157 In Remembrance

Bad things happen to good people, universe has never been a particularly fair place, but I had already come to terms with it, I had two lives for it... but now I was sitting in my office and for the first time in my life I was helpless. Some time ago I noticed that Sveta's health was starting to deteriorate, she was getting tired faster, our bed activity was minimal, but all this could be explained somehow... what really scared me was when I saw that she was coughing blood.

We lived in the 17th century, medicine was still in its infancy at that time, doctors prescribed leeches, mercury, strange herbal concoctions and bloodletting for all diseases... and even though I was from the 21st century, my medical knowledge was only slightly better than the current doctors. I couldn't even diagnose the cause, I didn't know if it was a virus, cancer or something else entirely... all I could do was measure the temperature, do a manual mammogram and give Sveta vitamins in the form of herbs or fruit... so I decided not to call the doctor, I wasn't going to subject Sveta to some strange medical experiment that might cause her more pain, and in the worst case, the doctor would spread his hands and say that it was God's will.

Looking for a way out of a stalemate, a man is ready for a lot... as I cannot count on medicine, having no other choice, I tried to ask the Gods for help... although in Slavic beliefs human sacrifice was rare, I chose a few prisoners and dedicated each of them to a different deity... Weles, Perun, Żywia, Swaróg, Mokosz, Świętowit and many others... but the gods did not listen. In this situation, there was nothing else for me to do but wait for a better tomorrow... a few weeks later Sveta stopped getting out of bed, she didn't eat much and she was vomiting a lot, I gave her a lot of water and juices so that she wouldn't get dehydrated... I knew where it was going and expected the worst.

Most of my free time I spent with her, I read books, letters from Piotr, which she knew almost by heart, told her about different countries, places, people and even things to come... Sveta's head rested on my chest, I looked at her face... at the unhealthy pale skin, the once so ruddy, misty eyes... I lay next to her and told her the Caucasian legend of the she-wolf... I guess she felt to that her time was running out.

"I am dying... you know it as well as I am afraid of what will happen next, I lived a sinful life..." (Sveta)

"Stop talking nonsense, or I'll get really angry... You'll live for many more years, probably more than me. Everyone gets sick sometimes, and not everyone dies of it. Rest, drink more juices and herbal infusions and you'll be fine." (MC)

I didn't believe what I was saying myself.

"Promise me that you will take care of Piotr and Katarzyna when I am gone... I know that because of my origin you do not treat them as your children..." (Sveta)

It was not true, or at least it was not a question of Sveta's origin... I just had no parental instinct in me.

"I promised you this more than once and nothing has changed. You know that I was never bothered by your origin, from the very beginning I knew who you are, unfortunately I couldn't marry you... and despite many offers from noble families, I rejected all of them." (MC)

The irony of the situation was overwhelming, my goal was to change history to save my country, and now my own past and all the wrong decisions were catching up with me... perhaps controlling the fate of a country and millions of people is easier than controlling your own life.

It didn't change much, but I decided to be decent for once in my life... even if I had to kill someone. I went to the local church to talk honestly with the priest... I put a bag of ducats and a saber on the altar and explained the situation, giving him a choice, he would either get gold or iron... In the end, he agreed to give me and Sveta a silent wedding without registering us in the parish registers. In a few days in the evening he was to appear in the castle and conduct a discreet ceremony, it was supposed to be a surprise for Sveta... a surprise that she did not see, two days after my conversation with the priest, in the morning I went to check how she was doing, just like every other day, but she was already dead... She was only 45 years old.

I called the maid and told her to prepare baths and the best clean clothes... when everything was ready, I took my mistress's body to the bathroom, I undressed her and started washing ... our romance began in the same bathroom, here was my first time with Sveta and in the same place our journey ended... life is a novel written by the hand of an idiot.

I do not know how much time passed, I dressed Sveta in clothes prepared by a maid and took her to one of the cellars of the order... and then I went to the church to have the priest say a mass for her soul and to a blacksmith to order a coffin.

Now I had to inform Katarzyna and Piotr about the death of their mother, Piotr was in Rome, so it can wait, the letter will reach him at the earliest in a few weeks, so one day will not change anything here... but Katarzyna.