Chapter Ten : Portal Key

There is no light, no darkness, just the gray. Aiden becomes aware of it like a vague dream he remembers. The gray surrounds him, buoys him up which is a good thing, he realizes, since there is no ground or sky or horizon or anything resembling the normal world at all.

Flashes of light catch his attention, appearing and disappearing like apparitions in his peripheral vision, coming and going faster than he can turn his head, to the point where he wonders if he is seeing them at all. He takes to whipping his head around in an attempt to prove the flickers are real but only succeeds in freaking himself out. Panic rises within him. He can't feel anything, even when he tries rubbing his fingers together. There is no sensation at all. He can't even feel the weight of the prize, still clutched tight in his hand.

I've been shot after all, and now I'm dead and this is all there is.

Hush, child. He knows that voice, the old woman. Her tone is stronger here in the gray place. You're alive, for now. But my strength wanes and I'm... so confused...

Who are you? At least he wasn't alone.

I'm your Portal Key, she says. The strength of their connection fades a little as she lets out a pained cry. It hurts so much, she whispers. But I must bring you safely through.

This has to be a dream after all, some last gasp of his consciousness before death. He is immensely disappointed. The realization he has let his parents down grips him like a fist and squeezes his heart until he cries out from it. There is no sound outside his head, the act unsatisfactory without the energy of his voice to carry his grief.

He has been raised to be self-sufficient from the moment he could understand what that meant. He has never once panicked this way, not even when, at six years old, he found himself alone at a bus stop, separated from Antoinette. With calm and deliberate confidence, he fished a handful of coins out of his pocket and got on the next bus for home where he was met by his grimly rigid father and trembling mother. They would never admit they had been worried. They had done their jobs very well. But Antoinette clung to Aiden a little more often the few weeks after the incident and was always sure to slip money into his pockets just in case.

He never understood her reaction and worried he failed them in some way. Now, however, floating in the empty gray, he yearns for her, for the security of her embrace and her loving smile. More than Eric, Aiden longs for his mother.

!mother... The old woman's power is fading, he can feel it.

He feels himself begin to move as Antoinette's face surfaces in his mind and his need for her swells. He oozes through a world that feels like thickened gel, body sliding sideways slowly at first, then picking up speed.

...can't feel her... The woman cries out again. !must find her...

He forces down his fear and focuses on Antoinette, understanding his want is directing him.

Take me to my mom, he sends the thought out over and over. Take me to my mom.

The old woman groans in his head.

The flashes of light are real, he can see that now. In fact, he is headed straight toward one of them. The flashing solidifies into a sphere of glowing white, much like the glow from the prize. It is shining in answer, the pull so strong his breath is being crushed from his chest, his vision blurring black around the edges. He plunges straight for the glowing sphere not caring anymore, knowing in his heart Antoinette is on the other side waiting for him.

The prize flares for a moment, the light dimming then flashing brighter. He feels himself being jerked away from the sphere. A second one opens almost on top of it. He struggles against this new pull, trying to get back on course, but has no control over where he is going.

...sorry... can't...

With a silent cry of despair, still reaching with great longing for the intangible and with the old woman sobbing in his mind, he is plunged into the living light as his whole world goes black.

***