The Simpsons: New Neighbor

'Ah, there it is…the entrance sign to hell.'

Driving down an empty highway, Leo stared at a distant hill that had large white letters spread out across it. It acted as a sign, spelling out the name of the city that was rapidly approaching.

SPRINGFIELD.

Seeing this name, Leo shook his head and sighed. Never in his life did he think he would live in, hell, even visit a city like Springfield. A quick search on the internet would reveal exactly why.

America's Crudbucket. The Armpit of America's Butt-crack. World's Fattest Town. The only thing Springfield had going for it was the record-breaking amount of negative nicknames it earned.

Even TIME magazine once did a cover story on Springfield which they titled, "America's Worst City". It was said that most citizens were very stupid, overweight, and also quick to anger. The magazine advised to never do the exact thing Leo was now doing. 

Moving into the city.

Yes, Leo was doing the very thing he should not be doing which was moving into the city.

Why?

Well, the short answer was money. 

You see, Leo founded and successfully built up a company that designed, assembled, and installed machinery. 

At a young age, he had been able to make a good chunk of money, enjoying the fruits of his labor, but when he turned twenty-two, a couple of months ago, business started to slow down and he began to lose both clients and cash.

It was around this time that Leo received a piece of mail that seemed too good to be true. A proposed contract for his company to install new equipment in a nuclear power plant in a city called Springfield. The amount of money offered within the contract blew his mind.

Quickly and excitedly, Leo began to look into the details, but as he did, he became disappointed.

The first issue he came across was the city itself. As mentioned earlier, it was truly a hellhole according to the internet. And considering the replacement of equipment was going to be a slow process, Leo would be forced to live there for a couple of years in order to oversee the project. That was the last thing he wanted.

The second problem he found was with the contract itself. Although it looked like a lot of money on paper, it wasn't even close to what a typical job in a nuclear power plant should have offered.

Apparently, the plant was opened in 1968 and the machinery had never been replaced, nor had undergone maintenance a single time since then. The only reason it was being replaced now was because of the insane amount of safety violations the plant had amassed.

What surprised Leo was that the owner was still not upgrading the machines to the newest versions, instead, just to the oldest possible ones that still passed the codes. This resulted in a much lower amount of money being paid, especially when comparing it to what a typical job for a nuclear power plant should have offered. It was probably the reason why nobody had accepted the contract so far.

But hell, money was money and Leo was young. Sure, it wasn't as high as it should have been, but compared to any other job he had ever received in the past, it was a lot. And the chance of getting a job at another nuclear plant was so low, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

He would live there for a couple of years then hightail it out of there with loads of money and the golden years of his life ahead of him.

"I'm sure there's at least a couple of fun things to do in the city," Leo muttered.

Fifteen minutes later, and after getting hit by a wave of unpleasant smells, Leo arrived at what he assumed was the city's downtown. It was where most of the businesses and stores were, and it was the most probable place to find what he first needed. 

As Leo drove around further, he became pleasantly surprised. He had spotted a wide variety of places that could potentially provide fun entertainment. Multiple museums, an opera house, an amphitheater, a theater, a library, and even a sign promoting an observatory.

It was strange that he had not seen a single mention of these places when looking online previously. 

'Maybe the ratings and reviews online were wrong. I might actually even enjoy my stay here.' 

Five minutes later, Leo finally found the sign he was looking for. In large letters, it read: RED BLAZER REALTY.

Obviously, the first step was finding a place to live, and a real estate agency was the place to get that done.

He parked in front, stepped out of his car, and walked in. 

*DING*

The doorbell rang and a middle-aged man with slicked-backed brown hair quickly stepped forward to greet Leo.

"Welcome to Red Blazer! I'm Lionel Hutz!" The man stuck out his hand for a handshake. 

Leo put on a smile and shook the man's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Hutz. I'm Leonardo, but you can just call me Leo. I'm new in town and I'm looking for a place to stay. I'm hoping you can help."

"Why of course I can, Leo! Here at Red Blazer Realty, we've got over fifty years of real estate experience. We'll find the perfect home for you in no time, I assure it!"

"Well that's great then because I'll be needing a home fast. How do we begin?" Leo replied back.

Hutz smiled a salesman smile. "First, I'll have one of our wonderful agents drive you around town. They'll show you our wonderful city and all the possible homes you can buy. You'll love them."

Hutz turned around. "If you'll follow me, I'll introduce you to one of those wonderful agents.''

Leo followed him through the large empty room that was filled with cubicles. When they reached the corner of the room, an employee was finally revealed.

"Let me introduce you to the number one on the west side, Cookie Kwan!" 

Leo looked at the woman Hutz just introduced.

She was an attractive middle-aged woman. Leo would guess she was in her mid-thirties. She was of Asian descent, Chinese, he was pretty sure. She had black, straight, silky hair and long eyelashes. She wore a combination of pink lipstick and blue eyeshadow. 

Leo's eyes moved downwards.

Around her neck she wore a pearl necklace, it was tight like a collar. Below, her breasts were tightly outlined by a red blazer. They were on the smaller side, around B cups, but they were well shaped and pleasant to the eye. Even further down, wearing open-toed black high heels, she exposed her small feet and pink toenails.

"Cookie Kwan, Realtor. Number one on the west side. Nice to meet you." She spoke with a heavy Chinese accent.

"It's a pleasure, Miss Kwan," Leo replied, bringing his eyes back up to her.

If she noticed anything, she gave no sign of noticing. "Yes, a real pleasure. We'll get started right away, but first, give me one second. I need to take care of something."

Cookie didn't give Leo a chance to respond and started to walk to a doorway with an employees-only sign hanging above it.

As he watched her walk away, Hutz spoke to Leo once again.

"Cookie's a real gem, you're in good hands." He winked and left in the same fashion as Cookie, heading back near the entrance of the building.

'I wonder what she had to do.' Leo, not being able to do anything, leaned against a wall and waited, exploring his wandering thoughts. 

Seven minutes later, Cookie came out of the room she entered and walked up to Leo. 

"Follow me." She said, then turned back around and walked to the exit.

'She must be serious about work.'

But that thought was thrown out the window the instant they exited the building and Cookie spoke again.

"Now it's just us, let me introduce myself properly. Cookie Kwan, Realtor. Number one on the west side. I could move you into a beautiful new home. Mine."

She pulled out a piece of paper filled with writing in one hand, and in her other hand, she pulled out a pen.

"Sign here," she pointed at a section of the paper.

"Sign here," she pointed at another section. 

"Kiss me here," she pointed at her cheek. 

"Initial here," she pointed back at the paper. 

'Huh?'

Leo was at a loss of words. The last thing he expected to hear was what just came out of Cookie's mouth. It took him by complete surprise.

'Is this supposed to be some sort of joke?'

Leo tried his best to understand what was happening.

'If she's completely serious, then that must have meant she was either extremely desperate, horny, bold, or even just crazy. Maybe even all of them. How many times had she proposed that to someone the moment they met? How many took her up on her offer? It has to be a joke, right?'

For now, the unsure Leo just went with the safe guess that she was messing around, choosing to play along as well.

"Oh Miss Kwan," Leo faked a laugh. "Move in with you? That's crazy! Instead, how about this. You help me find a house first and then you move in with me instead." Leo played along. 

"Oh?" She grinned. "Let's go house shopping then. West side, obviously." 

Leo smiled, still unsure if she was joking. Then, together, they walked to the company car, which would serve as transportation for the day since Leo was still unfamiliar with the town. 

…

...

...

"So, what do you think?" Cookie asked him after finishing the tour.

"I think it's…"

"Wonderful? Great? Lovely? Just sign here and it's yours!" Cookie didn't let him finish his sentence.

"I think it's not the house I want." He sighed.

"Come on, Leo. This is the eighth house we've been to, you can't be that picky."

She walked to the nearby sink and pulled down on the faucet lever, letting the water run.

"This one's great, look! The water that comes out isn't even brown!"

"That's not a great achievement, you know," Leo muttered under his breath. 

"According to the Springfield Home Inspector Association, it is!"

Leo rubbed his forehead. 'Maybe moving to Springfield was a bad idea.' 

"Is this really the best house you have?" Leo asked Cookie.

She nodded. "Best house on the West side."

'Ugh. Westside. Westside. Westside. How can she always squeeze in the word Westside to every third sentence?'

"Is there any way you'll show me a house not on the West side?" Leo asked.

She shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not the number one on the West side for no reason, Leo. I only sell on the west side."

After hearing her response, Leo's lips remained closed. He simply stared at her.

The attractive woman who had introduced herself bizarrely was actually quite a pleasant person to spend time with.

Not considering the moments when she was trying to sell a house or mentioning the West side, Leo had a fun time conversing with her. They would exchange jokes and she would tell him all about Springfield.

Hoping she also enjoyed spending time with him today, he tried one final attempt.

"Isn't there any way you can make an exception, just for me…please?" 

She remained silent for a moment before letting out a huff.

"Fine. But I'm only showing you a single one. Even if you don't like it I'm not showing you another one. Got it?"

His lips curved upwards. "I'll take that chance. Thank you, Cookie"

She pointed a finger at him. "You owe me one for this. Don't forget!"

Leo put up his hands. "I won't."

"Good." She smiled. "I already have an idea of what I want."

Cookie slammed on the gas pedal and the car zoomed off. 

Twenty minutes later, the car turned onto an ordinary-looking street. 

"The house is on this street," Cookie informed Leo.

Hearing that, he read the sign on its corner—Evergreen Terrace.

As he looked around further, he found the neighborhood to be a standard American suburban neighborhood. A tranquil environment with uniform houses, the only difference between them being the colors. 

They drove slowly through the quiet street until Cookie pulled into a single driveway that stood out from the rest. 

That was because it was the only house that had some sort of fence on its front side. It was formed completely out of bushes. They covered everything but the driveway entrance.

As they pulled in, Leo saw the whole house. 

A two-story white mansion stood in front of him. It had a large porch in front, two brick chimneys on each side, two garages, and a large perfectly trimmed yard. The number 743 was posted on a porch pillar, making the full address of the house 743 Evergreen Terrace. 

'It's huge, especially for a single person, but it's not that big of a deal. As long as the inside isn't completely made out of rubber, gum, or any other strange thing like what I've seen in the others, I think I'll buy it."

"So…what do you think?" Cookie asked him.

"From the outside, it looks great. I'm not going to find some sort of atrocity inside, am I?"

She smiled. "No, nothing like that third house. This one's great, I promise."

"I hope so."

They entered inside and walked through the rooms. Leo was honestly impressed. It was completely decked out in nice decor.

A long hallway, laden with blue carpet. A comfortable living room with a dark red couch and coffee table. A large study room filled with books. A top-of-the-line kitchen. Multiple guest rooms.

Spacious garages. Everything was perfect. 

"The furniture comes with it?" Leo asked suspiciously.

Cookie nodded. "The old owner left it behind. Minus the extra charge for all of it, you get it for free."

The corner of Leo's mouth twitched, but he didn't reply and he simply continued to walk through the house. 

As he finished up the tour, he turned toward Cookie.

"Tell me Cookie, such a nice house yet it hasn't been sold. Have any clue why?"

"Hehe, don't worry about it, Leo. It's nothing. I think it's just because not many people can afford it, but I know you can."

She put a finger on his chest, pointing at him, emphasizing the you. "I saw that car you drove earlier, it didn't look cheap." She said with her Chinese accent. 

Leo was pretty sure there was more than that, but he knew Cookie wouldn't tell him the true reason.

'Tsk, damn salesmen.' He internally nodded his head.

"Just sign these papers and it's all yours." Cookie presented the papers filled with writing.

Leo thought about it. Should he buy the house? Or should he find the true reason it was still on the market for such a long time?

'Decisions. Decisions.'

After some contemplation, Leo shrugged his shoulders. Whatever the issue was, it was a problem for his future self, not him.

"I'll buy it."

"That's wonderful!"

Cookie brought her hands together, in a clapping motion. She then reached into her bag and brought out some papers. 

"Sign here, here, and here." 

As Leo signed the papers, he heard Cookie's voice.

"So, when can I move my stuff in?"

It took a moment for Leo to understand what she meant before he remembered what she had said when they initially met. Something about moving in with him.

"You should really stop messing around with people like that, Cookie. Someone might think you're serious someday."

"But I'm not kidding…"

Her answer made Leo look up from the papers. To his surprise, he found her face to be only a couple of inches away from his.

"I'm moving in." Her eyes looked directly into Leo's as if looking into his soul. 

'Whoa, Whoa, Woah. This lady was serious.'

Crazy-person detection alarms rang loudly in his head. He quickly took a step backward.

"I'm flattered, Cookie, but don't you think this a bit too sudden. Moving in with someone on the first day? No matter how attractive you look and how fun you are, that's a bit too fast, even for me. Besides, I like the freedom that comes with living by myself."

"But I showed you this house which wasn't on the West side. You owe me, remember?" 

"Don't you think that's a little too big of a difference in favors? I think there are better ways to pay you back than this."

Cookie sighed and slumped her shoulders.

"I shouldn't even be disappointed anymore. Nobody has ever let me live with them. Nobody. What's wrong with them? I would be the perfect wife. Maybe it has something to do with this stupid town. I'll never find a husband."

'Yes, the town. It's totally not you.' Leo tried his best not to voice his thoughts out loud.

Cookie stuffed her papers back into her bag.

"I'll be leaving," she said dejectedly.

Leo watched her back slowly move away from him, down the hallway, and towards the door.

He continued to watch her walk away. As she walked, her hips would sway from side to side, and Leo's eyes couldn't help but focus on her butt.

Left. Right. Left. Right. Each time she took a step forward her butt cheek would be pushed together on the opposite side, forming a line against her pants which highlighted her fat ass. It didn't help that her pants were very tight. It was an entrancing sight for Leo.

When she reached the door, she bent over, reaching for a bag she left on the ground. Leo's eyes remained glued to her behind.

Nobody could tell what Leo was thinking at that moment. He was in very deep thought, but moments later, his thinking was stopped when he suddenly called out to Cookie. 

"Hey Cookie!"

"Yes?" She turned around.

"Although I can't have you staying here all the time, I think it'll be fine if you stay for one or two nights. What do you think?"

She stood there silently for a moment, before shrugging her shoulders and tossing her bag to the side. 

"I think it's better than nothing." Her lips formed a smile.

[A/N]: Look, I'm not a fan of women instantly throwing themselves at MCs just because they are handsome, but that's literally Cookie Kwan. She is a bachelorette who is trying to find a husband fast, no matter who it is. She even threw herself at Homer Simpson only because she saw him being good with kids (even though he obviously isn't). Not every female is going to be like that, as they each will mostly follow their own personality/character. I just thought I should just hop right into it and she was the one there.

[A/N] (2): Let me know what you thought about this chapter. This is my first fanfic and I wanted to test the waters before I move into actual serious stories and not smutty messing around ones. Was it too boring? I hope you enjoy the story even though it's more like smut I guess. Well, whatever.