Chapter 12

Laynie

I keep looking at the bedroom door.I know Jared went in there to get away. We have thrown a lot on him and it isn't fair. He must feel terrible and confused and frustrated to say the least. I keep checking the hallway to see if Jared has come through, but nothing. I can't believe Anna told him all that. I was going to talk to him today about everything and I knew we would shed tears, hug, get angry, it would be an all-day conversation. Anna in her usual fashion, got it done in about 3 minutes.

"Look, all I'm saying, is that is their business not ours Banana." Alan says to Anna interrupting my thoughts.

"I know it is Alan, but my best friend has been depressed for twelve months and I want to know why." She says turning back to me.

She glances at me, Alan glances at her, I glance at the hallway. Come on Jared, don't leave me out here alone. Jared appears at the end of the hall like I conjured him, and looks right at me. His stare is almost possessive. He puts his hand up and waves me over to join him. I excuse myself from Alan and Anna, whom are fighting about hotel bed sheets. I walk over to where Jared is, he takes my hand gently and pulls me into the bedroom. He then closes the door and leans against it. I won't tell him how much this scares me. I used to scream while he did this. I shake my head at the thought, he needs me right now and I plan to be everything Jared needs. I have to.

"Laynie, I think you should just write a journal of everything I have put you through so I can just give you one big apology. How can you be so nice to me? How can you not hate me? Why haven't you turned me in yet?"

He is whispering loudly but to me if feels like he is screaming at me. I can't do this with the door closed. It's too familiar. Too much. I get ready to tell Jared this when he pops up and storms towards me. I freak. He is back. I knew it wouldn't last long. He is pissed I allowed Alan and Anna here. It's not my fault, I didn't know she flew out here. I drop down to my knees, ball my hands in my hair and close my eyes. He is going to hurt me.

"I'm so sorry Jared. Please, please I didn't know she was coming. I have been talking about our relationship to her, but only the basic fights. I never tell her anything too intimate. I know that's no excuse but please." I'm rambling. Jared hates when I ramble but I don't want him to hit me. Maybe if I keep talking I'll distract him.My eyes are closed so I can't see him coming. Sounds juvenile I know, but he is like a scary nightmare when he is like this. Sometimes, you just have to hide under your covers even though it's obvious to the serial killer you're on the bed.

"Baby." I hear him stop and cry out. I peal my eyes open slowly, and see the gentle blue irises I've come to love these last few days.

"I am not going to hurt you. I am never going to hurt you again. I promise you that. I know you don't believe me but I will find a way to show you every day of your life if I have to." He says.

I look from my downward position and meet his gaze. Could I finally believe him? I want to more than anything else to just say forget the last twelve months and hold him all day and night, but I can't. He has put me through absolute hell this past year, and I cannot allow him to bring me up just to put me back down.

"I'm sorry Jared. I just can't." I notice I feel braver with him when he speaks like this. I walk towards the door and when I open it, I don't see Alan nor do I see Anna. I look around the entire house and freak out when I can't see them in the office nor the bathrooms. We would have heard them leave the house which only leaves one room. What if they are in the guest bedroom. No one can go in there. No one can know. I rush over to it and try to open it but it's still locked. Thank God. I walk back out to the living room and see them come into the house from outside. How did I not hear them leave? Our front door is very thick and large so I can usually tell when someone is coming in. I guess that's not all true. After all, I didn't hear the thugs break in and the detectives said they most likely used the front door.

I shake my head at my frazzled mind. No one can get into that room anyways. It's locked from the outside and I am the only one with a key. I look back and don't see Jared but can hear the shower running. I want to go to him and remind him of how to bathe with his injuries, but my feet are stuck. I'm still a little panicked with what went down in the bedroom. I feel exhausted, and the day just got started. I look back to Alan and Anna and see them going into the kitchen with some plastic bags. I follow them, figuring Jared could use some time alone anyways. He doesn't remember hurting me, but I can tell it is slowly destroying him as if he does.

"Hey Lanes, I got a bit of everything. Figured you guys needed to talk, I took loud mouth here and went to the local diner. Hope that's okay." Alan says pointing at Anna who rolls her eyes and grabs some plastic utensils.

I nod my head frantically as he is talking and he gives me an uncanny look. He looks back at Anna, who is busy taking everything out of the bags, and back at me. He comes closer to me and pulls me into a hug. Alan and I used to be pretty close. I'm an only child and always saw him as an older brother. Not only is he fiercely loyal, but he is extremely insightful. He could always read me better than I can read myself, just like now. I really needed this hug. I feel him chuckle and look up at him. I see Anna's arms around his back too, so it looks like we are making an Alan sandwich. I have really missed my friends.

"I miss this." I say.

"Me too." says Anna.

"I'm horny." Alan announces.

With that we both take our hands off of him and shove him towards the food.

"Then your horny ass can plate." Anna says while laughing.

Anna and I walk towards the sofa and sit. I get closer so that I can tell her something.

"Anna listen, I know you want to protect me, but I need you to see that your only making things harder. Jared doesn't know too much right now and I don't know if he will ever go back to normal."

A part of me is very hopeful he doesn't ever remember. For his sake and mine.

"I know, I know. Alan already gave me the "you're a bad friend speech." she says with her fingers in the air indicating quotations. "I'm sorry Laynie. I just hated what you were texting me, and not being able to help you or anything was torture. I mean you're my best friend and we barely even spoke on the phone. I was just worried. I'll give Jared the benefit of the doubt from now on. We are here for a week to help you guys out, so I will be cordial, I promise."

With that I give her a genuine smile. I don't want anything to set him off. Just because Jared does not remember, doesn't mean he is not the same person. He became a monster suddenly last year, there is nothing stopping him from doing it again.

"Thanks Anna. By the way. Where do you plan on staying while you're here?" I ask a little worried for her answer.

I don't know if I can take her being in the house with us. Jared's temper has been short since we left the hospital, several times.

"Oh. Um. I'm going to be staying with Alan in his hotel room." She says with her head turned and a blush. "There are two beds so it's no big deal." She adds in a rush.

"Okay Anna that's a great idea. Saves money after all." I say with a knowing smile. They are so cute. I don't know why they just don't admit they have feelings for each other.

Anna rolls her eyes at me and gets up to get her plate. When I go to join her, I notice Jared is still in the bedroom. I look at Anna and Alan who are talking quietly in the kitchen and head towards the bedroom. I walk in and shut the door behind me. I can still hear the shower running. I sit down on the bed and wait for Jared to come out so I can speak with him. I don't want him uncomfortable in his own home. When the shower eventually stops I stand to greet him when he comes out, completely naked.

"Oh my God Jared, I'm so sorry! You usually don't come out naked. You usually have clothes in there, and you usually put them on when you get out. I usually don't do anything like this. I'm not a pervert." Why can't I stop saying usually? Why can't I stop staring at his junk?

I hear his throat clear and chance a glance at him. His smirk is not one of an insecure man. Jared has always had a perfect body.Tall, muscular, six pack, blue eyes and short brown hair. I wipe my mouth because I'm pretty sure I have a little bit of drool hanging.

"Laynie, aren't we married? Even if we weren't, I do remember being with you before. You can look all you want, it is yours after all. With that his smirk turns into a large grin. "Unless you want me to put my towel back on?" I shake my head quickly and that earns me a laugh I miss. I give him a shy giggle and turn around to give him some privacy. Also, so I don't jump on him. It has been a while.

"Breakfast ready?" he asks.

"Yeah, Alan is plating."

I feel him come up behind me and turn me toward him. I look up at him and close my eyes. We haven't been this close without pain in what feels like a very long time. He leans down and kisses my forehead. Not where I was expecting the kiss, but I am kind of grateful to him. We both don't want to complicate anything. Sounds absurd because we are married, but it's just easier this way. He takes my hand and we walk out to our friends together.