ridiculous. Now that she was connected to Ein, she could also throw slashes around like that without limits. And he hasn't given her Excalibur proto yet either.

"Come on, let's hunt that bastard down. I can feel it, he is still alive somewhere. Probably barely escaped the range of Excalibur." Artoria glared at the distance and the three used their reinforcement. Running like a bullet, using Artoria as their evil radar.

They quickly arrived at a fortified castle and Jeanne thought she would like to do something now besides flexing her holy aura.

She unsheathed the sword on her and started chanting. "This is where I meet my new start. My destiny now runs its course. My life's dream has reached its beginning. Utilizing the last thing I have left at my disposal. I fight to protect the path he must walk." Flames started enveloping the castle and Jeanne blazed.

"O Lord, I entrust this body to you." The whole castle burned into ashes, holy flames that eats everything devoured it in its entirety. But she controlled it well enough that the inhabitants inside didn't got killed. Although their powers as a devil is moot as the circle of fire still blazed.

The trio saw a pretty normal looking boy, but Artoria and Jeanne knew that he was evil incarnate.

"Hmmm, Diodora Astaroth... We are the Spanish Inquisition. And we will have a little talk with you." Jeanne planted her flag and holy light started burning him to a crisp like a little potato chip.

"AHHHHH! IT BURNS!" The little prick writhed on the ground and the peanut gallery at the Gremory household cringed when they saw their little talk. It was in a word, hell for devils. As holy light was their anti-thesis. He was feeling the worst pain imaginable.

Artoria then saw women who have blank eyes on them. She gritted her teeth and thought that they have been too broken. They were safe from Jeanne's light, but their only reaction was a slight glint in their eyes. Filled with desire to die as they felt that the lord abandoned them.

"May you find peace." Artoria stabbed Excalibur on the ground and the once holy women got absolved by the sword's power.

They slowly disappeared into light particles with a smile. Mouthing a thank you to their savior.

Mordred spit on the ground and she gave a disgusted look at the writhing piece of trash. "AHHHH! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM!? I'M THE HEIR OF THE ASTAROTH CLAN! YOU FUCKING BITCHES! I'LL CATCH AND RAPE YOU ALL! TURN YOU INTO MY LITTLE TOYS AS YOU BEG FOR MORE!"

Mordred walked up to him and kicked his face in with her boot. Twisting his face on the ground as she went close to him and spit on his face.

"Shut up, trash. You'll never see the light of day again." Mordred kicked him again and started contacting someone.

Semiramis then arrived and she saw that they were in a really bad mood. "I see, that writhing thing on the ground. It seems that you need my expertise on some things no?" Semiramis looked at Diodora and she gave an evil smirk.

"Use this, Semiramis. This has been imbued by my holy aura. Give him your worst poison with this cross." Jeanne handed the queen and she took something out of her bosom. Requesting that Ein put a dimensional storage in there.

"You know, I'll have tons of fun with you. Master's child, Anahaat and Laplace are geniuses without equal. And they helped me create this in our spare time." Semiramis coated the cross with her poison after wearing some special gloves.

"This poison, it's probably the most evil substance ever created. 1st, it will force your body to regenerate rapidly indefinitely. And you will never lose consciousness whatever you do." Semiramis blushed as she recalled its effects in awe.

"2nd, all your nerves will have a heightened sensitivity. Probably 100 times? And 3rd, it will attack those nerves relentlessly. Giving you a taste of pain that even hell can't provide." Semiramis licked her lips and stabbed him on the chest.

Diodora then turned catatonic. Immediately feeling the intense pain. Like he was being burned by holy fire ten times over. But the poison kept him conscious. The searing pain immediately spread throughout his whole body.

Laplace's nanobots made of Adamantine repairing his body in real time. While Anahaat's special virus that attacks nerves gave him a new realm of pain. And they can't be removed.

Jeanne then created a cross made of holy light. Pouring in tons of her mana to it so it would last for years. She then crucified the devil on it as a reminder to the underworld that they mean business. And erasing a city from the face of the underworld was a trivial task to find even a single person who have wronged them.

"S-such things exist? That thing is extremely evil. I can't imagine what that piece of trash is experiencing right now." Serafall shivered as they saw an ironic sight. A devil was crucified on a holy cross of light.

A rosary of immense power, filled with Jeanne's holy flames of La Pucelle burned on it. Warding off any devil that even tries to get near. Only Roygun can get close to him and he would be suffering that hell for all of eternity unless if someone like an Archangel steps in and takes it off. And hell would freeze over before that happens.

"Sorry, Serafall. But one of yours have to do something stupid like try and kidnap one of my friends. Now, the Astaroth territory will be unlivable for devils. I don't know how long, maybe a few centuries?" Ein chuckled and Serafall sighed.

Roygun, Venelana, and Grayfia thought it was really hot. Thinking that he would put his enemies into eternal damnation if somebody messes with them. Making them quite wet. As devils really liked strength and authority.

And the underworld has been given a grim reminder of what would happen if they get funny ideas.

"Hmph, that should do it. Nobody would mess with Knick Knack Paddy Whack now." Ein nodded in satisfaction and the peanut gallery deadpanned at his naming sense.

"Are you for real? You named your new faction as... That?" Serafall asked without an expression and Ein shrugged. "What? For your information, its full name is Knick Knack Paddy Whack I've Got a Gun. Amaterasu has a mean Glock on her along with our secretary. And don't you mess with the Glock." Ein snorted and they all gave a wry smile.

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Thank you for reading everyone. Their new faction just revealed four of their members for now and they just established the first crusade of the Spanish inquisition. Anyways, ciao.