CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 4

Catherine awoke from her warm bed two days later to a busy day. Kathleen burst into her bedroom.

“Don't forget to pick up Danny,” she said, too loudly for Catherine's taste.

“Of course, Kathleen,” Catherine answered.

Danny had called the day before and asked if he could stay with them for a while. He had lost his job, and just wanted to “get away from it all.” Catherine agreed on the condition that he start thinking about getting his act together while he was there with her. She was tired of being the one they relied on for everything. She figured she could make some space in her small living room since Kathleen stayed in the extra room.

When Catherine first woke up she had a strange feeling that stuck with her, something she couldn't shake. She recognized it and knew it would last all day. It wasn't a bad feeling, or even a good one, just a strange feeling that something was waiting to happen. She tried to understand it, but couldn't quite figure it out. She kept thinking about this strange feeling on the way to pick up her brother from the airport.

“So, how are you?” Danny asked when they were in the car driving away.

“Busy. How are you?”

“I'm good.” He shrugged.

Catherine tilted her head. “Really? What are you doing here then?”

"Can't I come see my sister?"

"Danny, why'd you leave your job? I thought you had a good thing going at that company. You were with them since business school."

"I know." Danny shifted in his seat. "I felt . . . trapped. I don't like corporate life, it's just not me." He sighed.

"I'm sorry."

"It's all right. I thought that maybe I would figure out what I want here. I'm always happy here."

Catherine gave a small smile. "Well, you can stay with me until you figure it out."

They drove on, and Catherine was so distracted running errands that she almost forgot her keys. She'd set them down for a second to look through her purse to find her “lost” sunglasses that were atop her head the whole time.

“You seem frazzled,” Danny said, leaning on the side of the car parked in her driveway. He eyed Catherine as she bent to lift groceries from the back seat. He had been patient with the errands, but he was worn out after a long flight.

“Thanks,” she said sarcastically without looking up from the list she had stopped to check over.

“I'm not trying to be rude. Maybe I can help with something?” He shrugged.

Looking up at her brother with his lopsided smile and amber colored sunglasses, she smiled. “Thanks,” she said again, but without the sarcasm. “I'm just having an off day. It's not such a big list, really.”

“Are you sure? Seriously, I can figure out whatever you throw at me,” he said confidently. He shrugged his backpack higher on his shoulders, the only “luggage” he had brought.

“Well, okay, sure. Can you run and pick up some stamps for me at the post office?” She handed him some money. “That way I can just stay home and do some research for work before I start dinner.” She finished with a wave of her hand.

“On it.” He winked.

Catherine yelled back her thanks as she hurried away. She just couldn't shake this feeling. She was becoming more anxious with each passing hour.

When she turned the corner, she stopped dead in her tracks, nearly scuffing her leather boots. The man who had assaulted her sister was standing right in front of her door. He turned to her. Catherine didn't know what to do. She wasn't frightened, though perhaps she should have been. He could have been dangerous, but he didn't look it.

“Hello,” he called.

Catherine waved her hand in reflex. She walked closer. He seemed frustrated.

“I told you to leave,” he said, agitated.

“Who are you to tell me anything?” she pointed out with a harsh tone.

He seemed taken aback, and his voice grew softer. “I'm sorry, again. It's important that you leave. I told you that they will come and you will not be safe. No one in Ireland will be safe.” His concern grew with each word.

“Who are they?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

He seemed standoffish. “I can't say.”

“Well then, I can't help you.”

He was unmoving.

Catherine gave out a loud, exasperated sigh. “Well, who are you then?”

“My name is Bowen.” His voice grew deep when he said his name.

“Bowen, how do you know me? Have we met before?” she asked.

“It doesn't matter,” he said curtly.

“Right.” Catherine stood her ground and looked him dead in the face. “Look, you—Bowen, you've been stalking me. How do you know my name, and where I live for that matter?”

Catherine could tell he was conflicted. Her arms were getting tired from the heavy grocery bags, but she continued to stand there, patiently waiting.

As though he'd made a decision, his stance became rigid, and he said nothing.

“Fine,” she said. Bowen looked at her, surprised. “I don't have time for this.” She muttered to herself and stepped to pass him.

Bowen took a step in front of her. “You must leave. If you don't go on your own, I will have to force you. I can't risk it any longer,” he said angrily.

“Well then, what are you talking about? If you'll only tell me!” Her feet were planted, ready to swing at him if he made another move.

“I hate this,” he mumbled under his breath.

Catherine felt her cheeks flush with anger.

“My brother will be here shortly. You’re already on Garda records, Mr. Unknown, should something happen to me. They have your description. I won't just leave my life here because some nut tells me to, without a reason of any kind. So it's up to you how this plays out. You could always tell me, or shall we duke it out right here and now?” She dropped her bags on the ground emphatically.

“I'm not going to fight you, Catherine.”

“Oh? You certainly came off pushy enough before,” she said.

“You won't believe the truth,” he said solemnly.

“Try me,” she said, putting her hands on her hips, waiting.

“You haven't believed anything I’ve said so far,” he mumbled.

Catherine heard footsteps and turned to see Danny coming around the corner. He was holding the stamps in his hand with the receipt. She turned back to Bowen, but he was gone. She looked around frantically trying to glimpse him in the distance, but he had disappeared.

Danny smiled his lopsided grin. “What's wrong?” he asked, seeing the groceries on the ground.

“Ugh,” was all Catherine could get out.

“Okay.” He held up the stamps with the receipt to his sister. “Here. I didn't want to crunch them in my pockets or bag, so they've been in my dirty airport hands.”

“Thank you, Danny.” She sighed.

“Sorry, what was I supposed to do? Would you rather I'd bent them?”

“What?”

“The stamps.”

“Oh no, you did fine, it's not that,” she said, bending to pick up the bags.

“Ah. Then what's your problem?” Danny asked, grabbing some fruit that had rolled away from her.

“Someone was just here. That guy I told you about from the other night,” she said.

“That guy who bothered you and Kathleen at the pub?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my God, Catherine, that was the guy? He was big, you can't take him!”

Catherine looked up at her brother with a surprised expression. “I can take him just fine, don't you worry.”

“Listen, just be careful.” He sounded concerned.

Catherine rolled her eyes as she patted her brother's arm before unlocking the door to go in. Though she was staunchly feminist, she was glad Danny was visiting during this drama. Catherine didn't need this right now. There was already too much going on in her life.

Kathleen was in the sitting room with her pink laptop in her lap. She was watching a favorite mystery drama on the Internet. She looked up at her siblings when they entered through the door. After she waved her hand in greeting, she went back to watching.

“Nice,” Danny said, relieved to drop his backpack on the floor. He had packed it to the fullest.

“What?” Kathleen looked up again.

“You haven't seen me in months, and that's how you greet me? With a wave of your hand?” The irritation in his tone was mostly aimed at Kathleen, but also at the pain in his shoulders while he tried to massage the kinks out. He winced.

“I'm just in the middle of this intense scene. Jenny is about to figure out who the spy is.”

Danny shook his head. “Oh, that.” Then he walked over to look down at the screen, and within a few minutes was locked into the drama just as deeply as Kathleen.

After Catherine put the groceries away, she was too preoccupied with everything to concentrate on her planned work research. She leaned on the counter in thought, wondering where Bowen had disappeared to, and just when he would reappear again to cause trouble. Walking into her room, she threw herself onto the bed. She stared at the ceiling in a daze. Relishing this moment of peace, she thought of nothing, absolutely nothing. After some time had passed her mind began to wander again, but aimlessly this time, and she fell into a deep sleep filled with strange shapes and occurrences. Her dreams led to their graduation trip to Ireland, and one of the days they ventured out of Dublin to some rural spots surrounded by trees, hills, and lakes. She remembered feeling watched, but in this dream, Bowen appeared in view to startle the scene.

Knock, knock.

Catherine couldn't tell where the knocking was coming from. She looked around the still figure of Bowen before her, and behind her as well. Bowen's hand reached out for her.

KNOCK, KNOCK.

Catherine fumbled awake.

“Catherine?” came Kathleen's voice.

“What is it?” Her voice was only slightly groggy.

Kathleen opened the door. “The Internet went out. Can you call the provider company?”

Catherine sighed for a moment while holding her head. Then she smiled. “I was thinking we'd just go out for the rest of the day like we did during our last trip here.”

“Why?”

“Just to get out of the house. Let's go revisit a few places.”

“Danny, did the reset button work?” Kathleen turned and yelled behind her, completely ignoring Catherine's suggestion.

When Kathleen was no longer overcome by the show's cliffhanger, she reluctantly consented to go somewhere, as long as it wasn't a tourist spot.

“That's not revisiting places though,” sighed Catherine.

They soon agreed on finding a spot outside the city. Both girls decided a walk, as long as it was nice weather, would be pleasant. Leaving Danny, who didn't want to go, the twins set off in Catherine's compact car. Once the drive went far enough away from the city, it was easy to find a quiet, hilly place in the country. As they cruised the rural road, Catherine kept an eye out for the best place to stop only to notice the eerie tingling sensation on her arms. Worried it was a warning about something on the road, she chose to stop right then and parked off to the side. The sensation remained for some time, as it usually did, so she ignored it.

They stretched their legs before beginning their walk to enjoy the scenery. At first, they stayed on the road for a while and took in the lengthy land off to one side, speckled with hills in the distance. The sun was high, and the grass was green. They could see layers of flowers that gave different hues of color, wavering above the green.

“It's been a long time since we've walked together, the two of us, just to talk,” Kathleen said, looking ahead.

Catherine thought about it for a moment. “Yes, it has,” she agreed.

Kathleen paused to breathe in deeply. "Ah. It really is so beautiful here—it even smells beautiful," she remarked.

"Mhm," Catherine agreed, chuckling quietly.

As they continued, their steps fell in sync after a while. Catherine kept watching her sister and thought she seemed peaceful for the first time in many years.

"You know, I'm very proud of you," Kathleen said, breaking the momentary silence.

"What for?" She raised her eyebrows.

"For accomplishing your dream with work and moving here." She smiled.

Catherine smiled back. "Thank you, that means a lot."

They continued to talk about anything and everything, just like they had as children. Kathleen's infectious laugh reminded Catherine of how much she enjoyed spending time with her sister, how she once was. When the laughter died down to a calm chuckle, they slowed their pace and decided to sit for a moment on the gravel. The dirt felt hot under their hands as they lowered themselves down.

“Kathleen, why aren't you like this more often?” Catherine asked as she fiddled with some grass.

“Like how?”

“Like you—the real you. Why do you hide it away? I mean, it's almost like you want nice people to dislike you,” Catherine said, then realized she might have gone too far. “I'm sorry. I just mean—”

“I know what you mean.” Kathleen sighed and fidgeted over a split nail on her index finger. “Catherine, you've always known what drives you, what you wanted. I never found anything like that for myself. I felt lost,” she said.

“I see.” Catherine was stunned by her honesty.

“So, I changed,” Kathleen continued, “because I had nothing meaningful in my life. Nothing to strive for. I became shallow and consumed with unimportant things. I became mentally and emotionally lazy. Unfortunately, my standards for myself, as well as in men, became lazy too. I thought he cared about me.” She cleared her throat. “I'm still me, the me you know, I just buried it. It's all an act. I'm a fake, Catherine.”

Catherine could see she was holding back tears.

Softly, Kathleen continued, “It's just easier to act the way I do, rather than admit I'm going nowhere. I—I feel like I have no purpose. I should have found it by now, right?” she asked. “I know how you and Danny must have thought of me all this time, of how I act. Selfish and rude. I know I'm a pain. But being meaningful? I can't. Especially now with the divorce. I know I did this to myself. It's just too much to handle. What do I do, Catherine? I don't know anymore.” Kathleen's tears flowed freely now.

Catherine was feeling teary herself at this sudden confession from her sister, and she reached over to hug her. “I don't know, Kathleen, but I'll help you in any way I can. We'll figure it out together now that you're here with me. Keep letting your real self out, and maybe the act will fade away,” she said, holding her tightly. She pulled back to look at her. “No one figures everything out right away. You'll find your purpose.”

Kathleen sniffled and leaned back on Catherine's shoulder, giving her a sweet smile. After a time, they both felt better and continued on their walk.