A God's Harrowing

Back to Korea from Vietnam. Jihyo didn't want to be ignorant of public opinion. She could search her name herself but for the sake of her mind, Nayeon reads in lieu of her; serving as a bit of filter.

"It's good they're not using each other for clout."

"Jihyo Daniel are very professional."

"Someone else is using them! …Duh, it's business relationship. PEOPLE, it's right in front of you—AND STILL DON'T GET IT?!" Nayeon couldn't help reacting, "You must've REALLY been frustrated trying to make your truth known."

"Are people born just yesterday? Are romantic relationships supposed to be 'professional'? And what of the other celebrities acknowledging each other, our sunbaes? NOT professional?!" Jeongyeon is confused.

"Tell Sana 'I love you' in public already", Momo suggests. "That would definitely end world ignorance."

"I don't wanna get her in trouble. There must be another way", Jihyo responds.

There is this feeling of failure that brings about the need to work harder for truth and peace of mind. But they're running out of ideas. And there isn't much time to think in the first place.

Twice flies again to Japan the next day. For 3-days straight, Twicelights in Nagoya would take place. The last leg for 2019. As of now, Jihyo could only rely on methods she's been doing hoping that someday, it would work. After the first show day, she goes to the Vlive chat.

[Once hi I was so worried for a second because I thought nobody came in]

[Oh it is fiery Friday. We set Nagoya on fire today too]

[You can tell I'm Jihyo right away? How do you know kekeke daebak my tone keke why there's nothing about my tone]

[I'm watching When the Camellia Blooms lately. I started watching when I was in Vietnam and I'm at Ep 15 now. It's so fun. Spoiler is prohibited. If you give spoiler, I'll not chat with you hehehe]

[Ah I think I saw spoiler just now. Stop right there. I'm leaving]

[you knew I won't leave you actually knew!!! Don't pretend to be a fool. Always saying you are but not really. You always make fun of us]

Once, you're not fools right? Clout. Professional. The world does not know cause they're not watching directly. But Once, you're watching. So, you know what the world doesn't, right? You're not making fun of me like that, right?

Jihyo shakes head swinging thoughts away, "Maybe it can't be helped to have some of those everywhere. Even among Once."

[because I'm sleepy, random words came out from me hehe]

[Anyway now we are, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow having a concert and MAMA is coming. I can feel it's year-end once we perform on MAMA]

[Oh the best thing I ever did this year? Well this year I don't really know. I don't want to look back]

[there will be more good events next year so I'm looking forward to those]

Some words aren't said but something is conveyed. If only Jihyo could spill the truth in details. If only it's not the company's statement against hers. If only she had more power beyond being Twice leader.

If only she has full control of her life including her private life. What would she had done differently to not despise 2019? The year when she realizes precious love with her precious people.

[though there must be good things around, difficult times and bad things happen too. So I'm more grateful to the good things, they are precious]

[hehe anyways I'm here to say hello for a short while. Now I'm going to sleep! Tomorrow comes again. Bye everyone, good night. Have a good dream hehe]

Jihyo kept it short as she got the feel of the opinions, both of the public and of Once. She finds herself tearing up out of disappointment, "Just SOME Once? Why does it feel like MOST?"

"10 years training. 4 years since debut. And still Once don't know me enough", Jihyo tells herself. "What else do I do to let you know?"

Knock knocks are heard through her door. It's Sana. Jihyo is reminded of Momo's suggestion. Suddenly, she's terrified "No. NO. Aniya! Not Sana." Leaving the door unanswered, she buries herself under the blanket.

"Jihyo-yah", Sana knocks again. Nothing. She scratches her now dark-haired crown and bites nails anxiously. This is what she's been worried of. She sends Jihyo a text.

[saw your Vchat. I know you're awake.]

She rings her upon no reply. Jihyo picks up in a few.

"Jihyo-yah", Sana immediately expresses relief. Although a single response is taking time, she clears throat before speaking "Jihyo-yah? …It's okay, I'm happy you picked up. Talking like this is enough. I won't ask for more."

Jihyo shedding tears has flashbacks on their Teudoongie Entertainment shoot. The girls were in an office work setting. Each was assigned to present a concept proposal to another. When the latter agrees, she then signs the proposal.

While most had proposed their signee to dance, Sana didn't ask Jihyo anything. Just her signature. Sana simply stated the following "Since we're partners, I want you to say 'Sa-partner' I'm done signing' when you sign the proposal."

When JIhyo read it, her brows curved and was taken aback. She was expecting Sana would ask something. And she's ready to do anything! Disappointed, she turned her down and asked to revise the proposal.

Sana would be completely satisfied with just the signature. So, instead of asking from Jihyo, Sana was more inclined to GIVE. She said, "I'll give you some. From mine, uhm… 5%?"

Of course, the leader wouldn't sign it. Desperate, Sana made use of aegyo cuteness to charm her intimidating partner. Whipped, Jihyo finally signed and even recited the words to Sana, also with aegyo.

This memory makes Jihyo's lips arch to a weak smile despite choking up. Sana continues, "You know my birthday… it's next month but I'll make a wish now."

"Sana, don't. Don't waste it on me", a now nasally Jihyo halts her knowing that Sana's wish would somehow be given to her.

Sana senses how much Jihyo must've cried. One hand grasping the door and the other feeling her uneasy heart, she asks "Why? We're partners. That's what partners do, wish all the good things for the partner…"

Jihyo puts palm over her mouth covering it in attempt to drown her cries. Please don't charm your way again. Don't make me weaker than I already am. As of my state, how can I protect you? How can I protect us?

Jihyo couldn't handle it that she hangs up. To Sana's shock, she barrages the door with knocks and calls. She lands just a few as the door suddenly swings open. Sana pushes through quickly enveloping Jihyo.

"God, thank you." Sana mutters.

"You can go back now", Jihyo says. Sana is reluctant to let go. So, Jihyo tells her "I won't go anywhere, promise. I may not be the best in keeping them but, I want to fulfill yours. AND I WILL."

"Don't do things by yourself. We're partners! We're supposed to-"

Partners. As a leader who fulfills responsibility, Jihyo herself knows the weight of such term. She unties herself from Sana's grasps.

Sana begs but she's hushed by Jihyo's soft kiss.

Jihyo nods and tells her, "It was me who've decided to keep liking you. The consequences are not easy but, I'm happy. I don't wanna drag you into the issues surrounding me. So, let me figure something out."

She places hands on the other's shoulders and braces with all her strength. With everything she got, Jihyo pushes Sana out the door. Sana sulks at the sight of the door shutting. She snaps out of it when Chaeng bumps into her along the hallway.

"You did what you think was best. Tomorrow let's do better", the brilliant rebel maknae says. Sana concedes with a sad smile.

Second show day, 30th of November. Jihyo is still drowning in tears, consumed by the public opinion. Indeed, she is professional being able to continue functioning despite. But in some moments, it just gets to her.

After a segment, a time for costume change, she came up the stage later than the others. Some audience witnessed and took their worries to Twitter—it's apparent that Jihyo cried.

For Once, it is shocking. They are so used to seeing smiles. And since the fandom in general has a fair reputation, they didn't want to assume nor question anything. Unfortunately, doing so becomes part of the problem.

Nayeon browsing phone warns Jeongyeon and Sana, "Don't let Jihyo see these. She's trending and FOR WHAT?!"

Jihyo is up on the search list but the contents are of Kang Daniel in Melon Music Awards. The world adores JihyoXDaniel so much, the names have become inseparable as people talk about them even when they are literally apart.

Assumption can be a gateway to empathy and understanding. Without it, discussion is avoided. Status quo, no matter how misinformed, thus remains. The world enjoys this creating buzz that is blinding and deafening. Seen and heard these opinions, Jihyo suffers even more.

Sana is in front of Jihyo's room door once again. Blankly staring as opposed to anxiously calling compared to yesterday. Someone comes up to her. This time, it's Mina. "It's really bad today, it seems. Chaeng is sick. I'm filling-in for her again tomorrow."

Sana sighs. She finds herself envious of Mina being able to do that for Chaeng. She says "I wanna do something for Jihyo too. But what? Even if I tell her 'I'm always here', at the end of the day she's gonna face it alone."

Mina shakes head and says, "Wait for her. That's what."

"Hmm?"

"Just like how you girls and Once have waited for me, wait for her too. She's finding her own strength. She's not the most decisive among us, it will take time. When she figures it out, she's gonna come back in full."

Mina speaks wisdom from her current situation though she's still in the process of becoming whole again. More than anyone else, she knows what Jihyo is going through.

The last Twicelights show for 2019 is emotional baffling Onces yet again. Twice is 9 but tonight, there's only 8. Two of them having to brave standing on stage. Exhausted, the girls are physically and mentally broken.

They hold each other's hands as tears trickle.