Dawn's Story ll

DECEMBER 2002, WINTER BREAK

"I think we need to talk about that night," Ryan said out of the blue. We were sitting in his car, parked on that frontage road off 101 with a nice view of the San Mateo Bridge across the bay. It had been another quiet evening. Nothing was particularly wrong about it, but we'd been far less talkative with each other for the past week.

I already knew exactly which night he was talking about. Neither of us had even mentioned Dayna's blindfold party since it ended. I didn't ask if he enjoyed it. He didn't ask if I enjoyed it. I didn't ask how many girls he was with. He didn't ask me how many guys I was with. Maybe he thought I already knew exactly what he'd done, since I hadn't been blindfolded. Maybe he just didn't want to think about me with any other guys.

One thing was for certain. The party hadn't added any spice to our relationship. If anything, it had just made the whole thing far less stable. We weren't fighting over it or anything...

... But we weren't talking. Period.

I exhaled slowly and nodded. "Yeah. We do."

"Did you enjoy yourself?" he asked me warily, afraid of my answer.

I thought of my Sapphic caresses with Julie, Angela, and Kerri. I thought of fucking Alan and Brett. And I thought of Ben. I had been so thrilled while I had those moments to touch him, to feel him throbbing deep inside my mouth. But the mental anguish over it all wasn't worth that momentary happiness. I grimaced and looked down. And instead of answering him, I asked, "Did you?"

"I asked you first," he hedged.

I sighed and collected myself. "It had its moments. But if I could go back in time and make the choice again, I don't think I would have done it."

"Why not?"

Because it's torture to be this close to Ben and yet not truly be WITH him, I thought to myself. That was the whole point of our agreement not to make any sexual contact with each other. The temptation wouldn't be fair to either of us. It wasn't Ben's fault. I'd broken the rules. And I'd gotten hurt while he was probably oblivious to the whole thing.

But I couldn't tell Ryan that. I just winced and said, "It wasn't what I thought it would be."

Ryan nodded in agreement and looked forward, squeezing his hands a little tighter around the steering wheel.

"You?" I asked.

"Same. Wasn't what I thought it would be." He took a deep breath. "I admitted I was curious. When you first proposed this crazy thing, my conscience immediately said that we didn't need this. I love you Dawn, and only you."

"I know," I replied softly, closing my eyes in shame.

"But ... I was intrigued. It's not every day a guy gets asked by his girlfriend to fuck a bunch of other girls. I was horny. I admit that I wanted it. And while it was happening, I was thrilled."

"I know," I said softly again. I remembered the groans of pleasure and the expressions on his face, even through the blindfold. "You looked more turned on than you'd been with me since October, Ryan."

He sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I shook my head. "That was the point. It was just sex."

"I'm so sorry..."

I grumped, "Ryan, seriously. Stop with the apologizing. You were allowed to enjoy yourself."

"But you didn't."

"I did. I did," I waved. "There were parts that I enjoyed. I was certainly horny and turned on. And I had lots of nice orgasms. But it wasn't worth it. I'm not saying I totally regret going to that party. It was an experience I'll never forget, that's for sure. But it all just amounted to throwaway sex. It was meaningless. It was ... soulless fucking. And there's a limit to how much I could enjoy myself knowing that."

"Exactly!" Ryan sat up eagerly, excited for the moment. "Dawn, I love you. And as physically pleasurable as it all was, it didn't MEAN anything to me. It was an experience, sure. But it's not one that I'd ever want to repeat. With the blindfold and everything, I just felt kind of ... used, you know? I mean, I'm not a girl, but I do know what it feels like to be ogled as a piece of meat. And getting fucked while I don't even know who I'm with just felt, yeah, soulless."

I reached over and squeezed his hand. "Are you upset with me for talking you into going?"

"Dawn, no." Ryan looked at me softly. "I understood why you did. And I don't regret it. If anything, that night made me remember just how special you are to me."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Then why have you been so tense around me?" I exhaled. "I thought I'd ruined our relationship!"

"Ruined? No!" Ryan squeezed my hand back. "I'm sorry, Dawn. I thought YOU were mad at me. I definitely could tell you were a little unnerved after the whole thing. I was convinced you didn't enjoy yourself at all. And that made me feel sooo guilty for enjoying even a little bit. I didn't want you to get the impression I was all excited and happy and wanted to do it again right away."

I barked a short laugh of relief. "Is THAT it? You've been so cold and distant because you were worried I was mad at you?"

Ryan stammered nervously, "Uh, well, yeah."

I chuckled and quickly scooted across the bench seat, wrapping my man up in my arms. "Oh, Ryan. I thought you were mad at ME!"

He chuckled and squeezed me tight. "Oh, Dawn. I love you. I could never be truly mad at you."

I rolled my eyes and pecked his lips. "I'm gonna remember you said that."

He gave me a lopsided grin and said, "Sure thing. Just do me a favor."

"What's that?"

"The next time you're worried our relationship is getting stale, let's just talk about it and figure out how we can spice things up ourselves. Okay?"

I shook my head in disbelief. 6'2", handsome, muscular, gorgeous blue eyes, and the softness of a teddy bear. I had the perfect man.

"Okay, Ryan. Okay."

JANUARY 2003, FRESHMAN YEAR

I was floating on air as I walked with Ben up to our first class of the new semester. And for perhaps the first time, it had absolutely nothing to do with Ben himself.

I was falling in love.

I mean, I had always cared for Ryan. He'd been my boyfriend for over a year, and I'd grown to be quite attached to him. I had HATED feeling so lonely for those months when I was Ben's girlfriend but we were 500 miles apart. I'd been horny and even the best efforts of Brandi and my sisters hadn't been enough to keep me satisfied. And Ryan's arrival in my life had been so amazingly wonderful. He was kind and considerate and passionate. I'd gotten very used to his presence in my life, so much so that when he worked his ass off to get into Berkeley, JUST to be with me, I couldn't help but feel flattered and a little obligated. He'd given me so much and expected so little in return.

I'd stayed with Ryan so far because I needed him. I couldn't have Ben, and I would have gone crazy without having someone with me. The fact was: it felt really good to be loved. Yeah, I felt a little guilty for using him, stringing him along until Ben was ready for me. But I was weak. I was lonely. And Ryan gave me his entire world without pressure. He knew I didn't love him, but he kept trying anyways.

And this winter, he'd started to make me see that he really could make me happy. He visited my family for Christmas and brought me to his as well. Mom and Dad really took a shine to him, Ryan being polite and helpful and having excellent manners. He wasn't Ben, but then no one but Ben ever would be; my parents knew that.

For the first time, I started to think about a future with Ryan. He was hard-working, even if he wasn't the most apt student. He was graduating in another year and a half, on track to get a good job with a good career. And I didn't have to worry about him being a bum or financially being a burden to me. He didn't drink much and stayed away from drugs. He was an All-American Ken doll, and I couldn't find a major flaw in him. Thousands of girls would kill to land a prize like him for a husband.

We certainly looked good together, and I had a tingle of hope that we'd make beautiful blonde, blue-eyed babies someday. I even tossed around a few boy's names that started with 'R'. Nothing serious, but I was considering them.

And most importantly of all, Ryan made me feel good. Physically, he was a kind and considerate lover. He gave me wonderful orgasms and I felt so warm and protected in his strong embrace. He was a skillful masseuse too, and enjoyed giving me massages almost as much as I enjoyed getting them.

Emotionally, he was a wonderful listener without being a pest about it. He was available to me anytime I needed. He did a good job keeping his anger in check and we rarely had fights. We had compatible temperaments and enjoyed each other's company.

He had been perfect in every way but one: he wasn't Ben.

But Ben had Adrienne. Ben had a dozen other girls in his orbit. And Ben was still my best friend even though we were with different people. Maybe that's how things should be between us. Not having romantic complications certainly had made our relationship easier in many ways. And sometimes I wondered just why I was so obsessed with him. Was it because I was used to being in love with Ben? Or was I really in love with the IDEA of Ben? He was my destiny, right? At least, that what my parents had always told me.

Maybe it was time I opened my eyes and really took a hard look around me. Maybe it was time I really evaluated what I wanted to do with my life and with my future? The past was past. Nothing was going to go back and change that. But moving forward, WHO could really make me the happiest?

Ben understood me and loved me like we were already family. But he would forever have girls pulling at him and he would always be fighting his own temptations to stray. On the other hand, Ryan was ever-loyal and committed. Ten years down the road, which kind of guy would I prefer?

I hadn't ruled Ben out. I hadn't decided I would be with Ryan forever.

But ... I started to think about it. And the more I thought about it, the more I let Ryan into my heart.

And the more I let Ryan in, the more attentive he became, if that was even possible. For almost an entire month of Winter Break, it was just Ryan and me. No Ben. No school. No outside distractions. Just me and my boyfriend.

And I was falling in love.

That and I'd had such a wonderful orgasm this morning. It was the first Monday of the new semester, and I'd spent the last night of our Winter Break at Ryan's place in Hayward, taking the BART to school with him. I'd woken up early to find him grinding his big cock against my ass in his sleep, and feeling warm and cozy in his strong arms, I'd reached back to start stroking him with my hand.

Well, he woke up pretty fast. And a few minutes later my big, strong boyfriend was pinning me to the mattress with his turgid cock buried to the hilt inside me, filling me up so nicely. Missionary had always been my favorite position. I'd simply loved to feel my man's weight crushing me down, his bare chest against my big tits. And I came so beautifully when I felt Ryan's hot jism splashing down inside me.

I still had his spunk swimming around inside me right now, actually. And I giggled to myself as Ben and I headed up to class.

"You're in a good mood," Ben grumped, not quite awake.

"Yeah, I am," I smiled radiantly. But I tamped down on the smile. If I continued, Ben would ask me WHY I was in such a good mood, and I really didn't want to tell him it was because I'd gotten so wonderfully laid that morning. I just figured Ben wouldn't want to hear about that sort of thing.

I didn't have to worry. Ben was so out of it that he barely noticed. For all I knew, HE was so sleepy because he'd been up all night fucking Adrienne's brains out as well. Or Brandi's ... Or Dayna's ... Or all three of them ... That was just Ben being Ben.

In fact, Ben fell asleep in the middle of class. I rolled my eyes when he started drooling, and a naughty idea popped into my head. I knew I'd promised him I wouldn't do it anymore, but I was in such a goofy mood that I simply couldn't resist.

I moved my ball point pen over to his right hand ... centered it into position ... and DOWN!

"HRRRK!" Ben gritted his teeth just in time to prevent himself from screaming in the filled auditorium. His eyes flew wide open and he looked down at his hand as if he expected blood to be spurting out of it like a fountain.

Then he turned and glared at me.

I just grinned and turned forward to face the doddering, old professor as he wrapped up and dismissed the first class of the new semester.

Ben was still annoyed with me after we exited the building. Once we got some distance between us and anyone else, he grabbed my hand and jerked me to a stop. "Dawn, you promised you wouldn't do that anymore!" Ben hissed.

I smiled impishly at my best friend. "You should know better than to think I'll never poke you with my pen for the rest of our lives; I only keep real promises."

"Real promises?" He rubbed his sore hand while scowling in annoyance. "What, you mean how you kept your promise to Ryan not to stick my dick in your mouth?"

Holy SHIT! Ben KNEW? My eyes flew WIDE open and I gasped in absolute shock and terror, cupping a hand over my mouth.

Ben winced and grabbed my hand, instantly looking apologetic. "Oh. Dawn. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have said anything, but-"

"You knew?" I cut him off.

Ben sighed. "At Dayna's blindfold orgy? Yeah. I'm sorry. I wasn't intending to say anything."

I paled and asked, "How?"

"It's ... it's you, Dawn. Of course I knew." He looked away from me in shame.

I was still freaking out. Ohmigod-ohmigod-ohmigod. If Ben knew, who else knew? Well, DUH, all the girls who SAW you. Oh, SHIT! What if Ryan found out? "You won't tell Ryan, will you?" I whimpered.

Ben snapped his head around. "What? No! Of course not."

I saw the honest concern in Ben's eyes and relaxed, realizing that he would NEVER do anything like that if he knew it would hurt me. He probably would never have told me he'd figured it out if he hadn't been seething in pain and anger over the pen-thing. Looking apologetic, I gripped both of his hands and stepped in closely to my best friend. "I'm so sorry, Ben."

He snorted, his eyes rolling away as he seemed to be thinking of that night. "No need to apologize to me. I just kinda wish you'd finished me off."

"But it's not fair to you," I whimpered. "I don't know what I was thinking, but I shouldn't have done it. I cut you off from doing anything sexual with me and I can't be just ... taking from you when you're helpless like that and then cutting you off again."

"Dawn, Dawn. Relax. I'm fine." He looked me firmly in the eyes and then sighed. "Yeah, that whole night made me want you again, I'll admit. But that's just hormones and sex. You're still my best friend. You're still my Dawn."

"You're still my Ben," I said sweetly, blinking rapidly. He would ALWAYS be my Ben, my best friend. Even if I ultimately wound up with Ryan.

Then Ben grinned a little shit-eating grin. "And I have to admit, it's kinda nice knowing you still want me like that."

The smile vanished off my face. I was falling in love with Ryan. I didn't want to lead Ben on because really, I was starting to think that Ryan was my future, and I didn't want Ben to think that I wanted him like that anymore. "But we can't be together like that Ben, remember?"

He sighed and nodded. "I know, I know." Then he reached his hands up to my shoulders, twisting me in the direction of our next class while simultaneously sliding himself behind me. And then holding onto my hips gently, I felt him lean in and tenderly kiss the back of my neck.

"You're my Dawn ... forever."

Forever. The word ping-ponged around my brain. Forever is a looong time.

JANUARY 24, 2003, FRESHMAN YEAR

// Good morning, beautiful. How was your night? // Mine was wonderful with you by my side // And when I open my eyes and see your sweet face // It's a good morning beautiful day.

I hummed along with Steve Holy, unable to contain a happy smile. Ryan had burned this CD for me, filled with sweet love songs.

// I didn't see the light. I didn't know day from night // I had no reason to care // But since you came along I can face the dawn // Cause I know you'll be there.

Still with that happy smile, I managed to finish putting on my makeup. I was pretty happy with it. Rosy cheeks. Dark eyeliner. Blue eyeshadow to make my irises pop. My hair was piled high on my head and clipped in place with bobby pins that had little diamonds attached to them. And for once I was wearing a stylish cocktail dress that really pushed my big tits up and together, drawing one's attention to them and then down to my thin waist. I was fucking HOT and I knew it.

Ben confirmed it for me when I stepped out of the room and he immediately let out a long whistle. "Wow..." he drawled, then lay back across the couch and folded his arms behind his head as he admired me. I always knew Ben liked the way that I looked, but it had been a while since he expressed his appreciation so obviously.

"Dawn, you look amazing," he breathed.

I giggled and pirouetted for him, letting my dress hem twirl up to expose a little more leg while I smiled coyly at him. Yeah, it was good to be beautiful.

Adrienne also whistled. "I agree. What's the special occasion?"

"I don't know," I said breathlessly, still excited and still humming "Good Morning Beautiful" in my head. Maybe I could get Ryan to sing it to me in the morning... "Ryan just told me to dress up for tonight's date. Sometimes he can be sooo romantic."

Just then, the doorbell rang and I tittered excitedly. Adrienne just grinned and gave me another once over, clearly showing her lust for me with her eyes. If I didn't know better, I'd think she enjoyed checking me out more than she checked Ryan out. But I quickly forgot about Adrienne as I started for the door.

"Wait," Ben interrupted me. "Go into your room. I'll get the door and make him wait for your grand entrance."

I arched an eyebrow at my best friend but grinned. That was a GREAT idea. Smiling excitedly, I ducked back into my bedroom and did a quick little happy dance all by myself.

When I heard the Ben welcome Ryan inside, I pressed my ear to my bedroom door to listen in.

"Dude," Ben moaned. "You're gonna make the rest of us guys look bad."

"She's worth it." Ryan's response made my heart flutter and impossibly, I started smiling even wider.

"I know it," Ben answered with just the slightest hitch in his voice. "Just give her a minute. She's making sure she looks absolutely perfect."

"Dawn looks perfect every day of her life," Ryan sighed.

I started doing my happy dance again, but then I heard footsteps approaching and I stepped away from the door. Ben soon knocked, saying, "He's here. And yes, he's in a very romantic mood."

Out of sight of Ryan, I opened my door. I was so unbelievably happy and feeling so amazingly good that I impulsively reached out for Ben, taking his hand and pulling him toward me. Then I held his face and pecked his cheek with love and thanks and general good feelings.

Ben blushed, then stood up straight and smiled happily for me. "Have fun tonight."

I beamed. "I will."

I then exited the room and went into the living room to watch Ryan's jaw suitably drop to the floor. My boyfriend was positively studly in dark slacks and a blue button-down shirt that went really well with my dress. And I sizzled happily knowing that we'd somehow managed to coordinate our outfits without even trying.

Ryan then handed me a bouquet of pink roses, and I took them happily and pressed my nose into them, inhaling their sweet scent. Over the top of the flowers, I leveled my gaze at my boyfriend, my eyes hungrily saying, "You are SOOO getting lucky tonight."

He just smiled and moved up alongside me for a welcoming kiss. And then Adrienne was helpfully beside me to take the flowers out of my hands and put them into a vase for when I came back.

Arm-in-arm, my handsome boyfriend escorted me out of the house, wrapping my coat around me. And I stared adoringly at his face the entire way out to his car.

I was falling in love.

JANUARY 31, 2003, FRESHMAN YEAR

"Good lord, girl. Are you even wearing panties?" Ben looked me up and down, his eyes lustfully roving across my body and settling on my ass. I purposefully posed, showing off a bit and feeling a little thrill at getting such a reaction out of him.

And I SHOULD be getting a reaction out of him. After all, I wasn't wearing panties. The ultra-tight miniskirt molded to my body so well that I couldn't even get away with a thong, let alone full panties. No matter, I wouldn't be wearing them for long tonight as it was. I was in a mood. And Ryan was going to have to stock up on fluids to keep up with me.

"Why? Wanna find out?" I teased Ben as I turned and wiggled my panty-less ass in his direction.

"It's pretty cold out there, isn't it?" he said skeptically.

I shrugged. "I'm bringing a jacket on our date."

Ben rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest. "Well? You freeballing it or what?"

"I don't have balls. You should know that."

"You know what I mean."

"I'm naked and bare underneath..." I crooned seductively before giggling. "I'm just trying to be a good girlfriend for my boyfriend."

"Don't remember you going out without underwear when we were dating," he grumped.

"We barely dated outside of summer camp. And getting me naked was never difficult." I smirked. I was very, very tempted to flash him right then and there, to see how he reacted. Like I said, I was in a mood. I'd also freshly shaven my pussy, and I tingled every time I felt the slightest puff of air against my bare labia. But before I could do something that reckless, Ben shook his head and walked into the living room. I gathered myself back up and headed into my room to double-check my appearance.

Ryan had better hurry. I was horny enough to fuck him in the car.

FEBRUARY 2003, FRESHMAN YEAR

"Almost home. It's been such a LONG day..." I bumped my hip into Ben's, knocking him off balance while we went around the final turn towards the house.

"Whatever," he sighed.

"Come ON, Ben." I patted my best friend's arm. "You used to be so excited to head back!"

Ben snorted. "That's when I had a loving girlfriend waiting for me at home."

I frowned. "Today's Tuesday. Adrienne's usually home because Grace has that late class or something, right?"

Ben furrowed his eyebrows in confusion before perking up and smiling. "It's Tuesday? I totally thought today was Wednesday."

"You wish." I giggled and shook my head. "You must have had an even longer day than me."

"Don't ask," he said wearily.

I was concerned for Ben. Just as my relationship seemed to be taking off, I'd slowly been seeing his crumble ever since we got back to school. I tightened my arm around his, pulling him closely and rubbing my shoulder against his. "Still, it does seem like Adrienne's never home anymore. And if it bugs you that much, why haven't you talked to her about it?"

Ben shrugged. "I'm not the smothering-type. Adrienne's entitled to hang out with her friends."

"'Hang out' is one thing. But you're her boyfriend. You deserve some quality time, too."

He looked at me defensively. "She comes home every night. And it's not like I'm not getting laid often enough."

I sighed. "There's more to a relationship than sex. You two used to spend every available minute together. Last semester, I know you spent the whole day with me because your schedule and hers didn't line up at all. But once you got home, you couldn't get enough of each other. But lately?"

Ben sighed. "I know ... And I miss her..."

"You should. It reminds you that you still love her. With how much time the two of you spend apart, start worrying the minute you don't miss her."

He smiled and patted my hand that was still wrapped around his arm. "You're right. I need to talk to her. Communication, right?"

I nodded and Ben went into the house. Ryan, Adrienne, Paige, and Gwen were already present and waved to us as we entered. Almost immediately, Paige got off the couch and ran over to Ben, jumping into his arms for a hug. "Hiya, Ben!"

I rolled my eyes as Ben greeted the little redhead, and scowled beneath my breath. I liked Paige enough as a friend, but her obsessive crush with Ben had not gone away in the past six months or so. He was still her white knight, and she a doting little sister to make him feel big brother-ish. But something about her made me uncomfortable. Paige was the lost puppy constantly following Ben around, clearly in love with him. But it was just as clear that he didn't love her in that way; and I didn't like that she wouldn't take the hint and back off. Something about her just screamed "unstable stalker" to me, and I was worried that somehow Ben was going to get hurt by her.

I could see it. Why couldn't he? But I didn't have anything concrete, just a feeling. And it wasn't my place to shut Paige out of our lives. After all, Ben clearly liked her.

Still, right now, I needed Ben to take my advice and talk to Adrienne. Now was a time to work on his relationship, to keep HIM happy, which was all that really mattered to me.

"Hey, wanna go on a nugget run with me?" Ben asked Adrienne.

"Ooh! Can I come?" Paige wormed her way in.

Adrienne looked up and shrugged, replying, "Let Paige go with you. I just want to finish this up before I go anywhere."

I scowled again, thinking of a way to intervene on Ben's and Adrienne's behalf. But Ben beat me to it. "Really, A.D. I wanted to take a walk with you," he said seriously. "Sorry, Red."

Good for you, Ben. Good for you.

FEBRUARY 15, 2003, FRESHMAN YEAR

"Oh, hey guys." I stood in the entryway, blinking in obvious surprise at the scene before me. Ben was eating a bowl of cereal. No problem. The bathroom shower was running, likely Adrienne.

But Paige was sitting at the table with Ben, dressed in nothing but one of Ben's button-down shirts with a well-satisfied and well-fucked expression on her face, and her hair mussed up from bed. THAT part of the scene, I wasn't quite expecting.

Paige stared right at me, a smug expression on her face. And matter-of-factly, as if she wanted to rub it in, she stated, "Yes, I spent the night with Ben. And yes, he popped my cherry. Any questions?"

Ooh, Paige could be cuttingly evil when she wanted to be. It made me wonder what other devilish impulses she was hiding beneath her innocent schoolgirl façade. My jaw just waggled up and down a couple of times with no sounds coming out. But I recovered as quickly as I could. "Uh, okay." I focused on moving into the kitchen, opening up the refrigerator.

At first, I grabbed the box of eggs. But with a shaky hand, I let go of it and realized I was in too much shock to actually cook something. So I grabbed the milk and set about making my own bowl of cereal. Damn that smug look on Paige's face. It was as if she KNEW I wasn't her biggest fan when it came to Ben, and she was showing off like an insolent brat.

I sat down at the table and took two bites before I found my voice again. I sat up straight, darting my eyes back and forth between Ben and Paige before finally turning to him with a stern expression. Without actually speaking, I told my best friend under no uncertain terms: 'You and me need to talk.'

Ben blanched at first, but then nodded. He knew I was dead serious. But in the meantime, I would have to play nice with Paige. She was Ben's lover now, and that meant I'd have to learn to co-exist with her until I could show him that this was a BAD idea. At the same time, I wanted to dig for details. So smiling sweetly, I put a happy expression on my face and asked, "Did I ever tell you Ben took my virginity, too?"

"No. Really?" Paige was instantly perky and into gossip mode. But there was a tightness to her eyes that betrayed her wariness about me. Our words sounded happy but there was an underlying tension between us. Sitting right next to Paige, Ben was completely oblivious. Men. I'm sure he had NO clue right now that I was NOT happy.

But I played the game. Smiling, I nodded to Paige. "Back when we were sixteen. It was beautiful. How about you? How'd it go?"

"Perrrfect!" Paige exclaimed brightly, that smug expression back. "It was even better than I imagined!"

Feeling uncomfortable, Ben just stood up and shook his head, abandoning his bowl of cereal. I knew this discussion of lost virginities would scare him away.

Once Ben was gone, I half-thought of dropping the pretense and warning the little shit to stay the FUCK away from my best friend. She was a leech who wouldn't give him anything but headaches. She didn't have the maturity to deal with a relationship like this, and somehow, someway, I knew she'd get into shit WAY over her head and need Ben to rescue her again. Only the next time, he might not be able to do it without getting hurt himself. Shit, was the girl even protected? The last thing I wanted was a knocked up Paige, carrying MY Ben's baby. THAT would royally fuck up our futures.

But I couldn't drop the pretense yet. I didn't have enough information, and I needed to know just what was going through Paige's little head. And fuck? Was I even supposed to have a future with Ben anymore? My relationship with Ryan was going so well!

I sighed, looking at the smug grin on Paige's face. I was dying inside.

FEBRUARY 18, 2003, FRESHMAN YEAR

"So how does it work?" I hooked my thumbs through the shoulder straps of my backpack. It was the first day of class since Valentine's, and therefore the first time Ben and I could spend a protracted amount of time alone together. He'd spent all weekend holed up in his bedroom with his newly de-virginized girlfriend. But on school days, he was all mine, walking to classes and sharing lunch and spending all his time with me.

I had every intention of grilling Ben about this new development with Paige. But I wouldn't actually grill him. That would put him on the defensive and it would be harder to find out what I wanted to know. So I'd have to do it a little more sneakily.

"I don't know yet," he replied. "This is all so new."

"You've dated two girls before. With ... ah ... Megan and Cassidy, right?"

"But this is completely different."

"Why?"

And we were off. Ben talked about different personalities and the difference of being in a triple versus two separate relationships. I gritted my teeth, seeing as how Ben wasn't carrying on a cohesive three-way relationship. This two "separate" relationships just screamed disaster to me. When one relationship pulled in a different direction from the other, which would Ben choose? This was exactly why I couldn't be in a three-way relationship with Ben and Adrienne. I liked Adrienne, but we weren't in love with each other. We would HAVE to share Ben in two different directions, and I knew eventually Adrienne and I would tear each other apart, whether we liked it or not.

I tried to ask if Paige would be okay with Ben's extra-curricular sex life. I knew that would be a big deal-breaker to most. But Paige was totally accepting of it. Hell, she even accepted Brandi. I'd have thought the incest thing would be totally against her religion, but according to Ben, she quoted some obscure Bible history to explain it away.

"Huh?" I looked at Ben like he'd just spoken Chinese. Something about Moabites and ammonia ... I think.

Ben smiled and shook his head. "Nevermind. The point is: Paige is fine with it."

I whistled. "How do you find these girls, Ben?"

"I have no idea. They always seem to find me."

Later that evening, Ben and I returned to the house, expecting to see Brandi or Dayna in the kitchen and Adrienne waiting eagerly for her boyfriend.

Not today.

The place seemed absolutely deserted. Ryan had a group project tonight and he would be heading straight home when it was done, so I wouldn't be meeting MY boyfriend. Bert had made plans to "study" at Robin's dorm room. And Gwen had been spending more and more time with her new boyfriend Rick and his group of friends. And of course, if Adrienne wasn't here, she was probably with Grace.

I'd seen Adrienne drifting away from Ben for the past several weeks. I scowled, thinking of how Adrienne was just foisting Paige on Ben to keep him distracted, and he probably didn't even realize it. This whole 2-girlfriend thing was NOT going to work out. And the fact that Ben couldn't see it made me so mad that a part of me wanted to deliberately NOT help him pick up the pieces when it fell apart, just so he might learn from his mistakes.

Ben looked at me and arched an eyebrow. It took me a second to realize he was referring to the empty house. "Weird, huh?"

I nodded. Well, more time to grill Ben. "So much has changed since last semester," I commented. "That's cool. I'll make us something for dinner."

With that, we headed to our respective bedrooms to drop off our bags, but when we got outside the doors, a low, feminine moan quite obviously wafted out from Ben's bedroom.

Ben and I froze, and then I arched an eyebrow in surprise. "Did Adrienne bring Grace by again?"

Ben shook his head in the negative. "That was Paige."

Another moan flittered through. I gasped and rolled my eyes. "And THAT was Dayna."

Ben immediately twisted the knob and pushed the door open. A chorus of musical giggles started up and then both he and I poked our heads in. My jaw dropped immediately.

"Hi, Ben!" Paige chirped happily. The little redhead was completely naked and perched on all fours. Lying beside her was an equally naked Brandi, flat on her back and panting at the ceiling with Paige's left hand still rubbing her breast. And between Brandi's legs was Dayna while my naked, busty blonde sister slowly pumped a glass dildo in and out of her best friend's snatch.

The three girls all turned to look at us, and Paige continued, "Dayna's showing me how to eat pussy. I've done it before, but she's teaching me things I never even imagined!"

"Don't let her fool you," Dayna laughed to Ben. "Your little redhead is a natural."

My jaw dropped. Was the little rat worming her way through the rest of my family? Paige sat upright on her knees, opening her arms to her boyfriend invitingly. "Come play with us, Ben! The girls were just telling me about creampies. I've never done it before. And wouldn't it just be so... sinful ... for me to suck your semen out of your big sister?"

"But don't swallow it. Keep it in your mouth and then feed it back to me on your tongue. That's 'snowballing'," Brandi added in a husky voice.

I could see the way Ben's erection was tenting his shorts. Already I knew he was going to dive in, dick first. And I sighed in resignation. Nothing I could do from here on out.

But Ben stopped and turned to me, a hopeful smile on his face. "Come join us?"

I shook my head, unable to totally conceal my frustration. "Nah. You go ahead. Your girls are waiting," I replied dispiritedly.

Ben pouted as his eyes roamed up and down my body. We hadn't even been naked around each other since Dayna's blindfold party. And he didn't even get to see me that time. "C'mon ... It'll be fun. Aren't you the least bit curious about Paige?"

"Yeah! C'mon!" Paige encouraged eagerly, a wicked smile on her face.

My eyes flashed at the petite redhead, uncontrollable hatred pouring out of me. If looks could kill, I would have executed her on the spot. She hadn't done anything to me, but my gut instinct told me that her very presence was a bad idea. She looked like an innocent little Catholic girl, but I was convinced she was really the Antichrist.

Still, I couldn't keep Ben from his pussy. So I turned and hugged my best friend, my lips moving around to tenderly peck the back of his neck. "Go have fun. I'll have dinner ready when you guys are done."

And then I turned and headed into my own bedroom, trying not to think of the orgy to come.

APRIL 2003, FRESHMAN YEAR

"Don't let it bother you, babe. Ben's a big boy," Ryan said soothingly as his strong hands stroked up and down my naked back. I was topless and facedown on my bed, my arms folded underneath my chin. I tried to focus on the sensations Ryan was giving me, but I couldn't quiet my mind down.

"Paige is a poison. She's not good for him, but he won't listen to me. And because of her, he's losing Adrienne. She's falling in love with GRACE, of all people."

"Well, you did say she decided she was lesbian."

"'Mostly lesbian'. She still loves Ben."

"Whatever. It's her call. And it's THEIR relationship. It's not your place to interfere."

"He's my best friend. Of course it's my place to interfere," I sighed.

"And I'm your boyfriend. How come I don't warrant this kind of concern?"

I frowned and rolled onto my back. Ryan's eyes yo-yoed down to my naked breasts, which jiggled and stayed pretty upright despite me lying flat on my back. And when his eyes tracked up to mine, he could see that I was looking at him adoringly. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that just when I think you're starting to love me-"

"Ryan..." I was close. I was SO close to telling him those three little words. But I held back, not entirely sure why.

He sighed. "Sometimes I just think you spend so much effort worrying about Ben's relationships and not enough on ours."

"What do you want from me? I spend a LOT of time on us. We do everything together as often as we can together. Ben and I just talk when going from point A to point B. Nothing more."

He sighed. "How do I know that?"

"Ryan!" I put on a hurt expression. "After everything we've been through. And after me finally opening up and letting you into my heart, you doubt me?"

He bit his lip nervously, looking away. "No, of course not."

He was lying. There was still a niggling of doubt in him and I knew there would ALWAYS be a niggling of doubt, as long as Ben was my best friend. Ryan was just too threatened by Ben to ever completely relax. Shaking my head, I rolled onto my stomach again, resting my cheek against my arms.

"You know, I wasn't going to bring this up, but I found something the other day," he said wearily.

I arched an eyebrow. "Found what?"

Ryan sighed and stroked my naked spine. "I didn't mean to snoop. Honestly, I wasn't. But you'd left your jewelry box open and a silver bracelet caught my attention."

I pursed my lips and put my head down. I knew exactly which silver bracelet he was talking about: the one with "Ben Forever" stenciled on it. Not looking at my boyfriend, I asked innocently, "Oh?"

"I thought you threw it out."

"I never said that."

"I thought you would."

"He's my friend; nothing more."

"Then you can throw it out."

"I won't do that, Ryan." I kept my gaze straight ahead, not looking at him. I had gotten tense all over, but there was no question about this one. I was NOT throwing away that bracelet.

Ryan sighed and went quiet. He wasn't the type of guy to get all petty about it, whining 'If you really love me' or some bullshit like that. But I could still feel the sentiment coming back from him. He was hurt, and I didn't know how to make him feel better about it.

I turned onto my side, letting my naked breasts spill out in front of him again. Looking my boyfriend dead in the eye, I told him sincerely, "Ben is a dear friend, but I chose YOU to be my boyfriend. I care a great deal about you. And you have to believe that you mean a lot to me."

Ryan sat on his heels, pushing himself upright. His bare chest tightened as he tensed his whole body. His crystal clear blue eyes burned brightly, and they bored right down into the depths of my soul. "I more than just care about you, Dawn," he rasped, his volume rising. "You don't mean a lot to me. You mean everything to me. You're more than my world; you're my universe. You are every season of the year. You are the warmth of Summer, basking me with the brilliance of your beauty. You are the melancholy of Autumn, causing me worry as if every falling leaf is a part of you I'm losing. And you are the starkness of Winter, leaving me cold and lonely in your absences. But you are also the hope of Spring, filling my senses with the bloom of love, so that I might hope for the brilliant warmth of Summer again. You are my sunrise and sunset; and at night I eagerly await the new coming of the Dawn."

I just blinked in astonishment at what he'd just said. Ryan could be romantic, but he'd never come up with anything like that. Especially off the cuff. "Wow..." I gasped.

He panted as if out of breath, and then a goofy grin spread across his face as he blushed in embarrassment. That little speech had been TOTALLY out of character for my usually macho man who didn't talk about his feelings.

Ryan wasn't known for his sense of humor, but he looked rather cute right now. "Guess my Modern Poetry class rubbed off on me," he said sheepishly. "Sorry it wasn't very good."

"No, no," I breathed. "I loved it." And then smiling broadly, I lay back and stretched my arms out to my boyfriend, beckoning him to me with my hands, eyes, and tits. "Come here."

He hesitated, but a quick glance at my erect nipples made his decision for him. Ryan crawled over me until I grabbed behind his shoulders and pulled him down, crushing his bare chest against my bare boobs. I sought his mouth with my own and let my tongue come out to run along his upper lip. "C'mon, babe. Why don't we get these shorts off you and I'll show you just how much I want to be with you, and only you."

Ryan pulled his mouth away and he looked at me intently. "Only me?"

He already knew the answer. I'd not only given up Ben or any other men, but I'd also given up other women. I hadn't had sex with Dayna or Brandi or Adrienne or ANYONE else this semester. Except for a few small little romps with Dayna and DJ over Winter Break (that of course, Ryan didn't know about), neither of us had done anything sexual with anyone but each other since Dayna's blindfold party. And that's the way we intended it to be for the foreseeable future. It was the way Ryan wanted it. One man. One woman. Dedicated, monogamous, and committed.

So I kissed my boyfriend again, looked him in the eyes, and said confidently, "Only you."

Ryan flowed into my arms then, his muscular biceps pushing like steel into the backs of my arms as he squeezed me in his grasp. He nibbled on my lower lip while I licked my tongue across his upper. Then he sucked my tongue inside as I moaned and pressed my face a little harder against his. I'd already started to get wet just hearing him talk about how I was his everything. But now I was soaking my panties as I felt my strong, masculine boyfriend passionately consuming me.

My fingers slid through his hair as I pulled my head away and back so that he could nibble down my neck. He couldn't help himself as he almost sloppily slathered his lips, teeth, and tongue along my skin. I kinda liked it when Ryan lost his finer skills of lovemaking. The physical pleasure might not be quite as good, but the mental thrill of knowing he loved me SO much that he was losing control more than made up for any deficiencies.

A hand came up and roughly grabbed at my boob. My own hand reached into the back of his jeans, gripping that rock hard ass. Many a girl on campus had ogled my boyfriend's fabulous ass. But I was the one gripping a bare buttcheek in my palm.

Soon, Ryan kissed his way down my chest to swirl his tongue around one of my rock-hard nipples. He suckled several inches of titflesh into his mouth while his hands went to the button on my skirt, fumbling a few times before he got it open and then pulled the zipper down. I lifted my hips to help him as he dragged the skirt and my soaked thong panties away, leaving me gloriously naked before his heated gaze.

I loved these moments, lying naked beneath my lover. I felt so vulnerable and yet so adored at the same time, watching his eyes rove all over my body. My skin tingled and goosebumps formed wherever his gaze fell. And when his eyes finally tracked up to mine, I pointedly looked at his crotch and Ryan grinned as he started to work off his own jeans and underwear.

I sat up and my hands went to Ryan's cock as soon as he freed it. "Beautiful," I groaned as I caressed it's length, feeling the juxtaposition between hard rigidity and baby-soft smoothness. He throbbed and twitched against my fingers' caress. I just HAD to feel him in my mouth.

There are few things more satisfying for a girl than hearing her man moan in mixed agony and ecstasy. A thrill shot up and down my spine as Ryan made that moan, his fingers raking through my hair as his hands gripped my head with urgent need. I felt like I could feel his heartbeat pulsing against my tongue as I surrounded him with my hot warmth.

But as much as I loved this feeling, I craved even more. I pulled my head away and lay back across the bed, once again beckoning my man to me. "Come to me," I urged.

Ryan blinked and hesitated for a brief second. He started to duck down between my thighs, intent on returning the favor. Bless his heart, Ryan went down on me almost every single time we had sex, the only exceptions being our unplanned quickies. But as his head descended, I grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up my body. "I'm already soaked for you, babe," I groaned. "You can do it to me later."

He smiled and nodded. One thing that made Ryan unique among all the other guys I'd known or even heard about, he'd still eat me out even if he came in my pussy. Not even Ben would willingly do that. Sure, Ben really got off watching another girl eat a creampie out of me, but he'd only reluctantly do it himself.

But this evening wasn't about Ben. It was about ME. And it was about Ryan, the man who loved me with every fiber of his being. I could see it in his eyes. I could feel it in his touch. And I could REALLY feel his love as that big weapon of his started pushing into my body.

"Ohhh..." I groaned as he began filling me up. Ryan wasn't lunging into me this time, skewering me with a single powerful thrust. He eased himself in, keeping up a steady and constant pressure as I felt each successive inch of his cock stretch the walls of my vaginal tunnel. And with every passing second, I felt the heavenly fullness becoming better and better and better.

"Oh, gawd, Dawn," Ryan grunted into my ear, sounding as if he were dying of pleasure.

"Oh, Ryan..." I moaned in return. I hooked my arms around the back of his shoulders and tugged his chest back down onto me, so that my tits and his pecs were as pressed together as they would ever be. I raised my legs and crossed my ankles behind his waist, digging my heels into his ass to drive him even deeper.

When we were fully enjoined, he turned his face to mine and we met in another sloppy kiss. And halfway through it, he retracted his hips, pulling almost all the way out of me before reversing course and gently, but insistently, pushing his way back in.

"Oh, Ryan..." I moaned again, knowing he loved it when I called him by name.

"Oh, Dawn..." he whimpered, settling into a steady rhythm. He pushed himself off my chest, supporting his weight on his elbows so that he wouldn't crush me. I inhaled sharply, taking full breaths for the first time since before he entered me. But I could still feel his chest rubbing against my sensitive nipples and I'm sure he could feel them scraping against him as well.

I loved this. I loved this feeling. Sex with Ben had been special, and I'd never felt orgasms as intense or even a connection as deep with Ryan as I had with Ben. But I still loved this. Ryan was fully and completely devoted to me. He loved me, and it felt good to be loved.

"Love me, babe," I groaned. And I was rewarded with Ryan's next powerful thrust.

"Love me," I repeated, arching my back and driving my hips up to capture his entire cock. I clenched my pussy muscles around his shaft and pulled him back down to the mattress with me, so that when I settled flat again he was all the way inside me once more.

Somehow, his skin beneath my hands flushed and felt even hotter than before. We'd both heated up as we'd exerted our bodies for this fuck, but his temperature was even greater than that. My body felt warmer as well, as if the love I was unleashing from my heart was also flooding my body with extra heat. And suddenly every square inch of my skin was tingling.

"Ohmigod," I gasped, feeling the surge of energy through my body. THIS was the difference in the pleasure between what I'd done with Ben and what I'd been doing with Ryan up until now. It wasn't necessarily that Ben was doing things to me that Ryan couldn't match. It was that I'd never completely opened up to Ryan like I had with Ben. It was more than physical sensation; it was the connection I felt to my lover. And right now, in this very moment, I could feel Ryan ALMOST getting me to the same point.

"Fuck me, Ryan," I urged, desperately, yearning for that incredible peak to come. "FUCK ME."

He moved immediately, pulling back and then ramming his big dick deep into my body.

"FUCK ME," I grunted again, my voice asking him to thrust even harder. And he did.

"Oh, Dawn," Ryan groaned, his face tensing up as the pleasure started to overtake his body. We'd been going for little more than five minutes, but despite my man's usual control, he was losing it and fast.

I didn't care. I was groaning and gasping and Ryan's wonderful cock was throbbing while he stabbed into me over and over and over again. My hips were kicking off the bed and my legs clenching while my lover pounded me with every ounce of energy he had, hammering his hips as he desperately tried to cram even more of himself into me with every thrust.

"FUCK ME!" I screamed. "FUCK ME!"

"I LOVE YOU, DAWN!" he yelled.

"FUUUCK!" I yelled right back.

"I LOVE YOU!" he repeated.

"FUCK ME!!!"

His whole body jerked as his hips slammed into me one final time. And a victorious growl burned up from his throat. "HRRRRGHHHH!!!"

Sooo close. It was wonderful. It was great.

But it wasn't quite the same. Not yet.

Still, the pleasure overtook my body and sent me into orgasm. I threw my head back as I felt the explosion deep inside my body. His liquid expression of love poured out of him like a fire hose to fill me up even more than I believed possible. The sensations were too intense, too overwhelming to keep controlled, and I shrieked in my own expression of mixed agony and ecstasy as my climax roared out to meet his. "RYYAAAANNNN!!!"

His body bucked, firing another blast inside me. I felt each pulse of his cock expanding in time with the impacts against my inner walls. They hit me with little starbursts of pleasure that exploded in my brain. I wanted the feelings to continue forever. I wanted this moment to never end.

And then Ryan fell on top of me. He'd collapsed, crushing me beneath him so wonderfully. We both gasped for oxygen, me having to struggle a bit with more than 200 pounds of man crushing my chest. But I got what air I needed and my heart rate gradually slowed.

Ryan turned his head and kissed my forehead while I nuzzled my nose against his neck. I hummed happily and squeezed all four limbs around his body, holding his comforting weight on top of me for just a little longer.

This was great.

But he still wasn't my Ben.

MAY 19, 2003, FRESHMAN YEAR

Ben looked mighty pleased with himself when I met up with him for lunch. While most of our classes were the same, they ALL weren't, and he'd had a morning final while I'd slept in.

Ben had always been an excellent student. He had an eidetic memory or something, being able to recall pretty much anything he ever read. It was unfair sometimes, but I couldn't hold his gift against him. And I assumed the self- satisfied expression on his face had something to do with that morning's exam.

"You're looking good," I drawled from the bar stool where I was waiting for him. "Ace your final?"

Ben shook his head, still grinning goofily.

I knew the look. It was the 'I got laid' look. And then I remembered where Ben was last night. "Ah. Something to do with your little anniversary date with Adrienne?"

Ben nodded. "I gave her a promise ring last night."

What? I nearly choked on my soda. "Excuse me?" I sputtered.

Ben laughed, patting my back to help with the choking. "A promise ring. Remember those?"

It took a few seconds for me to regain my composure. When I did, I took a deep breath and gave my best friend a serious look. "Are you sure Adrienne's that kind of girl?"

"I'm sure she's my kind of girl."

Oh, this was BAD. Ben wasn't ready for this kind of commitment. "But a promise ring is pretty serious, Ben. You're still nineteen."

He shrugged like it was no big deal. "Relax. It's not like we got engaged or anything. But with Adrienne dating Grace and me dating Paige at the same time, it seemed the perfect opportunity to remind Adrienne just how special she is to me. We've been through a lot."

I looked at him skeptically. "I know. But a promise ring? Adrienne? Seriously?"

"What? Jealous?"

"No!" I said very quickly. For some reason, I thought of my 'Ben Forever' bracelet. It was still in my jewelry box. "Of course not. I'm happy for you."

Ben grinned. "Good. And don't feel threatened, Dawn." He slapped my back encouragingly. "You know I'll always be your Ben."

"Forever," I mumbled mournfully, looking away. Was this it? Was this really the end of me and Ben? I felt like crying.

It was really unfair for Ben to spring that on me right before a final. I knew he was happy for himself, but couldn't he see how much that news affected me? FUCK. Stupid Ben. Stupid boys. Always selfishly thinking of themselves and never paying attention how they might affect the people around them.

Not that I should be affected. After all, Ben was highlighting exactly how much our relationship had changed. We were best friends, not lovers anymore. Why shouldn't he want to share his happiness with me? Wasn't that what best friends did? He was dedicating himself to Adrienne. And I was in love with Ryan. Everything was peachy-keen, right?

[thump]

I had just stepped into my bedroom, Ben and I having returned to the house from our afternoon final. I looked over to the source of the loud thump and saw that Ben's bedroom door was open, so I went over to investigate. I took one look at the scene and gasped.

Ben was to the right, and the look of absolute shock and anguish on his face was unmistakable. Adrienne and Grace were to the left, the two girls holding hands firmly. Adrienne's body posture was all wrong, definitely not looking happy. As I entered in, she picked her head up, her red-rimmed eyes showing that she'd been crying and still was crying. Her hazel irises were a murky yellow, and she glanced over at me for a brief moment. Then licking her lips, Adrienne winced and turned to set down a gold ring with small diamonds onto the nightstand.

The cool metal band hit the wooden surface with a surprisingly loud bass [thunk]. It certainly sounded much heavier than it appeared to be, or maybe that was just in my head. But there was no imagining the pain and anguish in Adrienne's voice as she cracked out, "I'm sorry, Ben. I love you. But I just can't do this."

Without another word or thought, Adrienne suddenly turned and strode straight at me, practically dragging Grace with her. The pair of them bumped me in their hurry to get out of the house, and then moments later they were gone.

Another [thump] brought my attention back into the room. Ben had sunk onto his knees. My heart went out to him as he closed his eyes, bent his head, and sobbed his heart out.

Holy shit. I covered my mouth in shock, just trying to process everything that just happened. Clearly, Adrienne hadn't taken Ben's promise ring very well. I'd known she didn't want some permanent commitment with him, but didn't think she'd leave with Grace over him. Wouldn't they have talked about this sort of thing before Ben sprung some grand gesture on her? How did I not see this coming?

How did I not know Ben was THIS close to committing to another girl? That I was THIS close to losing him forever? Belatedly, I realized that Ben and I really hadn't talked much about his relationship with Adrienne this past semester, or his relationship with Paige either, for that matter. I mean, we talked. But we didn't talk that much, especially in the last month after Ryan asked me to concentrate more on him.

So I hadn't known just where Ben's relationships were going. Maybe his little fling with Paige was on the verge of cracking, too. But for all I knew, he was ready to propose to the little witch.

Presently, Ben finally collected himself and rocked back into a full squat, rubbing his knees before standing upright. He looked up at me, and then slowly walked right to me.

This was it. I had been so afraid I'd lost my Ben when he gave that promise ring to Adrienne. But she'd turned him down, just like she promised she would. She'd set him free. She was letting him finally return to ME.

My heart thudding in my chest, I reached out to him. I wanted to hug him and hold him and tell him everything would be alright. My best friend, my Ben, looked like a shell of the man he used to be. I NEEDED to somehow make everything alright. And I NEEDED him to know I wanted him back. FINALLY.

But Ben ignored my outstretched arm and walked right past me, heading out into the hallway. He stopped and looked at the closed front door, staring at it for what felt like an entire minute.

Ben was a statue, and I nervously looked around. Paige, Ryan, Bert, and Robin were all already in the house, hanging out to study since none of them had an afternoon final today. And when Ben finally turned around, the four of them looked at him in wonder and curiosity.

To this day, I don't think I'll ever understand exactly what was going through Ben's head after that. His face was expressionless. There were no indications he was about to do what he did next. And so he caught us ALL by surprise.

None were more surprised than Gwen. She had been in the bathroom for this entire time, and she came to a dead stop when she came out to find six people staring at her. Her mouth opened slightly and she quickly glanced around at all six of us, silently standing around the hallway. "Uh, what's going on?"

Without warning, Ben reached out and grabbed Gwen's arm, yanking her abruptly through his bedroom doorway and slamming the door shut before I could even react.

"Ben!" I called in alarm. I quickly jiggled the doorknob, only to find that he'd already locked them inside.

"Ben! What's going on?" Paige rushed up and called plaintively as well.

Nothing greeted us but the sounds of two bodies landing on the bed. And I frantically jiggled the doorknob even harder.

"Ben!" Gwen gasped, loud enough for us to overhear. "What's going on?" Moments later, she squealed, "Oh, SHIT!"

Realization dawned on me as to what Ben and Gwen were doing in there. My eyes flew open wide and I clapped a hand over my mouth again in shock. The others were crowding around me, and one by one, they seemed to realize it as well.

"Ben!" Gwen squealed, confirming our guesses. "Ben we can't do this! I'm a slut! Not a cheater!"

"You wanna stop?" Ben growled. "Just say 'stop'."

Gwen didn't. And then there were no more cries except for those of two people royally fucking each other's brains out.

The sounds of sex died out after about an hour or so. An hour of pure, non-stop fucking. Sometimes I forgot just how much of a machine Ben could be when he got going.

It was almost another two hours before Gwen finally opened the door, still wobbly on her feet. Robin and I rushed to her, helped her into the bathroom, and got her cleaned up. Then Robin took her back to the dorms. I, on the other hand, went into the bedroom to check on Ben.

Despite everything, there was still a look of infinite sadness on his face. He was asleep and flat on his back, and I covered him with a blanket while sliding onto the bed. I pulled his head into my lap, looking down with concern at him while stroking his hair back from his forehead and along his scalp. I couldn't imagine the torment going through his mind in the aftermath of what Adrienne had done.

About twenty minutes later, he stiffened and seemed to wake. I increased the firmness of my stroking, urging him to remain calm. His eyes stayed closed as he just lay there and enjoyed my touch. And without needing to open his eyes and recognize me, he asked, "What time is it, Dawn?"

"Almost nine. PM," I answered. "You've been asleep for more than two hours."

He cracked his eyes open and stared at me for a long few moments. "Where's Gwen?"

I told him and we had a short discussion about what Gwen would make of all this. I wasn't sure, but while Gwen had been surprised by what happened, she didn't seem angry. For his part, Ben didn't seem to understand why he'd grabbed Gwen, either.

The conversation then turned to Adrienne, and almost immediately Ben started sobbing. Not wanting to let Ben devolve into self-flagellation, I grabbed his cheeks and stared down at his face. "Hey!" I barked loudly to get his attention.

In surprise, he blinked his eyes open and stared at me. Satisfied that I'd momentarily distracted him away from his sorrows, I asked, "You want something to eat? We ordered pizza and there're plenty of leftovers."

Ben winced and then shook his head. He closed his eyes again as I went back to stroking his forehead. At least right now he didn't look like he was going to become hysterical again.

"Ahem." Ryan's voice from the doorway drew both of our attentions. He was dressed to spend the night with me. We'd already planned it since he had a morning final. "You coming back out?" my boyfriend asked warily.

I glanced down at Ben. My best friend — my Ben — was unhappy, and he needed my comfort. I wouldn't leave him for the world, boyfriend or not. I worried about what I would tell Ryan when Ben suddenly grabbed my hand, holding it tightly. "Don't leave me," he pleaded, his eyes more convincing than his words. "Not right now."

I sighed and glanced back up Ryan, looking apologetic. This was my Ben and he was going through one of the worst nights of his life. I couldn't leave him. I wouldn't leave him. "Not right now," I told Ryan. "Okay?"

Ryan exhaled, a slight note of frustration in the sound. He didn't like the idea, but it wasn't like Ben and I were getting naked behind a locked door. So with a grudging nod, he walked away.

I went back to stroking Ben's hair, whispering soothing words to him. And somehow, we both fell asleep.

MAY 20, 2003, FRESHMAN YEAR

My senses stirred with pleasure before my eyes opened. I was surrounded by warmth as I felt Ben — MY Ben — holding me in his arms. His beautiful cock was erect and pressed against my ass. His strong hand held my breast and squeezed it wonderfully. I could feel my crotch moistening and I rubbed my thighs together as pleasant thoughts of a morning spent making love filtered through my brain. This was what I'd been waiting for. Finally, after so long, we would be together again.

I realized that Ben was awake as well, and I turned my head around to face him. I felt the sun's rays shining down on my face as I smiled happily at the sight of my soulmate, and I said brightly, "Mmm ... morning, Ben!"

"Hi..." He smiled happily and squeezed me a little tighter, his hand idly rubbing my breast as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He dipped his face toward mine, puckering his lips. And I closed my eyes with a smile and moved in to meet him.

But before we could kiss, Ben's eyes popped open and he jerked his hand off my boob. My eyes popped open and I backed away from the anguish on his face.

"Oh, Dawn, Dawn. I'm so sorry," Ben muttered. He peeked beneath the blankets to confirm that he was fully naked, and that his bare cock was rubbing against my bare buttcheek where my thong panties failed to completely cover me.

"No, no. It's okay. Not your fault," I flustered and tugged my shirt down to my waist, hiding my own semi-nudity. I wanted him. I WANTED him.

"It is. It is," Ben stammered, still thinking that he was doing something that I didn't want him to do. How could I convince him that we belonged together, especially now that he was free? "I'm so sorry," he groaned.

"No, it's okay. It's nobody's fault," I sighed. Clearly, Ben's head wasn't where it needed to be yet. We needed time to talk. So I futzed around with my clothes, making sure I was fully dressed and presentable. And then I quickly sat up in bed.

Just then, Brandi appeared at the open doorway, a steaming mug of coffee in her hands. "Figures." The older girl smirked. "One amazingly gorgeous blonde breaks up with you, so you drag another pretty blonde into your bedroom and fuck her brains out. And then you spend the night cuddling with a third hot blonde."

I blushed and looked down before slipping out of the bed, realizing that my boyfriend was going to be pretty upset with me. I'd have to put up with him until I could get the Ben thing worked together again. "I'd better go do damage control with Ryan."

Ben sat up, keeping the blankets covering his lap while wrapping his arms around his legs. He looked at me apologetically. "I'm sorry about all this."

"No, don't be." I shook my head. As awkward as things had been in the morning, Ben looked remarkably better than he had yesterday when Adrienne had walked out on him and left behind the promise ring. I was happy that he was better. I was happy that I had been a part of making him better. And I told him, "I was right where I needed to be — where I wanted to be — last night."

Ben smiled wanly, his eyes full of gratitude. "Thanks, Dawn. Really."

I smiled and nodded, allowing myself a brief moment of hope. Was this the turning point? Was this the day Ben and I started to get back together, the way we were always meant to be?

But that was for later. I still had a boyfriend, and I steeled myself for the coming conversation. Ryan would have slept alone in my bed last night. The door to Ben's room had been open all night, so he'd know nothing untoward occurred.

But he STILL wouldn't be too happy with me.

I watched Paige storm out of Ben's room. She stomped over to the front door as if she weight 300 pounds and flung it open. And without a backwards glance she hurried away.

I arched an eyebrow, wondering just what had happened. If she and Ben had broken up, then maybe my worries about their relationship were over nothing. Maybe this was as bad as it could get.

Then Gwen got off the couch and headed for Ben's room. She'd arrived while Ben was screwing Paige's lights out, fidgeting nervously and obviously anxious to talk to Ben about what he'd done to her last night. Not 'with' her, 'to' her. But with Ben likely in a weird mood after whatever fight he'd just had with Paige...

I reached out a hand in warning. "Gwen, wait! Now is probably not the best time."

She turned around and looked at me, practically whimpering. "I've got to do this. I can't wait any longer."

She moved ahead and stood in the doorway to his room. "Hi, Ben. We need to talk."

What happened next was right out of a horror film. A hand reached out and grabbed the back of Gwen's neck. She squeaked and then was dragged into the room with a speed I didn't think was possible. The door slammed and then Gwen whimpered, "Oh, God. Not again!"

I groaned and rolled my eyes. And then the noises started up again.

Blushing as if I should be embarrassed for some reason, I looked around at Ryan, Bert, Robin, Dayna, Kevin, Kerri, Monique, and Matt. All of them seemed to be evaluating me, as if I was supposed to say or do something. Tracy, Julie, and Brandi were in the kitchen, otherwise the situation might feel even worse. I just put my head down and tried to focus on studying, to block out the sounds of my good friend getting the fucking of a lifetime.

Ten minutes later, Gwen's purse started ringing. Groaning as I listened to Gwen's orgasmic cries emanating from Ben's bedroom, I opened her purse and dug out a silver Samsung flip phone. Oh, of course. It was Rick Rusedski, Gwen's boyfriend.

I hit the side button to silence the call and then settled back down into the couch, sighing in resignation.

About five minutes later, the noises in the bedroom finally stopped. At that point I got up and went over to the door, knocking softly. Maybe I could catch Ben between rounds.

"Who is it?" Ben called.

"It's Dawn," I replied neutrally.

There was a moment's pause before he replied, "Come in."

Ben was buck naked and sitting on the edge of the mattress, his heels perched on the bed frame and his head in his hands. Behind him, Gwen was a limp puddle of naked flesh, clearly unconscious. She was lying on her right shoulder, the right arm extended straight out and the left arm flung behind her head. Her ass was flat on the bed with her legs spread to the sides and bent like a dead frog's. And her pussy STILL seemed to be spasming in the aftershocks of orgasm while leaking creamy white semen.

I arched an eyebrow and sighed wearily. "You did it again."

Ben grimaced and looked down. "Paige dumped me," he said, as if that would explain everything.

"Ah," I nodded as if I understood. Then I held up Gwen's cell phone. "Well, I just wanted to tell Gwen that her boyfriend called. But I guess he'll have to wait for her to wake up."

Ben grimaced and put his forehead in his palm again.

Well, at least Ben was breaking free of Adrienne. While I may not have chosen his exact methodology, I could appreciate that this was Ben's way of dealing with the breakup. He was a very sexual creature and getting laid was a very good way of clearing his head and moving on. Even though he looked to be in pain right now, he looked better than yesterday. And it was only the first day. If I gave him enough time — and maybe enough girls — he'd get over it and be ready to be my boyfriend, MY Ben, once again.

"Dinner will be ready soon," I said casually. I could be patient. I could wait. Then I pulled the door shut behind me. Everything would be fine.

MAY 21, 2003, FRESHMAN YEAR

He did the same thing with Monique. At least, unlike Gwen, Monique looked like she knew what she was getting into. I surveyed her lush, naked body, not looking so very different from Gwen's yesterday afternoon.

For that matter, Ben looked about the same, sitting up with his head in his hands. But he looked better. He was fresher. He was happier. And most importantly, he was single again.

Ben single ... and looking for love. Could we? Was this finally our time to get back together?

Now as long as he could get through this next hurdle. My favorite petite redhead had returned. I remember groaning beneath my breath the minute she'd arrived.

"Dinner will be ready soon," I told him. And then I added, "Just a warning: Paige is here."

MAY 22, 2003, FRESHMAN YEAR

Tracy McMillan finished up this morning. Marian Liu took her turn just before lunch. And Kerri Trainor spent the afternoon with Ben.

Ben was looking better and better each day. And when Julie Carpenter almost sheepishly went to knock on his door after dinner, I wryly shook my head and turned my focus back to my studying.

MAY 23, 2003, FRESHMAN YEAR

Arm-in-arm, Kerri and Julie waltzed out the door, happily-fucked expressions on their faces. By my count, that finished off everyone from Dayna's blindfold party, Ben having worked through everyone, including Dayna and Brandi. Only Angela had opted out, choosing to remain loyal to her boyfriend.

I stepped into the doorway, crossing my arms beneath my breasts and leaning against the door frame.

"You look content."

He shrugged. "What can I say? Fucking makes me happy."

I smirked and shook my head wryly. Leave it to Ben to cure all his ills through sex. It was good to know for our future that if my husband ever became unhappy, a few good orgasms with some strange pussy would cure him. I was about to make a comment to that point, but Brandi showed up and leaned against the opposite side of the doorjamb.

Ben's sister smiled and raised her eyebrows. "You do realize you've run out of our friends from the party."

Ben grinned and then obviously ogled me, his gaze rapidly moving up and down my body as if he could undress me with his eyes. "Well, not all of them."

I blushed when I realized he meant me, then rolled my eyes and chuckled. "Maybe if you're really nice to me." I rather liked the idea. It had been sooo long since Ben fucked my brains out and I could feel myself moistening at the very thought of it. "But seriously, what are you going to do now? We've still got one more final left this afternoon."

Ben shrugged. "Doesn't matter." He then looked significantly at Brandi, gratitude in his eyes. "They kept me distracted long enough to make it to today. Today Adrienne's finally going to talk to me."

Wait, WHAT?

I furrowed my eyebrows, red anger rising into my face as I thought about what Ben had just said. Adrienne? What the FUCK? I turned and glared at Brandi. "Wait, is THAT what this was all about? Keeping Ben occupied?"

Brandi shrugged. "I take care of my little brother. He was a mess after Adrienne left him and we both know what works on him." The older brunette arched an eyebrow at her little brother. "Ejaculations are pretty head-clearing, aren't they?"

Ben nodded and smiled. "Woulda failed every single final without them." Then he sighed a little more forlornly. "Hell, I probably would have driven myself insane overthinking everything, and hunted down Adrienne to plead with her to take me back."

'Take me back'??? My eyes goggled and I felt absolutely HORRIFIED by what I was hearing. "You ... You still want to get back together with Adrienne?" I squawked.

Ben frowned and looked at me carefully. "Uh, yeah..."

I gawked in disbelief and Ben furrowed his eyebrows while stammering, "She still hasn't even explained to me why she broke up with me. I guess a part of me is still hoping we can go back to the way things were."

"So ... all those girls," I glared at Brandi again. "YOU set those up?"

Brandi shrugged. "Well, me and Dayna."

"Ben didn't go out and seduce them on his own or anything?"

Brandi frowned. "What? No. Ben would never mess with our friends without going through us first, and the girls would never have fucked Ben without our permission. Oh, they certainly wanted to, especially after Dayna's party last December. But they never would have gone behind our backs."

I turned to Ben in confusion. "But I thought you were just taking out your aggression and anger at Adrienne? Like with Gwen!"

Ben shrugged. "I'm still not sure what happened with Gwen. My mind just sorta snapped those times."

"But I thought you were just fucking around because you were free!" My mouth was gaping open. "Adrienne dumped you. Paige realized you didn't love her. So you were just going to go nuts, screwing everything in sight and enjoy your freedom, right?"

For once, I did NOT understand what was going through Ben's head. Wasn't he healing himself so that he could get back together with ME? Wasn't that the whole point? Hadn't we discussed this way back when? I LOVE him. He's MINE. I let him let this thing with Adrienne play out until he came back to ME.

Ben shook his head and explained, "The sex was a welcome distraction; but in the end, I'll never feel for those girls what I felt with Adrienne. I love her, Dawn. I still love her. And I'd trade all of Brandi's friends to get her back. I thought you knew that."

WHAT THE FUCK??? I stared angrily at Ben. I furrowed my eyebrows and blinked rapidly, not understanding at all. And then without another word, I turned and stomped away.

"Dawn?" Ben called in confusion. "DAWN?"

But I was already gone.

A couple of minutes later, Ben burst onto the back patio. I was sitting on the old couch we'd stashed back here, my knees pulled up to my chest with my heels on the edge of the seat and my arms wrapped around my legs. He looked around for me frantically until I sighed, "I'm over here."

Ben quickly moved beside me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Dawn. Talk to me."

I exhaled and fought back my tears, failing and feeling the droplet roll down my cheek. I pursed my lips and stared straight ahead, not sure how to answer just yet.

Ben waited me out patiently. Knowing exactly what I needed, he gave me time to process. It was the same thing I did for him when he got into one of these moods. But he couldn't do nothing and so tried to settle for rubbing my shoulder. It still wasn't enough, and a few seconds later he just leaned forward and bear-hugged me.

That just pissed me off even more. The instant he started hugging me I brusquely pushed him away with my right arm. "Get away from me!" I hissed, more with tone than with volume.

"What?"

"Can't you tell? I'm still upset with you!" I spat.

"Upset? What? Why?" Ben stammered. Good lord the boy was clueless. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" I exhaled, even more pissed off that Ben didn't already know. "What's wrong? You're still fucking in love with her! That's what's fucking wrong!"

"Huh?"

I canted my head back, staring at the roof above our heads as I groaned in annoyed frustration. "I'm such an idiot. I knew it. But I didn't realize. I'm such an idiot."

"Dawn. What are you talking about?"

"You! You fucking ASSHOLE!"

"Dawn!"

"Adrienne! You're still fucking in love with her! You still fucking want to get back together with her!"

He whimpered helplessly and admitted, "Of course."

"You don't get it, do you?" I raged.

He bit his lip nervously, wincing as he squeaked, "Does it bother you that I want to be together with Adrienne?"

"YES!!! I mean, no!" I sighed and dropped my feet off the bench, stomping them onto the ground. I planted my hands on my knees and hunched over, hanging my head down between my shoulders. Ben reached for me, but I slapped his hand away.

"Dawn..." Ben pleaded. "Talk to me."

"You gave her a promise ring, Ben," I gritted between my teeth.

"Uh, yeah," he stammered, clearly not understanding.

"You gave her a promise ring," I emphasized.

Ben shrugged.

He wasn't following. Why did I love this stupid moron again? I sighed, hanging my head down again. "What does that mean to you?"

Ben blinked. "It's a promise. Like ... I dunno. An engagement ring is a promise to get married. A promise ring is a promise to ... be committed, I guess."

"Or a promise to get engaged someday?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Well, yeah. I guess."

My eyes dipped and I glared at my stupid best friend. "Fuck you, Ben."

"Wha-?"

"Fuck. You." I bit out.

He winced.

"A promise ring means an engagement ring. An engagement rings means you're gonna get MARRIED. To HER. Not ME. Don't you get it? You weren't supposed to make some grand commitment to Adrienne!" I yelled, spittle flying off my mouth. "You weren't supposed to get that serious! You're supposed to be MY Ben!"

"What?"

"MY Ben! Mine!" I raged. "As in: NOT hers!"

"Dawn!"

"What about US?" I stormed.

"What ABOUT us?" Ben half-yelled right back. He thrust his hands at me. "There is no US! You're my best friend! And you're with Ryan!"

"I'm not gonna fucking marry Ryan!" I yelled.

"So, what? If Adrienne dumps me, are you gonna break up with him now for me?" Ben snarled. Then he leaned forward, leering at me lustfully and waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "After all, you did say I could take you back when my relationship with Adrienne ended. Huh?"

"Fuck you!" [WHACK] I slapped Ben as hard as I possibly could. He didn't get it. I'd been WAITING for him this entire time. I'd held back from my relationship with Ryan. I'd patiently advised him on keeping Adrienne for HIS sake. I'd bided my time for over a year, just hoping to be reunited with my one true love and my soulmate. And all he could think of was picking me up on the rebound just in case his true love for Adrienne didn't work out? WHAT THE FUCK???

"I am NOT your fucking fallback!" I spat at him, and then stood up and stomped back to the door.

When I glanced back, Ben looked completely shocked that I'd slapped him. I stopped at the door, my hand on the knob, and a shudder went through my entire body. Was this really how it was all going to end? Was this really how Ben and I broke up for good? Yeah, technically we'd been broken up for over a year. But only now did I really have to face that Ben belonged to her, and not to me. Now I really had to face that he wasn't just coming back to me to pick up where we left off.

The love we shared from the time we were born wasn't there anymore. The love we made at those summer camps couldn't be recaptured.

My Ben was gone.

My soulmate was gone.

Biting my lip, I turned to face this new Ben, the male slut who was in love with another girl. And I felt the rivers of tears pouring down both of my cheeks. "I thought we were going to wait for each other, Ben," I sighed dejectedly. "I was going to be your Dawn, forever. And I thought you would be mine. I guess I was wrong."