[83.5] The Perfect You

*****Disclaimer: This chapter includes mention of self-harm and suicidal ideation that may be triggering to some readers. Reader discretion is advised.***

[Author's note: This part of the chapter is from no one's perspective.]

After several months of chasing around two lovey-dovey teenagers, the Great Fairy could move no longer. She lay on her back in the grass, feeling philosophical as the sun was absorbed into her charcoal skin.

"Asmonious.. You can't stop the inevitable. The future is set in stone and there's nothing you can do to change that. I see that now."

"Master… You're just exhausted." He crouched beside her with a kind smile, "Take a break. I will watch over them this afternoon."

"I won't lie, I could use a break." She held her blurred face with a groan, "Are you sure? Alora might hate you even more if you try to separate them."

He averted his gaze, "I think she will hate me no matter what."

"Don't say that. Maybe she's just misunderstanding something about you or-... Or… Well, no. I think you may be right."

He tried to hide his pained expression behind a smile, "Do you think there's something wrong with me, Master?"

"No. You're perfect, there's nothing that could ever be wrong about you."

His fists tightened on his knees, "Then why doesn't she like me?"

"Well… Some people just don't get along with others… Even if there isn't a good reason."

"Hm.."

She paused and asked in a small voice, "How do you feel about her? Do you hate her?"

He smiled, "I don't hate her. I like her."

"Asmonious."

His heart thudded hard in his chest at the sound of her harsh tone.

"Tell the truth."

"Well…" His eyes swept to the side, "To be honest… I don't hate nor do I like her. I have no sense of feeling towards her. Whether she dies or lives I wouldn't care-"

He quickly covered his mouth and broke out into a cold sweat. His pupils retracted as his body trembled.

Would she hate him for saying such words?

Is she disappointed?

Screams from the depths of his soul were slowly getting louder as his heart thudded harder.

Would he no longer be perfect in her eyes?

Without knowing the dark thoughts swirling inside of him due to his panic, the Great Fairy reached out to rub his head.

The screams in his mind suddenly ceased.

"Asmonious… What about humans? What about demons? How do you feel about them?"

His eyes looked up past his dark eyelashes, "I… It's the same feeling. I don't hate nor do I like them."

"I see…"

"Master… Are you… Disappointed in me?"

"No. Rather than that, I'm relieved."

His breath caught in his throat, "Relieved? Why?"

"Because you're being honest with me."

"Oh… But I'm usually-"

He found that he couldn't finish his sentence. As he looked away in shame, she reached out to squeeze his cheeks.

"You like me and your siblings, right?"

He answered quickly, "Of course!"

"Hehe! Who knew you could be so cute?"

"Master…" He let her squeeze to her heart's content feeling a bit embarrassed, "I'm not a child anymore."

"You'll always be my child."

His heart lifted in his chest at the sound of this.

"Asmonious… What would you do if I was no longer here?"

Any joy he had felt before now came crashing down, disappearing into the void as if it never existed.

"Master… What do you mean?"

"If I were to die, what would you do?"

"I… I…"

"Asmonious… If something does happen to me, I want you to protect your siblings. I don't want you to seek any revenge and I want you to keep being your perfect self." 

He managed to squeeze out a sentence, "A world without Master wouldn't be a world worth existing…"

"I know it will be hard, but I know you're capable of living a compassionate life even if I'm gone. But more than anything-" She gave his cheeks a few more squeezes then placed a kiss on top of his head, "I just want you to be happy."

She let out a yawn and returned to the courtyard with Asmonious following right behind her. As she walked into her room, he felt everything inside of him breaking into sharp shards.

A world like that…

It seems better off destroyed.

At this thought he froze.

Such a dark feeling permeated his chest, filling his heart with darkness he was afraid of.

He went into his room and stood in front of the broken mirror as screams echoed in his mind.

"Is there something wrong with me?"

The shadows at his feet twisted and coiled.

"...Of course there is."

The voices screamed out in agony, cursing him for living.

His hands trembled as he reached out to the mirror, "I used to feel so much… But now… Unless it is Master or my siblings…. I don't feel anything."

There was no hate.

No love.

If a stranger died in front of him, demon or human, he wouldn't blink.

He used to be so sensitive…

But along the way…

Hiding behind a smile slowly dulled his emotions.

How was that possible?

The voices screamed at him-

-IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A MURDERER-

-YOU'RE A MONSTER-

-A BEAST-

-A FREAK-

-YOU SHOULDN'T BE ALIVE-

-YOU SHOULD BE DEAD-

He felt his smile trembling as he plucked a shard from the mirror, "I… I too… Want to…"

-DIE-

-DIE-

-DIE-

He carved and carved, his eyes trembling from madness.

"Are you… Are you satisfied?"

"Do you forgive me now?"

"Is it enough?"

"Do you need more?"

The voices screamed louder and louder until he could no longer hear anything else.

He collapsed to the floor, holding his head as blood started to mix with tears.

"Please… Please stop… Please… I'm sorry…" 

"I didn't want to absorb you…" 

"I didn't want you to die…"

"I didn't want to eat you…"

The blood ceased and his body was finally restored.

No matter how many times he tried, the result was always the same.

He stood up from the dirtied floor and changed out of his bloodied clothes. Using his shadows, he tossed them far into the wilderness so no one would have ever known. After rubbing his exhausted face, he left his room ensuring that it was shut and locked so no one could enter.

He glanced around the courtyard and found Astra playing with her rock collection and Rose sitting in the shade staring at the sky listlessly. Thanks to the soundproofing of his room, no one knew of the struggle he had just endured.

Rose heard him and pulled her eyes from the sky. She gave him a look that held a trace of worry, "Moni? What's wrong?"

He felt the weight of the world get dropped on his shoulders at the sight of his two little sisters looking up at him anxiously. Not wanting to cause them to worry, he put on a smile and walked over to his sisters, "Have you seen Alora or Zephyr?"

"They left the courtyard before you and Master came back."

He let out a heavy sigh, "Okay, let me go find them."

After leaving the courtyard, he closed his eyes and peered through the shadows.

Atta was in the training grounds-

That didn't surprise him one bit.

And as for Alora and Zephyr…

His eyes snapped open in a panic, "Why are they by the edge of the barrier!?"

Was he right about Alora all along!?