Swapping secrets

Alanis. 

He is acting weird.

Touching me all over my stomach. Sniffing me, I don't know what he is looking for—okay, maybe I am lying right now. He is trying to see if I am pregnant.

I am freaking the fuck out because I don't think I want this. Why does it have to be me? I know our relationship is nothing close to ordinary but why do we have to have kids this way?

Okay, this is me panicking and I don't have anyone to talk to about this because I don't want him to know that I am not okay with this. I don't even understand my body anymore. I have been eating a lot. Like real food lately. Yeah, I have been doing it in secret. I don't want him to see and then get overly excited.