CHAPTER 25: The sorrow behind the smiles..

There was an odd silence in the room. Sana didn't understand what Akagi was saying, leaving her perplexed and unsure.

"Akagi-kun, I'm not sure what you're saying," Sana murmured, her voice a mixture of confusion and hesitation.

"Forgive me for the abruptness," Akagi replied, his tone growing more serious as he pulled a chair closer to Sana's bed. "I think you deserve to know everything clearly. You should hear this."

He took a deep breath, his expression becoming more solemn. "So, where should I begin? Let me tell you my story."

"When I was born, my mother died," Akagi began, his voice carrying the weight of a deep, lingering sorrow. "She died giving birth to me, and my father never let me forget it. To this day, he blames me for her death, as if my first breath stole her last. I never knew her, but I've spent my entire life feeling the burden of her absence, knowing that my existence caused her to disappear."

Sana's eyes widened in shock, her heart aching at the thought of a child growing up with such a heavy weight on his shoulders.

"After she died, my father changed. He was once a kind man—or so I've been told—but after her death, he became a ghost of himself. He remarried, not because he loved again, but because he thought I needed a mother. But she wasn't a mother to me. My stepmother resented me, and my father... he barely spoke to me unless it was to remind me of what I had taken from him. I grew up in a house filled with silence and resentment. It was like I didn't belong there—like I was a constant reminder of something they both wanted to forget."

Akagi's voice trembled, but he forced himself to continue. "When I was little, I used to cry at night, thinking maybe if I cried loud enough, they would come to comfort me. But they never did. I would scream into my pillow, hoping they'd notice, but the only thing that ever answered was the empty echo of my own voice. Eventually, I stopped crying altogether. I realized it didn't matter—no one was coming."

Sana's tears began to spill over as she listened to Akagi's painful confession.

"When I was old enough to understand, I started to believe that maybe they were right—maybe I shouldn't have been born. I started thinking that if I wasn't around, maybe things would be better for everyone. That's when the darkness really started to take hold. I was just a kid, but I already felt like the world didn't need me, like I was just taking up space."

Akagi continued, his voice steady but tinged with bitterness. "Well, that's not the important part here. I grew up feeling broken. My father became a wreck, drinking all day and getting fired from every job he found. My stepmother would scream at him constantly."

By this point, Sana's eyes were welling with tears, but she remained silent, letting Akagi pour out his heart.

"When it was time for middle school, I left home and started working at my uncle's workshop—the father of that girl you saw with me while shopping, my cousin. I'd go to school in the morning, work through the night, and sleep at the shop. But that wasn't even the worst part. In middle school, I got into a lot of fights. I started street fighting—I was numb. I felt like a hollow shell, just going through the motions of living. I got into fights because I didn't care what happened to me. I didn't care if I got hurt or if I hurt someone else. The pain didn't matter anymore because I couldn't feel it. I was just... empty. Once you're in, you're trapped. These tattoos..." he gestured to his arms, "are a reminder of that life. Except for this one," he added, showing her the 'let it go' tattoo on his wrist. "This one's different"

He paused, his eyes distant as if reliving the pain. "By the time I entered my second year of middle school, things had gotten worse. I picked up smoking, started hanging out with older women and got into drinking... I was at my lowest. At the end of that year, I was shattered. I had forgotten who I was. I was drowning in my own anger. There was this terrible fight... People were betting on me like I was some kind of animal. I don't know what came over me—I just didn't stop hitting the guy, even after he surrendered. I beat him until he was barely alive. Word got out, and I was sent to jail for a few days. My school suspended me, and that's when I transferred to a new middle school."

He glanced at Sana, whose tears now streamed down her face. Akagi's own voice was thick with emotion, but he continued. "I had made up my mind to leave that school and go back to my old life. But one day, rushing to school for what I thought would be the last time, I saw you."

Sana's breath hitched, her eyes locked onto his.

"The first time I looked into your eyes, I felt something change inside me. I can't explain it, but for the first time in years, I felt... alive. I wanted to talk to you, find excuses to be near you. There was something about you that drew me in, something pure and kind. I even forgot that I was planning to leave. When I saw your best friend, I thought you were the studious type," Akagi said, chuckling slightly, though the sadness in his voice remained. "But then I started to think... maybe I could change. Maybe I could be someone better, someone worthy of you. So I started studying, aiming for medical school. I thought if I could help people, maybe I could fix myself too."

Sana listened intently, her heart aching with every word.

"But as time went on, I realized you were starting to like me too. And for a moment, I was happy. I thought everything might be okay. But then, I visited your home. You were like a princess in a castle, surrounded by a loving family, with everything I never had. I realized then that I would never be enough for you. I was terrified of breaking your delicate heart."

His voice wavered, and he gripped her hand gently, his eyes filled with sorrow. "Sana, you would have accepted me as I am, I know that. But you can't change a person, no matter how much you try. I couldn't use you to escape my past or heal myself. You deserve someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved. It's easy to say that time changes everything, but the truth is, people like me... we don't change. Not really. We might pretend for a while, but eventually, the truth comes out."

He paused, his gaze drifting away as if lost in the weight of his thoughts. "I've tried to be better, to leave behind the person I was, but those shadows are always there, lurking. The anger, the recklessness... they're part of me, and I can't erase them. I'm scared, Sana. Scared that one day, I'll hurt you in a way I can't take back. I can't bear the thought of you being dragged down by my darkness. You have a light in you, a goodness that shouldn't be tainted by someone like me."

Sana's tears flowed freely now, her heart breaking as she listened to Akagi's confession. Every word felt like a final, devastating blow to the hopes she had held onto.

"You will achieve great things in life, Sana," Akagi continued, his voice heavy with emotion. "You're destined for so much more than what I can offer. You deserve a life filled with happiness, stability, and love—the kind of love that builds you up, not the kind that drags you into the chaos of someone else's demons. But don't wait for me. Move on. I can never keep you happy, and I can never be the person you need. I don't want to use you as a crutch to fix myself. You deserve someone who can give you everything, not someone who will only bring you down."

He squeezed her hand slightly, as if trying to memorize the feeling one last time. "You deserve a love that is free from fear, a love that lifts you higher, not one that keeps you chained to someone else's misery. I wish I could be that person for you, but I know I never will be. I'm not capable of the kind of love you need, Sana. I would only end up hurting you, and that's the last thing I want. You deserve a life that isn't shadowed by someone else's past."

Akagi's voice trembled as he finished, holding her hand as if it was the last time he would ever touch her. Sana, overwhelmed with emotion, could only nod through her tears. Sana couldn't fully grasp everything Akagi was saying, but the pain in his voice cut through her like a knife. She didn't know how to respond, didn't understand why love, something that felt so pure and right, had to be this complicated. All she knew was that she loved him, and she couldn't bear the thought of losing him. Yet, she could see the sadness in his eyes, the burden he carried, and she didn't want to add to his pain.

Her heart ached with a longing she couldn't put into words, and as the tears spilled down her cheeks, she realized there was nothing she could say to make him stay. The finality of it all hung in the air, heavy and suffocating. She didn't want to let him go, but deep down, she knew she had no choice. He was slipping away, and she was powerless to stop it.

Akagi leaned in, his breath warm and gentle against her cheek as he tenderly brushed away her tears. His white hair, falling in soft, disordered waves, brushed lightly against her skin, creating a fleeting, delicate connection that deepened the intimacy between them. Time seemed to suspend in that charged moment, every heartbeat stretching into eternity.

With trembling hands, she cradled his face, her fingers tracing his features with a desperate reverence, as though each line was a precious memory she needed to hold onto. Her eyes, shimmering with unshed tears, searched his face, trying to capture the essence of this moment as if it were both their first and last. Without a moment's pause, he closed the distance between them, his lips finding hers in a kiss that was both achingly soft and fiercely intense. The touch of his lips was a mingling of sorrow and longing, a profound farewell that conveyed more than words ever could. It was a final, tender promise, wrapped in the lingering warmth of their shared breath. 

The kiss was tender, full of all the words they couldn't say, all the emotions they couldn't express. It was a goodbye that neither of them wanted but both knew was inevitable. When they finally pulled away, Sana's eyes were filled with confusion and heartbreak. She didn't understand why love wasn't enough, why they couldn't just be together despite everything. But she also knew, in the simplest way her young heart could, that she couldn't hold him back.

"I don't want you to go," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I won't make you stay. But you have to promise me one thing, no matter what happens never go back to that darkness again." Her voice was heavy from crying. 

Akagi's eyes glistened with unshed tears as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "You'll always be in my heart, Sana, and I promise to do my best" he murmured, his voice breaking. "But this is goodbye."

Sana could only nod, the weight of his words sinking in as she watched him stand up. She felt a hollow emptiness where her heart had been, the finality of his departure hitting her all at once. He walked to the door, hesitating for just a moment before turning to look at her one last time. Then, without another word, he left, leaving Sana alone with her shattered heart.

She sat there for a long time, staring at the spot where he had stood, trying to make sense of everything that had just happened. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't. All she knew was that he was gone, and the love they had shared, however brief, would linger in her heart forever.