Chapter 94:
I Object!
BUDUP-BUDUP-BUDUP... BUDUP-BUDUP-BUDUP... BUDUP-BUDUP-BUDUP... CA-LICK
"Hello?" Luffy asked through the snail. "What's up, guys?"
"Hello, Captain," Robin greeted. "I have some news for you that you may want to know."
"That bastard!" Luffy yelled, his voice carrying over both the snail on his wrist and through the hallways around him. A dozen or so spider-mice fell from the ceiling behind him, foaming at the mouth, but Luffy didn't notice their presence. "I'll stuff so much salt down his gullet, he'll dry out like a prune!"
"I don't think that's how that works, Luffy," Usopp muttered from the other side of the connection. "He's not a zombie, either. He has Devil Fruit powers, so he's alive."
"Ah," Brook interrupted. "I am dead, yet I have Devil Fruit powers!"
"He won't be alive after I'm done with him!" the captain declared. "No half-animal freak is going to marry my wife if I have anything to say about it!"
"Isn't their marriage only technical because of the wanted posters?" Merry questioned. Her voice carried over the den-den, but it was ignored by the captain.
"We all knew it was going to happen anyway," Usopp shrugged. "Best to not question it. What I want to know is how Luffy plans on finding Nami. Sure, he's got that sixth sense power from somewhere, but last we saw Nami was knocked out and he said he can't sense people who are unconscious."
"I might be able to help with that," Brook offered. "There is a chapel on the third floor of the mansion. I don't know why Moria has a chapel on his ship, but it's not new and I found it five years ago when my shadow was stolen."
"Thanks, Brook," Luffy said. "I think that was all I need." The captain closed his eyes and let his arms fall, stretching out his senses. He could still remember what Ryuma had felt like to his power. He'd seemed less-than-full, almost like a blurry picture. The zombies were easy to miss, even when whatever he now had wasn't fading in and out, but the stronger zombies still had more presence than the weaker ones. Either way, he was lucky the zombies had a presence at all or else some weird spiders with mice heads would have captured him several times over.
He could feel it. There was a large room on the floor below and far to the right where strong zombies were starting to gather. Their emotions were dulled, not really being alive, and their voices were too far away to be anything more than a diluted muffle, but he could still sense them. And with them was a single complete voice.
"This is it, this is it!" the voice cheered. "I wish there wasn't all this ceremony, but look at my bride!"
"Found him," Luffy growled, lifting his right hand. Making a fist, he punched downward, blowing a hole in the floor below and falling into the right level. He turned to where he could still vaguely hear the voice. Another voice joined the first, but this one seemed to almost echo through the hallway.
"If there is anyone who has an objection or reason to why Master Absalom and the pirate Nami should not be joined in holy matrimony, then speak now or forever hold your peace."
He could see it. The oak door was right in front of him. Slamming his right foot into the floor, Luffy's rubber leg pulsed and his skin began to glisten a lobster pink. He flashed forward in a cloud of steam, blasting the doors off their hinges and shouting the first thing that came to mind.
"I object!"
As one, the Zombie Generals gasped at the interruption. Time seemed to slow as Luffy looked around the room. The Generals, minus Zoro's and Gin's, were scattered throughout several rows of pews all facing the altar at the front, two of them having been knocked out of their seats via flying doors. A large, golden cross was embedded into the wall with a pipe organ on the right side. At the end of the isle, which was covered in a red carpet, stood Absalom, a short zombie dressed in the robes of a priest, and Nami in a beautiful white wedding gown being supported by a plain, normal zombie. She was still unconscious.
"Oi!" the zombie with the umbrella yelled. "Who da Hell do ya think ya are, interuptin' da weddin' o' Professor Absalom?"
"Me?" Luffy questioned, cracking his knuckles. "I'm Monkey D. Luffy. And that's my wife he's trying to marry."
"What?!" all of the undead gasped.
"You!" Absalom cried, pointing at the literally streaming-mad pirate. "You're the bastard that stole my bride's heart! I guess I'll just have to kill you so she's a widow. Zombie Generals, attack!" The undead answered his call, jumping from the pews and charging toward the pirate captain. Luffy's eyes narrowed in the shade of his hat.
"Gum-Gum Jet Gatling!" His arms shot out, moving so quickly that they seemed to multiply before going invisible. Rubbery flesh met the bodies of every General, flinging them backwards in a storm of fists. The wall behind the quartet was reduced to rubble as the undead were plowed into it. The sounds seemed to get a reaction from Nami who stirred.
"Priest!" Absalom panicked, yelling at the zombie that had taken cover behind the altar. The priest didn't seem so afraid as annoyed that someone stopped the proceedings "Say it! Say it now!"
"Ah, do you, Master Ab-"
"Skip forward!" the man ordered. Nami was getting closer to consciousness. The priest grunted, but he was forced to follow the order.
"You may now kiss the bride." The zombie bowed, backing way from the member for the Mysterious Four and the pirate woman. Absalom leaned in quickly, hoping to pull off the marriage before Luffy could get there, as if that would stop him.
Luffy blurred, fading out of the invisibility-man's peripheral vision. Suddenly, Nami was gone.
"What?" he gaped. "Where'd she go?" He looked up, finding the pirate captain with his navigator in his arms. Luffy's eyes were shaded by the brim of his hat and steam still rose from his glossy skin, but his Second Gear was fading.
"You bastard," Luffy growled, raising his head so his eyes and those of Absalom met. "How dare you." The clear-man was suddenly assaulted with the full force of the pirate's rage and, if looks could kill at Luffy's current level, then Absalom would have been much farther than six feet under. Still, his stubborn pride and perverted nature would not allow him to back down. It was only one pirate!
"You will not keep me from my bride!"
"And that's me!" a woman shouted. Absalom and Luffy turned toward the door where another zombie had just appeared. This zombie had pinkish-purple skin and the head and appendages of a warthog, but the body of a large woman. She stood at Franky's height and was dressed in a wedding gown of her own. In her hooves, she wielded a pair of katana that were each about one-and-a-half times the size of a normal one. The veil of her outfit was lowered to hide her face, but her large tusks and angry, dark eyes could still be made out along with the spot of red lipstick over her lips.
"Lola?!" Absalom cried, identifying the undead woman/warthog hybrid. "What the Hell are you doing here?! I thought I ordered you to take out the pirates on their ship!"
"You did," the female zombie responded, stalking forward. "I was on their ship and ready to attack when I overheard their conversation. And what do you think I heard? That you were going to marry a woman other than me! How could you, Master Ab?!"
"Luffy?" Nami muttered, slowly opening her eyes. The captain glanced down at her and smiled.
"Lola, you're dead," Absalom answered with no sense of softness. "I've told you before that I'm never going to marry you. I need a living, breathing woman."
"That sucks for you, then," Luffy ground out, his attention moving back to the member of the Mysterious Four, "because you can't have mine. Nami is my wife, not your bride." Now awake, Nami blushed from Luffy's words. "Get out of here before I decide to kick your ass into the next Pirate Era."
"Master Ab!" Lola scolded. "You were trying to marry another man's wife?! You shameless pervert!" Lola charged the invisibility-man, Absalom responding by screaming and jumping to the side. The female zombie sped past, ramming into and through the altar.
"Lola, you crazy woman! Stop interrupting my wedding!"
"I'm not marrying you!" Nami cried from Luffy's arms.
"I don't care who's marrying who," the priest zombie yelled, "but somebody better be getting married! I spent all night setting up this room and I'll not see it go to waste!"
Lola turned with a gleam in her eyes. "Master Ab~!" she sang.
"Hell no!" The cat-man bolted toward the door, his body becoming clearer as he went.
"You can't escape me, Master Ab!" Lola yelled, giving chase. "I memorized your scent a long time ago!" Luffy was about to follow to give the bastard the beating he deserved, but there was something more important he had to do.
"What a weird couple," Nami thought aloud as Luffy released her. She turned to look at her lover, only to see him down on one knee. "Luffy? What are you doing?" He reached out and took one of her hands.
"Well, Merry said something about our marriage only being technical because of our wanted posters," he began, "so it's not really real. I've been talking to some of the other members about this mystery feeling I've been having since before we got to Skypia. I..." He gulped. "I love you, Nami. I've never said it before and the only one I've ever heard it from was my Gramps, and he's scary, but... I don't know. I don't know how to say it. I've always described stuff that I don't understand as mystery things, but this mystery feeling has a name now. I love you, Nami. Will you marry me for real and become my future Pirate Queen?"
"Awww," the Zombie Generals cooed. Without Absalom there to give them orders, they were as harmless as a bag of puppies.
"I love you, too, Luffy," Nami choked out through the tears in her eyes. "You've always been there when I needed you most. You came for me when I told you not to and you saved me from the Hell I'd been trapped in for almost a decade. I love you so much, so yes, I'll marry you. I'll become your Pirate Queen."
"Thank Goda!" the priest zombie shouted. He shuffled over and turned to Luffy. "Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"Yes, I do."
He turned to Nami. "And do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
"I do," she answered. "I do with all my heart."
"Then by the power vested in me by my captain, Gecko Moria, and the shadow of an ordained minister that acts as my soul, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride." Luffy and Nami leaned in, meeting each other in a passionate kiss. The Zombie Generals let out a loud cheer for the newlyweds. Nami was tempted to yell at them, but she decided that now wasn't the time and focused back on her husband.
"You said your name was Monkey D. Luffy, right?" the zombie priest asked, getting a nod from the captain. "Then I now present to you, Zombie Generals and all in attendance, Monkey D. Luffy and Monkey D. Nami!"
"Waaahhhh!" Franky's voice wailed. Luffy and Nami jolted, shocked at the sudden sound that was coming from the captain's wrist. Luffy blinked, realizing that he never shut off the call. How it hadn't closed on its own, he ha no idea. "What a beautiful thing! I'm not crying! You are!"
"Don't scream into the snail, you idiot!" Amy chastised. "They'll hear you!"
"Too late for that," Nami sighed.
"Congratulations!" Brook cried. "To see two young people bound together in a bond of love so strong fills my heart with joy! Ah! But I don't have a heart! Yohohoho!"
"Nami-swan, whyyyyyyy?!" Sanji blubbered, causing the snail to cry more tears than Franky had.
"So they're married now," Zoro waved off. "Big deal. They were basically married anyway. Now can we get to the part were we either beat up Moria or track down Shrimp and Shrimpette?"
"You heartless moron!" Sanji yelled. "Don't you know that marriage is a beautiful thing in a woman's life! Especially a beauty like Nami-swan!"
"Shut up, you swirly-browed pervert!" The sounds of them fighting became background noise.
"Little Swordsman and Ms. Goldenweek can handle themselves," Robin announced. "They aren't children."
"No, but they are missing," Amy responded with a hint of guilt in her voice. "Zoro isn't a child, either, but we have to keep looking for him since he wanders off like a toddler."
"Hey!"
"Who's to say his sense of direction hasn't rubbed off on Pinky?" Amy finished, trying to blame Coby for her own decision to send him and Grace away from the graveyard battlefield.
"I don't think that sort of thing happens," Merry thought aloud. "Coby's strong and there aren't any Logias around for Grace's paint to be ineffective against, so I'm sure they're fine."
"Unless they ran into those ghosts," Gin put in. "Those things are devastating."
"It would be a shame if those spirits have stolen their souls and carried them to the underworld."
"Robin!" most of the crew cried.
"Baahahaha!" Merry laughed, Robin's giggling joining in a second afterward.
"Seriously, Guys," Usopp spoke up. "We have about four hours of moonlight before the sun comes out and Zoro, Gin, and Chopper are still missing their shadows. Oh, Nami. I have your weapon, by the way."
"Thanks, Usopp," the navigator replied. "Here's the plan for now. Luffy and I will finish up here and then meet you all in the dining room. Usopp, Chopper, Merry, Robin, and I will go look for Coby and Grace. Everyone else will go after Moria. Any questions?"
"Why don't I get to go after Moria?" Merry pouted.
"Because I said so," Nami answered smoothly. "And because I'm the captain's wife, you have to do what I say. Any more questions?"
"No, ma'am!" the rest of the crew sans Robin chorused.
"Alright!" Luffy cheered. "We're gonna kick Moria's ass!" The call clicked off, allowing the newlyweds to close Luffy's den-den. "You said we were going to finish up here, Nami?"
She nodded and gestured toward the Zombie Generals who had been quiet up to that point. "These were the ones that helped kidnap me."
"I see," Luffy responded, cracking his knuckles.
Just because the Zombie Generals didn't have working sweat glands didn't stop them from breaking out in a cold sweat at the sight of the suddenly-bloodthirsty captain.
"So who's first?" he questioned, steam beginning to rise from his body.
"This ain' good," the large zombie rumbled. "This really ain' good."
End of Chapter 94
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-SwordOfTheGods