Ryncol Revelry

"Oh! Oh, spirits!" Garrus cried out as he backed out of the doorway to the port cargo area.

It must have been the visible ryncol fumes that drove him off, not the sight of my glorious naked lizard-man bod. The turian braced his hands against his knees as he sucked in the clean air of the engineering deck while my nest cleared out.

"Garrus, buddy!" I called out to him, "RYNCOL!" I shouted as I tossed back another bottle of the dangerous krogan beverage.

"I can smell that." Garrus commented, "Put some shorts on, I am not talking to you with your dick out."

Smart man. In prison, never let a guy talk to you with no pants on. Whatever he has to say can wait till he is dressed.

Putting on shorts while my blood is mostly liquor proved quite the challenge. I ended up using my face to brace myself against the floor while my hands and feet were busy trying to pull the delightful article of clothing up. I finally managed to complete the task while I front rolled onto my back.

"Success!" I yelled in joy.

"Good job, Grunt." Garrus patronized me from on high, "I am going to need you to keep that momentum going and tell me what the hell happened at the taco shop."

"Fucking good tacos, Garrus." I told him like I revealed the secret of the universe to him.

"For the last two days Jack has been real territorial and you've been drunk." Garrus told me like I hadn't been there for them drinks, "I am going to need you to tell me what went wrong, because there is no way I am getting near her."

"She hit me, Garrus." I revealed the scandal to my team leader, "And I have left her."

"She hit you?" Garrus's surprise fully evident on his face plates.

"Mhmmm." I nodded my head a little too fast and got a little woozy.

"That bitch!" Garrus declared.

"Hey!" I barked, "Don't talk about her like that."

"Domestic abuse is wack, yo!"

I looked at Garrus, never in my life so focused.

"Dafaq you just say?" I rhetorically asked him.

"Please forget that just happened." Garrus put his hands up, "I used to do a lot of youth outreach events for C-Sec back in the day. They would give me a bunch of lines that would be 'cool' with the kids and that horror show just came back up."

"Garrus." I put a hand on his shoulder, "You are the lamest cop I know."

"I still have nightmares about those events." Garrus muttered, "Grade schoolers are so mean. I do not smell like bacon!"

Somewhere on the Citadel, a young Wayne and Garth party on. I just know it.

"The image of you being bullied by children is now seared into my mind." I informed the turian who looked like he wanted to cry.

"Yuck it up." Garrus growled, "Those kids may have been really mean, but those programs were important. A lot of people are just too naïve or too numb to realize that their situation is wrong, but I am glad to see that you aren't like that."

"Just cause I can take a beating and a half doesn't mean people get to hit me." I told the turian, "It's the principle. Principles are what separate us from the varren."

"It's good that you didn't respond in kind." Garrus nodded, "The idea of you and Jack trying to kill each other is terrifying. Wrex told me about destroying a space station trying to kill an asari commando, and I do not want that happening on the Normandy."

We can agree on that.

"What comes next?" Garrus asked me.

"I keep on fighting the collectors, and mercs, and gangsters, and all the other scumbags not smart enough to run the other way when I show up with bad intentions. And maybe, I'd give it a fifty fifty, Jack apologizes to me. And if that comes about I'd say it's another fifty fifty that she really means it and understands what she did wrong. And if those two things happen in a reasonable amount of time, I will take her back and we can get back to our happily ever after."

"Get back to the happily ever after?" Garrus chuckled, "I am pretty sure that is supposed to come after we beat the collectors, not before."

I laughed, "Killing collectors is my happy place. What am I going to do with myself once there aren't anymore bug-man cyborgs to destroy?"

"Quasar?" Garrus replied helpfully.

"God damn you are so lame." I muttered and got off my ass to go do stuff.