Chapter 19

"It's not your concern anymore!" I yelled. No one knows how difficult my days are. This overwhelming emotion explodes me. I just want to shout all this out from my heart.

After yelling, the twins cried aloud that Master doesn't know what to do. Can you imagine your children crying because your wife is throwing tantrums all of a sudden? Then, that's our situation right now. I am throwing tantrums with my husband and now joining the twins as they cry.

He sighs and left us, he went to our room. I also think that he had enough, the both of us don't have enough sleep after being just the two of us. I just cried and let the twins cry as well because I can't help myself stop crying. I don't want to have my session with my sister anymore, I want to have a long sleep, I want to paint to relieve my stress, I want to write peacefully without any distractions, and I want to go back to the hospital but Master won't let me.

Master went downstairs; he looks like he took a bath first. Since I am sitting on the floor, he carried me and put me on the couch. He wipes my tears with a serious look on his face, I got frightened so I cried hard as to how the twins doing however I am not that loud, I can't control my hiccups as I cry. Now, I am trying to get away with him as I cry because I can feel his mad.

"Don't you dare, Rackie?" He warns. "First things first, why would you shout like that?" he asks but I didn't answer him as he kept on wiping my tears that are falling nonstop. "Not going to answer, hmm?" he said.

"I've had enough." I tried my very best to answer between my hiccups. He nods. "I want my life back, I want to have a peaceful writing environment that I had before, I want to paint to relieve my stress, I don't want to attend sessions with my sister anymore, I want to go back to work. I want to get back to my life without any distractions at all but I can't do that because I have to eat so I could feed them, I have to look after them, and I have to cut my sleep whenever they need my attention." I burst out.

He looks at me with his eyes wide open then turn to look at the twins. he slowly stood up and look at the twins to check them up. "I can't believe you, Rackie." He said and went out with the twins and drive away. I just stayed where I am sitting while my tears kept on falling. I don't have the energy to move. I just stare blankly at the door where Master left.

The sound that woke me up was a baby's cry upstairs. I just opened my eyes, I am still in the living room, sitting on the couch. The house is dark and I can't see anything, I didn't try to move until I heard a car parking. When the light was switched on, I saw Master.

"What the! What's wrong with you?" he asks as he hurries to come near me. I am just looking at him. "Are you out of your mind?" he asks again but I just kept on looking at him. "We've been gone for two nights and a day now but still you are here?" Two nights and a day, then that means I've been sleeping for a whole day? "If I didn't ask River to come and check on you earlier I wouldn't know that you are still…" he suddenly stop talking and carry me out.

I saw River who is in front of the door and looks surprised when she saw me. Master places me at the back of the car and drives away as fast as he can. I can't hear what he is saying anymore. Whenever the car stops, he will curse and looks at me and suddenly everything went black.

"What in the world happened to Rackie?" Red shouts.

"Calm down, Red. If you continue to shout, you'll disturb all the patients." I heard what Art says.

"Do you think I can calm down? He said he will take care of her but now he rushed her here, bleeding, too weak, and pale." Red replied. "Now, tell us. How did this happen?"

"I left her to think about what she said the last few days ago and give her time to be with herself and do whatever she wanted to do. But I didn't know that it'll be like this."

"We don't know why you left her and we won't ask in detail anymore but please… be patient with her." Art says.

"I am trying my best to support her to the best of my ability but hearing her say that she has enough and thinking that our twins are a distraction to her made me mad. I thought that instead of arguing with her, it was best to leave her alone for a while. I didn't know that she will stay where I left her that night." Master said.

"I guess, you both reached your endpoint," Red said then sighed. "How about hiring a babysitter? Just for the day. As for the night shift looking after the babies… well, I can't suggest anymore but I believe it should be your duty to do it so you'll still have time with them."

"I've been thinking about it already but I haven't talked about it with her," Master said. "If there will be someone looking after our twins, she'll be free to do the things she wanted to achieve." He added. "But the real problem here is that she doesn't want to attend her sessions with her sister."

"This is bad." Art said. "If she won't attend her sessions then how will she address her depression?" I heard him full of worry.

"Master, this is a serious matter," Red said.

"I know that's why I am worried about her." He replied. "And I can see each day that it's not getting any better."

"What do you mean?" Red and Art ask.

"There's this one night I caught her holding a knife from the kitchen and entering the room of the twins. She's staring at them then will go back to the kitchen and stab the chopping board." Master said. "That is why I kept the knives out of her reach and will not let her know where are the knives," Master said. I was surprised by what I heard.

"You mean to say…" Art can't complete whatever he wants to say.

"I told her sister about it and she said that she's looking for someone who can help her however when her sister told her that she'll recommend her to a psychiatrist, she never went to her sessions," Master said. "I can't ask my River to look after her because River suffered from that kind of depression before." He added. "Every night, I have to stay alert whenever she'll leaves the bed because she seems to be a different person."

"When did she start having those episodes?" Red said full of concern.

"It was when the twins turned one month old. Sometimes, her sister will call me to look after the twins." Master said. "It's difficult to look after the twins and her at the same time. I lack sleep because of the night shift with the twins and wake up each time she'll gets out of bed. it's hard to maintain composed in front of her to assure her that everything will be alright and she's doing great but I have to bear all of it because it's my fault. My entirely fault why she's like that." he said and burst into tears. "I love her so much that I can't help but feel sorry for her for what I've done," he said while crying. "That is why I put an emphasis that I will marry her, she has to be my wife, and I must do the right thing. I can't let other people be responsible for what I have done. If not because of me, she won't be having the twins without her knowing she's pregnant."

"You don't have to blame yourself," Red said with a comforting tone. "Rackie won't like to see you like that."

"I know she'll hate me if she knew that I am blaming myself for what happened to her but that's the truth. If I could convince her to see her sister again for her sessions and if she'll help herself, surely… she'll be back in no time. When that moment comes, I will let her work again and will support her in all the things she wanted to do." Master said.

"By the way, you mentioned earlier that she hurt herself, how did you know that?" Art asks.

"I asked some people to install a CCTV that even in total darkness you will see the person. Since I am mad at her, I asked River to look after her using the CCTVs installed in the entire house." Master replied. "I didn't know that River will witness something that I am afraid to witness myself."